After some symptoms and issues that took me to the hospital on Sunday, I have finally made the decision I am done with the drug study for Lorcaserin.  I wasn't finding i had any benefit from it after the first few weeks as far as appetite control goes, and with the possibility of it damaging my heart when i'm not morbidly obese, it was stupid to continue.

That's enough said about that, so Devin, do not bother emailing me.  Okay?  I'm done discussing it.  I have some personal issues with the drug company that I will be handling separately and will not publicize it.

My weight yesterday for my weigh-in was 179.4  Today I weighed in at 176.8.   I had felt fat the past few days so no surprise with the higher weigh-in.  I was retaining water.  Today I feel thin.  My pants are falling off.  maybe I'll take a picture of them.  I can be cool now with low-riding pants that show my undies.  HAHAHA 

So it looks like i finally dropped a few pounds that have been hanging on for a couple weeks.  I had been fluctuationg right around 178 and now it looks like i'm below it.  yay!

I'm having horrible dizzy spells and with the dizziness comes nausea so no problem with my appetite. 

I found out I have high cholesterol still so I emailed myself a list of the foods that are supposed to help lower that and I added some spinach leafs into my pasta with lunch and some olive oil too.  That's a start!  But the pasta isn't good for the tryglicerides, but it was all I was hungry for and a girl has to eat

Wow!!  I never thought I would be in denial that I'm getting smaller

I went to Ross yesterday to find some new brown slacks for work.  I picked up two pairs of size 12 that I thought I would like and seeing them on the hanger they looked way too smaller for me  .   So I grabbed a 14 as well and headed to the dressing room.

I put the size 12s on, both of them, and they both fit!!  I wanted to confirm this, so i held them up to the size 14 to be sure they were,  in fact, smaller.  LOL  I was thinking they had to be marked wrong.  There's no way I'm in a size 12.     But they fit!!!   So I bought both pairs and left the store.

they are sitting on my kitchen table in the bag still.  I still find it so hard to believe that I am in a size 12.  I'm almost scared to go try them on again, thinking I may have just been in a dream and that they don't fit.  Weird huh.

So I guess I still see myself as "bigger."     I need to get over that and celebrate my smaller self!

I weighed 178.6 yesterday.  I'm down to 177.6 today. Sure I went poop after dinner last night but i didn't think it was enough to cause me to drop a pound!!

I did eat low calorie the rest of the day, so guessing on the food at Carrabba's, I was thinking I had about 1700 calories, and I got in about 26 minutes of dance aerobics.

A huge storm blew through here yesterday and picked up our gazebo-type thing in the backyard and moved it.  So hubby had to go out there and unhook the fabric on the corners so the wind couldn't pick it up again.

We have a massive palo verde tree on the side of our yard, and it knocked over a huge branch off of it.  Hubby took pictures and now he's out there cutting it all up.  I'll post them later.  The weatherman said we had hurricane force winds up to 80 mph, and I believe it.  I stood on the back porch and it was insane.

My new favorite snack is this organic pumpkin seed and flaxseed granola cereal mixed with yogurt and add some wheat germ to it.  OMG it's awesome!  You don't have to add the wheat germ but it's very good for us, so give it a try.  I noticed no real flavor from it either. 

Maybe a new healthy thing you can try this next week is adding wheat germ to a few of your meals.  Read up on it.  It's awesome stuff.

Jump up, jump up, and get down

That's how I feel sometimes doing my videos.  I'm sure I look like a complete dork, but who cares!?!?  I don't!

Down a whopping..... drum roll ............... point 2 pounds.  Wahoo!  NOT!  I bet I'll be down more tomorrow, of course, cause it's not the day I record my weight.

Ate out at Carrabba's tonight.  Food was delicious.  I had two small pieces of bread, a salad with a couple tastes of dressing and then I had two stuffed shrimp, some asparagus -- first time I've ever had it and i loved it!!  -- and some crusted trout.  It all tasted heavenly, but I could not believe the amount of butter it was sitting in   Holy shit you should have seen it.  At least a few tablespoons covered the bottom of the plate. 

I haven't eaten like that in I don't even know how long.... needless to say, my stomach does not like it and it is not a happy tummy at all.  I don't even think I can go do my exercise, but I'm going to damn sure try.  On the upside, I'm not sure I retained any of the food to gain calories from it     TMI I know!

I can't wait to stop feeling bloated and I'll take my measurements and write them down and compare them with my last few measurements I took.  That's why i set my background to the bear wrapped in a tape measure.  Sometimes that's how I feel trying to measure myself.

Have a great night and a fabulous Friday.  I'll check back in the morning some time.

I can actually feel my abdominal muscles while exercising!  They were sore today.  I started off with Self's Bikini Ready dvd and go to 20 minutes and wanted some cardio.  It was all muscle work.  There was quite a bit of standing ab work and I could feel it.

Then I decided to do a dancing dvd and the first two segments had so much shaking of hips back and forth and man I could feel my abs there too.

When will they show through my blubber!!?!?!?      I need to burn some more of that fat away, but I'm afraid I'll never have a toned tummy.  I have never had one and it's so jiggly and gross.  Just cut it all off   That's an idea I like.

So the scale is being whacky lately.  I was 178.4 and then 179 and then 179.6.  It's TOM so I know I'm holding onto some water, but give me a break!!!   I'm on the pill for crying out loud.  That should take care of water gain every month.  Sheesh.

