Well, I didn't eat the universe during my fit of anger the other night, which is GOOD!
I tried to do what I had to do to address the problem yesterday. Although it took OVER three HOURS on the phone, re-explaining the situation to all concerned parties, I HOPE I got something accomplished/resolved! If not, I'll deal with whatever comes next.
Dealing with these adult issues stinks - no fun! LOL But part of my self-discovery/recovery process as I lose the weight is learning to do/deal with things I don't want to do/deal with. Afterall, that's what adults do, isn't it? I'm super mature in some ways, but when it comes to other things (like talking to business/government/authority figures on the phone) I don't address them as well as I think an adult should. Maybe I don't have the self-confidence to explain things clearly or get my point across. Does that make sense?
Anyhoo, I walked 55 minutes last night and did 45 minutes already today - go me!
I'm relatively on track eating wise although doing the vegan-ish thing is proving more difficult than I expected. I'm not creative enough, or knowledgeable enough, yet to find different meal options. I just have to remind myself I've spent over 40 years doing the meat and potatoes thing, so it's what is most familiar to me. It'll take time to learn about new things and ways of eating. Meanwhile, I'm incooperating new things into my diet, and eating more veggies than ever before! Good for me!
Ever get mad at the world? Well, at this exact moment I am! I want to eat everything in sight, but I'm writing instead.
Why so mad? Let's just say people do NOT listen when I try to explain things! I spoke with someone and couldn't get a word in edgewise. This person felt like she knew something about me when she doesn't know jack about me. She's arguing on the phone, making threats and raising her voice instead of LISTENING to what I was saying. UGH.... HELLO... LISTEN! that's what I wanted to say but instead I tried to mind my manners and offered what I was willing to do to resolve our disagreement. I still don't think she heard me! GROWL... whatever. I guess she has a job to do even if she only has minimal information that she can read off the screen. Ugh... I can't let things I can't control throw me into an eating rage. I have to pause, breathe, and write... to let those moments pass.
Anyhoo... so far my eating has been okay today and I walked 45 minutes.
Well wishes to each of you...
Playing mind games that keep the weight on.. sigh... self sabotage!
I took yesterday off from exercise, which was okay as I'd done well all week.
But then I started misbehaving with my eating. I had double portions last night, and tonight, too. I have to get myself back on track immediately!
I've begun playing mental games with myself lately. I always seem to play games as the weight starts to come off.. not intentionally. As I start to lose weight, it's like I slip into some sort of quasi-reality where unrealistic thoughts, and images, sneak up on me and make me question my realitites.
The thoughts are senseless, inaccurate and not based in reality but I tend to pause to entertain them. An example? I was lying on the sofa enjoying the fact that my thighs are getting more toned and thinner since I started to lose. Then I questioned if I have 60 lbs. to lose (what an absurd thought! of course I do!). I pondered if I'd be too thin from such a loss. It's like my image of myself is completely skewed when these thoughts jump into my brain. They are NOT based in reality at all!
I KNOW *intellectually* that I have it to lose (and more!) because it's what I gained over the past 9 yrs. I also know how fat I look in recent photos, especially compared to those taken 10 yrs. ago, I know the scale isn't lying and I know the mirror tells the truth about my size (the double chins give it away!). I know it's not a figment of my imagination that I was starting to shop for size 22 pants before I decided to get serious with myself and start losing the weight. These ARE my realities.
I'm pleased that I'm losing weight, fitting in smaller sizes, eating better and exercising more, which leads to better overall health and wellbeing. And know I should keep doing what I'm doing, so I can get my body back and KEEP it.
Yet, I have these weird mind games that I start playing. I start getting 'nervous' or something (it's hard to explain!) about the weight coming off and my becoming more visible to people. And somehow question if I can afford to lose a lot of weight - ridiculous! I think my mind plays these games so that I don't have to deal with things I used to deal with when I was thinner, sexier...more visible. I dunno.. maybe I'm a whack job!
Anyhoo.. I took a 60 minute walk today and had another fully vegan-ish day.
I just need to get out of my own way - mentally - and I can do this!
Do you get in your way mentally, too? Self-sabotage?
Ugh.. I can't seem to post to other people's blogs.. how frustrating! A few of you are so inspiring and I want to let you know, but can't. ;( When I put my security code in and hit submit, it won't submit. Am I the only one having this problem?
Consumption:
Brunch was spinach, tomato, vegan pepperjack, soy sausage and egg scramble. 1 can arizona tea. 2 cups coffee
"Linner" (late lunch and early dinner) was 2 vegan burritos and 2 green teas.
(I know it should have been only one, but 2 is less than the 3-4 I used eat...baby step, remember ;) )
Snack will be a smoothie.
I had a stellar day exercise-wise! I did 45 minutes on my dual bike; I even used the handlebars almost the whole time - usually I cheat and use just my legs and don't get the arm workout. In addition to the bike, Jada and I walked 45 minutes.
What a fickle little appliance... but it moved DOWN!
FINALLY the scale budged - downward!!! It can't decide if it wants to land on 234.2, 236.4 or another number (3 back to back measurements and I still get different answers - fickle little appliance!) but at least I'm FINALLY past the 239-242 up and down thing it was doing for nearly 2 weeks! I must be doing something right.
Jada and I did a 50 minute walk today. Go us!
I have had a fully vegan-ish day so far, and my evening snack is vegan-ish, too. I was a bum today and slept in, so I skipped breakfast.
