Wahoo! It's working like HOT DAMN!

Well, this program is hell on wheels - I'm so hungry and I have so many issues... but the weight is coming off and I'm determined to keep it that way.

The program is so strict, I'm rebelling. Luckily, I'm smart enough to get me to a counsellor and work out why so many of these things are the way they are.

In talking with her, I have so far discovered (not necessarily for the first time, but it seems to have more impact) that I have been an eater and an acquirer (I also have money issues and "stuff" issues... clutter, etc.) in order to make myself feel worthy and to get noticed.  Long stories... shitty childhood issues.. abuse, etc.... but here is what I wrote when I had the "AHA!"

I'm worthy - I AM enough, I HAVE enough.  My new mantra!  By buying and eating things I knew I shouldn't, I was trying to convince myself I was worthy of feeding, that I deserved these things so I should have them.  (I want this and I should have it because I'm worth it - or at least I want to feel like I'm worth it.  If I own it/eat it, that will mean I'm worthy.)  But it was self-defeating behaviour - like a little kid who acts out to get attention, there is a better way.

What I'm really worthy of, is being fed/feeding myself and owning things ... that are good for me.  Yah!!