Not just another resolution

Current Goal: 40 lbs in 16 weeks

My Profile

  • Name: Lehulei
  • City: Galesburg
  • Region: Illinois
  • Country: United States

My Weight Loss

Height: 167.6cm
Start weight: 209.50lb
Current weight: 212.50lb
Goal weight: 145.00lb
Lost to date: -3.00lb
Remaining: 67.50lb

My Calendar

May '15
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My Photos

Before After

Still Stressed

I lost 2 lbs last week.  Could have been better, could have been worse.  We'll just have to make the goal for this week 3 to say on track ;)
I called and talked to my two BFFs last night about my situation with J.  They were both very supportive, and essentially told me not to give up on my dream.  I was trying to convince myself that maybe I'd be better off without a kid.
Some of the "reasons" I came up with:
- Kids are expensive, having a kid could prohibit me from: retiring early, showing & breeding dogs, owning horses, having my dream home, getting alone time with J.
- If I think that having a puppy is bad, a baby will to be 10x worse in terms of feeding, attention, crying, clean-up, sleep loss, etc.
- I'll likely be a grandma by the time I'm 40 (he's older than me), which means that I can always steal grandkids for days, weekends, weeks at a time to get my baby fix, and then send them back home to be with their parents after I've spoiled them enough.
But, honestly, it's not worth it to me:
- I want to teach college eventually, so its not like I'm going to be working every night and weekend for the rest of my life
- If I want horses or dogs then I can have them as soon as I move to the country.  He has a good job, and I'll hopefully get a tenured position at a University.
- Babies grow up to be adults who take care of you when you're older.  They poop in diapers (as opposed to on the floor).  Crib = crate in terms of putting baby in for bed or alone time.
- Babysitters and grandparents are a wonderful thing in regards to having "alone time."  We'll also have more family time together.
- I don't want to miss out on all of the "fun things."  Birthday parties, valentine's day cards, Easter eggs, the magic of Christmas, parent-teacher conferences, trick-or-treating in costumes that we've made together (because I'm that cool).  He'd argue that I get to do that now, but it's not the same!  I didn't even get to go to R's last birthday party because his BM scheduled it for a time I was going to be out town (which had been planned since 3 months prior).
I love him, and he's my best friend.  But I don't know if that's a door of my life I'm willing to close before experiencing it first hand.

Summary Week 2

Well, weigh-in is tomorrow morning and here's what we're looking at:
Day 1: Hadn't started tracking yet
Day 2: 1285 Calories
Day 3: 1904 Calories
Day 4: 3652 Calories
Day 5: 1039 Calories
Day 6: 1970 Calories
Day 7: 1046 Calories
I'd like to mention that I'm not specifically trying to restrict my calories, I just figured that I would start tracking what I eat.  This way I'm aware of what I'm putting into my body and if I need to cut something out later then I can.  From a glance someone would think I'm following a zig-zag diet! lol
Saturday we had a date night out with drinks & desert included!  I'm still debating if that Cheesecake was worth the $5 and 500 calories but I don't order desert -ever- so it won't hurt me to induge.   Definately worth it for the time we got to spend, something we don't get enough of together (quality alone time).
Went through 3 1-mile+ walks this week.  I think I'm going to start doing one in the early morning with the dog (starting 6-7 a) and one in the evenings with her (starting 8-9p) when I can.  All of the routes we take are an average of a little more than a mile according to my pedometer.  Just got home from feet hurt! lol
I informed J that I wanted to go bra shopping for my birthday (last-weigh-in of my personal WLC).  He made some comment about how we had tried to before, and I couldn't find anything.  That's because stores like Victoria's Secret don't carry cute bras for large-chested women!  If I meet my WLC goal though, I should also drop my band (and possibly cup) size. 
Fingers crossed for tomorrow!  Wish me luck.

Need more structure

Anya and I need more structure in our lives :)  It's been harder to try to work from home while having a puppy here than I imagined.  I need to plan more - plan meals, plan exercise time (good for me AND the dog), plan working time, etc.  [Plan time for chores]  So if you see a schedule up from me in the few days, well, that's what up.

