Bye for now

My blog is going to be inactive for a while... I've decided next month (May) to just maintain weight, and also to cut back on my computer usage.  It's nice out now, it's time to get outdoors!  So I won't be blogging for a while, but thanks everyone for reading, and I'll try to keep reading your blogs when I can.  Good luck in your weight loss journeys!

Lacking motivation

Well I've "recovered" from Easter but I still just can't seem to get fired up to lose any weight.  I hate to say that, because so many other people here are doing so well, and I don't want to be a downer!  But I have to be honest.  I mentioned before that my initial motivation was a guy, and now that there's no hope with him (in fact, he's seeing someone else!) I just feel deflated.  I WANT to want to do this just for me, but that seems to not be enough.  I can eat healthier but to actually lose weight takes focus and determination that I haven't been able to muster up. 

I do find it motivating to read other peoples' blogs and I plan to keep doing that, and waiting to see if I get inspired somehow.

Could've been worse

but could've been better, for Easter weekend.  My weight is up, and I'll know in a couple of days whether it's just water weight or whether I set myself back.  Either way, I'm not going to LOSE weight unless I learn to minimize indulgences!  One problem is I'm a volume eater.  I like large servings and don't generally feel sated otherwise.  That's fine if I'm eating veggie soup, but the calories can really add up fast with rich or processed foods.  I spent some time on Hungry Girl where I found a list of some calorie counts for certain foods, and I was flabbergasted!  I think in the future when I do my foods wish list, I will research the calorie and nutritional content of those foods FIRST, and be honest about the likely portion I would consume.  I think I've been in denial about the cost of eating certain things!

Damage control for the weekend

This weekend looks like it will be a food-fest, with family get togethers Saturday and Sunday, so I am aiming for damage control so that I can at least just maintain.  I don't know what will be served so I can't plan that in advance, but I'll try to do portion control and will also not go too hungry... maybe I'll have some more veggie bean soup beforehand or something.  Also, I'm keeping up with workouts to burn off excess.  After Easter, I hope to buckle down and get the scale moving downwards again!

Starting a fitness folder

So here's another idea I had:  I decided I would put together a little folder or binder where I can keep things related to fitness and weight loss such as affirmations, workout programs, and dietplans.  I feel like I'm still in "gear up" mode since I haven't really gotten far wtih losing weight yet, but I do seem to be learning a few things and gathering helpful tools, so maybe the preparation will pay off!  I know this week will probably be another maintenance week, because of Easter indulgences.  I made a deal with myself to stay perfectly on plan the next three days to make sure I don't GAIN weight this weekend!  But after Easter I should have a good opportunity to make some progress.

Food wish list so far today

Diet Pepsi (what a surprise!) 

Some of Kate's homemade garlic bread

 Food intake so far today

Homemade veggie-bean soup (weird thing to have for breakfast, I know, but it was very satisfying!)

Big salad with lettuce, cucumber, jicama, broccoli, carrots, avocado and sunflower seeds

Food wish list idea

Diet status:  I'm doing better with beverages (staying away from those diet colas!) but still eating too much food to lose weight.  I know I don't have to be PERFECT, but I have to find a way to be a little bit stricter and to turn down some items I'm considering "acceptable cheats."  One idea I had was to keep a kind of food wish list, where I write down foods I crave or  -- as typically happens with me -- foods that other people are eating and I want to enjoy too.  Nine times out of ten that is what gets me in trouble... I see other people eating something and I want some too.  It's rare that I get a craving out of the blue.  Anyway, I figure if I write it down as something I want, I can plan to have it some time in the future -- and budget for it -- IF I still want it then.  I think the likelihood is I won't care about it any more once people aren't eating it in front of me, but if I do then I can have it.  I guess what I'm saying is that I want to reduce spontaneous cheats!

Had pizza last night

I love pizza but dairy really doesn't agree with me so it's something I really shouldn't have, even as a treat!  But at least I had it in the company of others -- in keeping with my rule for eating off plan.  The salt bloated me right up because I eat so little sodium in my diet normally.  Needless to say I feel yucky today.  I'd be lying if I said the pizza didn't taste good though!  I had two slices.  Next time maybe I'll remove the cheese.  I think it would still taste good but be less calories and be easier to digest.  I guess it will take some time to get good at this way of eating.

I did go to the farmer's market yesterday and got some great veggies, so I'm all set to eat healthy again today!

My belly

I just have to tell about something funny that happened earlier this week.  A friend and I somehow got into a discussion about working out and whether we feel any "jiggle" while we are doing cardio.  I said heck yes, my belly jiggles more than my boobs!  I need a sports bra for my belly!  We both started laughing, and then I remembered that Seinfeld episode with "the voice."  You know that one?  Where Jerry imagines his girlfriend's belly stays awake while she sleeps and talks to him in this jovial voice, saying "Hellooooow!"  and "La la la."  So with my friend, I started doing the belly voice and said oh, this is what my belly is like when it's getting jostled around during high impact aerobics... it's like, "Whooooooooaaaaa!"  We were laughing so hard about that, we were crying! 

That's more like it

Yay!  My weight dropped down!  Thank you all SO MUCH for the support.  I'm afraid I did have a little Diet Pepsi yesterday, but it could have been worse.  My rule is that if I "cheat" it has to be in a social setting... in other words, nothing off plan if I'm by myself.  So yesterday I waited until this afternoon meeting I had, and had the soda then.  It's a bit of a stretch, since they weren't serving soda at the meeting, and lots of people had nothing, but several other people did have cups of coffee or whatever.  At the end of the meeting I still had 1/2 a can and I just tossed it in the trash on my way out of the room.  So I consider that a victory of sorts, because I cheated "within bounds" and also didn't let the one cheat turn into anything else.  Oh, my other rule is to log all cheats in the food journal on this site.  I hate food journaling so it is a disincentive to cheat!  But it will also give me a record of all my deviations.  So I did that too yesterday.  If I can stay perfectly on plan today it will be a major triumph, because I will have learned that I can be imperfect but still stay on course!

Thanks again everyone for your comments, it really means a lot to me!

Struggling to stick to it

I woke up this morning after three days of really sticking to my plan, and my weight was UP!  Argh!  I do feel bloated so I know it's probably just water weight but it was so depressing.  I also have it so bad for Fantasy Man.  Soooo bad.  It is kind of hard on my self-esteem.  Now if the scale had cooperated, it wouldn't be so bad, but with my weight up and no prospects with F man I just feel fat and rejected.  I could really use a Diet  Pepsi right about now.  In fact, I went down to the convenience store planning to get one already, but they were temporarily closed!  LOL!  Will I have the strength to not go down again?  The dollar bill is still in my pocket...

Does anyone know good ways to raise one's self-esteem?  I know I shouldn't base how I feel about myself on either the scale or whether some guy returns my interest.  I'm really not sure where else to turn though...