Becoming one with myself!

Bad things happen for good reasons.. weird enough

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 22:08:11

Bad things happen for good reasons.. weird enough

Hello All
How was all of your thanksgivings? Mine was ehh. I woke up in the morning and went to the hospital to be with my dad and his family for a bit. We went into the room where my uncle is and actually sat there talking and shooting the shit for a bout a half hour. It was good. My sister is a nurse and knows how to read the machines. While we were there every time we laughed or something somethings would change on his machines.. I think he heard us and was happy. After we were there we went to my mothers house for thanks giving dinner. I was so exhausted before dinner I almost fell asleep. we ate dinner ( I did very well with portion control!!!) and I had a coffee to help wake myself up. I then get a call that my uncles body is fauiling and that he is going to pass naturally either last night or this morning. My sister went up to the hospital and I decided to run home to put away things. Once I get home I get a call to get up there ASAP it's not going to be any longer. So my BF and I fly to the hospital which is about 45 mins away.. I made it in about 20. I get rushed into the room to spend some last moments with my uncle. My father, uncles wife and daughter are in the room.. It was hard and very very sad. I said my last goodbyes, held my cousin and my aunt and then also my father.. as I said in a post a few days ago my father and I are not that tight, we used to be when I was young. I told my father I loved him and how im sorry i don't say it enough. we really had a BIG bonding moment. I didn't want to let him go, but I wanted him, my aunt and cousin to have their moments with my uncle. They were the tightest with him out of all 13 brothers and sisters my father has. My father came out in the waiting room with all of us shortly after. Another half hour or so passed, (yes there are about 20+ of us in the waiting room) my father goes in, comes back out a little bit later to tell us he passed. =( So yeah last night he passed away, is in no more pain and now is watching over all of us. My other uncle is taking care of him now and showing him the ropes of the after life. I know that he's gone but like my title of this post.... EVERYTHING happens for a reason. For my father and I to bond the way that we did... I think that was a big reason and a wake up call to both of us. It was also a wake up call to me, to not shun away my father and family like I do alot. On a good note... At least my uncle passed on his favorite holiday. Thanks giving was his most favorite.. more then xmas. It's going to be odd now not having him there cooking another turkey in a deep fryer or joking around with him saying that I'm going to eat all the pie and not give him any or vise versa. But even though he's not there physically I know he'll be there mentally. I also feel like he was waiting.. Waiting till everyone was there before he passed. It wasn't long after I showed up that he passed so that was kindof odd.
I know this has nothing to do with weight loss and eating and so on... sorry.. I just need to get things out sometimes.

On another note....
I did really well eating yesterday. I enjoyed all the food I wanted but had very little amounts. I had great portion control and even my mother noticed I am shrinking. Today we're going to my BF's familys house for some dinner, then we are going to the Hartford festival of lights. We're going to keep it a romantic thing. Get some Hot Cocoa watch santa come and turn on all the city christmas lights. It will be a good time. I also took measurements this morning and my stomach shrank 3 freaking inches! WOWZA!

Ok... I gotta try to get caught up on homework. Sorry I haven't been checking on you guys this week.. It's been a tough week but I will be back to my normal self shortly and be there to cheer you all on!

Comments(7)

Last day of work then a long weekend...

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 22:06:09

Last day of work then a long weekend...

Thankfully today is the last day of work. Then I have a super long weekend.
As for news on my uncle... (btw thanks for the kind thoughts and prayers) he's not doing good at all. It's really really bad. I guess he had a seizure not a heart attack. He's still in a coma and is technically brain dead. I guess they gotta run a few more tests and my aunt and dad have to make a decision. =( pull the plug or not. So yeah this week sucks lol... Thanksgiving is cancelled at my fathers house tomorrow.. (I kind of figured that) My mom is not going to my step fathers family’s house anymore she's going to have a mini thanksgiving for us, it will also help us get our minds off of the drama that is going on with my fathers side of the family. Lots of people from my fathers family is coming up from Delaware. A bunch of them got in last night and more are on their way. It's sad that a tragedy such as this has to happen for our family to actually get together! GRRRRrr....

Anyways.. I'm doing alright.. I'm having up and down times here and there. I've been watching what I have been eating and not letting the stress get to me in that way. I'm feeling kind of numb I guess. My friend wants me to go out tonight. I think I might. It will help shake off some of what is going on a little bit.

