The Scale actually Moved - Down!

Yess!!!! I lost 2 pounds.  Things are starting to happen...

Gotta go, my brother will be arriving soon, gotta run through the house and make sure I have cleaned every possible area!!!

Talk to you later,

Moonflower

Ready Set Go

Ain't going down, no more to the well.  Sometimes it feels like I'm going to Hell - excerpt from Reminds Me of You - Van Morrison

A fellow warrior in the Weighting Game.  I just wanted to let everyone know that in between hyperventilating and racing heartbeats, I am trying to focus on the positive.

My sweet son is getting ready to move on in life and he has really made some accomplishments - my husband is a supportive, wonderful man who appreciates and loves me no matter what size I am.  My awesome siblings are coming to support my son and me in this life transition moment.  I have incredible people that support me on this site.  I love you guys, now can I have your Bud Light? (sorry, that's just the silly side of me).

I plan to jump in with both feet as soon as I make it through this weekend.  Ready to go!

Anyway, will keep you posted.

Moonflower : - )

Feeling Blue

J - just another

O- overly

L- large

L -lady

Y - yearning

I don't want you, but I hate to lose you - Excerpt from Devil and the Deep Blue Sea - George Harrison

So anyway, I could apply that to my fat right now.  It's like I start to let go and then I reel it right back in.  I don't know what my problem is right now - the only thing I can think of  is maybe I am stressing a little.

My Dad is coming for graduation and I am so thrilled for that but his wife is coming too (which of course would make sense) it's just that she is the extremely religious, micro-managing, self-righteous type and she enjoys telling me about her church's new over-eating 12 step program, etc. 

Just for an example of her style, two years ago I hosted the big Thanksgiving celebration and planned to deep fry the turkey (my husband is a turkey hunter and deep fried turkeys are actually quite moist and it is mostly the skin that is greasy).  Anyway, she just couldn't believe that we wouldn't ruin the dinner so she brought her own turkey to bake in our oven. 

-Sidenote - everyone raved about our turkey and I had to send hers home with people so HAH! 

Anyway, they plan to park their camp-trailer in our driveway which is fine EXCEPT for two main reasons:

1.  I don't want my Stepmother monitoring my every move

2.  I am putting my own mother up in a motel because I can't handle being around her except in small doses (long story, but she made some very poor parenting choices when I was a child and I am just now beginning to try and forge some sort of relationship with her - but it is still difficult).  Anyway, it doesn't seem very fair to have her in a motel and he gets to basically stay at my house. (last year he stayed at my aun't house)

Then my mother-in-law decided to move that day and is not planning to come to the graduation.  I am really upset with her and told her I would really appreciate it if she would at least show up for a few minutes at the party afterward - she replied she didn't think she could make it.  I know she can make her own choices but, it hurts my feelings that she came to all three of our older boys' graduations and now she is skipping out on this one.

My brother will be here who just came out of a program to help with his excess drinking and my mother is one of his triggers so this should be exciting.

So anyway, whine, snivel, complain.  I really am happy for everyone coming, I am just kind of freaking out. I apologize for being such a baby, I am just trying to figure out where this is all heading.

Help,

Moonflower

Long Strange Trip

Sometimes you get shown the light in the strangest places if you look at it right. - Jerry Garcia

Hello  Everyone,

I just wanted to let you guys know how wonderful I think this site is.  It has been a powerful tool for me.  When things are very dark in my world and I think there is nowhere to turn, I can always turn to the assorted uplifting, understanding, comforting blogs and people found here.

Thank you from my heart.  I know I am kind of stalled in the actual  weight loss category, but when I visit here, it helps put my attitude in the right place.

Here is to continually turning over new leaves,

Love,

Moonflower

Frankie says relax!!

Help you I can - Yoda

Big Lavender scented HUG to you!

THANK YOU SO MUCH to all the most excellent people who actually check out and/or comment to my site.  I love you guys.  It is such a help to me.  I have never felt this much support for my healthy life choices before.  So, just want you to know you are Massively Appreciated!

