I lost 2 lbs last week. Could have been better, could have been worse. We'll just have to make the goal for this week 3 to say on track ;)
I called and talked to my two BFFs last night about my situation with J. They were both very supportive, and essentially told me not to give up on my dream. I was trying to convince myself that maybe I'd be better off without a kid.
Some of the "reasons" I came up with:
- Kids are expensive, having a kid could prohibit me from: retiring early, showing & breeding dogs, owning horses, having my dream home, getting alone time with J.
- If I think that having a puppy is bad, a baby will to be 10x worse in terms of feeding, attention, crying, clean-up, sleep loss, etc.
- I'll likely be a grandma by the time I'm 40 (he's older than me), which means that I can always steal grandkids for days, weekends, weeks at a time to get my baby fix, and then send them back home to be with their parents after I've spoiled them enough.
But, honestly, it's not worth it to me:
- I want to teach college eventually, so its not like I'm going to be working every night and weekend for the rest of my life
- If I want horses or dogs then I can have them as soon as I move to the country. He has a good job, and I'll hopefully get a tenured position at a University.
- Babies grow up to be adults who take care of you when you're older. They poop in diapers (as opposed to on the floor). Crib = crate in terms of putting baby in for bed or alone time.
- Babysitters and grandparents are a wonderful thing in regards to having "alone time." We'll also have more family time together.
- I don't want to miss out on all of the "fun things." Birthday parties, valentine's day cards, Easter eggs, the magic of Christmas, parent-teacher conferences, trick-or-treating in costumes that we've made together (because I'm that cool). He'd argue that I get to do that now, but it's not the same! I didn't even get to go to R's last birthday party because his BM scheduled it for a time I was going to be out town (which had been planned since 3 months prior).
I love him, and he's my best friend. But I don't know if that's a door of my life I'm willing to close before experiencing it first hand.