On a fitness weight loss note. I have lost a little more this week wooohoo If I can keep this up through the weekend I would be golden. I think I'm going to take my measurements tomorrow for the month. That way I can see where I am versus where I started. The last time I took measurements was Oct 15th. The BF also took measurements too. We didn't get a chance this week to hit the gym like we were supposed to. Too much family stuff going on at the moment. I really needed the gym yesterday though. Like Lauralynn said working out made her feel good and change her mood. and it's so true it does! When I was mad at my BF a few weeks back and super stressed out going to the gym and working out made me feel good and happy. And as sad as it sounds last night I really wanted to go to gym, but I couldn't I had to go to the hospital.

Blah...
Today for fooding I have:
Coffee
Yogurt
banana
fruit bar
apple sauce
Salad w/ italian dressing.
Water water water

Comments(4)

Did I Jinx myself?

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 22:05:12

Did I Jinx myself?

Today it's a rainey cold day. I got a call from my step mother last night that my uncle is in the hospital. He had a bad heart attack, stopped breathing for about 10 mins and was in the hospital. From what the dr's are saying it doesn't look good. This is my dad's little brother. My dad has about 15, yes 15 brothers and sisters. Uncle Robin is the youngest out of all of them. My father is the second youngest. Out of all those brothers and sisters uncle Robin is the only one we keep in touch with, and the only one who lives in our state. Everyone else lives in Deleware or in Maryland.

To give you all alittle more back ground. My dad and my uncle are not that healthy. My uncle has to be about 400 pounds! My father has to be about 300 or so. They were both doing weight watchers over the summer and loosing alot of weight. I was so proud of my father that he was actually doing something good for him and his health. My father and I do not have the greatest relationship. In my eyes alot of the times he's a lying loser. And yes I do have jealousy and envy that he's actually a father with his new family. They live in a pretty nice sized house, big back yard and give my little brother anything he wants. Where as I grew up with no back yard, nothing upto date and new..I grew up in a ghetto, hearing gun shots at night was a normal thing, and yes I raised my sister because my mother had to work 2+ jobs to make up the childsupport my father wasn't paying. So yeah I do have anger issues towards my father... but the one thing I never want is to loose my father especially due to a heart attack or something of the sort. I never wish death upon ANYONE! HOPEFULLY my uncle will be ok... HOPEFULLY both him and my father wake up and realize they are not healthy and need to do something about it! I actaully told my father last night, "This is why it's very important to take care of yourself, you and Danielle (step mom) was doing so good on weight watchers I was so proud of you but now you guys stopped and gained the weight back!" I really hope as sad as it is.. that this opens thier eyes to how important it is to be healthy. Being super over weight like that, it's kindof committing a slow suicide on yourself. ugh..

Then when I called my mother to tell her about uncle robin last night she told me that her cat that was sick last week passed away yesterday. =( BLAHHHHH all this crazyness going on. It's rainey and cold I don't want to be here!

I woke up super late this morning. I woke up at the time I'm supposed to be at work so I was an hour late getting here... So i'm taking a half hour lunch and staying a half hour late today. I have a big homework assignment due tonight, yet I tried to work on it yesterday and well I couldn't think. I have to do it tonight. yet after work I'm going to the hospital to see my uncle. He's in some sort of coma right now I guess. BLAAAAAH trying to be positive...

on that note for food today I have:
Coffee
Salad
yogurt
Banana
1/2 cup cottage cheese

Comments(5)

Thank you!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 22:04:10

Thank you all for your kind words and prayers for my friend. My friend and I really appreciate it. You people rock!

I hope you all had a good weekend. I know I did. Friday night I went out with my car friends then I met my BF at a club he was playing at. we stayed there till close, swung by the shop and the BF grabbed a bottle of wine. We then proceeded home and opened our bottle of wine and drank it at about 4am. It was good thought we also got some great talking in. Wellllllll all that drinking and talking caught up to me on saturday. not only did I sleep till 2pm, I proceeded to go back to bed till about 530 pm, and did absolutely nothing but lay in bed watching movies all day. lol It was nice and definitely different because I never do that.. but that's what I did, I didn't even touch a computer! Can you believe that!

Sunday, we played super clean house, did some xmas shopping, and hung some xmas lights around the living room. I even played a little bit of Xmas music. lol we made steak and shrimp fajitas and for the first time making them they were pretty darn good! I pre-packaged my lunches for this week. My lunches are going to contain mostly salad this week, and we are hitting the gym hard Mon, Tues and Wednesday! I want to get myself going good for this crazy holiday weekend. I have 3 Thanksgiving dinners to go to! One on thursday, one on friday and another on saturday. UGH caotic!

How are we going to be careful this thanksgiving?????

