So my husband left this morning. I was feeling really depressed and cried alot. Not just because he had to leave again but I guess because I learned something about myself during our time apart. It really scared me. I felt a sense of freedom. Like I could take charge of my life and make decisions again. I guess I sort of feel like he brought me down. When I first met my husband at 17, I was working, I had a car, I was in college, I was having alot of fun. When we started dating, I gave up alot of things. I pretty much stoped everything to be with him. I guess I made that choice, he can't be blamed for that completely. After the birth of our first son I guess I thought he would grow up. I know that having a child really brought things into perspective for me. I really feel like it matured me. I thought it would do the same to him. Even getting married and have our second son didn't have an effect on him. Don't get me wrong, I didn't get married and have another child thinking it would change him. I do love him! And I love our sons! I guess what I am babbling about is that it scares me to think that we have(or maybe I have)grown apart. I want a career, I want a husband who connects with me at my level, someone who brings something new to the relatonship, someone who wants to be involved with our children on a deeper level than just observing them. I feel an empty space in my life!! It has been there for a while, I guess I just didn't want to see it. So what do I do? I have been thinking that I am going to use this time apart to make some changes in myself. I've been wanting to lose weight for a while. I also want to finish school, and get a part time job. I hope that with my sucess will come enlightenment. Maybe then I will have an answer. Well thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this, thanks for letting me vent. I feel much better!
Posted By: LindseyDawn
Comments to this post:
01/21/2008 00:41
You Only Have One Life....
And at the end of the day you have to do what's going to make you happy. People fall in love, people grow apart. Now I'm not saying that's going to be the case with you and your husband, but even if he was everything you wanted him to be, if you're not everything you want to be to yourself, what's the point ? You're supposed to change and grow, if everyone stayed the same as they were when they were 17, the world wouldn't get anywhere. You owe it to yourself to live up to your fullest potential and be as happy as you can be. Good luck
It's always been said that, "No one can love you, until you love yourself." We're alot alike in many ways, I had a wonderful job, my own house, my car paid for....I had everything except for a family. When I met my husband, I fell in love and I gave up everything to be with him. I moved to a small rural town in Kansas where I didn't know a single soul, except my husband and his family. It seemed like I lost my identity....I used to know who I was, but that person was lost....I would sit at home and wait for my husband to come home from work and doing chores on the farm....when we had our first child I felt even more alone. My husband would come home tired and go straight to bed....I had no friends and I was extremely depressed and started gaining weight because the only comfort I had was from food.
One day I finally woke up and decided that I need to worry about myself. I am now working at the hospital and going to school to become a Registered Nurse.....I'm getting an identity again. I'm starting to feel better about myself again. My husband has to take care of the kids in the evening before I come home, which means he is appreciating me more and is getting a closer bond with the girls. I've noticed since I'm starting to feel better about myself my husband is starting to pay me more compliments. It's amazing how you feel about yourself will reflect upon those around you.
I bought a book from Joyce Meyers called, "Battlefield of the Mind" it talks about if you keep feeding yourself negative thoughts then your life will be negative, but if you think positively on a daily basis then your life will remain positive. You need to change your way of thinking!
Life will give you what you give it!! Take care of yourself and the rest will follow....I promise!
