Sensible Life Style Changes

Progress....One Choice At A Time

My Profile

  • Name: tartnsweet
  • City: Daytona Beach
  • Region: Florida
  • Country: United States

My Weight Loss

Height: 177.8cm
Start weight: 258.00lb
Current weight: 232.00lb
Goal weight: 180.00lb
Lost to date: 26.00lb
Remaining: 52.00lb

My Calendar

May '15
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My Photos

Before After

12 years ago today.. and babbling...

Yep, I know it's a weird thing to know about oneself but it was 12 yrs. ago today that I last saw 200 lbs. I used to weight myself at the GNC store where one gets a digital printout and I kept that little slip of paper ... Hoping.

I moved in with Jim March 2002 (we met in March 99). By April 2002, we bought the house, he got a car and our previous lifestyle of being car-free, riding bikes, walking, going out and having an energized lifestyle no longer existed. Jim's job turned full time, I focused on massive remodeling of the house and we just kind of existed for a bit. Then his parents died and a part of him died with them. Then major medical issues stopped me in my tracks. Post-surgery we started the business. 

It's like a finally woke up from a coma or something a couple years back and realized saying I'd get back to 199 lbs again was a fantasy unless I started moving again. After posting here, using livestrong for calorie tracking, and exercising, I managed to get back down to 218 lb. by fall 2010. Then my health went to s*&t again, I got depressed, frustrated and it felt like I just couldn't succeed in the weight loss game.  Self sabotage set in...again. By 2011 I was back up to 258... again. 

I have a really bad habit of blaming Jim for lots of things that don't work in our lives and honestly a lot of things are his fault due to his chronic complacency and habits of being disorganized, a slob, and not caring about the house, his health or anything else that I think he should care about. And I won't even get into his chronic irresponsibility with finances and how many times he's lied to me about $ etc. etc.  Frankly, he creates a LOT of stress and I often think I should leave him. Other days I think I'll stop breathing if I can't look into his eyes or hold his hand. My friend says 'that's love' <shrug> I wouldn't know. 

When I'm really honest with myself and take a good hard look at ME, I have to admit I've stopped taking care of my needs, my wants, and my goals. I've wrapped my world so tightly around Jim that I'm not a separate entity or as independent as I used to be and it's changed me, both physically, mentally and socially. I've essentially become a hermit over the last several years and rarely go anywhere without Jim. It seemed easier to rely on Jim for transportation needs (I don't drive due to low vision) but when I'm really honest with myself it's made things harder on me in many ways. Now I'm trying to Dehermitize and to do that I have to 'keep it real' with what *I* need to do differently for MY life to work better. I have to stop making excuses about the heat in Florida or the distance or whatever. I have to suck it up and get to know the public transit system here. I need to get back to the old me: a confident and independent gal I respected, admired, cherished and took care of because I was worth it. 

The reality is: I THOUGHT Jim and I had the same ideas about the type of life we wanted. I was wrong on so so so many levels. I've tried to support, encourage, change ... the list goes on... Jim's ideas, perspectives, behaviors and I can't do it. He doesn't want to change. He's happy in his complacency and carelessness with all areas of his life. He has created a very bad health situation for himself by gaining 100+ since we met. He's 6'7" and 420+ lbs which has lead to diabetics, testosterone problems, back problems, leg and foot problems and other self limiting factors. He knows he'll function better if he loses the weight but he's always got an excuse: feet hurt, tired, too hot.. whatever! He doesn't want to do anything after work but sit on his duff. And he has zero interest in learning portion control/better choices etc. It's a freaking battle when we cook meals because I want to cook portions and he wants to cook a whole box of pasta or even 2 boxes of mac and cheese. That's ridiculous for 2 people!!

Over the last few weeks, I've branched out and started walking to some of my own errands. Yep, I'm Dehermitizing myself. It's a challenge for me every time I head out. The heat of Florida is still very much here and it's easier to shop with Jim then it is to carry stuff home 40 mins. in the heat. Plus, I'm not real good with talking to people or connecting with people. It's another part of my change myself plan of action. I'm also working on dressing better when I go out, with and without J, so that I feel better about me. 

