12/17/2008 16:37
Guilt
I started exercising again and finally starting to tell some results and my clothes fitting looser.
I'm starting to feel better; but holidays are always hard for me with feelings of guilt of my mother dying at this time. After 16 years, I would think I would get over these feelings of guilt of letting her die alone, but I haven't. One day I'll find a way to forgive myself and move on.
Physically I feel ALOT better and not as depressed on a daily basis - so maybe between Phen & exercise plus eating better will help in the long run.
12/10/2008 12:13
Can stress cause a nervous breakdown?
I can't even begin to describe 2008 and the stress I've been under. My oldest son shipped out in March for the Air Force, and I took that a bit harder than I thought I would. Then my oldest daughter decided to move out also, and not move with us. Even though I have two younger childern I felt an empty nest syndrome :confused: hormones maybe?
We were in the process of selling our house and moved into a home and it had mold started seeping in the master bath ceiling after a week or so. The inspector said they just painted the ceiling over the mold.
It took us 3 long grueling months with the help of an attorney to break our lease and move - we were out $3,000 though. Which was a huge financial hit with the economy and housing market the way it is. It was take a $3,000 hit or pay the attorney $6,000 more and it go through court for possibly years and live that condition ICK!
We got a shocker; we only had 7 days yes seven days to pack 11 years worth of stuff that took us almost 4 months before to pack and get out ! Our movers backed out at the last minute and we had to rent a truck and move ourselves; my oldest daughter and in laws helped us and we got moved the last day.
My f-i-l is 76 and had a heart attack the week after and had to have a defribrilator (sp?) pacemaker put in, which made us feel guilty as heck. The home we found is beautiful though, and was worth the pain of having to move two times in a short period.
I really thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown. So much stress and then the really stressful part started. My baby girl started school this year, and we just switched our youngest son school's. We found what we thought was a great teacher for Autistic children. She was a great teacher, just had personal problems with the principal and staff and made it all the parents problems also.
About 3 or 4 weeks into school, I found out my son was lost during a scuffle at PE. I panicked inside and tried to hold everything in. Anyone who knows anything about Autism can understand the feelings I had. I have spent every waking and sleeping half eyed ;) just to keep him safe and find out that there wasn't enough staff out for the amount of children.
Then I find out the <insert every cussword bad name here> principal told the teachers involved to lie to me so I wouldn't complain or file charges against her. The idiot didn't lock down the school or call an alert or anything. The school is near a major intersection and all gates were closed but one - which she said he couldn't get out of rotflmao - I told the school board she needed to take some classes on special needs children; obviously she didn't know his IQ. Just because he can't commuicate doesn't mean he doesn't know anything.
Oh my listen to me rambling! Sorry but this is just too unbelieveable to even comprehend how she got to her position in a school that caters to Autistic children and making $100,000+ yearly and doesn't have a bit of common sense or morals. Luckily the teacher told the substitite aide to tell me about my son getting lost, the principal never told her not to tell me ROTFL
What happened to my son is - he was scared of the loud noises and ran across the campus to the media center to read. There was no one in there and it wasn't open yet, so they don't know how he figured out how to go in. The media specialist found out going out the door out on to the grass to sit and read. They don't know how long he was there or how long he was missing, I'm just glad he loves books so much and went there.
I got all the facts from each person involved and made sure they knew I was going to make a report and used their names. I talked to the principal and she lied to my face, and I made sure I put that in the report. I went to the Dept of Education and Governor's office and wrote everyone I could so they knew what was going on. There was alot more involved including humilation from a teacher because my son couldn't tell him who he was - which made him have an accident in the media center and the principal covered up. She now has a permanent mark on her record and the teacher is gone; the whole program is redone and different staff brought in.
We kept in the school because they made a safety plan and we got a bracelet from the Sheriff's department that has a Lo-Jack locator system in it. The next month, he ran away from the teacher, aide & behavioral specialist daily. After I got hit by the student in his class that was causing the problems, I took him out of the school.
It took a couple of weeks and looking at different schools, but we finally found one that is within a mile of our home. He has been there a few months now and not tried to run out of the class or away from anyone at all. This is a different class and doesn't have the problems his other class did, so I think he is adjusting to it better.
My mother in law, told us at the end of Oct they found a tumor and the dr told her it was cancerous. She gallbladder surgery last night and the doctor didn't tell my husband or f-i-l anything yet. Not even what they removed or what he found, omg it's so frustrating waiting and not knowing.
I know it will take a few days for them to do the biopsy on her gallbladder, but waiting is stressing me out even further. I worked out so hard yesterday I'm sore today, but it's a good feeling.
