So, here I am with another.2 gain this week. Am I frusterated? Yes, but ultimately I know that this is only temporary. Here's what I'm doing differently now:
I've added water. Consciously drinking water every day (so this may just be water weight. We'll see)
Going to try drinking a little Gatorade every day to sqelch the salt cravings.
Eat dinner later and go to my room earlier. I'm having trouble because my new housemate isn't food conscious like my last one was. I'm a social eater and a stress eater!
Relax! I've been extremely busy these past couple of weeks. I'm ready for some down time next week to relax, work on my projects and read some more.
Keep walking - I hurt myself last week trying to do too much too soon. I'll walk gently for a few minutes every day until my doctor and I can get the troubled knee back to snuff (I'm legally handicapped because of this thing - and that's only useful for great parking spaces!).
I have a plan. I'm going forward and all will be well.
This is only temporary - I have the same problem at 187 lbs last summer before I broke my ankle so at least this time I'm 2lbs less than I was then and I don't have to break any bones this time! LOL
Happy Monday everyone! I hope this message finds all of you succeeding at your dieting goals today. Today is a great day (and for some of us it's about over. Here's to winning the battle of the bulge today!
Yes - I said today. I have to STOP hating myself for going off plan and just acknowledge today. Have you guessed yet what I'm going to say? Yep - I ate off plan over the weekend. Not too bad, but bad enough.
Instead of my snack and dinner on Sat I went out to dinner with my friend Melissa (former singing coach and life coach and diva extradoinnaire). We shared a personal pizza at Willow Street pizza (YUMMY!) and each had salads. I had two pieces of pizza and "forgot" to ask the waitress to box the last 2 that we had leftover. So, not so bad, right? oh - and let me tell you about the square of the Godiva Sugar Free Dark Chocolate that Melissa had with her. One square is 47.5 calories and worth every delicious little delicate bite!
Yesterday I missed my lunch and Anytime bar and opted instead for a breakfast burrito and a beer for lunch at a local Mexican Rest with a couple of friends from church. Yeah - I drank beer with church people, we're all kinda cool that way. The breakfast burrito was yummy too - so at least I enjoyed my cheats.
Big wins this weekend included (get this Steph!) an awesome, amazing, energy filled and FUN experience singing backup vocals for Melissa (check her out at MelissaPhillippe.com). I danced, I clapped, I sang and I cried onstage and loved every minute of it. And yes, I worked up a S W E A T while doing it.
We started rehearsals at 3pm on Saturday with vocals, then the band, then back to just vocals. We had 3 part harmonies and it sounded delicious! We finished up around 7pm and sent everyone home while Melissa and I loaded in her cd table (to sell her wares) before heading out to dinner to catch up with each other. It was so good to see her - I've missed my friend and I was honored and touched to be able to sing with her.
So, now our music director knows I can sing - and he asked me if I liked doing this (backup vocals) and if I'd like to do it again. Of course! I love being back up on the stage singing again (I've been away from it for about 4 years) and many people told me how comfortable I looked and how great we sounded. Yippee!
Oh! How can I forget the Traffic Court incident on Friday afternoon. I found that my DL was up for renewal but that it had a hold on it for an old fix-it ticket from 2002. Court Clerk said to pay $369 or go to court. Well, for a $10 original fine, I opted to go to court to clear this up. The judge was very cool to everyone there and closed my case with a $77.50 fine. Yahoo! Paid that puppy immediately and can no go renew my driver's license. Whew! Gotta love a $300 savings, you know?
This week looks promising to me regarding the diet. Going to lunch with my minster tomorrow, but can easily do a big salad and bring my Jenny dressing. No other big events or dates going on (need to change that - I need a date!).
I'm looking forward to: Auditioning for a choir director that I have great respect for Getting rid of more stuff in the house The new cleaning lady starts this week (no more toilets for me!) Two birthday parties (and I don't have to eat cake!) Getting my teeth cleaned (yeah - I like that) Having a friend over for dinner Performing a memorial for a dear friend's dad Seeing Dave Barry (comedian/writer) speak
I have both good news and not so stellar news today.
Good news - I put on a pair of pants today that I haven't worn in almost a year! Size 16 Liz Clairborne cargo pants that I absolutely loved when I bought them. I have them in charcoal grey and a sandstone color. Yahoo! Another two pair of pants in my wardrobe that fit me!
Oh! And last week I wore a Chico's size 3 suit to work that I hadn't worn in at least 3 months and it was really big on me - not big enough to give away yet, but definately big enough for me to be able to see where I've lost inches.
Two really big wins in the past week.
Not so stellar news is that I had a slight gain this week of .2 pounds. Now, why does that just ruin my day? It's only .2lbs and I did cheat with a couple of beers at the hockey game the other day, and then I went out to dinner and I had dinner at a friend's house, so it's not like I was following my plan 100%. So why does this bother me?