I'm going to:
Drink plenty of water
Take smaller portions
Eat SLOWLY!
Stop when I think I am full.
try to rally up some people to do for an after meal walk instead of plopping on the couch in front of the TV or maybe run around outside with the kids and dog???
Try avoiding the butter on bread, and the silly little extras people use

I am not going to over do this week! This week is a test to ALL of us! We can do this we can be strong, eat what we enjoy but don't over do it.

What types of actions are you going to put into place to help curb your eating for thanksgiving? Do you have any tips? Ideas or thoughts?

Today for food I have:
Coffee
Yogurt
Banana
Salad w/ tuna and a splash of italian dressing
Fruit bar
1/2 cup of cottage cheese
apple sauce

dinner - not sure yet.. cola chicken?

Comments(3)

Things that make you go HMMMmm.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 22:01:09

Things that make you go HMMMmm.

HMmmmmm I'm a grateful person. Every day I wake up and am thankful for waking up and taking my first awoken breath. I'm thankful for where I am in life, I am thankful for having a good job that pays well. I'm thankful that we are busy (even though I complain about it) But being busy means I have job security. I'm thankful that I have my own town house, I have a loving BF whom sometimes smoothers me with love, yet I would rather have him smoother me with love then pay no attention to me. I am thankful all my friends and family are healthy. I am thankful that my mother is my best friend.

What are you thankful for?

What brings up this post?

Well yesterday after I got out of work... I got a phone call from a friend that her house caught fire and she lost EVERYTHING. Imagine that.. losing everything. She even lost her license and is having a difficult time trying to get a new one. All her clothes, pictures, house hold items, etc etc.. gone. She was renting an apartment in a 3 family house. She didn't have any renters insurance, everything gone. =( All of her friends have been great, donating her clothes, blankets, bedding taking her shopping and so on. I'm going to pick her up a few things and give it to her next weekend, I so can't image how that is. At least she has really nice friends who are coming through for her.

After I got off the phone with my friend. The BF and I proceeded to hit the gym for 30 mins, go home and change and decided to go to the casino for a little date night. The casino on a thursday night is typically PACKED. When we were pulling closer I only saw 1 RV in the parking lot and made a funny comment like, "you know the economy is bad when there is only 1 RV here!" Typically the parking lot is packed with RV's.

We walked into the casino and it was completely empty. It was even quiet. This was odd, but it's all due to the economy right now. People are not out spending their money like crazy. Gas is super cheap. Here in CT the gas is 1.94 at some places but mainly around 2.06 right now. Companies are laying off, companies are closing shop, people are scared. It's sad. And I am thankful that I have a good job that is still in demand and I don't have to worry about being laid off anytime soon. That would absolutely suck and I have no clue what I would do.

On another note. I only brought 40 bucks with me to the casino.. I left with 19. Not bad only lost 21 bucks over all. And I played a good long time.. I also had 2 glasses of wine. For dinner we did go to the buffet, I was starving especially after the gym! But I made sure to not over eat. I started out with a nice big salad, full of greens, veggies, and just a splash of Italian dressing. I then had muscles, fish mahi mahi, and had little portions of the other things. I ate till I was full and did NOT over stuff myself like I would of in the past with buffets. Going there last night was a true test to myself to see how I have changed my eating styles in the last few months. And honestly I think I did pretty darn good. I was able to enjoy the food I wanted, in little portions and did not over do it. I think the big salad at the beginning was a big helper for that.

Today/Weekend.

Today I am working.. Then going to a car club meet. We going to Hooters (yuck) I already know what I'm going to order... A salad. I know they have a pretty good cobb salad. So maybe I'll get that. After wards we are going to a club to watch our friends spin some techno. My BF is bringing out his drum kit to play live percussion with them. It should be a good time.

Saturday... SLEEPING LATE! lol then we're going to decorate the house for Xmas. We might also do some xmas shopping, and we are going to make something good for dinner. I'm not sure what yet. But he wants to make something interactive for the both of us to do. Maybe make our own sushi? IDK.

We have no real plans for Sunday yet. so we'll see what Sunday brings. Maybe hit the gym, or do something that involves some sort of exercise or movement. Gotta see what the weather is like. I would love to go for a bike ride, but it's been FREEZING here lately.

Wow this post is pretty long.. lol Sorry about that. I hope all of you have a great weekend.

For fooding today I have:

Coffee

Banana

Fruit bar

Jello pudding

Progresso Soup

(I forgot my tangerine so I'm going to have to buy one)

Water water water

Cobb Salad

3 Coronas

Comments(6)

wooohooo a little loss.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 22:00:11

Down another pound this week! Wooohooo!

