Stuck!

Oh my ... up and down between two pounds, exhausted from working out and tweaking the diet more every day. Can't eat too much, can't eat too little, need to do strength. Why am I not logging my workouts so that I can remember what flippin' muscles I did yesterday.

And if I can't FEEL what muscle group I worked yesterday, am I just wasting time?

3 more pounds until I get to take more pictures and see if I'm changing at all...

Company in the Basement Gym

Apparently yesterday's post didn't save. H2B has been encouraging me to post, God love him! He's been very supportive. He's running on the treadmill while I do strength and then he does strength while I run.

He's very distracting during my run. VERY distracting.

 But it's also nice to have him around.

Happy New Year!

Well I've made it through the junkfood time of year and I'm feeling right at home with all of the New Year's Resolution/Born Again healthy eaters. For once I fit in at the office. hahaha!

I'm pretty sure I'm retaining a little water from some recent dietary changes and some retaliation workouts. I hope I didn't really gain 2 pounds back. That would still be a loss for December, but I was hoping for a 3lb loss, not a 1lb loss. I was so happy on the lower side of 125 and I'm back up to 126. Luckily, it should come off again quickly if I can take it off right this week. Lord knows, I'm doing my best and that's all that it should take. The math works, the math works the math works.

Junkfood Minefield

Oh, Man ... this place is killing me. This morning, I actually dedicated my run to the pieces of fudge and chocolate that were rammed down my throat yesterday.

Today was better. Only one piece of chocolate successfully forced upon me at 11:20am.  Another person walks by with a fresh tray of chocolates, cookies or squares every 10 minutes. I'm telling everyone that I have an upset tummy. If I didn't say that, I certainly would be sick to my stomach soon!

This is sick. What is wrong with people? Leave that CRAP over THERE. Stop bringing FOOD to my DESK!

I guess I should look at this challenge as a way to sharpen my food avoidance skills for the upcoming weekend with Mom.

Does anyone have a mantra or a trick they use to get through the holiday feeding gauntlet? Please feel free to post if this happens to you as well and tell me how you try to maintain the holiday spirit without killing coworkers!

Weight Loss in December

I could just just bust with pride over the weight loss I've experienced so far this month. I really need to dig my heels in though. Going to my parents house for Christmas.

OH, Here comes the tough part. My mother, who has been 'on a diet' all of her life does not want me to lose any more weight.  A week ago she saw me in my wedding dress and was shocked by how much weight I'd lost. 

I believe the woman is terrified of weight loss. I'm still overweight according to doctors charts. Yet, "Don't lose anymore weight!" is what Mom says to me. I don't want to ruin Christmas, I don't want this to turn into a therapist's couch trip ... I need to get myself together before I go home. I need a polite way to say, "I promise not to lose another pound if you can name one person in our family who has had health complications as a result of being too thin."

Everyone in my mother's family dies from lifestyle. Either heart, stroke or Diabetes (Type II, of course!).

I want to say, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I looked so sickly and unattractive." (Baby, I'm 125lbs of pure muscle, curves and colour. My eyes are shining, my hair is healthy, my energy knows no bounds and I'm RIPPED!)

Why is my mother afraid that I'll look good and not have her diabetes issues? Why do I need to pad my internal organs with fat to make her happy? WHY can't I say this to her and get away with it?

I can't change my mother. I can change only the way I react to my mother. OH I JUST WANT TO KICK MY MOTHER in the PANTS! And my brother,too, while I'm at it! 

But those are fantasies. I must control m urges. I'm going to be in my mother's house for only 4 days. I can do this. I can steer the conversation away from food. I can lure my Mother from the kitchen with other activities. I will give Mom the same Christmas gift I've given myself. A new Rhonda. (Of course, her "new Rhonda" will be a fake and for display purposes only ...)

I'll be back many times over the next week or two...

Emotional Issues

What's going on right now? I smelled turkey at the cafeteria where I worked and I can't get them to give me any of it (it's TOMORROW'S TURKEY). I'd pay $50.00 for a bite of turkey today. I'm about to have a complete attack trying to think of where I can get fresh roasted turkey RIGHT NOW!

