Double Trouble!!

Hey Hey Hey! I feel so good today! Guess what I did................I pulled a DOUBLE today!!!! I went to my ZUmba Class and I ran 2 miles!!! I am so proud of myself! (Doing the Happy Dance)

Sorry for being such a dork!!! But I have to work it, work it! Hopefully the scale will show my extra effort this week!

I am so excited! I treated myself to a brand new heart rate monitor from polar in BLUE ICE! Now, I will know for sure how many calories I am really burning!! I found it on ebay for 49 bucks including shipping! I love getting a deal! Thanks Traci for the head up!

Have a fantastic week gang!

Learning to Love Myself

 I have a confession. I have been holding back when I write my blogs….alot! I feared for people to look at my blog and say she is messed up. I have been dealing with alot of things lately and have not been able to get it out! I am going through a very difficult time emotionally!!!!!

I ended a 5 year relationship with the guy I thought I was going to marry. The saddest part is I am still in love with him. Everyday, I ask myself “why didn’t he love me enough” and “why wasn’t I enough” Needless to say. my self-esteem is on the floor. I am having a HARD time picking up the pieces! The past 2 weeks have been an emotional rollercoaster. This week I was a little more calm but the little voice in my head whispers “What is wrong with me?”

I am scared of life now. I thought I knew myself….I thought I knew what I stood for….and I thought I loved myself….but I feel so shaky right now. I feel like I don’t know myself anymore. I am mad as HELL that I feel like this and over a guy. I mad that I am not strong enough! I feel broken right now.

I am trying to put myself back together. But I want to be stronger than before. I want to never lose who I am and question my worth. I ask God to search me and break me to build me back up again. I know that I am going through one of the most beautiful times of my life…although I don’t see it that way most of the times.The process is painful! I know it will take time but I wanted to let you guys know what I am going through. Thanks for letting me vent.

Mediocre

Hello ALL,

This past week was so-so. I lost 1 lb despite the fact that I binged on 2 days and had TOM. I feel that losing that 1 lb after my mediocre week was an accomplishment within itself!

I know they say losing 1-2 lbs a week is healthy but since some of my weight is due to stress eating I thought that by changing my eating habits and working out more the scale would show a quicker drop. The truth is I haven't been that strict these past two weeks. I have been okay but not great. I think I need to get more disciplined with myself!

Working out was great this week! 6 times is great if I do say so myself. I just wish I could have made it to Zumba more than twice this week.

My vitamin and water intake has been sporadic. Some days I am great, others BLAH!

I want to be more consistent! I want to go back to school a new me. I know this is a lifestyle change and I don't want a quick fix. I just wish I was more comfortable with my body!

I am trying harder

This week! I lost 1 lb this week. I am happy it is a loss but I wish it was more. I don't like the way I look in my clothes. That is my  motivating factor.

This week was very rough on me-emotionally. I am happy to report that I did not drown my troubles in food. In retrospect, I think I did the best I could.

I worked out 4 out of 7 days.

I stayed within my cal range

I logged in my food everyday

I went to Zumba 3 times

I did finished wk 2 of C25K

Overall I did good. But I am gonna try harder this week. My plan for this week is:

Drink my 8 cups of H20

Take my vitamin

Drink my protein shake

Eat before 7 pm

Exercise 5-6 times this week

Take Zumba 4 times and complete w3 C25k

Log in my cals at calorie king

Up veggies and fruit

Eat only whole wheat carbs

Happy Father's Day EP Buddies!

Dream Interpretation

Well with it being Friday the 13th and all I thought I'd share my scary, creepy dream (I am totally not superstitious)Last night,  I dreamt I was attacked by a stranger at the bottom of a  winding staircase. I looked up the interpretation and this is what is said:

TO dream that you are walking down a flight of stairs,  signifies that you will face many setback in your endeavors.

To see a spriral or winding stairs, signify growth and/or rebirth.

To dream that you are being attacked by someone, signifies that you are feeling stressed, vulnerable, and helpless. You may also be faced with a difficult change in your waking life.

Interesting....especially with everything that is going on my life at the moment.

