"Thing are going to get a lot worse before they get worse"
So that is pretty much what I am feeling about my actions recently. I went camping with my husband and friends this weekend. I bought fat free potato chips, fat free pudding and diet pop to snack on, since I knew everyone would be constantly eating and I wanted to at least have something halfway healthy.
Guess what I ended up eating? The real chips, the coke with lime, the fried potatoes, the bacon, the picknick table...
So then, I decided that tonight I would hit it hard at aerobics, well the stupid Board that I am on scheduled our monthly meeting to tonight since our regular Wednesday meeting conflicted with a couple other members' golf dates. Apparently my aerobics are not as important as their flippin' golf game! I need to stay on the Board and finish my argument against a planned merger but when that is resolved, I am going to let that part of my life go. I don't need the bloody headaches. I have put in my two and a half year sentence on that one.
Then I thought..well, I will just go to aerobics on Thursday (my aerobics is only held on Tuesdays and Thursdays) but that is the night my son is doing his senior presentation. I have been eating out of control and now my motivational exercise class is unavailable. I really need to just get on the treadmill and burn some calories after the nasty board meeting tonight and then do it again tomorrow after I mail out graduation announcements, I have this Irish extended family and henceforth have many of those little dudes to mail out.
I am looking into getting a little lapdog to pay attention to. One of my sons has a little Springer Spaniel that I just love to babysit. She is so sweet and I really love spoiling her, she is at the point where if I am petting her and I start watching tv or something besides her, she will put her face in front of my face and bark so I pay attention to only her. The whole eyes on me thing. It totally cracks me up. I think I am going through the whole mid-life crisis with my baby graduating and facing the dreams that I have laid aside. Now I have to decide if I should try to become the rock star/master pianist/Miss America (oops, I got married, guess that eliminates the Miss) : )/Ice Skater/Gymnast/Wonder Woman (I grew up in the Linda Carter Era)/Teacher that I used to want to be when I grew up.
So anyway, better go for now,
I hope you all have an awesome day, I will work on my attitude..
Well, I felt like Shamu's big sister, but I managed to drag myself in to aerobics last night. I thought I might surely die, but somehow the hour went by and I was still alive. I jumped on the scale in the morning and it went up three pounds then this morning I had gone back down, so that is encouraging. Of course I had to beat myself up about the thought that maybe I might actually have LOST some weight instead of just maintaining, but that is okay, the big dinner is in the past!
Thank you Bethany and Cruzrgurl for your very kind and encouraging comments. That is what really helped me decided to go on down to the gym rather than hanging a right and heading to 7-11 for the mother of all diet breakers -Taquitos.
I felt so much better after class and just knowing there are people out there who care enough to throw out a kind word.
So anyway, I hope everyone is heading into a fun-filled weekend. My sons will be home and that will be cool.
I have lost 4 pounds so far so what did I do tonight? Went to dinner at a restaurant and had the chicken wings, mozzarella sticks, fries, ravioli soup, etc...I don't even want to look at the scales tomorrow.
I really hate myself when I do that (and I do it way too often). I got on this stupid "I'm a failure" kick - I went to give blood today and apparently my veins are just as uncooperative as my weight loss so even though she poked around for quite awhile, she just couln't get it to work. So therefore, I am a failure at yet something else in my life.
My husband and all my boys have the sort of metabolism that allows them to eat pizza at 9:30 in the evening then go right to bed and probably drop a pound. I have a problem in that I try to keep up with them in this arena and as you can tell, that doesn't work well for me. I always say my husband and I make a perfect 10 because he is taller and lean and I am shorter and round. Istn't that just lovely? Not. I hope tomorrow I feel tougher. New Day, New Hope right?
Okay, so last night at aerobics, I still couldn't do the entire routine on the bench but on the positive side - I actually went to class AND I finished the class!
It really bites to look in the mirror and see this mass of tissue that I have morphed into. I always took for granted being athletic, lean and strong and then I took a decade long ride on the depression/denial train right to weak, fat and sedentary. It's like I am this dual personality with the former self that I didn't appreciate or take care of and the self I am now that I reject.
Well, now that I have written the uglier side of things, the nice side of today is that my son came for a visit last night and we had a really nice time talking and laughing with my son that is still home and my husband.
I hope you are all having a day in which you are able to stand up to temptation and treat your body nice..
Well, tonight is aerobics class night. I am so looking forward to the whole full length mirror, sweaty, heavy breathing, tachycardia experience!
If I happen to live through aerobics, I then plan to remove the earth crust covering my mode of transportion, whip up some fabulous spaghetti for my adorable family, call my little brother (working through his own tough issues) and watch American Idol (it's all about holding my own at the water cooler)
So, will keep you posted (hah - posted, I am SO funny - like THAT joke is new and fresh to the Blog world) as to what actually happens tonight.
Hey, my son and I worked out his presentation - he decided to go with Imagine, Fur Elise and Stand by Me, should be pretty cool.
My family decided to eat out tonight (even though the post date says 5-9 it's about 10:56 p.m. on 5-8) and I chose to eat my veggies before we left so I didn't dive into the grease pit. I did a light yoga DVD which left me feeling very relaxed. I needed that. It has been one of THOSE days. I won't bore you with the gory details, just suffice it to say it was very trying...
Today, we went for a bike ride again. I felt like my legs were about 200 pounds apiece. My son is supposed to present his senior project next week and I am starting to freak out. If he doesn't pass, he doesn't graduate. He is not practicing and this is starting to stress me out and then I start thinking that something in the refrigerator will make it all better. I feel weird just writing to some anonymous reader, but I have to do it anyway to get it off my chest.
This is the very first blog I have ever written. It is quite scary to write something from my heart and place it out there for anyone to view. I feel that this might be a very helpful tool though and I am willing to try it out for the good of the whole.
I went to an aerobics class Thursday night for the first time in years. Was massively depressing. I thought I would be able to just jump in like I always used to and that turned out to be a joke. Not only was there a huge hideous person standing in the same space I was when I looked in the mirror but I couldn't even stay with the rest of the class on the bench and had to continue on the floor. Everyone said how great it was that I actually finished the class and that was very kind of them but inside I felt like running away and crying. It was yet another wake-up call. For so many years I have been telling myself it's okay, I will take this weight off when I am ready , it's not that bad. Well, IT"S BAD! So, here I am.
Anyway, don't want to sound like such a whiner, just trying to set the scene...On a positive note, my husband and I rode our bikes downtown to pick up some parts from the auto store - it was part exercise part boycott the ridiculous gas prices (3.15 a gallon here). I had a bit of heavy breathing and my legs felt like they were on fire but it felt good afterward to think that I did it. : )