Now, that I have that off my chest:  on to the big spa adventure:

Okay, so when I arrived at the spa, it was nine a.m. and they hand me some slippers, a robe and a little towel thing with velcro at the top to wear around.  You guys know me, I am not a size large.  I am "slightly" larger than that.  I had to rig the little towel thing (that hit ABOVE the knees) to one side and get the robe which barely closed to the other side and walk slowly in my slippers that continually folded under my feet...

This was not the start of a wonderful relaxing day, but THEN they called me in for the facial which was AWESOME !!!  She even managed to smooth out that little squint line I get between my eyes and even gave me some samples to take home.  We chatted about life in general.  She told me she really liked my make-up and then she told me how she had just started working there about 8 months ago and said I had good skin.   YES!!!  I have good skin, Never Mind that I am a heifer, my skin (and believe me I have LOTS of it) is apparently good. : - ) I know I tend to lean toward sarcasm, so I will clarify here, she really did a good job and I enjoyed it immensely!

Then I was taken to the "Relaxation Room"  given some coffee and magazine and instructed to make myself at home until they came to get me.

A few minutes later, they took me for my 1 1/2 hour massage (here is where I was really nervous because I am a long way from in shape and I felt very self-conscious about exposing my robeless body to a perfect stranger. 

Shouldn't have worried, the massage therapist (who had nice long hair parted in the middle, wooden clogs and blue silver eyeshadow - I LOVED HER ) came in and told me I could hang up my robe and towel and crawl under the blanket and she would be back later.  So she did come back later and knocked before she came in (which I thought was very cool since she showed respect for my privacy/dignity).  Anyway, she then started the massage and we started chatting and turns out she is the mother of boys too and has dogs (just like me) and has a Dad who remarried a lady after we were grown up so there is this whole weird thing about should I call her my stepmom or just mom or just her first name or what???  Sorry, I am rambling - suffice it to say that we really hit it off and she told me how much she enjoyed her time with me and hoped to see me again.  Wow, someone who didn't know me until today and saw all of my fat and she STILL thought I was a cool person.   That was a big one for me.  

So, back to the "Relaxation Room" with a nice cold bottled water.  Chat with a fellow spa goer (whose robe fit HER quite nicely I must say).  After about ten minutes, they come to get me and it's off to the pedicure room where I am given a glass red wine, seated in a  chair that heats and massages and have my feet in a mini-hot tub.  THAT was cool.  The little tub had jets that massaged my feet and the chair had heat massage and I was in Heaven at that point.  But wait there's more; she then came in and did a sugar scrub on both feet and legs then a parrafin wax, then a foot and leg massage and then finally we made it to the painting of the toes.  I chose a lovely dark pink with hints of maroon.  I feel like such a princess.   : - ).

We are not done yet; now it is off  to the sauna for 30 minutes where I did not simply "glow," I downright sweated. Whew!  So relaxing.

Anyway, in my opinion, it was well worth it.  I loved it LOVED IT!

If any of you get the chance, I seriously recommend it, even if you haven't reached your perfect weight  - I mean, after awhile I wasn't even really thinking about how big I was (well, except when I was adjusting my robe) ; - ).

Chapter Two:  Upon my re-entry to the world, the Farmer's Market had already closed by the time I drove by, but I didn't care as I was still floating from my beautiful day.  Then when I arrived home, the oldest child came over to get his wrecked toyota pick-up that has been sitting in the back for 6 years now and I thought was surely a permanent lawn ornament. 

He wrecked the thing not too long after he graduated, shows up at my work to see if he can drop it off at our house  - I am so happy he is okay after the wreck (minus a few scratches and bruises) that I say yes in a moment of weakness and the thing lives here for six long years.

