Emotional Roller Coaster.... as always
Yesterday started out to be such a bad day... I blogged about it and decided to just leave it all out there --- that I had to get over it or I would go crazy. As the day came to a close, I just sort of forgot about all the crap and went into all my busy routine -- a great distraction. I PLAYED a game of softball (not coached) so I got to sweat out all of my stress and meet new people while I did it. My mom and boyfriend came to hang out too, so it was nice to laugh and have him see me play a bit. I have an entire career of softball that he never saw once, so bringing him into that part of my life is important to me. Then I came home and scarfed dinner, so I could go to the meeting of the team that I COACH and talk about the end of our season.
The kids were losing spirit and were not performing at the level that we expect, and we were consistently losing and becoming frustrated -- so we gave the parents the option to end the season a tournament early. No surprise, they all took it. I agree with that, as crappy as it sounds, I was TIRED!! My emotional cup runneth over and my body was ready to be done with chasing and coaching 10 year old girls. I LOVED it, but I havent seen my apartment on a weekend in over a month.
to continue after this phone call....
back to the blog...
I have found that my life is in this weird place with no CLEAR path or direction and there are so many balls (what-if's) up in the air that I am going crazy trying to figure out what is going on. I cant really concentrate at work and that is going to affect my bottom line and quickly. I am totally at a loss at what thing to tackle next, and feel like my eyes are constantly droopy and my body is constantly tired.
I have also been stuck in the 240's for like YEARS! I feel like it is totally normal and I am being pretty hard on myself -- but I am so ready to be out of the 240's. I need another BIG push in the butt.... to drop another pants size, or to lose a big amount in a weigh-in or to fit into a piece of clothing I havent for awhile. I am not by any means in the mood to stop or quit, and this is a devotion that like LOVE is not something I can opt out of... BUT I do want another powerful boost to make sure my body and my head stay in agreement about the path we are on.
Sidenote: I had something weird to deal with on my nipple so I am going to the women's doctor today to have it checked out and now I have really strong upper abdominal pain and an incredibly tired body. I need to take a sick day soon because I am running my body into the ground.
Today is not much better for me on the attitude front.. but i am off to do Yoga at our weekly class and hope that I can find some relaxation and purpose through that and get my day to look up.... and hopefully NOT tack on more pain and soreness to my body.
last note: Me and my boyfriend are going out tonight for our TWO YEAR ANNIVERSARY which is tomorrow!! I made it... I was successful and stayed in a relationship for two years already -- holy crap!!!! I will write alot about that tomorrow... as the feelings and emotions just really flow through on that accomplishment and life change!