More later  aka ramble ramble about other craziness in my life that doesn't make sense. 

Status quo.....

It's been quite some time since I've checked in and there a few reasons for it. 

1) EP went to sh** for a bit and I started getting know it all people and a bunch of promo crap. 

2) I got lazy about writing diet/exercise plans, feelings and other stuff.
3) I wasn't very committed to diet or exercise.

4) Health issues. Family issues left me feeling quite hopeless and depressed.

5) Other crap which basically narrows down to excuses. 

Where am I now? 

I miss the group of ladies I bonded with on here (at least I think I bonded with them) and FB isn't a substitute with its untimely postings and deciding for me who I want to see all updates for and not, regardless of my checked boxes etc.   

So.. I'm back here. 

I'll probably still get ads, and unsolicited advice when I really just want to vent and feel supported but I know how to delete mail and will do so once I memorize the names of those who annoy me. 

I'm still going to have lazy times when it comes to writing and tracking but it is a PROCESS, and I have to remind myself of that often - several times a day, most days. 

I'm still having on and off days with diet and exercise but I'm trying to have a more movement filled life in general. 

Health issues/ Family issues seem to be ongoing and some do impact my weight issues but it is what it is and I have to learn to operate around it all day by day. (A lovely lady on here once said god gives us enough grace to live 24 hrs. at a time and I always think about that saying now). 

As for other crap, aka excuses, it will always exist because life comes with crap regardless of what size my arse is going to be. 

SO... I have to look at the big picture! After looking at my records, I've realized that I'm still not as bad as I was at the HUGE 258 lbs. of my all time high. I'm hanging out around 230 lbs.. up and down week to week which is no where near my goal but I have been worse off, so it IS progress just to stay at a lower weight. 

In other news...  I think I'm having a bit of a mid life crisis or something.  I've got some big decisions to make, ones that are well overdo. Or I need to get a better perspective on things so that I can have a better attitude of gratitude than I have most days. Whichever... it's making me think too much . LOL 

More later...  


P.S. Please say hi if you're an EPer that recognizes my name or if you're someone interested in using EP as intended, for friendship and support.  

Do NOT say hello if you want to promote your diet plan, exercise plan or other 'marketable' services. IF I want to seek services and plans, I know how to research them outside of EP. 

Still plugging along...

I haven't checked in for a few days but I'm still plugging along. I'm still doing fairly well on portion control, especially compared to how HUGE the portions were before.  Jim brought in some junk food the other day. Although I did eat some of it, I didn't inhale it all at once and it lasted several days.. a HUGE win for me.
I've been really, really busy with sculpting and creating lately, so that has helped with nibbling mindlessly. It's impossible to nibble with wet clay, primer, paint and sealant on my hands. Oh, not impossible but it surely would be GROSS.
I will try to check in more often. There's something about the act of writing 'I've had a good day' at the end of the day that makes me want to focus more the following day.
Hope you're all doing well.

Night time is rough...

I've had another good day with eating; healthy choices and a fair amount of water.
Yay me!
I ate a healthy dinner (brown rice, chicken breast and oriental veggies) just 2 hrs. ago so I KNOW I'm not physically hungry. I'm drinking water to meet my daily quota. 
I brushed my teeth to signal that eating for the day is DONE.
Yet, I want to pop some popcorn and gnaw. The most messed up part? 
I'm currently watching The Biggest Loser! 
It's 8 p.m. and I feel hungry! My stupid GI issues don't help at all.
My GI tract gives some confusing signals: when I'm processing food it can feel like hunger and it sounds like hunger... growl.
Tonight is a hard one for me. I really want to crave to the popcorn nibbling at this exact moment.  
However,  I've done well all day long!  
I'm repeating to myself over and over and over: 
Once the GI tract calms down, I'll realize it's not hunger but processing.
I just have to get passed this difficult hour or so and I'll have a GREAT day.
Wish me a nibble-less night.
I found this image on FB tonight; it relates to weight loss perfectly!

