Well, here i am almost a year and a half later. This thing we call life has thrown many turns at me but I'm still livin', that's the important part. As long as i keep living, i can keep fighting this weight battle. I realize it will always be a battle until i have the ability to change my mindset. I am a foodie and i admit that. I constantly make the wrong choices in healthy eating. Quantity isn't my main problem, it's quality. I am learning to change my focus. As opposed to focusing on losing weight, which is putting negative thoughts into my head, i am trying to focus on being thinner and healthier. I picture myself at my perfect weight, which is a beautiful picture. I keep that picture in my mind and at the same time, appreciate the size that i am already. I started this journey again at 240.4, I am currently 232.9. The scale is on a downward spiral. Yippee! I also decided to face this on an hour by hour basis. I don't want to do it day by day. If I backslide for 1 hour, i can jump back on the bandwagon the next hour. But if i mess up one day, I figure i can try again the next day (which then gives me "permission" to continue to mess up for that day).
Just had to come here to try to sort a few things out mentally. Well first, I finally made the 10 lb club. Hooray for me!!!! 10.5 thank you very much ~ i would LOVE one of those high tech scales that would say 10.75 lbs BUT alas, I will stick to my scale that only weighs in half-pound increments. Diet wise, I am feeling motivated, personal-wise is another story. Unfortunately, sometimes, they go hand in hand but I am trying to stick it out. I am just feeling kinda funky today. Could it possibly be that i had a dentist appt. for the second part of my root canal? I stick to the "SAY NO TO DRUGS" but i forgot to remind my body that novocaine should be on the list of "approved drugs". None the less, I seem to have become partially immune to the effects of novocaine. After receiving enough novocaine to numb the entire body of a brontosaurus, I still proceeded to jump out of the dentist's chair. And NO, I did not psyche myself into believing that the pressure I felt was actually pain, IT TRULY WAS PAIN!!! Well, I will make a long story short by saying I literally lost count as to how many needles I was given and still was not totally numb. This does not make for a wonderful evening. Now that the novocaine has worn off (not that it ever took full effect but at least the left side of my face is functional again), my jaw and gums are sore as H-E-double hockey sticks. There is no pain in the tooth but ironically, I am in more pain than before the root canal ~GO FIGURE! Either way, my son has driven me crazy for the evening and I've just been a grouch (he's tried to help by offering to make me tea or get me something to eat). O.k. sonny boy, thanks but no thanks, I can't chew without ingesting a large piece of my tongue and inner cheek, nor can I decipher how HOT the tea is. I will have to apologize for my grouchiness tomorrow but until then...Son, TAKE YOUR BUTT TO BED. Since this is a weightloss blog and not an "I hate the dentist" blog, I will once again say Yippee!! to me for losing the 10.5lbs. Then again, this is MY BLOG so... I HATE THE DENTIST AND HIS STUPID NOVOCAINE FILLED, PTERADACTYL SIZED NEEDLES. Good night!
O.k. here we are 3 weeks down...I have lost a total of 8 lbs. This medifast thing is easy and difficult at the same time. I tend to sabotage my work week efforts with the non efforts of the weekend. Earlier this week I had lost a total of 9.5lbs and I just knew that by today I would have hit my 10lb milestone. I stepped on the scale when I woke up this morning. Had to do it before I ingested anything or brushed my teeth (couldn't take the chance of swallowing a drop of water and adding extra ounces). But as I stated elsewhere, my body had other plans and forgot to send my metabolism the memo. So after all was said and done, the ant in my tracker began to run backwards. I had to add 1.5 to my weight for a total net loss of 1lb this week. Who would have thought that cheez-its, chocolate and alcohol were the enemy? They were such good friends of mine before. I've come to find out that friends can hurt you too...just one of life's little lessons. I fell into a 20 second depression and realized that I had no one to blame but myself. Could I blame Medifast - No, they didn't approve cheez-its or my other so called "friends". Who bought the "friends" at the store - ME! Who stuffed the friends down my throat - ME! I didn't bother pointing the finger. You know what they say, you try to point the finger, you have three fingers pointing back at you. So I will take full responsibility and...keep it movin'!! And Jo, thanks for helping motivate me to update my blog.
Well I woke up this morning with a renewed sense of self and motivation. Yesterday was my birthday and I've decided I can't do this functionally obese thing another year! Although I've said this before, I'm serious THIS time (lol!! as if i weren't serious all the OTHER times). Each time I start another weightloss journey, my current weight and goal weight seem to be getting further from each other (and that's not because I lower my goal weight!!) New Years resolutions, schmezzolutions. What purpose do they serve? None- at least for me. As with many others, I resolve to lose weight, I resolve to exercise, I resolve to eat healthier, yada yada yada. Then you bring in the next new year 10 lbs heavier, physically unfit with a hoagie in one hand and a bag of chips in the other.
Well here we are 4 months after New Years resolutions have been made and broken. I have now decided to accept my own BIRTHDAY resolutions...in theory, they will yield the exact same results as my New Year resolutions (lose weight, exercise more, eat healthier) but they are for MY birthday, not everyone elses New Year. I've come to the realization that my birthday is what it is. It celebrates the birth of ME. It does not celebrate the turning over of another calendar year. My birthday may be meaningless to the majority of the population but that does not say it has less meaning. So as of yesterday; the day I was born 35 years ago, I resolve to love me for the individual inside, i resolve to focus on my health--not on the large blobs of fat and double chins I see when I look in the mirror. In turn, everything else should fall into place. Wow! look at that!! How quickly New Years resolutions became secondary when I place things into perspective. Do I love exercise? No. Do I love always having to watch what I eat? No. But I love me and that's all that counts. Therefore, I have to take it for what it's worth and run with it. For those of you who made it this far and took the time to read all of my babbling, THANK YOU for the support. I know this was kinda long... AND I hope to see you all on the other side (of 200lbs that is!!!!).
