It is getting easier to stay on this program (Dr. Bernstein's Diet Clinic) - especially since the weight loss is so dramatic. 3/4 to 1 pound off every day that I'm faithful to the program. And it's easier to stay on program, I guess my body is getting used to fewer calories and more exercise.
I know my heart is getting used to the exercise. When I first started on the treadmill, I could barely stay at 4 mph... I was happier at 3.3. Slowly I worked up to 4.1 walking and running at intervals - until I was out of breath and had to walk to recover. It was easy to get my heart rate into the training zone. NOW I really have to work (or use hand dumbbells) to get my heart rate into the training zone and keep it there. Yesterday (I'm so proud to say) I jogged for the entire 30 minutes with a top speed of 4.1 and an average of 3.5 mph. Woohoo!
I will redo my measurements this morning too but I know there are a bunch of clothes that fit now that didn't just after Christmas.
The downside (there's always one, isn't there)? I am getting a very wrinkly neck! As I lose the weight, my age is going to show more and more... remember, I'm 50! My brother has a friend who just took off 50 (very extra) pounds and he aged 20 years! I'm ordering some new Arbonne face cream to see if I can tighten it up that way. Over time, the skin should tighten up a bit but it's a race against time and gravity.
One of my favourite ways to judge if I had lost weight was to stand sideways (or just look down) and see if my tits were sticking out farther than my stomach. Bad news... my stomach is definitely smaller (so there's no shelf, holding up my tits). But gravity is taking its toll and with a bra on, my tits might stick out further... but without a bra? They're going to be knee-knockers soon, my friend. Knee knockers.
Somewhere in there I didn't do any treadmill for a week. Late nights, lots of work... but I'm glad to say I got back on this week and have done three out of 4 days. It's Saturday too so I will do an hour for sure later. Then I have to get some Minutes done and off my plate (for the self-help organization I am secretary for). I like doing the longer workouts. I like to exercise... amazing huh?
Well, I had a planned cheat last night and lived to ... enjoy it.
I went to Earl's and had Leroy's crispy dry ribs (pork, not allowed) and a starter Caesar salad (full fat salad dressing, not allowed) and picked off all the croutons. Man, it was DEElicious! I thought maybe my tummy would rebel against all the fat but other than sparking a BM (which are few and far between, let me tell you!), I was fine. And, according to my home scale... I even lost weight.
Today (and tomorrow) I'm doing an hour on the treadmill. Monday, I'm working from home so I'll do a longer than normal workout too.
I'm getting thinner! It's working! I'm working it! I like Dr. Bernstein's Diet clinic A LOT!
Well, this program is hell on wheels - I'm so hungry and I have so many issues... but the weight is coming off and I'm determined to keep it that way.
The program is so strict, I'm rebelling. Luckily, I'm smart enough to get me to a counsellor and work out why so many of these things are the way they are.
In talking with her, I have so far discovered (not necessarily for the first time, but it seems to have more impact) that I have been an eater and an acquirer (I also have money issues and "stuff" issues... clutter, etc.) in order to make myself feel worthy and to get noticed. Long stories... shitty childhood issues.. abuse, etc.... but here is what I wrote when I had the "AHA!"
I'm worthy - I AM enough, I HAVE enough. My new mantra! By buying and eating things I knew I shouldn't, I was trying to convince myself I was worthy of feeding, that I deserved these things so I should have them. (I want this and I should have it because I'm worth it - or at least I want to feel like I'm worth it. If I own it/eat it, that will mean I'm worthy.) But it was self-defeating behaviour - like a little kid who acts out to get attention, there is a better way.
What I'm really worthy of, is being fed/feeding myself and owning things ... that are good for me. Yah!!
Okay, I did it. I joined Dr. Bernstein's diet clinic and weighed in at 204.6. There was a bit of a kerfuffle and I didn't end up getting my first Vitamin B shot until Friday so I didn't eat right on the first day either. But as of Friday morning, I've been on plan and eating right.
thanks for the comments, I'm afraid I don't read too many other people's posts, just come here to vent and babble on (more or less to myself). But it's great that others care enough to keep an eye on me. Blessings on you!
the reason they wouldn't give me the first shot was they had to check with Dr. B first, as I have in the past been diagnosed as a bulimic. I have never purged... and I have never really binged... but I just overate all the time. ALL the time. As I've said before, being an alcoholic, I have a disease of MORE... more of anything, all the time. On this diet, I have less. Less food than I thought I could manage on - but it's proving to be not bad. However, it's early days yet.