Consumption:
2 cups coffee
1 bowl vegan chili and 9 saltine squares (stopping at one bowl of chili is REALLY good for me). Large glass green tea.
1 mini pack raisins for a snack. Large glass green tea.
1 plate vegan poor man's low mein (speghetti noodles, oriental veggies, soy "sausage" and seasoning... another yummy experiment!). Large glass green tea.
Evening snack is a fruit/soy milk smoothie and one rice krispie treat.
I woke early this a.m., grabbed my clothes, popped on my shoes and leashed Jada. By 8:15 we had a 45 minute walk DONE! I seem to do better when I get the walk out of the way in the a.m. I don't have to worry about the heat of the day (Florida stinks during the day!) or getting too tired to do it by 6 p.m. Plus, I think it helps me keep on track because I start the day doing something that's good for ME; I keep focused better. Who wants to undo the good they've done? Of course, I have the option of *bonus* movement later in the day: another walk or time on the bike if the mood strikes me.
I had a granola bar and pear for breakfast. J is making chicken parm. for dinner (that man can cook!!). No, it's not vegan-ish, but I never said I was going meatfree cold turkey. Because it's such a heavy meal, I'll eat lite/vegan-ish all day to compensate for it. I think preplanning meals helps me a LOT! I'm trying to get dinner in by 4 or 5 p.m. so my body has more time to digest it before my 'night time freeze' hits. Night time freeze? No - it's nothing to do with temperatures; it refers to my lack of energy later in the day. I literally 'freeze' on the sofa, at the computer or some other stationary activity by 7 or 8 p.m. So I am trying to work WITH my body instead of constantly working against it. Yes, I can have a healthy snack around 9 or 10.
I don't know if anyone reads what I write on here very often, but there's something about writing things down. A simple statement like I am going to eat x,y,z or do a,b,c somehow helps me. It's like I made a promise so I'm committed to it. I don't like to lie, so what I say I've done.. I've done. Weird?
Lunch was leftover speghetti squash medly in a burrito shell, with lettuce, tomatoes, and cheese... yummo! I'm sure to make it again!
Speghetti Squash Medley - a vegan-ish experiment = YUM
Today's experiment turned out pretty well so I wanted to share it. I hope you like it. It's a bit on the spicey side but it's yummy. Preheat oven 350 Cut speghetti squash in half lengthwise; remove seeds. Coat baking sheet and inside of squash with olive oil. Place upside down on baking sheet and bake 45-60 mins. Meanwhile, in non-stick skillet put 6 oz. of Soyrizo. Add multi-colored peppers, onions, and soy beans (The ready to eat ones -I forget the name and tossed the package already) and brown slightly, stirring often. Once browned, add your choice of speghetti sauce (I used Hunt's 4 cheese) and heat throughout. Scoop cooked squash unto serving platter and cover with mixture in skillet. Stir and serve. It's fun to try new things in the name of health! J says it tastes like chili to him. I could see it with corn or other veggies in addition to the ones I used. Bread sticks would have been great on the side. I'm using my leftovers in a burrito tomorrow, with lettuce, tomatoes and soy cheese. I'll let ya know how that tastes! I didn't walk yet today (rained ALL day) but I did do 60 mins. on the bike. Go me! Wishing you all a healthy day!
It's no accident that god and dog have the same letters!
I keep asking god for help in this journey. I realized today that it's no accident god and dog have the same letters. I think god tells my dog what time it is; she always starts pacing and nudging me at the same time - 6 p.m! She carries on, cries and paces until I give in and get her leash. If it weren't for Jada, I would have bailed on walking today. But, she made me go - being the insistent little brat she is! Thank god for dogs!
I just didn't want to go but once I got moving we logged our 50 minutes. My food intake was pretty good today, too. And, I managed to drink nearly a gallon of water; I'm really trying to up my water intake! ;) Wish me a good tomorrow..
The universe is trying to line things up... maybe?
Yeah, the universe/god or something/someone much larger than myself is trying to point me to the resources I need in this journey. And I must say, it (he/she) is doing a fine job! I've been looking at stuff online and in the library for months; trying to learn about vegan/vegetarian/raw food lifestyles. I've also made a lot more food choices that are less meat-oriented for the last couple months. Well.. today I was at Walmart, reaching for my Boca chicken patties and this woman was PILING vegan/vegetarian brands in her cart. Being the bold woman I am, I asked which ones she likes the best. We struck up a conversation and I asked her what she did for a cheese substitute. Her response was 'follow me.' We ended up talking for well over 30 mins. exchanging emails, and she is a WEALTH of information. She welcomes the opportunity to teach a newbie to veg. lifestyles and exchanging recipes. I told her about my ongoing digestive problems and she made some suggestions. I'm going to TRY to follow a vegan-ish lifestyle plan for a lot of my meals and delete ALL dairy from my diet for 30 days. This won't be easy to do as I AM a meat and potatoes girl. But I've packed the frig, freezer and cubbies with options.... so we'll see how well I do!!!
Amazing... positively amazing...my thighs are shrinking. Yippee!
It's true - my thighs shrunk 1 1/2" inches! The scale isn't cooperating too well but my thighs are getting smaller and more toned. How motivating is THAT?! I walked for 45 mins. last night and 45 mins. today, so I'm getting back on track. I know it's not enough exercise, but I'm just trying to be consistent for now. I had been slacking horribly, but I've come to realize I feel like crud when I don't walk. I get super stiff, and the pain is much worse. So... on track I am!