A good weekend (no I didn't lose 13 lbs. this weekend - read on)

Yay, I had a successful weekend which means I stayed on task with portions, water intake and ate NO junk food, nor empty calorie beverages. That's a *huge* win for me given I have been having slurge days on the weekend and drinking beer when I go to comedy mid-week. Those slurge days can undo a full week's worth of focus.
I'm trying to decide if I should throw out my home scale. That damn appliance is maddening!  It jumps 4-8 lbs. within minutes, let alone days, and that leaves me totally unsure of where my weight is day to day. Given I'm struggling already, a gain leads me to the bad attitude of 'what's the use,' when in reality it might just be extra salt, hormones and other factors. Jim is *finally* working on his weight issue at the same time I am - a miracle!!! A true miracle!!!  He's lost 32 lbs. since July 15th by simply reducing his portions (I admit I get a li'l jealous that he drops weight with such ease even though I know all the facts about heavier people losing faster, men losing faster, muscle mass  blah blah blah). He is using the GNC scale on Sunday to keep a paper trail (it gives a print out each time) of his weight loss. I'm thinking I should spend the 50 cents a week and only weigh there too.  I think it might stop the crazy mental cycle I'm in: beat myself up when the home scale jumps yet not trusting it when it shows are good loss. What do you think?
It keep telling myself that I need to get back to my basics and 'Trust the process'. For me that means as long as I keep on task with the basics, my body WILL respond. Afterall, my body wants to drop this weight - it really does - I just have to work with it, not against it.
The basics are more streamlined than my Master Plan.
1) Reduce junk food, soda, beer or other empty calories.
2) Choose healthy, lean, low fat foods
3) Drink plenty of water daily
4) Move 30 mins. - minimum of 3 days a week
5) Avoid eating for reasons other than physical hunger.
I've had several fair to good days so I'm feeling more confident about my ability to stay on task with these basics. Now it's just about doing what I'm supposed to do, one day at a time and Trusting The Process.
At this time, I'm not going to be tracking every single calorie and logging it all on Livestrong like I did last year. Maybe I'll choose to be that detailed at a later date, but not now.
I have deleted my weight updates on EP. Why?  Because continuously seeing the graph (down then up) keeps me beating myself up and feeling like I failed. I don't need that mental sabotage right now. However, I kept my initial weight entry
from when I started EP (my all time high weight) and put in my current weight as of yesterday's GNC reading. Why? it reminds me that I have made some progress since 2009.  Afterall, 13 lbs. IS a loss  and it's a loss that inspires me to go forward.
Make sense???
Have a healthy day, everyone!

Another fair day with food.

Today was another fair day with eating, as I had moderate portions, made healthy choices and avoided mindless/emotional eating. My lazy arse still hasn't started to move more, let alone get actual exercise. I think as I gain the ability to get the food in check and a few pounds drop off (hopefully), it'll motivate me to work harder via exercise.
I find it almost amusing that this is the time I have chosen to get back in control of my eating habits. Why? To say there is stress in my life right now would be a vast understatement.
The condensed version is: 
'The man' has been lying (he claims he didn't 'lie' and it's a perspective issue we are dealing with, not lies) to me for months about finances. Over the last couple of days, I've gotten him to share some of the MESS he has created. I doubt highly I know the full extent of the mess he's created given it's like pulling teeth to get a straight answer out of him.  I'm so angry with him I can't see straight. Once again I find myself wanting to walk away and keep walking. Yet, I am still here... not sure why.
In addition, my mom may be getting tranferred to a different nursing home that is approx. 4 hrs. away - each way!  Given I don't drive at all and my sisters don't have wide open schedules, that's NOT an option for us to keep seeing her regularily. The staff members at the current home are having issues handling her conditions. Please, say some prayers that things get in check with her soon so that she can stay put.
Anyhooo.... my goal this weekend is to simply keep my portions in check, make healthy choices and not eat for reasons other than physical hunger.
Have a healthy weekend everyone.

A fair day...

