WID yesterday..

Yesterday was my second week at ediets and my second weigh-in... I lost .5lbs, so so far I have lost 4.5 lbs in two weeks... I have to admit I was a bit disappointed at only a half pound loss, but I think it was caused by the fact that I didn't get in as much exercise as I should have, and my body is still adjusting to all of the water I am drinking... All I can hope for is a bigger loss this week, which seems possible. I am really going to try and not over do it on thanksgiving because its about friends not food, so hopefully I can only have little tastes of the bad stuff and fill up on the healthy stuff....

Doing it for me....

For me, this journey is about SO much more than weightloss. I am an emotional eater, and once I hit my highest weight I decided that I really needed to look at what I was putting into my mouth, and more importantly WHY I was eating so much and so terribly..
I guess it has to do a lot with fear. I see my family and they are all happy, healthy and active, and I always felt like I didn't deserve to be that way. I put everyone else before me and somehow lost the happy and motivated person that I was. I've always told myself that I would lose the weight eventually, or when I felt the time was right, but when is the right time? I deal with emotional issues daily and I think its just something I am going to have to live with because it is a part of who I am. Taking control of my health is probably the best thing I can do for myself at this point. I am 20 years old and I want to be out there and having fun. Instead, I make excuses about why I cant go out because I feel tired and sick all the time.. I want to do this for me.. I want and need to be selfish for a while...

Cranky Pants...

I woke up this morning feeling extremely crabby, and haven't been able to shake the crankiness. I am not sure why. I got enough sleep last night and have been eating totally on plan... I hate feeling cranky and annoyed. It's like major frustration that comes out of nowhere. I have no idea why I feel so annoyed, I just do. It's not even close to that time of the month so it's not hormones...

Other than the crabbys I am okay. Every day that I eat on plan I feel great not only  physically but also mentally. It shows me that I am in control of what I eat and all. When I get home, I am going to have to rearrange my room because I got a new desk. I got it for 13 bucks on clearance and it's a really nice desk. The one I have now just isn't working for me... anyway, I'm excited because I also got a new computer and it comes next week... it'll be nice to have some updated technology.. lol.. maybe thats why I am frustrated?? I also have been relaxed on the exercising portion of the weightloss journey... It's not that I don't have the time, it's just that I lack motivation in that area. I also have this disorder that makes the blood rush to my head when I over exert myself, so I'm always afraid of over-doing it... hmnn.

Tuesday....

Happy Tuesday!
Yesterday was pretty good even though we had a small family party. I ate on plan all day and resisted all of the party foods that were here. My only slip-up was a small piece of apple pie that I had after dinner. I'm sure it wont kill my weightloss this week so I wont freak over it, even though I felt kind of guilty after eating it...

My second week on ediets seems to be going strong. I feel satisfied after my meals and am happy that I am sticking to it. I know it's only the second week but I am extremely confident that I will keep at it. I am 20 years old and want to gain control of my weight now, when I am still young so that I can have a healthy and happy future as a confident woman...
Hope everyone else is going great!

Re-Dedication.

Wow.. It has been quite some time since I have last updated... My mom moving to Pa really set me back. I went into a bad depression and started getting panic attacks again... with some emotional support and guidance (inside it wasn't really my mom leaving that got to me, it was what my mom leaving represented ie. me growing up), and now I am at a happy place in life again.

I am ready to rededicate myself to weightloss. I am back and ready to get back at it. I weighed myself one week ago today and was 205. I had gained but not TERRIBLY... thank goodness because I sure was eating terrible things... anyway, this past week was my first week back, and I was 201 and weigh it... 4lbs in one week and I am off to an awesome start...

I think I have finally dealt with the emotional reasons for why I eat and I am really ready to completely commit to the weightloss. No more emotional eating for me.. My goal is to be in the 180's by Christmas and I really think it's a realistic goal..

Pretty much everything will be the same about my plan, except for I joined ediets and will be following their meal-plan rather than the zone. It really makes it easy for me because it generates my meal plan for me based on my goals and gives me a shopping list and everything.. it really takes the guesswork out of it..