I'm eating low sodium and lower carbs today and see if that helps.  I was really looking forward to being 177.8 tomorrow, but not sure that's going to happen.  Hrmph

But on the upside, I'm losing inches, and in the grand scheme of things, that's all that matters!   

I tried on some 12s today that I couldn't get up past my hips a couple weeks ago and I can slide them on but my damn belly won't let them button comfortably.  So I am very close to a size 12.  And who knows?  Maybe some other brand of a 12 will fit 

My body fat has gone down  in the past 7 weeks from 32.1% to 30.7%.  That's gotta count for something.

When doing some stretches the other day while laying down and holding my leg in the air, I can feel my hamstring muscle so well and it was an awesome feeling.   If I flex my arms, i can feel my bicep and tricep.  Sure, I have fat to be removed there, but I will have some good-looking muscle that will be showing in a few months!  Yeppers.  Wahoo!

I am just so pleased with myself.  I haven't been this low in weight since probably the  early fall of 2001.  That's such a long time ago!  I wonder how I'll feel in just a couple weeks when I am saying BYE-BYE!! to my 14s and HELLO!!  to my 12s.

for I have sinned

I bought those miniature pecan sandies cookies on Friday figuring it's 140 calories for 4 of them.  I could deal with that.  Nice thought, heh?  Well, I ate 4 of them.  I didn't even really like them, but I ate 4.

Then the next day I ate 4 more.  Had a moment to really think about whether i liked them and figured I'd better eat 4 more just to be sure.  LOL 

But here's the good part!!  I threw them in the garbage.  Yep, I sure did. 

I figured I could throw away a $3 or $4 package of cookies and feel good about my eating because they won't be here to eat -- even though I didn't really like them!!  -- or I could keep them and eat them, god knows how many a day, and maybe stay the same weight or even gain weight.  So i tossed them into the garbage.   Bye-Bye temptation!

So my overeating tendencies is better.  I was smarter this time and removed them from my grasp, but it still bugs me that I feel compelled to eat sweets if they are here in the house.  Will that ever change?  I'd love to be able to bake cookies and not feel like I have to eat them all, and do most of the time eat them all!  not really, but the majority of cookies, sure.

So there.  I have my bad moments too, but the good definitely outweighs the bad.

I'm downt o 178.4 this morning!   I also took a few quick measurements and am down the following:

• .5 inches on my thigh
• .5 inches chest
• 1 inch stomach

I'll do them all next Thursday after TOM is gone and officially record them. I don't want to be bloated come this Thursday and the number not be accurate.  I am really hoping to at least be 178 even for Thursday.  But 177.8 would be even better.

Have a fantastic Monday!

I am having cravings.  I am thankfully able to control them and this morning I put my mind to think NO CRAVINGS!  NO CRAVINGS!  NO CRAVINGS!  

And it has absolutely worked.  I talked to myself reminding me that it's just food.  It's not even healthy food I was craving.  So I made it a point to snack on strawberries this afternoon vs anything out of the pantry.  Mind you, I don't have much junk in the pantry.  I have some 100 calorie pack of cookies and some strawberry newtons but that's about it.  I made sure of that since it is TOM and I know how that can wreck havoc on my healthy lifestyle.

I have eaten very well today.  I need to make some progress for my weigh-in on Thursday.  My weight loss has lowed down and has averaged 1.6 pounds per week, which Is just great!  I have been doing weekly weigh-ins consistenly for the past, I think, 17 weeks and I'm down 21.2 pounds.  I should put 21.2 pounds in a backpack and tote it around and see how it feels . 

What's weird is I have to look back at my bigger pictures to really realize how far I've come.  It's hard to see it in the mirror.  I look at myself but still sort of see the fatter version of me.  There are times I look and think, "Wow, I'm getting thin!!"   But that's not the normal feeling.

I need to turn around that attitude and celebrate each and every pound of fat I remove from my body.  It hasn't come particularly easy, though my eating habits have changed and are habit now except for the occasional craving, but that's normal.  I can handle it now!! 

Like my new background?  it's upbeat and happy!  A little hard on the eyes, so I'll change it soon, but I wanted something more cheerful.  The last background was more a relaxed feeling. 

have a great week!

So today my exercise was a cardio dance video!   I have NO rhythm but I don't care.  I had a great 45 minute cardio workout.  I was sweating.  My heart was pumping.  I was moving and a grooving   that's all that matters.

I'm so glad to have my exercise done in the morning hours.  Now I don't have it on my mind that I still have to do it.

I need to do some tweaking of my schedule and get some priority things done before I do other stuff.  My days could be much more productive.

I had lunch with my girlfriend today and it was great.  We both had two chicken tacos with no cheese and just a few chips each.  We sat and chatted for an hour and 45 minutes.  It was just a great time.

I couldn't believe all the obese people who walked by our table. And I'm not talking just chunky.  My friend Jen noticed it too.  She actually made the comment about it.  Then we both agreed we should be grateful we aren't in their shoes and how we felt sorry for them.   they just need to be shown the way to a healthier lifestyle.

I'm off to pick up my little one from kindergarten.  Such a big girl she is.  I'm so proud of her.  She had one "yellow light" the third day of school from talking, but she quickly learned the ropes and has had green lights ever since.  Hard to believe she's been in kindergarten for 3 weeks already.

I am praying i'm comfortably in a 12 soon.  I have a couple pairs of 12s here and they are still too snug. Maybe by time I get to 172 or so they will be fitting.  I sure hope so.  I'm ready to make that leap to the next size and rid my house of size 14 once and for all.

Be good to your body and have a fantastic weekend.