I know (TOM) is coming either today or tomorrow as well so that is a nice WI for me this morning. Especially with the crap I ate last weekend. Now the goal is to at least maintain it or loose more especially with crazy thanksgiving coming up.

As for winter break... Winter break from school is not for another 5 weeks... C'mon Lori!!! Hang in there and get it done. 5 Weeks till winter break then I get a 3 week break! I soooooooo can't wait!

Speaking of winter and the holiday time... I know this doesn't make any sense but does anyone have any healthy cookie recipes..? lol I know healthy and cookie don't belong together lol but I'm trying to find something at least healthier to make at my family cookie night in a few weeks.

Today I am walking.. wooohooo my nice 2 mile walk in the cold on lunch.. Walk faster you don't feel as cold. Maybe my friend and I will take another route so we are mostly in the sun. After work I am heading right to the gym. No if's ands or butts! I am getting to the gym and I am jogging! After that I will have dinner followed by trying to concour some school work early. I really should try to get some done here while we are slow at work this after noon. That will be the smart thing. Or at least try to get my readings in between calls. Then I can bang it out easily. yeah I think I'm going to do that.

Today for food I have:
coffee
banana
fruit bar
apple sauce
tangerine
Salad w/ lite italian dressing
60 cal low fat pudding snack
Water water water!

not sure what's for dinner yet.

Comments(6)

OHHHHHH COLLEEN NO!!!!!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 23:09:11

OHHHHHH COLLEEN NO!!!!!
My favorite person got voted off TBL last night. =(
But man she looked amazing on the follow up! She is definitly keeping up with her self.
It was a pretty good episode. I really liked how they brought the 80's back last night. They all looked sooo cute with the ripped up clothing and bright colors. And was that black lipstick allison was wearing at the challenge? IF so that was pretty hot! Go Allison! hahaha
I really wish Vicky went home last night. She's an evil little thing. Hopefully some how she will be let go in the next coming weeks.

Onto me.. I was getting homework done last night for.... 4 hours! UGH! Winter break.. WHERE ARE YOU?!?! I mean it doesn't help I was mainly watching TBL and getting homework done during commercials or during parts that nothing was going on. That's probably why it took so long.

The BF is off this weekend which is super rare. It's unusual for him to have a weekend off. Friday night I have a car club meet, so we are going to go to that for dinner. It's at Hooters (I hate thier food!) I'm just gonna get a salad or something simple like that. Then I guess he's playing drums with some of his friends at a night club. It's pretty cool. His friends DJ techno, and he plays live percussion with Bongos and Timballis to it. He hasn't done it in a long time and I know it was something he used to love to do.. So it will be pretty fun and neat.

work is super busy again today so I'm not sure how much I can get back to all of you. I'm going to try and maybe later it will slow down.

Today for food I have:
coffee
banana
grapes
apple sauce
fruit bar
lunch - home made tortalini soup

not sure yet what is for dinner

dinner not sure yet

Comments(5)

Are you a Binge eater?

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 23:08:17

I got this in an email I get from Jillian every week or so with little tid bits and help. Thought this was interesting and wanted to share with you ladies.

Are You a Binge Eater?
If you're inclined to binge, the most important thing to do for yourself is to examine the emotional reasons behind your problem. I know that processing those emotions is hard and takes time, but here are some good techniques to help you modify your behavior and combat binge eating in the future:

Banish binge foods from your environment. Don't buy or purchase stuff that you can binge on. You can't eat what's not there, so get rid of it.

Try taking up a hobby. Keep yourself occupied so that rather than focusing on food, you'll distract yourself with something productive.

Decorate your fridge with stuff that motivates you. I have two pictures on mine: One is a photo of my cellulite, and the other is of Madonna. Let me tell ya, there is nothing that will turn you off to food like Madonna's rock-hard muscles next to a picture of the cottage cheese on your butt.

Call a friend. The next time you want to stuff your face, reach out for support and try talking through your feelings instead of anesthetizing them by bingeing.

Do something to screw up your binge. In other words, pamper yourself with something that's positive as opposed to self-destructive. Get a mani-pedi. Take a bubble bath. Go to the gym. There are many places to go and activities to take part in that'll also lead you away from food temptations.

Real work takes time, so it's good to have some techniques to fall back on when life gets the better of you! And remember: one day at a time. If you do end up in a binge, work out a little harder the next day. Every day is a new one. Got it, kids? Cool.

Comments(4)

I need a vacation!

