My Profile
- Name: i_am_not_there
- City: Pune
- Region: Maharashtra
- Country: India
My Weight Loss
| Height: | 165.0cm |
| Start weight: | 88.00kg |
| Current weight: | 88.80kg |
| Goal weight: | 73.00kg |
| Lost to date: | -0.80kg |
| Remaining: | 15.80kg |
My Calendar
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| May '12 |
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My friends list
03/27/2011 06:49
I woke up at 3 am. Past few days, I have been suffering from partial insomnia (if you enlightened readers might accept this term). No.. I am not nervous or distraught or depressed. I can’t figure the reason for my lack of comfortable sleep either. Well, where was I?
Right.. I woke up at an utterly unholy hour and sleep wasn’t coming back to me for a few hours atleast. So what’s the point of lying down, right?
So I chided my lazy self to lift my sluggish ass to move out and about. I circled the inside of my big enough house. Then I unlocked the doors and moved outside in the garden.
It was naturally dark.. but the feeling of serenity was just spell-bounding. Have you ever experienced that? Its only you and nature.. everything else doesn’t matter in between. It’s like you are living a dream which is pleasant enough to make you smile. Smile, I did. The cool air passing through my hair ruffling it further (who cares xD), the innocent sounds of early birds chirping made my sluggishness vanish and I started jogging around. After an hour or so, I went back inside my house and brought out my cherished camera and clicked some amazing pictures. Who is a better model than Mother Nature, really?
Her vital stats are just… Okay, Okay.. I am going too far. =P
Anyway.. the day opened itself to me beautifully and I felt amazingly active. See.. I am not fit like most of you all (That’s just a polite term to say I am fat, LOL). And I am so criminally lazy.
People think they are good enough to give health advices..
“Beta! Look how fat you have become. Who’ll even think of marrying you? Here’s what you should do. Drink lemon-water mixed with honey. Works efficiently. Look, I have become so thin, na.”, says an unnamed aunt whenever we meet. She thinks she hosts The Biggest Loser.
No.. Don’t get me wrong, please. I like it when people give advices. It means that they care. But I don’t want pity advices. And smugness really irritates me. Save for my parents, a few honest friends and relatives, NO-ONE tells me that I am fat. They are all like “No No girl, you are just healthy. You areperfect”. The second I hear this blatant lie I want to smack them across the faces. Trust me.. I do too :P
I wasn’t always chubby, you know? Up till Class Seventh I maintained an enviable physique. I don’t like stick thin figures. I believe in curves and the art of carrying them properly. I don’t know why men prefer women with physique of an 11-year old kid. Well.. most of them do. Some of the honest ones like women with some flesh over the right body parts (You know what I mean, right). Anyway, back in those days I know I had almost the perfect body-type. Girls envied it, boys liked it. But I was pathetically clueless about this phenomenon. I never, ever talked to guys and was a bit of a loner. (Can you imagine? I can’t. But its true!)
When I started rounding up in Class Eighth.. it never stopped. Maybe because I never did something for it or maybe because I was blissfully unaware. And now.. I have become this huge slob of meat earning pathetic glances from everyone. My only physical vice.
I am not drop-dead gorgeous or anything. But I will say I have got a decent face, colouring and bearing. I miss wearing short clothes, feeling sexy. I do. I’ve always chose a conservative wardrobe.. unassuming jeans, lose t-shirts, shapeless jackets. Yeah allright.. I am not much of a fashion diva. But hello.. You need to have a proper physique for that.
It’s been pinching me badly for a few days. Even I want to show off some decent skin (and my skin is spotless), my polished legs and my strong back.. you get the drift. Show enough but not appear whorish. And now.. it’s really going to change.
I’ve had enough of the sneers, leers, back-side comments, laughs. Please don’t think I am frustrated or something. But when you have been the prime object of everyone’s for around 5 years.. you know its enough. It’s not a matter of self-hatred (haha!). I just want to modify a few things within myself. And it’s for the good. I think I will look much more attractive with a body having vital stats- 36-28-36.
