Its now been 7 weeks since my one and only sibling, Sean, died of an extremely unexpected heart attack at age 40. The worrying thing is that out of him, me and my Mum and Dad, we all thought he was the fittest.
I miss him so much but now realise its time for me to get fitter and healthier to avoid this happening to me too. Although Sean had a few extra pounds himself he wasn't really overweight, he was a heavy smoker though. But along with Sean, both my Mum and Dad have had heart scares over the past few years so it runs in the family, I'm really not helping myself by being this big. At the time of his funeral I vowed to lose weight but as of yet I still haven't done anything about it.
I remember he vowed to give up smoking when my Mum was in intensive care about 8 years ago, he never did and now its too late for him to do something about it. In some ways I feel selfish saying this but I'm worried about me, I don't want the same thing to happen to me, there's only another 8 years until I'll reach 40.
As of yet, I'm not really sure how I'm going to do it, but I want it to be something I can do for life, so no counting points or weighing. I'm going to exercise more and eat less, boy it sounds so easy when I say it, but I know it'll be tough. I suppose at least I've got someone looking down on me now to spur me on. I know he loved me and would want what is best for me and that is definately to lose weight for me.
Time to deal with things again. I've re-joined ww online because nothing is happening. I'm not losing any weight what-so-ever, and have been around this weight (give or take 3 pounds) for the past 2 years!
I started again on Tuesday, and not only have I planned my meals for the week, so far I've stuck to them. I used to work in an office and so was sat down all day, since moving to France we have been renovating our house so I thought I would be moving lots and therefore lose weight easily. It hasn't happened, so my new idea is to treat the renovation as work, and walk to work and back home again, thereby increasing my exercise by 30 minutes a day already. So far its working.
It's funny isn't it, how you start feeling better about yourself as soon as you start to take control. I have to stick to this, I'm going home in 4 weeks time for Christmas and I want to have had a noticable loss by then. A stone would be the best, but 12 pounds will take me out of the 15's and into the 14's. I'm going to do it, I really am this time!
Wow, can't quite believe its been so long since I've come on here. Had a rest and as usual, nothing happened to my weight so I've decided to come back and start again.
I guess I always give up, but we had my bf's family round last week and we were looking through old photos. My brother in law didn't recognise me in one where I was slim. It's weird because I know I'm fat because the scales tell me so, and when I look in a mirror I can see it, but I didn't quite realise it in my head. I think I've been kidding myself for the past 10 years that I'm not really that bad.
I'm pretty sure I'll fall off the wagon again but there is exactly 12 weeks until Christmas so I'm going to be super good until then. I still don't feel like counting points again, but if I'm truthful, I know what I should and shouldn't be eating. Here goes, I'm going kick start it this time, wish me luck!!
I decided last week that I was totally fed up with counting points. If I went over I felt bad and very deflated and it messed me up for the rest of the week. So, thinking about it a little more, I decided that I didn't want to be counting points for the rest of my life, so instead, I'm going to give myself 4 weeks of trying to eat healthily and increase my exercise. No pressure with the points. It also means that I can eat a healthy fruit like avocado (too many points too touch before) and have a glass of fruit juice (I didn't want to waste points on a drink that could have been used on food).
So, having tried this for a week, I've lost 2.25 pounds. Hmm, hope it keeps up like this, but I think it may have had something to do with all the walking we did this weekend (J's birthday so we went to the coast for a couple of days).
Also, because I'm trying not to obsess, I'm only going to post once a week.
What is it with me, why can't I stick to this. I feel good about myself when I do manage to stick to the plan, and I feel lousy when I don't so why don't I stick to it? I've started again (for the 2359th time) today and luckily haven't gained any weight so I'm having 3 days of only 18 points (family are visiting on Thurs/Fri so I know I'll be drinking). Then I'll go back on it again on Sat. I've planned all days apart from Thurs and Fri so it should be ok.
J dragged me out yesterday for a 10 mile bike ride which I really didn't want to go on, but I felt so much better when I had completed it. He's determined to make me go on the very hilly 3 mile ride every night this week. (It normally takes me 45 mins to do and he'll do it twice in this time). I'm going to try not to moan and just get on and do it, I'll feel great as soon as I get in so I'm going to bite my tongue.
Hope everyone else is doing ok, I'm gonna check in on a few now. I'll be back.