12/09/2008 11:53
What will 2009 hold?
Instead of buying larger clothes, I cried, called myself every deragatory name I could, had a pity party and pulled myself back up by the bootstraps again like I always do. I keep wondering how much more stress I can handle; and our kids being sick with things they bring home from school only makes it worse.
I found a doctor here in town that is reasonable and I can justify the cost of going to him by saying it will cut down the cost of food I'm eating. I'm in such a state I even broke down the $$ for each pill and outweighed that cost over the cost of food. ROTFL I'm so anal about some stuff, my husband laughed and said all you had to say is you wanted to go and it would make you feel better. He is so damned frustrating at times and irks me to no end but then turns around and says something like this.
This new doctor is an older man who has struggled with obesity and has treated obesity for 40+ years. He seems to really understand what we're going through and listens if you have a problem. He said we're on a trial basis and have to find what works best for each patient and will keep the weight off, not just who loses the most the quickest.
He put me on 1000 - 1100 calories with portion control and a well balanced diet along with exercise being the key. He also prescribed a fiber capsule twice daily and Vitamin B shots and gave me a book from
www.calorieking.com it says Protein, Fat & carbs are important but calories are the KING LOL which is true.
Portion control, water and exercise that's the key. Who knows what the new year of 2009 will bring? I am feeling better because I took control again of my life and I am getting my stress under control.
12/09/2008 11:42
I'm so depressed...
Ok I admit it, I'll have to keep repeating what I've learned the past 2+ years, rinse, repeat unless I learn what a "healthy" lifestyle really is. It's my fault and I had a choice to keep with my healthy habits, but I didn't.
I quit Phentermine and gave up in March 2008 when we started having financial difficulities and decided to sell our house. It's gone all downhill from there because of a stupid decision on my part.
Through the stress of selling our house, our oldest daughter moving out, our oldest son shipped out from home in March for the Air Force, difficulties with our business due to the economy and a 3 month ordeal with the home we leased after we moved, I just let myself go.
I stopped caring, which led to binge eating and I gained so much weight back I didn't have any clothes left in my closet I could wear.
On top of all this stress, our children had to move schools and start a new school. My stress just began then, we thought we had a great school and teacher but it turned out to be the worst choice we made.
This only led to more stress and problems in our family. One afternoon when I went to pick up our children our youngest son's teacher said he had a difficult day. Now for most people and our other children that might mean alot of different things, but our youngest son is Autistic, so I braced myself.
I still remember the teacher and aide telling me about the ordeal. I can still feel the shock, disbelief, numbness and rage I felt inside to hurt someone. While at recess, a child in my son's special needs class hit another child and caused a huge commotion which scared my son.
He has no behavioral problems that most Autistic children do and for the most part is an easy going child, except he has very sensitive ears. He ran off of the playground across the school and hid in the media center and no one knew where he was for awhile. The media specialist found him outside in the grass reading an Authur book and luckily knew something about Autism and called the office.
The worst thing about this situation is the principal told the staff if they told me about him running away and being lost, she would fire them! Imagine my shock when the aide told me this because the teacher wasn't allowed to say anything.
I went to talk to the principal and get her side of the story after talking to the other teachers/staff involved. The principal had the gall to tell me our son "decided" to run off the playground and visit the media center and the media specialist "intercepted" him outside.
What a crock of B.S. I thanked her, went home called the district school board and they blamed the teacher and me for the situation. The teacher is trained professional and was supposed to hold 9 Autistic children and keep the child who was out of control calm all at the same time! wow I asked when she grew 10 more arms to do all this?
I was blamed because I had homeschooled him and he ran off because I never disciplined him rotflmfao - he was the best behaved child in the class and on 3rd & 4th grade level academics instead of 2nd grade level.
We would get reports home daily that he was running from the class, teacher & behavioral specialist even at PE & Recess, so it was something in the class or the teacher.
After an incident with this out of control student hitting me and messing my kidney up, I took my son out of the school and called the sheriff's department to file a complaint.
We switched schools and my son is in another special needs class and has not tried to even leave the classroom or teacher once since moving schools.
To top things off, my mother in law, who I love dearly, has been having major health issues and may have gallbladder cancer. She is having surgery Dec 9th to have it removed and for them to tell what the tumor is the doctors found and if it is in deed cancer as they suspect, what stage it is.
08/10/2007 06:34
2007 New Eating Plan
Almost 6 weeks after taking myself off the Phen I ordered via CustomHRT, I decided to go visit my pcp's new weight loss clinic and check out his program.
He put me on 37.5 Adipex and an eating plan that cuts out all dairy & breads. Adipex made the world of difference, the brand is more expensive but worth it.
