All through the night God put songs on my heart. It uplifted me more than words can express.
The morning started well. I woke up. I got the bedroom cleaned while my son and nephew played with one another. I made breakfast for everyone, and then my sister cleaned up the table. I gave my son a bath. I took one myself. I got my nephew dressed to go play outside, and now they are playing outside while I am using the computer and my sister rakes the garden.
These seem like simple things, but there was once a time in my life where I felt powerless to do all those things. I felt like I couldn't get up in the morning or even afternoon. I was fearful of getting out of bed and worrisome about what the day would bring if I caused someone else conflict. I was afraid of living.
When I made the move out of the situation I was in, I was able to step out of fear and take risks once again in my life because fear could no longer control the way God allowed me to live and I began doing whatever God required of me.
So, with a thankful heart, I give God all the glory of allowing me to enjoy the very nature of who He is. I am thankful that no matter how much I feel like I ought to be beaten to the pulp my Savior all ready did so for me, and for me, even though I still don't grasp this, I am grateful here and now. I can only imagine that I will be eternally grateful for the day my Savior beckons me home and I will spend an eternity praising His name for who He is and what He has done.
All glory and honor to God!
I am 7.8lbs down today. This is only day five for me. I am quite excited, and I know without the grace, mercy, and refuge my Savior provides me I couldn't do it. I give God the glory. Praise His name!
So, as this is ending the weekend, I hope that you are being blessed by Someone up above who loves you. He loves you even if you don't recognize or believe it.
I had been consuming so many calories lately, and yesterday although I fasted I still ate one meal (dinner). I give God the glory for giving me fullness in my heart rather than an empty pit.
Yesterday was a day of fasting. I spent the day in better spirits because I knew God saw my heart for Him and heard my prayers when things got tough or my stomach rumbled. It was my first time fasting, so I really had modified what I did. I drank one cup of juice, water all day and night long, and then ate dinner at almost 8pm. I was able to cope through seeking the Lord through prayer and supplication, and focusing on what He would have me do today when we went out and about. The Holy Spirit kept my unruly spirit in one of those little kid harnesses in times when I was weak and just slightly yanked back when I was out of line or was going to be. All in all today was a good day.
I started this course from a website called Setting Capitives Free named The Lord's Table Phase One. I am on day four. I had tried it one time before, and had the opportunity of Qynne Marie mentor me along with Amylynn. Qynne Marie said this about the course: "When I began this course, I was very unsure that it would work. But the
Lord is merciful. He granted me repentance and caused my heart to turn
toward him. Through the Word of God, my mind has been washed and
renewed. I have a new hunger and thirst for Jesus. I have learned to
take up my cross of self-denial daily. The result of drawing close to
my Savior has been the fruit of the Spirit in my life and a new joy in
my heart." This is my hope for me, too. I want less and less of my will and more and more of Jesus.
The image I get in my head is a deer at a small running creek in midst of a meadow, and the deer sipping on the cold water giving it wetness for its mouth as it had great thirst. This is where I am right this moment.
This is what it says in the Bible in 1
Corinthians 6:19, "Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is
in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?"
So, when I think about all the clutter and junk I have put inside me for sheer comfort, joy, pleasure or whatever I find myself embarrassed of the choices I have made in light of God's words.
Yeah, sometimes, we can definitely hide some junk we don't want others to see emotionally or physically and even spiritually, but sooner or later things come undone or physically come out of closets when we don't want them to or are just surprised.
My sister said to me yesterday that the way my hair looks is like how I feel. At that moment, I was trying to get my son to sleep and was extremely overtired. I do admit I wasn't presentable, but as my sister said I looked how I felt.
It also says in that I Corinthian's passage, "Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial.
"Everything is permissible for me"—but I will not be mastered by
anything...By his power God raised the Lord from the dead, and he will raise us also...But he who unites himself with the Lord is one with him in spirit. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is
in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body."
What that means to me is that I am called as a Christian to treat my body as a living sacrifice and one that glorifies God by what I put in.
Today is an eye opener for me. I can't sit idly by and keep on eating whatever I get my hands on and the gauge my mouth with lots and lots of food. I need to be accountable for the choices I have to make as I do what God requires of me.