The clinic insisted that I get counselling - something I already had organized. They don't deal with the emotial side of the weight loss at all - just the physical. So I also had my first therapy appointment on Friday and spent the hour just filling her in on my journey so far. She counselled me to start journalling, especially around food & emotions, and so I trotted off the store today to buy a new journal and get started. Between keeping a paper journal and writing here, I'm going to be busy!... However I might also print these out and just tape them into the journal rather than repeating them.
Per day, I am allowed 16 ounces of specified vegetables, 7 ounces of meat (mostly chicken and fish), two servings of "bread" and two fruits, plus unlimited water and teas and calorie-free drinks. Only one caffeinated bevvy per day. A couple of garnishes are allowed, but it's a pretty strict list. From consuming probably 25- 3500 calories a day, this is a drastic cutdown! Especially the drop in protein.
three times a week I will have vitamin B shots - B6 and B12, or B complex if I'm not feeling well. Plus I have to take potassium, a multivitamin and I'm taking a couple of caps of Metamucil with Calcium to keep my cholesterol in check. Psyllium fibe is so good for you (as long as you take it with TONS of water!)
I also exercised today on the treadmill (first time in a week, bad me!) and burned 300 calories. If I can keep up the exercise regularly, I will be allowed to increase my food intake. But they promise 16-25 pounds per month without exercise... I wonder if it will be faster with? I can't imagine losing more than 25 pounds a month... my idea of heaven.
I can't weight to be thinner!! HAHA pardon the pun. Cheap humour... but it amuses me.
Wow, it's been a month since I got on here and made any changes. But big changes are coming!
I'm up to 203 - hardly exercising just working all the time. But I have taken a big step and will be having my introductory appointment at Dr. (S) Bernstein's Diet Clinic next Wednesday the 8th... this is a medically supervised weight loss program that guarantees a 10 pound per month loss... or it's free. I imagine you have to sign your first child away if you cheat... but they claim that most people lose between 17 - 25 pounds per month. I know it's fast... but I am so ready for this!
It's also screamingly expensive. It will likely take me 6 months to lose 100 pounds, and it's $1125 for 8 weeks... so multiply that by 3. I'll be paying somehting like $30 per pound to lose my weight but it will be gone! No surgery. I just have to follow the plan (super low calorie but NOT starvation, plus injected vitamins and a proscribed eating plan)... and it will be gone. I hear the first three days are HORRIBLE... but after that, it's quite do-able. And if I keep up my exercising (which I actually have been doing), it will stay off. Also I need to stick to it and plan any minor escapades I take off...
I know I can do this. Much harder will be sticking to the "I promise I will not buy ANYthing until I hit 140 or one year" promise I had to make in order for hubby to okay this major expenditure.
This is part of HOW I'm going to do it:
Eat mindfully
Do not eat at the computer
Drink a glass of water 10 minutes in advance of eating
Okay, I have had a couple of better days. Not great days (the scale didn't go down) but better. I drank lots of water, I got to bed relatively early, I exercised a bunch (twice today) and once I got that poor poor pitiful me flub out, I feel relieved.
So: exercise stats (again, I dislike using the exercise log as much as I dislike the food log here! Talk about user-unfriendly!)
1/23 did the Fitness evaluator at top speed 3.4 mph and came out at 98 (excellent). Was on the treadmill for 24.58
Boy, I won't be using the food log here! Too damn' hard to get what I want listed and very slow. I don't know how to read the end of the food descriptions... there's about 10 for Brussels Sprouts, boiled, drained with s***** what the heck is that?
Anyhow, I'm all pissed off because since I got the treadmill and started blogging about this, I've done nothing except gain weight. I haven't been able to commit to eating right and I'm very cranky!
I wanted to stop drinking diet coke and I will - right after I have one more. Except there's never enough 'more'. Typical freaking alcoholic, one is too many - thousands aren't enough.
So I measured myself in case I'm losing inches instead of pounds. Hah! I know what the answer to that is, I can feel it in my clothes and it's not like I can't see my %^#%$#^% stomach. I feel like a whale.
The important measurements are 40, 47, 48. Apple shaped, that's me! I really don't have hips, the only reason why the hip measurement is bigger than my waist is because my stomach hangs down. F*ck, it's just gross. I have this flap of abdomen - much more than just skin, although one day that's all it will be. It hangs down - I look like I have a bum on my front of me, there's even a kind of indentation down the middle. My stomach rests on my thighs and pushes them apart, sometimes my hips hurt from the pressure. Blechhhh I hate being me today.