The main difference I found is that I don't have that "rush" that I got with Phen, instead it's more of an even feeling of appetite control throughout the day and it seems to stay a bit later in the day.
NONE of the "emotional" problems I felt on Phen are there with Adipex, which is great. I really think it depends on how much you weigh and what mg meds you are taking too, but diet/nutrition does play a big part as well as exercise.
You can't eat carrots, bananas, breads, pastas, corn, cereals, shellfish or red meats. (lots of intestinal bloating and natural sugars)
sample menu:
From March - August 2006 I did EAS shakes 3 times a day and 2 chicken salads, plus some fruits for snacks. I started Phen on August 1, 2006 and could eat so little, that I just watched my intake.
Dec & Jan were a disaster with trying to find the right prescription and place to fill it (long story) I found one and took it until March 2007, when I went off Phen totally.
My pcp's office opened a new clinic and I started there April 27th. Along with a new eating plan, I started interval training with walking/jogging on May 1, 2007.
You can't eat carrots, bananas, breads, pastas, corn, cereals, shellfish or red meats. (lots of intestinal bloating and natural sugars)
sample menu:
- Low Sugar or no Sugar Oatmeal, Chicken or Tuna for breakfast
(When I do canned chicken, turkey, ham or tuna, I use 1 TSP. low fat mayo or the lowest fat dressing I can find and I like)
- EAS Protein Shake (100 cal 6 g fiber) or protein bar
- Chicken Salad w/ veggies for lunch; low cal/low fat replacement meals or a protein supplement - WW/Lean Cuisine etc
- White meats; salad; veggies and fruits for dinner or save your fruit for dessert
- 1/2 of your plate at dinner with salad; 1/4 with meat/beans; 1/4 Fruits
- EAS Protein Shake (100 cal 6 g fiber) or protein bar
If I haven't eaten enough cal during the day, I have an oatmeal on the go bar at night
- 1200-1500 calories daily;
- 1/3 from Protein;
- 1/3 Carbs;
- 1/3 Fats
You need to calculate your BMR (basic metabolic rate) http://www.bmi-calculator.net/bmr-calculator/ and cut 500 cal from that daily OR add enough exercise to burn that much or make it even with calories.
This Phase is for Optimum weight loss; and if I don't lose enough each week then they lower my carb intake for maximum weight loss.
My dr says what they do is when you get close to your lowest "ideal weight" they slowly phase you off of meds and ease you into a "normal" eating pattern and up your exercise to a daily routine so that compensates for the added foods.
This Phase is for Optimum weight loss; and if I don't lose enough each week then they lower my carb intake for maximum weight loss.
My dr says what they do is when you get 20 lbs above my "ideal weight" they slowly phase you off of meds and ease you into a "normal" eating pattern and up your exercise to a daily routine so that compensates for the added foods.
His plan isn't the most conventional, but it's better than alot of the weightloss clinics/doctors who put you on 500-700 calories I'm just glad after a full year of being of strict discpline, I've found another eating plan that helps me continue to lose
After a year of strict discipline and a complete lifestlye change, I have lost 104 pounds. I have found that "eating plans" and "exercise routines" must change or I don't continue to lose. Our bodies get used to things and we have to switch every so often.
The next phase is a lower carb plan and higher intensity exercise when I quit losing or plateau.
When I started this plan in May 2007; I started interval training with walking & running. I started out with a warm up - 10 min walking, 1 min running @ 3.0 and then 5-7 min walking, then repeat and then a cool down of 10 min.
My 3rd week, I was up to 6 min warm up walking @ 2.5, then I run/jog for 4 min @ 3.7 mph, then walk for 6 min then repeat run/walk until 50 min and a 10 min cooldown.
My goal for the month is to walk @ 2.5 mph and be comfortable at 4.0 with running. I'm trying to up my intensity for running speed so the margin between walking/running is a bit more to build strength and endurance.
By upping my running time and speed each time I've been doing this, I went from 1 min @ 3.0 to 4 min @ 3.7 in 15 days. I was quite shocked that I could run @ 3.5 mph for 12 min
My ultimate goal in 3 months is to find a happy medium between 4.5 - 5.0 running for 20 min then walking for warm up, cool down 3 times a week. On the off days, burn extra calories I'll do the walking routine and some strength training.
I've been doing resistance bands a couple of times a week for 15 min or so also - which I'm going to do plus add in the 5 step dumbell workout on my step aerobic days.
I can't do step aerobics anymore :( I found I was having too many problems when I did the step; I have a separated pelvis that was crushed in a wreck 9 years ago, so that is going to take some time to work into.