Anyway, I am happy to be back!! :)

Happy Labor Day!!!

It's labor day!!....

I am down 2lbs from last week, and am stoked about it. My next personal challange is making sure I eat sensible today. My family is having  a BBQ, and I bought turkey burgers and corn, so while everyone else is eating potatoe chips and hotdogs/burgers, I know I will be perfectly content with my humble turkey burger and corn..

The heat wave is still going strong. I swear I must have sweat at least a gallon of water in the past couple of days. We aren't using AC because of rolling blackouts here is So Cal, so we've just been dealing with the heat as best we can. I have been getting in a lot of water so hopefully I am well hydrated.

Well, this was just a quick update! Have a safe holiday, all!!

It's getting hot in here!!

I live in Southern California, and there is a HEAT WAVE. The hottest days of summer are upon us, and although I live a block away from the beach, I am feeling it..

I forgot to update yesterday, but my spirits are much better. I am taking everything a day at a time and that's the best I can do. I am down a pound today, which is AWESOME considering how terrible I ate at the beginning of the week...

My exercise hasn't been the best lately. It's just been difficult to find the time while trying to get situated. I pulled out my treadmill this morning and am going to start putting in my miles again this evening. I seem to lose slower when  I exercise regularly, but that's just because my body is a muscle making machine.

I have to go grocery shopping now, just thought I'd sit down and update since I promised myself I would keep this blogging thing up.. :)

Bloated....

For every day that passes I am feeling better and better, emotionally. My eating was OP yesterday, but I won't be WI until TOM is GONE (he surprised me this morning). My plan today is to go to the library and check out YOU! On a Diet. I own YOU! The Owners Manual, and I really want to read the diet version. I know a HUGE part of why I eat is psychological, and I heard that the book helps you deal with the psychological aspects of why we over eat.

Today is a new day and I am feeling confident that I have turned a new leaf. No more emotional eating. My mom leaving had a big impact on me, and it really effected my  eating. I eat when something happens to make my emotions extreme. Thats not going to happen anymore. I will be a size 10!! I WILL get to my ideal weight of 150... I've already lost 20lbs, I can get there!!

Doing a little better...

Well, I unfortunately experienced a gain this morning. It's not surprising because I have been eating like crap/not eating at all in the past few days.. I always turn to food when my emotions are effected.... I'm feeling better today, so I have decided to get back on the wagon. I only had a little gain, and can be back down to my last weight by the end of the week, I'm sure.

This weight loss has been such a battle for me. I need to learn how to stay on track ALL of the time... I can go a couple of months and get steady losses, and then something just kind of explodes in me and a leave the healthy eating behind. I can't keep doing this to myself. I'm tired of saying "I'll be healthy by...." and the day comes and goes with no success.. I am giving myself until my 21st birthday to get all of this excess weight off, and it that doesn't happen, I am going to be very dissappointed in myself. I am keeping myself accountable.

When I look at other people who have lost weight, I always wish I were in their shoes.. I want to "be an after"... I know how to lose weight... I know what I need to do.. It's all just a matter of implementing it for the long term... I am determined to get this off... My current goal is to lose 15 lbs by the next time I see my mom ( November)... I think if I really try, I can surpass that!!

Hard times..

Well, my mom is officially gone... I'm sadder than I thought I would be. I really wish I could have gone with her, but it just wasn't a possibility. I mean, I am in college, and have worked so hard to quit now! I know it will most likely end up being for the greater good, because God has everything happen for a reason, but it's just a hard thing to go through.

My dad is a sweet man, and I love him a lot. I am glad that he is here for me, and am happy to get the opportunity to spend a little more time with him... Life can just be difficult sometimes..

I haven't eated since yesterday, which I KNOW is EXTREMELY bad for me. I just don't feel like eating. I made a HUGE dent in the process of unpacking my room, so I am a little more settled. I definetly have been burning a lot of cals lately.

Well, thats all for now. Thanks for listening!