One bright note that I'm going to finish with for tonight. I drank more water today than normal. I'll try and do that again tomorrow. Oh, yeah - I also spent 55 minutes on the treadmill tonight too. GFM.
1. Exercise. Yet another reason to do a workout: Activity increases endorphin levels and relieves stress. You'll feel inspired and good about yourself, and you'll naturally decrease your food cravings.
2. Get a massage. It may help relieve anxiety, depression and sleep problems.
3. Read biographies of people who inspire you. Learn from their positive influence and behavior.
4. Use guided imagery. Close your eyes and let yourself be whisked away to your favorite place for 10 to 15 minutes. It might be the mountains or the beach. Imagine everything you're seeing, hearing, smelling and feeling.
5. Listen to relaxing music. Studies have shown this can decrease the production of a substance called cortisol, which can lead to carbohydrate cravings. Music can also increase relaxation, relieve stress and provide more clarity and vigor.
6. Take a bath with aromatherapy. Oils of citronella, eucalyptus, sage, lavender and chamomile added to a bath can relax you.
7. Laugh. See a comedy show or engage in activities that bring humor to your life. Seek ways to have more positive emotions in your life. Finding the positive always overrides the negative.
8. Get a pet and love it. Studies show that pets add a sense of unconditional love to our lives and can reduce blood pressure and stress.
9. Find a passion. Maybe it's photography, art, ceramics or football. Find something that inspires you and commit to getting out there and doing it.
And I'll add #10: drink more water. I believe that the cue to eat is really masking thirst. And no way to I drink enough water. I LOVE diet Coke. I really want to quit that habit but I love the taste, the feel, the boost. Meh! And I read recently (somewhere) that drinking diet coke creates cravings... your body doesn't recognize the sweetness and manufactures the desire for sweetness so that you overeat other foods trying to quell that urge.
* * * * * * * * *
I was horribly "bad" in the last two days. A Tim Horton's boston creme donut AND a cinnamon bun.
I did two exercise programs last night on the treadmill. I love that thing! I hope it won't be too hot upstairs in the summertime - but at least that room has an overhead fan.
No effect on my weight yet, but I'm sticking with this. I did do the fitness evaluator (but at only 3 mph) and scored 100 - exceptional fitness level. I'll do it again at 4 mph tonight and see what kind of score I get. I didn't realize that you could change the speed.
197.5 again today but then, I had pasta last night. I'm on this restricted diet right now because I'm having some tests done (don't ask!) and I have two more days before I can eat red meat, cauliflower and a bunch of other things I love to eat (that aren't necessarily bad for me, they just interfere with the test results). OTOH, I just looked at the list again and see that cucumbers were on that list, and I didn't avoid them. Oh well... I'll do what i can. But I can't wait to eat a nice, juicy steak with mushrooms and steak spice!!! I love to eat.
Am I doing what I really want and need to do with my work life?
What real talents do I have that I do not actualize regularly?
What important promises have I made to myself that I have not kept?
If I look back on my life in five years will I be happy about how I lived and worked?
Do I believe that I cannot be my true self and be OK? What creative and intelligent thoughts and behaviors do I hide from family, friends and co-workers?
Do I stay "small" to protect anyone?
How would my life change if I really let my light shine all the time?
How often do I eat instead of being my true self?
Since we got the treadmill, I've hardly had any time to post here. So many choices we have to make each day and now the first and biggest one needs to be to exercise.
I really like the treadmill and I love using it. It's SO much better than having to go to a fitness facility (in the dead of winter). I'm sure I'll still be outside when the weather is better but this is a great fall back. I'll be in such better shape too when summer arrives, that I'll be able to run/walk farther and faster than if I'd spent the whole winter indoors, hibernating. And, as I've found already this week, it's just THERE. If I'm going to be watching TV anyhow, I might as well be walking.
Now, this hasn't helped my weight (YET) - and I know there are several reasons. yadda, yadda, yadda... muscle weighs more than fat, etc. Also, we've had to dine out a couple of times and restaurant food (with its high salt, higher fat content and my inability to control ingredients, etc) always make me gain. So I'm actually up a pound over the week but that will come off shortly.
My children are here visiting me from out of town so again, I don' t have time to post much this morning. But I really like AW's questions and I wanted to get them in here so I can answer them at leisure later.
If you're reading this, I hope you're finding the journey worthwhile. I appreciate the support others have shown me on my journey. Take care.