On this plan, I have not felt the stomach bloating that I have in the past or felt hungry and tired. In the past year, I have utilized low carb, low fat, low cal plans, but nothing has worked the way this plan has.
08/10/2007 06:29
WEEKLY WEIGHT LOSS PROGRESS STATS
WEEKLY WEIGHT LOSS PROGRESS STATS
10/2005 - 12/31/05 296-299 pounds - started low fat diet (not sure the highest weight though)
1/16/06 289 pounds -- Drs appt BMI 45.3 Morbidly Obese
3/1/06 272.0 Hydroxycut (bleh!)
3/31/06 274.5 Low Carb/High Protein Diet
4/1/06 Exercise 1-2 times per week
6/1/06 Exercise 4-5 times per week
6/23/06 269 Drs appt
7/21/2006 265 Drs appt -
8/1/06 264.5 Started Phen and Low Cal Diet -
Chicken Salads & EAS carb control shakes (lots of vitaimins & minerals) plus a small dinner
8/4/06 263
8/11/06 258
8/18/06 256.5 BMI 39.9 Severly Obese
8/25/06 253.5 (8/21 ToM)
9/1/06 250
9/8/06 249
9/15/06 247 Started CLA
9/22/06 246 (ToM)
9/29/06 247
10/4/06 244 Started Low Fat Diet again
10/10/06 242
10/12/06 240 BMI 37.6 Severly Obese
10/13/06 (ToM - 2days)
10/14/06 Super Dieter's Tea 2 times a week
10/17/06 237.5
10/22/06 (ToM again ugh)
10/24/06 237.0
10/30/06 235.0
11/7/06 233.5 BMI 36.6
11/18/06 Restarted Phen (10 day break)
11/20/06 ToM
11/25/06 231.5
12/2/06 227.5 (stomach virus)
12/9/06 227.0
12/16/06 225.0
12/31/06 ToM
1/3/07 Started CustomHRT Phen
Exercise 5-6 days a week 30-45 min each
2/1/07 1.5 37.5 tabs a day
2/2/07 ToM
2/5/07 221.4
3/9/07 219
4/27/07 232.8 Started PcP's new plan
4/28/2007 230.8
4/29/2007 227.5
4/30/2007 226.8
5/1/2007 225.4
5/2/2007 223.2
5/3/2007 224.1
5/7/2007 221.8
5/9/2007 221.2
5/14/2007 219.4
5/19/2007 218.8
5/21/2007 217.4
5/22/2007 214.2
5/28/2007 213.8
5/29/2007 213.4
6/1/2007 (4) ToM
6/7/2007 (2) ToM
6/9/2007 209.8
6/16/2007 206.5
6/20/2007 204.3
6/26/2007 202.8
6/1/2007 (4)ToM
6/7/2007 (2)ToM
6/9/2007 209.8
6/16/2007 206.5
6/20/2007 204.3
6/26/2007 201.1
7/1/2007 (2) ToM
7/3/2007 198.8
7/5/2007 (3) ToM
7/10/2007 196.6
7/13/2007 195.2
8/21/2007 193
GW 175 (for now) BMI 27.4 Slightly Overweight
Dream Weight 150-159 BMI 23.49/24.9 Normal Weight
(I haven't weighed that in almost 25 years, so that may take awhile longer to achieve)
BMI Classification 18.5 or less Underweight 18.5 to 24.99 Normal Weight 25 to 29.99 Overweight
30 to 34.99 Obesity (Class 1)
35 to 39.99 Obesity (Class 2)
40 or greater Morbid Obesity
08/10/2007 06:28
Aerobic vs. Anaerobic Exercise
Some more great info:
The quickest way to succeed in losing weight, and to keep it off, is by increasing your metabolism.
Don’t be fooled by all of the fad diets. Just think of all those lean body builders. How do you think they achieved their fitness goals? They have developed incredibly fast and efficient metabolism.
The problem with fad diets is that many actually cause the metabolism to slow down. A decreased metabolic rate is often the very reason that weight loss progress grinds to a sudden halt.
Increasing exercise often has no effect, and reducing food intake often won’t help either. Because the net loss of protein in the muscles continues to lower your metabolism, the body will adapt to the lower calorie intake.
It’s a physiological fact that when we lose weight, we also lose protein from our muscles. And the quicker the weight loss, the greater the loss of protein. Because there is less intake of protein from dieting, the protein in the muscles is broken down and used for energy or to create new proteins for our immune systems.
Unfortunately, a net loss of protein will always decrease the body’s metabolism.
As protein is lost from the cells, it gradually lowers the total lean body weight. This affects the body composition and lowers the metabolism. Because of this process, we gradually require fewer calories to maintain body weight.