Today was a fair day in regards to eating. A fair day equates to reasonable portions and not binging on junk or overeating.
I have had a rough day (and week for that matter) emotionally speaking, and have felt deeply hurt by my 'best friend'.   I may be overreacting but I'm feeling 'out of the loop' in all significant matters in her life. Of course, I won't ever mention it to her. Or at least it's highly unlikely, as my mentioning my hurt will take away from her joy.  I'm not willing to do that.
Anyhoo...  considering my urge to binge and electing to go to sleep after a sensible day of eating I'll deem this a fair day.
Isn't it multiple fair days that lead to many good days? I'm thinking it will... .

Stopping by...

I haven't been on this site in a very, very, very long.  I have deleted all my posts except for my first post. I left up my first post as a reminder to myself on what I am striving to achieve. Although, I am not there yet; I'm not even close to following my Master Plan.
Where am I now? I'm still struggling to make consistently good choices on food, and I've stopped exercising on a regular basis. I'm still battling ungoing health issues and still using them as excuses more often than not. I'm only half-heartedly trying to stay on task some days and other days I'm in full blown self-sabotage mode. The 40 lbs I lost last year is now back on my body.
So why am I back?  When I was here on a regular bases I did much better. It helped me stay focused on my goals and helped to know I was not alone in my struggle. I got encouragement, support and an occasional reprimand when needed it. The bottom line is it worked for me when I was working it. Plus, Jim is now in a different place with his weight management (since July 15th he's gone from 447 lbs. to 417 lbs.!) and I need to get back on track, too. He has never been interested in losing weight with me which made it a much bigger challenge for me to stay on task. Perhaps he and I can finally start moving in the same direction.
Onward and choice at a time.

The MASTER PLAN - steps, habits and strategies I'll use to get to a healthier me.

I found EP yesterday and decided to create a master plan.
So here goes.......
1) Exercise: 30 min/5 days minimum (build up as I get stronger).
2) Keep Exercise Journal.
3) Keep Food Journal.
4) Keep Personal Journal/blog at EP.
5) Weigh in weekly.
6) Menu Plan Dinners - Fish 2 nights a week (fish has been among my avoided foods but I'm finding ways to make it taste GOOD, Chicken 2 nights a week, Pasta/high starch meal 1 night a week, Beef or Pork 1 night a week, a 'Freebee" (eat out or order in) 1 night a week. (Historically I eat WAY too much beef and high saturated fat meats). Any of the meat meals can be swapped out for vegetarian as I learn more recipes, etc. 7) Eat a healthy breakfast daily (try to use eggbeaters replace eggs when I have eggs.)
8) 5-6 mini meals instead of 3 large meals a day.
9) NO soda, ice cream or other processed junk foods allowed in house (I can't eat what isn't here!).
10) Limit pre-packaged meals (too high in sodium) and read labels pre-packed foods.
11) Shopping Strategies: don't shop while hungry or tired and use a list.
12) Cooking Strategies: chew gum while cooking, put leftovers away before I eat, and bake, broil or boil nearly everything.
13) Act of eating: Eat more slowly, at the table, and don't watch others eat! (I tend to eat more quickly if I see people around me eating quickly).
14) Learn and Try new things: I'm not real domestic but I am trying new recipes, vegetarian and low fat, to get a better handle on what goes in my mouth and body! Also trying to learn about portions; they seem so small! (Do people of normal weight really eat that LITTLE?).
15) Late Night Munchie Squashers: chew gum, munch ice cubes, and nibble pieces of frozen fruit.
16) Barter for cravings that won't go away - if I MUST have chocolate or ice cream, I have to ride (bike, not car!), or walk for it and I get one and ONLY one serving. Preplanning what to buy is very helpful because I don't hover and end up overdoing it.
17) Remember it's a process...and try to be patient (I hate that word!) with myself and my body - because I didn't get this fat overnight!
That's the MASTER PLAN!!! It's not ridiculously rigid and I actually *think* I can live with it LONG TERM! I know diets do NOT work. Diets are full of constant restrictions and when I go back to 'normal', I gain more weight than I lost. This plan is more about incorporating good habits and disassociating with recognizable bad habits I've developed. I'd like to think of this as a journey in self-discovery (and self-recovery on the road back to ME!) and an adventure! Wish me luck!!!