It bothers me because I want to be thin and hot and sexy. It bothers me because I want this to be a quick fix even though I realize it takes time to reach my goals. It bothers me because I still have a core belief that I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough to be loved by a man (thank you to my father and his friends who told me I was fat as a child - jerks).
I'm bothered because I'm still not comfortable with the size of my body. I want to be able to bend easier without my thigh and belly fat getting in my way! I want my knees and ankle to stop hurting all the time. I really want to eat See's Candy! Dark chocolate is my absolute favorite and I miss it.
Okay - back to my salad from lunch and I'll go get a refill on my water. I really need to start focusing on getting more water in every day. That's a habit I have not yet gotten in to and I know it will help.
Otherwise, life is good! Busy, but good!
My old vocal coach and life coach (she does both) is coming into town this weekend to sing at my church, so she's asked me to sing with her and we're getting together for dinner. What fun! I can't wait to see her!
Is it just me, or does everyone else have a problems on weekends? Boy, I tell you - it was one eating event after another for me yet again!
Friday night was fine because I stayed home, but Saturday night I had dinner with a neighbor and his dad who is in town and it was "beans and hotdogs with brown bread" night. Yum - ruin a diet for beans and hot dogs! Actually, it was the brown bread that was so yummy and sinful - and I ate every bit of those two pieces I had and enjoyed the heck out of them. good thing I ate a big plate of veggies about an hour before the scheduled dinner (and it made me look like a delicate eater!).
Sunday night I went out to dinner with a fellow Jenny Craig dieter. She's lost over 60 pounds, so going out with her is like going out with a consultant because I can ask her questions about what I can eat and she offers great advise. BIG salads with NO dressing (on the side just in case) were on the menu for the night. It was a grand meal out.
Monday it was hockey with the San Jose Sharks. I enjoyed two beers (hey - it's hockey!) and then we went out to dinner. If you know San Jose, you know Original Joe's. YUMMY and enough to feed you for three days based on one plate. I splurged on a piece of french bread and a couple of bites of ravioli. Ate spinach tossed with garlic, mushrooms and onion - sauteed with olive oil and one of the two lamb chops I ordered. I sent most of the leftovers home with my friend, but that lamb chop and the leftover spinach will be my dinner tonight.
Funny, when I write out what I ate it doesn't seem as bad as it looked when it was all out in front of me. It always looks like more food when it is in half a dozen plates around you at the table...
Makes me think of that point in The Biggest Looser when they show them what they've consumed over the past week. I know those folks have probably binged for the last time and have eaten more then they normally do, but still....YUCK.
Okay, that's it for me - time to get back to work.
I weigh in today at noon and I'm a bit nervous about it. My home scale, which is always off, off, off says I've lost one pound, but who knows! The scale at the JC office is the one I go by anyway.
I'm scared because I plateaued at this weight the last time. I'm scared because I know I cheated a whole lot over the holidays and that all that food may catch up with me now (I tend to show the binge two weeks later). I'm scared because I'm right about where I was last summer when I broke my ankle - I haven't gone lower than this weight on the program yet.
On the other hand, I did WIN yesterday and ate completely on program all day. No cheats, no snacks, no NOTHING extra. Getting back to a regular work schedule and packing my snacks and lunch every day will get me back on track again.
I'll update after lunch when I've weighed in. Watch for it!
It's after my weigh in! I lost 2lbs! 185.4 - I'm officially Back On Track (I was at 185.7 when I broke my ankle last summer).
My new goal - to reach the 30 lb mark ('cause I'm at 16 now!).
Hold On. It's commonly used in 12-Step meetings and I've been reminded of this phrase as I read James Frey's A Million Little Pieces. I'm going to use this when I'm craving sweets or needing to chew on something-anything to keep the black hole within me satisfied.
Yippee! It's Monday and I'm back at work! Whoo Hoo!!!
Sounds crazy, doesn't it? Truth be told, being back at work isn't my favorite thing, but being back on a regular schedule and around my diet support buddies helps me alot.
My weekend wasn't be best I've ever had on my program. Friday night I did okay, but Saturday was a day of laying on the couch and resting because my allergies were out of control. All that laying around doing nothing make me really crave snacks, snacks and more snacks. I ate salami and cheese with crackers for lunch (oh no!) instead of my JC food and an entire bag of popcorn that night. The only good news is that it was all lowfat or fat free stuff, but still - I know it wasn't good.
Sunday I did okay, but I went to my friend Rebekah's to watch The L Word season opener and she cooked. Far be it for me to skip Rebekah's cooking! She's learning how to cook healthier for her own family, but the wine I had with my meal probably didn't do me much good.
My biggest problem right now is at home. I'm not very active right now and I think the rainy weather has something to do with that. The holidays also kept everyone so busy that my social and dating life is slow at the moment. I did reach out to a couple of people yesterday at church and mentioned that I'd like to get out more, so hopefully those seeds will grow soon.