Sad Couple of days

Hey everyone! I haven't blogged in a few days because I have been very sad and unfocused. My eating and exercise have  been excellent but my mind is in a far away place. My grandma is not doing so hot and it is really bothering me! It's also bothering me that I haven't spent as much time as I should with her!! I 've been beating myself up for that. The breakup still hurts and especially at a time like this when I would normally talk to him and he would make me feel better....secure...and supported.

So I eat right and I exercise bc at this point, those are the only things I can control. I feel that in my chaotic mind, those routines are my anchor. I have been doing great with Zumba and look forward to it. I feel like the biggest and fattest girl there. Huffing and puffing!!! I get so drenched in sweat it is unreal. I look around and I don't see anyone else looking that SWEATY! I do get a lil embarrassed....but then I tell myself that pretty soon I will look slim and trim so I continue to huff and puff my way through the workout!

I am on D3 Wk2 of C25K program. I was going to do day 3 yesterday but when it came time to start walking and stop jogging....I couldn't. I felt like I had to keep running. I had so much to get out of me! I did it! I ran 2 miles nonstop. Sure I was probably the slowest jogger out there but I did not stop jogging once. I am proud of that!

Mirror Mirror....

Funny Story....I went to Target and I was trying on some clothes. This was a new SUper Target and the dressing rooms were nice! They had opposing mirrors so you can see your self from the front and back. Well I took a peek at my bootay and gasp! I'll spare you the details but it was kinda funny bc I kept picturing all my junk in my truck as I was jogging! This was my visualization

POOZUKI

Today was not a good day foodwise. I am a little upset at myself but I can't do anything to change what has already been done. I started the day off wrong by going out to eat with my school buddies. We went to Crackel Barrel....and well you know how that goes. Country cooking...eggs...bacon... biscuits and gravy enough said! I tried to compensate at lunch and did a good job at it too! I logged in all my food and I was doing ok by 7 pm. I even planned on getting a work out in after church.......but that didn't happen. My counsins and I were running super late and there was major traffic. We were all super cranky with headaches so we decided to go eat instead. I got a side salad with balsamic vinegarette and half of a baked potato with everything on the side. I ate my salad and 1/3 of the potato and was feeling ok but then my counsin orders the POOZUKI.........a freshly baked half chocolate chunk half white choco macademian nut cookie with vanilla ice cream on top! I ate........I could have said no..........but I didn't.

A moment of silence for my will power. I am mad at myself but at least I get to try again tomorrow. Wish me luck!

What are you waiting for? Nobody's gonna show you how

Happy Sunday EP Buddies! It's had many ups and downs, yet this week has been a good week. THank you so much for the support, especially you Trish. Everytime I think of your comments, it gives me a lil extra push to keep on going and finish the race. I know your words come from a place of  experience, love, and most importantly strength. I have been so fortunate to meet such kind individuals even if it's only on the net. Virtual HUGS to all of you!

I am happy to report that I workout 7 out 7 days for 45-1 hr and twice on Tuesday for a total of 24 miles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOO HOO

My water intake has been so so but much better than in past weeks/months

I have logged my food intake every day and stayed within my range!

I am so proud of myself! It's hard to be completely happy right now because I am hurt but I am choosing to SMILE through my tears. This reminds me of yesterday at the track. The sun was shinning but it was raining. I LOVE SUNSHOWERS!!!!!!! My emotions are a sunshower! WHich reminds me of the lyrics of Madonna's song "Give it to me" my anthem for this summer (REMEMBER I'm a good TEXAS girl ya'll)  but I love the lyrics. They make me run faster on the track.....

What are you waiting for?
Nobody's gonna show you how
Why wait for someone else
To do what you can do right now?

Got no boundaries and no limits
If there's excitement, put me in it
If it's against the law, arrest me
If you can handle it, undress me

Don't stop me now, don't need to catch my breath
I can go on and on and on
When the lights go down and there's no one left
I can go on and on and on

Give it 2 me, Yeah
No one's gonna show me how
Give it 2 me, Yeah
No one's gonna stop me now

They say that a good thing never lasts
And then it has to fall
Those are the the people that did not
Amount to much at all

Give me the bassline and I'll shake it
Give me a record and I'll break it
There's no beginning and no ending
Give me a chance to go and I'll take it

 

STRENGTH