Many of my girlfriends will scorn at this numerical figure. For them anything short of waist measure of 26 inches is forbidden. And I feel like laughing so bad at them. Girls.. respect what you already have. God forbid you to be in MY place. I am living a big hell.
I remember the day I got to know that my crush liked another girl. It was no surprise actually. But still it hurts right..!
How I wish I had been thin, at that moment! I prayed for a week for my crush to realize that he actually likes me.. not her. Won’t you agree? Had I been slender enough.. I might have stood a chance. Hell.. maybe I would have been his crush. The feeling of guilt never goes away. No, I don’t like him now. I was living a dream where I thought he was perfect. He wasn’t. He proved it. Once out of a joke he told me, “If you’d have been thin, I’d have obviously dated you”. That was the moment I knew what a big fool I was. I had been lusting after such a fiscal-minded guy… I was laughing over and over and over.
But this incident solidifies the fact that yes, I need to work upon my terrible weight. I don’t want to end like an obese loser who is always cut off from the world because they don’t have the guts to face the materialistic people. I am far more strong than that. I have stalled the getting-thin process for long enough. I was too lazy.
I am not now. I have revised my diets and my daily routines. And its for real. I am enjoying what I am doing. The self-pity has vanished.
Yes, I will look smoking hot. Yes, that ex-crush will definitely fantasize about me (I would love to torture him, though he is such a good friend). Yes, I will be sought-after.
Now this friend of mine tells me I really am good-looking. I laugh it off everytime, never quite believing him. And how can I? I’ve lived in the shadow of people who look supposedly much more better than me. Truth be told.. I’ve always carried myself like a guy, never quite getting in touch with my feminine side. It’s time to change it all, right? I will be 18 in June.. and I want myself to look like a girl. Nothing too overtly girlish or stupid.. Just enough to make people regret everything they said to me.. or about me.
My gluttony has deprived me from getting desirable. No-more of that. It’s all going to change. And it’s for the good..right?
I thought there might be a few people who cared for what’s inside the person.. rather than how they look. My stupidity!! There are no such people. And who say that they indeed do believe in the phrase that “Beauty is internal”.. Please shut up. I’ve never seen you date ugly people. Accept the fact that you too judge a person according to how they look, never-mind how stupid and shallow they are.
That’s why people like Paris Hilton exists. Smoking hot, eh? But have you ever seen her acting? Or simply speaking? Gutter-minded, absolutely.
These people remind me how exactly fat I am, and I am so, so, so thankful to them –
Mom – You have gone too fat. When are you losing the flab?
Dad – I want a daughter, not a hippo!!
Sister – Be jealous of my 24 inch waist, sissy. Do something about your room-size waist.
U.D.- Moti! Moti! Moti!
Anam / Eshita – You’re getting FAT!!!! Do something, girl.
Tanks – I agree that you need to lose weight. Do it. You’ll look fabulous.
Ex- friend – I am waiting for the day you get thin.
…………………… The list is small compared to the folks who say that I am hardly fat (when the rude evidence is staring back at me in the form a weight scale). THANK you so much for never stopping your advices. I know I have been a disappointment till now.. but I am turning over a new leaf.. or rather.. a whole new plant. =D
Anyway… enough of this. It’s easy enough to preach.. Let’s see how I fare up actually. I have a few months.. long enough to make a substantial change.. AND keep it that way.
Crossing my fingers,
Neeati “Nitzy” Narayan.
01/22/2011 14:43
Don't give a damn to THEM. Give a damn to your health
Everyone Laughs. Everyone comments. Everyone sneers. But noone gives the smallest thought to what WE feel when they act mean to us just because we are over sized.
We did not ask for it. Yet they don't get it. They are fit for survival just because they are a few sizes smaller.
Now fed up, I am here to change only weakness of mine. I am here to lose weight. And I am going to live for it.
Enough said.
I am exploring other elements of this site.
As, a newcomer please help me out.