A bit rocky

Had another "serious conversation" yesterday.  I'm getting tired of having the same serious conversation over and over again.  The answers either stay the same or get worse (i.e. - not in my favor).
J says he's not opposed to getting married again (eventually) which we already established last conversation.  He says he doesn't know when he's going to be ready again.  The fun one - he told me that at this point in his life and career that he does not foresee himself wanting to have anymore kids, but his opinion may change on that.  I asked him if he realized the choice that he was making me make and he claimed that he wasn't.  (Like hell you aren't!)You've known for 3 years now that having at least one of my own is on my top priority list and you choose now to say "hmm.probably never, but you never know."  I guess this is what I get for asking for straight answers.  But really - how long am I supposed to wait before he "changes his mind" or "decides he's ready?"    If we break up over this at any point in the future we're going to be proving all of those people (that he said before were crazy) absolutely right.  It's not like I'm asking for it right now - I've already decided that the best foreseeable time for a baby in OUR future is still 5-6 years out.  I'll be established in my career by then (just graduated college), and by the time his youngest graduates high school our little one would be ready to start kindergarden, so if we decided we wanted to move out of the area like we've been talking about then that would be the best time to do it.
We talked through some other issues (such as our LACK of quality time together) and ended up having a really nice long dinner - I think we were at the restaurant for close to 4 hours.  It still just isn't sitting right with me.  I know he doesn't like serious but I think I'm going to have to bring stuff up again today.  I think that if we don't start seeing improvements in our relationship (quality wise) that maybe I should move out.  I think we take advantage of the time that we have together atm and don't really make any time for "us" anymore.  Me not living here would mean that all of our time spent together would be intentional and more focused than it is right now.  There's a fixer upper in one of the nearby towns (where he grew up and wants to move to in the next few years) - I was thinking about seeing if I could get a small loan, maybe put my car up as collateral on top of the house, and pour some blood, sweat and tears into it.  I know he wants to buy a family home in that town but this one would give us SO much more space.  Even if we never moved there as a family I could at least say that I had my fixer upper I've always wanted.  I could probably con my dad into coming up and helping out a few times a month on his days off.
I feel really stuck at the moment, like being between a rock and a hard place.

Week 2 day 2

Today worked well.  I took a walk with Anya a little over a mile and ended up with 1.61 miles on my pedometer by the end of the day, starting at 1 pm.
I was also good and tracked my food.  I had to actually add calories at the end of the day because as my day was progressing I hadn't eaten a lot.  It wasn't that I was trying to stay super low - I just wasn't hungry! I had a light breakfast, skipped lunch and made myself eat a small snack before dinner.  I also added a huge bowl of Raisin Bran at the end of the day for 1) milk and 2) calories.  I was under 800 before that, even after dinner! 
Ended the day with 1285 calories, 1.61 miles, 50.7 oz water (out of 80 oz goal) & 16 oz milk.  I started a juice but just had a sip before putting it back in the fridge.  There's always tomorrow!

Live Strong

I was good today and signed up for an account with 'Live strong' aka 'Daily Plate.'  I didn't measure this morning so I had to guesstimate, but I'm still doing pretty good.  I'm still exploring the site to see what all it has to offer, but it looks like it has really improved since the last time I looked at it a few years back.
Livestrong has a "goals" section which lest you track a variety of goals for all aspects of your life.  I've added 6 thusfar which I'm going to incorporate into everything.
1- Dare to Lose Weight (current goal is 40 lbs in 16 weeks.  So far I'm right on track, although its only been a week so - you know)
2- Dare to track daily
3- Dare to drink more water (my curent goal is 80 oz)
4- Dare to walk 20 minutes every day (Actually, you start at 2k steps per day and then add 500 steps every subsequent day until you get to 10k - all steps you take during the day count.)
5 - Dare to run (I'm using the cool running "couch to 5k" program as a starter - hello sexy butt!)
6 - Dare to do 100 pushups by 2011 ( has a good program - goodbye arm flab!)

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Weight Loss Goal for last week: Met!  Down 2.5 lbs from last week.  I haven't done my measurements yet, but I don't really expect a whole lot in just a week.  Maybe I'll wait and do it every 2-4 weeks, since there's no inch per week goal.  That seems simpler.
The bad news is that it could have been SOOO MUCH BETTER than 2.5 lbs.  I didn't meet my mileage goal, not by a long shot.  I was good until I had to go out of town.  I went and it was rainy (and torando-y) - I had intended to, I took running shorts and shoes and everything but the weather just blew and I let that get in the way.  I wasn't any better with the cold when I got home.  I need to fix that!
On the bright side - I've got a possible wholesale account!  Someone approached me at the show about making items in bulk for their store.  This is just the opportunity I have been hoping for!  Hopefully it all works out - only time will tell.  In the meantime, I've applied for a PT job at a bank.  Business is too uncertain atm and people don't pay me on time.  I need a stable source of income to pay bills with and save towards a downpayment on a home [I desparately need a place to sew or else my business will never prosper].  I haven't told J about the bank job yet - I'm going to wait to see if I get it or not.  Here's crossing my fingers!