Anyway, he brought over three of his equally responsible/clever friends and they proceeded to drive the thing, flat tire, twisted body, dents and all up two very steep railroad ties onto a flat bed trailer - I stood there with my cell phone programmed to 911, ready to hit the call button when the accident happened.   But, surprise surprise surprise. Nothing terribly bad happended, so I am still in a peaceful mood.  Everything is okay.

Thanks for listening - you guys rock!!!

Moonflower : - )

LET IT BE

Everyone makes mistakes, oh yes they do.  Big people, small people; matter of fact, all people.  Everyone makes mistakes, so why can't you? - Big Bird

(as quoted by Jolene Siana in Go Ask Ogre) 

Hello all you pretty people (and yes, that means YOU too)!!

Yay, it's Friday.  I can't wait for tomorrow.  My husband is a very kind man and he bought me a day at the spa - so I get to go tomorrow and get the hour and a half massage, pedicure, facial and sauna!! Whee!!  After the spa I plan to check out the local Farmer's Market - find some fabulous fresh foods.

I know this must sound ungrateful, but I am worried about the massage because I don't want to be judged for how fat I am.   Oh well, it will be good for me to try and let perceptions go and just enjoy the massage.

I hope you are all well - Here is to a peachy peachy weekend!!

Moonflower

Back In Black

Hello and Hugs to Everyone,

I have been running around like the fabled headless chicken and have neglected my  adorable friends.  I have still been thinking of you even if I have not written recently.  But, as my title says in the famous words of  AC/DC; I am back (and in the BLACK - back down to 254 - WOO HOO).

I am now prepping for the big graduation party.  Well, it's not that big - but it will still be about 40 people (remember, I have a huge family) and this is the baby graduating.  Good thing he doesn't read these blogs - he would so not appreciate that last remark. : - )

I bought some new tee-shirts to wear in my aerobics class tomorrow - pretty sad that I don't even have any real workout clothes since I have been playing the sloth for so long.  All the shirts I have been wearing are my old work shirts - kind of fancy for the gym!

I am so excited for my siblings to arrive next week.  There are five of us all together and we are pretty close.  There will be four of us at graduation - along with BOTH of my parents.  This ought to be fun.  : - )

I hope all of you are enjoying a stellar week,

Good Karma,

Moonflower

CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION!!

-Always try to be modest, and be proud of it-

YES!!  The son has passed his senior presentation with flying colors! 

Just spoke to his teacher and she said he received all yes votes.  YAY!!!

Okay, so I will try to keep cool with food tonight when we go out for the big celebratory dinner.  Think I will order grilled chicken and salad w/vinegar and lemon. 

I just had to share.  I am so excited. 

Talk to you later,

Moonflower

Club DMV

- A day without sunshine is like, night -

Hello Everyone,

I have not been able to get anything posted to my site for a few days - no excuses- it's been pretty ridiculous lately.

I am eating my white cheddar rice cakes and looking forward to a lean cuisine lunch. 

Thank you to all the awesome people who actually read my site postings and sometimes even comment!  Those little boosts are so huge for me, I know it sounds totally corny, but when I look at the comments sections below my post and see an actual number it is better than any phentermine prescription.  Just knowing that another human being, struggling with my same issues, noticed me, "little" ol' me,  is extremely powerful.

Anyway, will write more later, heading to my son's senior presentation (again). 

Hugs to all of you (don't worry, I showered this morning),

Moonflower

Happy to be here

Don't compromise yourself, you are all you got - The Immortal Janis Joplin

So in light of her words, I am letting you know that I am pulling out the new attitude and putting the past few days behind me.  The past is just that: passed.

I just want to let everyone know how inspired I am by reading the blogs and feeling like there are so many others who understand my struggles, sadness, happiness, etc.

It is so freeing to be able to let  ALL of  you know exactly how much I weigh.  My driver's license says 150 - HAH, no self-respecting DMV employee is going to question the 256 pound heifer on the weight amount...or would they?

So anyway, I am listening to my son practice his presentation -it's tomorrow - we are getting nervous.

I hope you all are doing well and I will send happy thoughts your way,

Moonflower