Wow. What a boring post! I need some drama in my life! (gentle drama though - I'm done with the big stuff)
A little drama - I need to a friend that I'm done with our friendship. She hurt me a year ago by ignoring me when she fell in love - I told her 3 times over 6 months (one via letter) that I was hurt and she did nothing to change it. she said a whole lot about working at keeping her friendships healthy, but did absolutely nothing - not even on a retreat we went on in September for 5 days. Now she wants to be best friends again. I'm not interested in opening myself up to being hurt by her again and again and I need to tell her that. Ugh.
There's my drama. Nothing exciting, just something I need to clear up and I'm not looking forward to it.
Ahhh....Friday. It's the first Friday of 2006 and I'm feeling good. The sun is shining, the street sweeper came by today and worked extra hard out in front of my house and I rolled into the office around 10am because I decided to spend time with the cat this morning. (yeah, I'm one of those cat people).
Yesterday I rambled - and some of you said hello. Thank you! Yes, I am crazy - but in a good way so don't worry. What I didn't write about was my follow-up appt with my doctor yesterday morning. The appt was to review my lab results he ran just to check in on me (new doc - you know how it is). Results: he told me I'm too healthy to be in his office and to go away. Yahoo! No matter what may be going on in my life, ultimately I am extremely healthy and that's something to be really proud about.
Okay, so last night I went to see Madea Goes to Jail in Oakland, CA. OHMYGOODNESSWHATAGREATSHOW! I tell you, if you like shows with life messages, rent the videos of Tyler Perry's stage performances and meet Madea. She will crack you up and make you cheer as she puts her family into place over and over and over again.
Tyler is amazing as Madea and he breaks character all over the place as he cracks himself up and stops the show to interact with the audience. "Sit down I said! The show started at 8:00. Why are you walkin' in here late?" and "Spit out that gum! All that snapin' is driving me crazy up here." And the local jokes! He referenced local towns and the redlight district in town, which cracked up the audience.
What makes me a fan of Tyler's is his messages. Every show is influenced heavily with his faith beliefs (he's a saved Christian) and has a deep message about living a good life. Now, I'm not a Christian, but I tell you, these shows move me in a way I've never been moved before. Thanks Mom for going with me and sharing our experiences on the way home - reminding each other of what we heard. What fun!
Food - I'm feeling good today. Had my breakfast, brought my lunch to work. I have the best days when I'm working because I'm busy and I plan my food out and have it all with me every day. Another week of being back on a schedule will make my weekends much easier.
My housemate mentioned this morning the NutriSystem deal going on right now and thanks to many of you here and on the JC boards I was able to share with her some of your experiences with it. She is choosing to make life changing choices this year - quit smoking and loosing weight. She's not there yet, but when she's ready I'll be there to support her in every way I can.
Well, here we are - my attempt at completing a regular blog site. I've always wanted to do it, but was always afraid of what others would think of what I had to say, or if anything I type would make sense to anyone else. Guess it doesn't really make a difference, does it? Ultimately a blog is for the writer and not the reader, although I hope you enjoy my ramblings.
Who am I? I'm just some crazy chick in Silicon Valley who has too much in her head to keep it all in one place. Sometimes I wish I had a place to dump it all like Dumbledore did in the latest movie - someplace I can dump but still be able to reference later.
I'm currently facing and dealing with years of bad eating habits. Ultimately, it was an abusive relationship that lead me to overeating and eating the wrong foods - yep, I ate myself to this weight and I enjoyed only about 50% of that eating. Bummer. As bad as that relationship was, I learned alot about myself that I would not change and to be honest, I'm grateful for that time in my life - it forced me to really make some huge changes.
Jumping forward a bunch of years, I quit smoking a year ago and immediately gained 20 lbs. Already being overweight, that additional 20lbs really upset me. They day I stepped on the scale and it went over 200 lbs was the day I decided I needed to do something different. I called my local Jenny Craig the next day and joined. That was April 2005.
Over the summer I broke my right ankle while out working in the garden. Nevermind the break - I couldn't drive for over 6 weeks! When I did get to the grocery store it was only when someone would come take me for a ride and I purchased everything I'd need for at least 2 weeks. No JC foods during that time - I ate comfort foods since I was stuck on my couch for so long. Needless to say I gained back 10 lbs during that time (but I enjoyed all that food this time!).
I kicked my program back into gear in November 2005 and I'm working steadily and consistently. Yes, I cheated over the holidays, but I only gained .5 lbs, so I'm feeling really good about that. Progress, not perfection, right?
Today - I'm craving everything but my JC foods. It's total TOM symptoms and I know they'll go away soon. Just another couple of days. I'm crocheting at night to keep myself from snacking (a craft I learned in October).