I don't know why exactly but I am feel the blues and just not so happy. My day started as usual. There was nothing different. Last night though, I talked to my son's father who was crying about missing his son, but he didn't say it at all because I know that he misses our son. My sister started the day off yelling about everything, and then I got sucked into the whole yelling at everything to get things done. Yelling is no fun. It sucks the joy out of me. After we went for my nephew's doctors appointment, we went to Barnes and Nobles and had lunch. We let the kids play with the train set there, and they were occupied long enough for me to read a couple chapters in a book my sister gave me. I felt my heart was burdened greatly by how I was acting and treating those around me, and then I picked up a book about something dear to me that caused me to have words to things I have been feeling about the reasons why I moved here to Arizona instead of living in Maryland. It's a complicated story. Anyways, so here I am at 954pm Arizona time sitting here in the dark while my sister and our sons watch Space Buddies. I just need to go to God in prayer. I only wish I had to comfort I had in Maryland where things were familiar and orderly (in an unorganized situation). Anyways...I am going to go. Tonight just needs to be God and me. Night.
Man. I need to cut out the fast foods. Eating on the run is no good. I have no control over what I eat. I eat whatever my three years old doesn't eat and then some, and then my late night snacking gets me. I am really disappointed in myself right this moment.
A good thing that happened tonight was that we went to see my niece Miya playing basketball. Miya is 11 years old, and when she saw us come in her face lit right on up. I was so rooting for her. Her team came from six points behind the home team to beat them 14-12. It looked like a wrestling match out there with the girls fighting for the ball. This was my first game ever watching her. I was so happy to take part tonight.
On a totally different note, my Mom is still in Okinawa. She had an argument with her eldest daughter, whom she is staying with over a family issue and was told to get out if she did not side with her. I can understand both sides, but the woman my Mom is is a woman whom loves all of her children almost equally. She would do anything to keep her children happy or sacrifice anything we needed instead of induling in it herself. When I talked to my Mom tonight, she seemed like she was okay. I hope that things calm down over there. Very shortly we should be going over there. We are jst waiting for out passports to come in and for some money my Dad is awaiting.
Well, it is 154am here in Arizona. I am really tired and feel my eye lids shutting as I type. So, I hope that all is well, and that God touchesyour heart so enderly tht you'll never want to depart forom his goodness.
I just read a testimony the Lord showed me. In it, I heard Him speaking to me about the childhood pain of having been sexually abused and how it still affects me in ways. He also wanted me to hear that I can give the past no power over my moment today because Jesus all ready overcame the world. Its only if I allow Satan that power do I give him the control over my moment here and now. I heard the Lord speaking to me, "Melissa, if you love me, you will keep my commandments and serve Me." Gluttony has no power over me. I won't let it do that to me anymore. My prayer tonight is that I seek God's love in my life and keep moving on from what the past is trying to hold me back from keeping in a right relationship with the Lord. I can hear the song one of my fellow choir members singing the song, "Come to the Table."
Come To The Table
by
Michael Card
Come to the table and savor the sight
The wine and the bread that was broken
And all have been welcomed to come if they might
Accept as their own these two tokens
The bread is His body, the wine is the blood
And the One who provides them is true
He freely offers, we freely receive
To accept and believe Him is all we must do
Chorus
Come to the table and taste of the Glory
And savor the sorrow, He's dying tomorrow
The hand that is breaking the bread
Soon will be broken
And here at the table sit those who have loved you
One is a traitor and one will deny
And He's lived His life for them all
And for all be crucified
Come to the table He's prepared for you
The bread of forgiveness, the wine of release
Come to the table and sit down beside Him
The Savior wants you to join in the feast
Come to the table and see in His eyes
The love that the Father has spoken
And know you are welcome, whatever your crime
For every commandment you've broken
For He's come to love you and not to condemn
And He offers a pardon of peace
If you'll come to the table, you'll feel in your heart
The greatest forgiveness, the greatest release
Chorus
Come to the table He's prepared for you
The bread of forgiveness, the wine of release
Come to the table and sit down beside Him
The Savior wants you to join in the feast
As it is Lent, I am also reminded that my Jesus fasted forty days and forty nights trying to prepare Himself for what was to come. In His weakest of moments, He asked His disciples to pray for Him, but even they failed Jesus. So, I am making a concerted effort not to rely on anything else except Jesus' manna to nourish my spirit. May the Lord of lords and King of kings bless your heart tonight.
I started the program for The Lord's Table from Setting Captive's Free. I just completed the first day, and am feeling pretty good. I am just tired right now, so I think I am going to sleep a little.
