clearing the junk and losing 61 lbs...
I hit the 60 lb mark... and with a two pound loss last week... can say I am now 61 lbs thinner. HOLY CRAP!! It feels like the longest process ever, and it makes complete sense because I am proving that patient and consistency shows success. But lets be honest.... patience wears thin! I am doing great and feeling good about the weight loss and am proud as freaking hell that I can say I have lost 61 lbs... come on Categet happy!
I have had a few rough weeks physically, emotionally, and weight lossy and I am running out of energy to fight all these battles at the same time. I am determined not to let weight loss fall aside while I get all these details together -- but the past few days have shown that I might be letting that happen. I have not passed weekly points yet, but I am close and have a weekend and 4.5 days left on this week -- which only causes stress later down the road for me. I thought about doing core so I could throw away the counting points concept, because it slowly drives me absolutely nutty, but there are not enough foods on the core plan that I eat. I would be going nutty trying to reformulate my diet instead of counting points, and how helpful is that?
so... the other issues in my life -- SEX!! I have not been in the mood lately and i feel like sex is a sort of communication between two partners. It keeps irrittation at bay, cements a connection, and reduces stress in your life. I have been so preoccupied with my life that I have not been in the mood for love making and that stresses me out -- its like a never ending circle of stress. Then I worry that my boy is going to think I am not attracted to him anymore, and then I worry different issues will arise, and its a never ending source of stress. Who would have thought that whether your having alot of it or none of it... sex is always a source of stress!
More issues... I have been asked to coach a 16U travel softball team in the area, and that opportunity is so so so so exciting. At first I was worried that I would not be able to handle it, and then I went to try outs and just LOVED every minute of it. There is some stress wrapped up in building a team and making sure its right for our organization and for the girls who join us... and more stress than I would like when it comes to chasing the girls I really want and their fickle attitudes. I sell all day people... sometimes it gets old and selling myself to 16 yr olds can be just as stressful if not more than selling to adults! A 16 yr old cares about WAY different things, and convincing them you know what is good for them without actually saying that is very tedious. My head is about to explode from the stress that entails, and its been just under a week!
I am super excited about the team though and the opportunities I will be providing the kids and myeslf in the coming year. I have dedicated every weekend in the summer to this and already feel the competitive and exciting hum that comes with travel softball. MY passion!! I am so totally stoked about getting started and only two days away from our first official practice --- yay!
Work -- i said to my boyfriend last night that I wasnt really happy at my job and he flipped out, asked me how long I had thought that and never said anything. I said that i felt like being not happy at a job you have had less than a year is really part of life, and figuring out what you want to do and how you fit in takes more time than that. At least I hope so... because if it stays like this - blah blah blah. I am getting crap for wanting to take all my vacation this year, and constantly worrying about being out of the office and not making quota. I spend countless hours freaking out about not hitting my monthly goal and then the embarrassment that comes from being a newbie who cant hit some lower quota than everyone else has. Especially because the girl who started two weeks before me just got promoted to a higher spot and I am the leader for my group now -- and not performing the month that change happens is highly embarrassing!! At least to my competitive self. People miss quota all the time here... get into closed door meetings and stern talking to's.... but i havent had that yet, so I am unprepared for that phenomenon of awkwardness. there is no guarantee I will miss it this month, but also no positive feelings of hitting it... so STRESS central.
did I mention i was stressed out?
I am sick now... runny nose, stuffy head, exhausted body, sleepy eyes, and DONE mental attitude. Hopefully my body gets it together... cant be out of the office or its totally frowned upon and judged later. ARGH!