If the current diet is continued, weight loss will eventually stop. In fact, it’s even possible to SLOWLY GAIN BACK WEIGHT if a dieter sticks to a very low calorie diet!
The more protein that is lost from the muscles, the more fluid that is also lost, because protein holds around four times its weight in water.
Thus a quick weight loss in the first few weeks of a new diet regimen is mostly a loss of fluid, not fat.
If someone lost five pounds in the first week, for it to be all fat loss there would have to be a deficit of 17,500 calories!
To reach that kind of energy deficit in that short period of time would require constant exercise!
Over the period of a week, about only one pound of the five pounds lost is fat, the rest is mostly water.
Protein and its fluid replacement is the main reason that many dieters regain weight after a diet.
An increase in the metabolism would result in a gain of fluid. Therefore, weight loss would be more gradual. This is one reason for the recommended weight loss of one to two pounds per week. By increasing your metabolism, you are giving your body a reason to hold onto protein, so that less water is lost.
Even if more exercise is undertaken, a net loss of protein can occur if caloric intake is too low.
Remember that dieters reduce their caloric intake. But, since exercise uses extra carbs, the body must break down extra protein in order to convert into more carbohydrates. More carbs are needed because a less fit person often has an untrained cardiovascular system, and cannot, which cannot supply enough oxygen for cells to burn fat for energy during exercise.
Exercise will increase the metabolism, but the trick for those trying to lose weight is to perform the right exercises for their specific body type, and not to cut too many calories too soon.
To lose fat fast, you should prepare the body by increasing your metabolism before cutting calories. This enables your body to establish a major fat burning energy metabolism while regulating the protein metabolism.
An increase metabolism provides many benefits to help maintain continuous and permanent weight loss:
-
less exercise would be needed - giving you more time
-
less effort if you did exercise - no need to try burning lots of calories during each session!
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less chance of weight regain later
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still enjoy some favorite foods - no need to be as strict on the diet
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less time spent preparing low / non fat recipes and meals
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save money from not needing to buy all the expensive low fat varieties
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higher percentage of fat loss over fluid loss
Aerobic Exercise to burn fat directly
Aerobic exercise like walking or swimming will burn a greater percentage of body fat. Aerobic exercise is an effective way to lose fat only if you are motivated enough to workout frequently, aerobics only burn fat during the workout so if you want encouraging results you need to be able to exercise daily and for longer periods.
Anaerobic Exercise burns more calories than aerobic exercise because each movement generates more force from the cells. However when muscle cells contract with more force they switch to using carbohydrates as the main energy source. This type of exercise may seem incorrect for weight loss but in fact it helps produce an adaptive response with a side effect of an increased metabolic rate. During periods of rest the cells accelerate the fat burning process.
Aerobic exercise can develop into Anaerobic Exercise
Most exercises can be performed as aerobic (burn fat) or Anaerobic Exercise (burn mainly carbohydrates) the terms simply refer to the energy pathway required. For example walking is easy and a good aerobic exercise but if we increase the effort the body moves faster, eventually we end up running which then uses the Anaerobic Exercise energy pathway. The Anaerobic Exercise pathway means oxygen uptake becomes insufficient for fat to continue to be the main fuel source.
In fact most exercises or movements we perform result in a split between the fuels used, for example if the effort is about average like vacuuming a room or washing a car then we'll probably be burning about 50% carbohydrates and 50% fat.
Fast weight loss will come when the individual performs each exercise correctly and within their own unique capacity.
To change this rule you must burn stored fat indirectly by using anaerobic exercises to increase your metabolic rate.
Anaerobic Exercise
The words aerobic and anaerobic refer to energy pathways that are utilised during exercise. Aerobic means "with oxygen" and anaerobic means "without oxygen".
Fat needs oxygen to burn completely so in order to burn fat during an exercise we need to move slowly and smoothly. This enables muscle cells to be supplied with enough oxygen to continue with its aerobic capacity and utilize fat as the main energy source.
Anaerobic Exercise requires moving at an increased pace or with greater effort. Exercising this way burns more calories but results in a greater demand for oxygen which cannot be delivered in sufficient quantities to allow cells to continue burning fat. When we breath heavy we start to develop an oxygen debt and muscle cells switch to burning mainly carbohydrates, this fuel burns quickly and does not require oxygen.
Anaerobic Exercise such as sprinting or weight training require more effort and up to 95% of the fuel used will be carbohydrates.
Although Anaerobic Exercise burn more carbohydrates they can be important in any weight loss program. They help burn fat indirectly by increasing the metabolic rate after an exercise session.