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 23:08:11

Hellos good morning.
I need a vacation. Yeah that's what I'm concluding. I need to go on vacation!
I have one coming up in March. The BF and I are planning on going to Vegas for 4 days. OOOoo how I can't wait! My goal is to be nice and fit by the time that rolls around so I have a lot of much needed work to do!

I have one more day off to take before the year end. I'm not sure when I am going to use it. Maybe after they put up the Christmas tree in NYC. We'll go there for a day or something. I can't roll it over to next year I have to use it or cash it out. So I might as well use it for a sanity day. lol Next year I get 29 days, but that is sick time plus vacation days. At least next week it is a short week and a very long weekend so there is a mini vacation hahaha.

On a gym note.. Never made it to the gym last night. I AM going tonight. The BF is working so I'll be gyming it alone, but that's fine. Go to gym, come home eat, do homework while watching TBL. I got a good amount of homework to do and with this new class the teacher seems very strict on grading.. UGH. SO I have to make sure I point out all the correct stuff for each homework assignment. I really can't wait for this semester to be over. The we get a 3 week break. 3 weeks with no school work sounds like a blessing in disguise for me hahaha.

My mom emailed me a few moments ago. She thinks one of her cats is on it's last legs. Poor thing. She said the cat has been not moving and breathing heavy. Mom doesn't know if it has a cold or if the kitty is dying. If the kitty is not better tomorrow she is taking her to the vet. My mom has 4 cats. and she always jokes around saying, "I can't wait till these cats die" just because she's always cleaning up after them. they are long haired, so every few days she has to vacuum again and so on. But I can tell even though she jokes around about wishing for them to die that she's kind of upset about the whole issue. =(

Besides that nothing new is up with me. I'm kind of in a little funk.. I guess I have been for the last few days but I know (TOM) is coming as well.. so that can be the reason why.

OK.. here's is my food for the day:
Yogurt
banana
tangerine
1 cup of chili
grapes
fruit bar

dinner - Fish
snack - cottage cheese.

Comments(5)

Happy monday

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 23:07:10

Nice way to start a Monday morning.. System issues everywhere and 100's of calls coming into my department. lol .

Anyways good morning all.
How was your weekends? Mine was pretty damn lazy! First of all it started Friday, Friday wasn't lazy. as you all know I went out Friday night with some of my girl friends we had a great time.. I left around 230 and started making my trek home then I realized I was being followed! Someone was following me off the highway, cutting through back roads through a park, down the street my house was on, (i didn't stop cuz this is when I really started to realize I was being followed).. They then proceeded to follow me all around my town in circles. I then started heading to the police station because I was definitely starting to freak out and I finally lost them at a red light. I then took a lot of lefts and rights and flew home to safety. WOW talk about scary.

besides my scary Friday night.. Saturday was a complete lazy day for me.. I did homework, watched horrible tv.. played video games.. was sleeping on and off throughout the whole day. I ate a lot.. and nothing that I ate was satisfying me. By 4pm I ended up ordering a medium pizza and wings.. =( I housed those wings and through out the night ate another slice of pizza here and there and before I knew it I ate half of the medium pizza. Damn I'm a pig. We can have one of those days here and there right? I mean the pizza was semi healthy... Broccoli and chicken.. lol It was a Rainey dreary day... Anyways,.. the pizza and wings finally satisfied me and I wasn't picking at things in the house.

Sunday... I slept late.. I made AWESOME chili, and made some home made wheat bread. besides that I really did nothing. woohoo I was soo productive. I ate pretty well and didn't over do it on junk like Saturday. I made Chili a little bit different then I normally do. It was spicier and had a nice kick to it. yum yum yum I had a few piece of the honey whole wheat bread. it's pretty good tastes really good, but not as moist as the last loaf I made. I still have to perfect the recipe for what I like.

I packed up my lunches for the week and I brought more food! Whooohooo But We've been so busy this morning I haven't had a chance to eat my yogurt yet grr and my tummy is growling. Tonight we are planning on hitting the gym. get some interval running in. On and off for about 20 mins... I can do this! Tonight Heroes is on!!!! WHOOO HOO I love that show! Does anyone watch ghost whisper on Friday nights? OMG I wonder what they are doing with Jim (the hubby) crazy how they are re-working him into the story line..

Ok anyways... I'm gonna try to catch up on you ladies in between these crazy calls this morning. Have a great Monday..!

Today for food I have:

Coffee
Yogurt
1 cup left over chili
grapes
snack bar
Banana
Tangerine

not sure what's for dinner.. maybe steak and broccoli?

Comments(6)