A goal is not a goal unless...

A goal is not a goal unless it's written down.
This past Wednesday, April 21st I made a goal.  I want to lose 40 lbs by my birthday, which is exactly 16 weeks from that date.  That is a goal of 2.5 lbs lost per week on average.
I am at my highest recorded weight to-date.  I'll admit it - Wednesday's weigh-in was 209.5. (Just thought I'd bold that in case you missed it, but here's some all caps for emphasis - TWO HUNDERED AND NINE AND ONE HALF POUNDS) I am sooooo ashamed.  My lowest weight since I started this account was almost 4 years ago, in 2006 at which I got down to 167.  My boyfriend and I have been together more than 4 years now.  This means that I've PUT ON more than 40 lbs since we've been together.  I think the majority of my body is gross.  Reaching my goal will do WONDERS for my health, energy, and self esteem.  If I reach my goal I will be at 169.5.
I have a new fitness buddy.  Her name is Anya and she is a 11.5 week old Siberian Husky.  She enjoys long walks and running.  Unfortunately, I won't be able to do any serious running with her until she's a year or so old.  I would like to be in a better fitness state by then so I can keep up moreso with the stamina that she will have (and already has).  I plan on running 3 nights per week starting Monday in addition to at least one long daily walk with her.
My second goal is to incorporate at least 10 miles of walking/jogging/running per week.  I have a pedometer now and a good pair of shoes and since we've started yesterday we've done more than 2 miles (yay us!) 
My weeks start on Wednesday but I am going out of town this weekend, which means I'll either need to find somewhere (safe) to do it while I'm there or we'll need to play some catch-up when I get back.
I'm also making it a goal to lose 28 inches by that date.  This is based off of the difference between my 8 current measurements and my 8 lowest measurements since I started this blog.  I'm also keeping track of my bra size, out of curiosity.  (I should have J take me bra shopping for my birthday, because I'm going to need all new ones!)
Rewards (Every 10 lbs)
1. Allow self to indulge a bit on things I don't need (like jewelry) with the Maurice's gift card that's burning a hole in my wallet from Christmas.
2. Girl's night out.  (My half-way mark is 2 weeks before Eclipse!)  Now I just need to find some girls to share it with.
3. Full body massage.  I got a certificate for Christmas for one and I'm going to make myself wait for it.
4. Bra shopping :)  Because I'll NEED them.  
Soo...yeah! :D  Goals and rewards SET!  Let's GO!

You're sure that camera only adds 10 lbs?

Got together for a photoshoot & a cook-out this weekend.  Had a ton of fun, until I started going through the pictures.  Holy crap - I look...fat.
I've never really thought of myself as fat before.  I know I'm overweight, I have been a little overweight since middle school.  But wow - talk about killing your self esteem in an instant.  We took like 500 pictures and I hate the way I look in about half of the photos I appear in. 
It's a real eye opener for me.  The person in those photos is not who I want to look like.  I know I've been talking about getting in shape but - just wow.  I need to come up with a more definitive plan.  I need to plan out my weeks with pleanty of time for chores, work, family, homework, and exercise.  I need a strict plan and I need to stick to it.  It doesn't seem possible - but it will have to be.  I have to make it work. 

Where's the time?

Hello September!
I'm only a week into classes - wth did all of my time go?  I had the perfect amount of time last week to get everything I needed to get done done and still have a little extra.  So far?  No such luck!
Ugh!  I barely have enough time to do homework, let alone cook, do housework, or work out!  What happened?  and soooo fast?  Seriously?  what the hell!  I need my work-out time, it makes me feel energized!  Likewise, cooking dinner and doing some small chores afterwards (the days dishes, for example) help me feel content, productive, and relaxed in the evening.  I know its only Tuesday but this week is all out of whack!