I haven't posted for a few days, the reason being I've been a little devil again with my food. I seem to get through the first three or four days of the week ok and then blowout for the remaining three or four days. That's why I'm sticking around the same weight. I put on another 1/2 pound this week. So I am back up to 15 stone 10 lbs. I am learning through the help of blogging what I do wrong. I just have to fix it now. There should be no interuptions this week, and I went shopping on my own yesterday for food, so I'm going to give it a really good try.
One other thing I think I need to stop is weighing myself every day. I think that when I see the scales go down for the first few days, I can ease up on myself for the rest of the week. I'm going to hide the batteries downstairs and only bring them back up on a Sunday night before my Monday morning weigh in. I admit that I weighed myself again this morning and yes, the scales showed a loss of 1 lb on yesterday, so the batteries go. Also, I need to keep exercising. Just a little, but I need to do it all the same.
Now, reason 2 for losing weight. I don't like feeling that everyone is looking at me and judging me for being overweight. I know that I am probably wrong in this assumption but I can't help it when in crowds etc, I just feel people will jump to conclusions about me because of the way I look. I want my self esteem back!
Well, as least I had saved points for my blow out. Went to a Chinese restaurant yesterday lunch for an all you can eat buffet. I wasn't particularly good, but I wasn't as bad as I have been previously either!
I estimate that I had around 35 points in that one meal yesterday so thats 10 points over my daily total. Nevermind, I had losts saved so that in reality I'm only 4.5 points over my weekly total. I'll make that up by tomorrow, so its not actually that bad.
Right, following tryagain07's example, I'm going to list the reasons for wanting to lose weight, to become a kind of motivational tool. So here goes, Reason No. 1 - I want to feel good about myself and truly like who I am. I do like me on the inside apart from feeling weak-willed, I don't like me on the outside. I am going to change that.
Feeling good and positive today. Managed to keep to my points yesterday, even though J was pretty cruel by buying chocolate, crisps, cake and ice cream on our shopping trip yesterday (and he always used to blame me for buying the junk). I had to put my foot down though when he wanted to get nachos and hot salsa dip - that's my absolute favourite and there is no way I would have resisted once it was in the house. But I resisted everything else apart from an ice cream which was only 2 points anyway.
Also did 3 x 10 min walks yesterday. A little bit at a time is my new motto for everything.
Well, following my few days off the wagon, (previous post), I had my weigh in this morning, and I am sooo relived. OK I had a gain, but it's not as bad as I thought it would be. I truly thought I would be starting my weight loss journey from scratch, but I only gained 1/2 pound. Which still means I've lost 2 1/2 pounds. I'm still a loser overall.
And, even better, I sat down at the computer last night and created a spreadsheet to plan all my meals for this week, including allowing for going out for a chinese meal, and with a few points spare. I then printed it off and stuck it inside a kitchen cabinet so I can easily see it at any time. Feel really chuffed with myself. I'm back in control with my feet firmly on the wagon, and I'm enjoying the ride.
Hope everyone who's weighing in has a good one. - Lia x
I haven't blogged for the last few days because I've been off the wagon again. And I know I won't be pointing again until Monday. We have a festival tonight so tomorrow will be written off as well.
But, I've come to realise that however many times I do fall off the wagon, I just need to start running after it again and pull myself up. So a big thank you to Alica for holding out her hand yesterday to help me back on. It is very much appreciated.
I've also realised that I'm trying to do too much too soon with regards to exercise. I was aiming for 3 x 30 min sessions a day, from no exercise. After my first morning I was shattered and didn't feel like doing any more. I'm going to start off with 2 x 10 mins a day and work up from there. If I at least do something it will eventually work up to a decent amount.
One last thing, my legs ache today from all the cleaning out I did yesterday. The basement needed rearranging so I spend half the day clearing it and going up and down stairs. I didn't even notice the exercise I was doing, but I sure do now.
I seem to get through the first three or four days of the week ok and then blowout for the remaining three or four days. That's why I'm sticking around the same weight. I put on another 1/2 pound this week. 
So I am back up to 15 stone 10 lbs. I am learning through the help of blogging what I do wrong. I just have to fix it now. There should be no interuptions this week, and I went shopping on my own yesterday for food, so I'm going to give it a really good try. 