And i feel one of my turns coming on ... the kind where you unhook and just LAY WASTE to a buffet. I'm gearing up for PMS time, or ovulating... something happens to me around this time of the month and it's just not natural ...

I'm like some terrifying turkey-eater monster ... my oven's on the blink (AGAIN!) and someone suggested that I bbq a bird tonight... I'm so excited right now I can't WAIT to get home and queue up my TURKEEE !!!

Sorry for any confusion!

I told the bridal shop that my wedding is in January. This was a fib. The reason that I told them this is because they keep giving me later dates for the arrival of my dress. I ordered it, coincidentally enough, on April 17th of 2006. Every time I ask when to expect my dress to arrive, I'm given one month later.

First they said it would be in by September.  Then I received a receipt in the mail (shop in a city two hours away) stating the amount paid, by nothing about what kind of dress I ordered, so I called to be sure the correct dress was on its way. When I did, I was told the dress will be here in October. The next time I called was October 20th and I was informed that the dress would arrive in plenty of time, around mid-November. Oh no, it's still not here, but when is your wedding date again? I asked why they keep asking that and was informed that the shipping date depends on the wedding date. So , at the end of November, I called back and asked for the owner by name. When is my dress going to arrive? Wedding date? Well, see, that's the reason I'm calling ... it's been bumped up ... to January."
It was a TOTAL LIE. But I think it's about time they produced that puppy. Call me crazy.  I want that in the can so I can move on to the next thing no one wants to deliver (this started with our wedding rings... sure, we lost the groom's ring and it's all been paid for, but hey! Your wedding isn't til next spring, right??)

WHY don't they want to give me the stuff I've paid for? I KNOW there's no real reason for it! meh. Ve have ways around ze system.

Thank you for the encouraging remarks, everyone! I'm gonna post more pics 2.5 pounds from now!

'Tis the Season to be Busy!

I'm down to 126.5. The goal for the wedding dress fitting is 125. I really hope that I can make it.
It's next Saturday morning. I'm hoping that I'll maintain a ballpark weight for the next few months. I'm greedy, so I've got to have the dress in my closet, safe and sound. So, I lied to the bridal shop. After 6 monts of asking when my dress would arrive and hearing, "Well, when is your wedding date?" I finally clued in enough to say "It's been changed to January!"

Today all of my focus is on the bachelorette party for my friend Jenn tomorrow night. I will be performing a bellydance and then teaching the girls a few moves of their own.

Between running nearly every morning and dancing every night, I'm bound to wiggle off the next 1.5lbs, right?

Fiancé's sister bailed on the wedding, nixing our group discount and driving my expenses up by $500.00 but the worst part is that was the last of his family that would have been able to go. He now has NO family attending his wedding. The postive spin is that he'll feel right at home with his new family and the friends that will be with us. But it breaks my heart how cold his biological family are. Cold and selfish. Cold, selfish and cheap. Cold, selfish, cheap and badly dressed! THERE! Now I feel better. My poor sweetie. I hope he knows how much the rest of the world loves him. He is the most wonderful man I've met in my life. I just wish I could take away the pain.

Taken Down by the Silver Bullet ... Again

Last night was week 4 of hill training: The night of the Seven Hills ... 3 km warmup, 7x400m  hills, 3km (I think it was really 4) cooldown.

She's wiped the walls with me two nights in a row now. I nearly had her Tuesday night, but was too distracted by two women who got separated from the pack after dark. I waited for them and everyone else blew by me. Then the two that I was waiting for took a shortcut and also ran in the door ahead of me. I won't make that mistake again.

This year is teaching me to take care of myself. There are times when it is most appropriate to put yourself first. This is something that has never come to me naturally. I place myself last and then feel like a chump when people put themselves first and win.

I just marched into my boss's office and told her that I hate my job and would like another assignment, please. (I'm working in an acting capacity at the moment.) I feel this ton of weight has been lifted from my shoulders because I've finally come to terms with the fact that - HOLY COW! The only reason I'm doing this job is to prove that I can. Well, now I know the job, I'm satisfied that I'm able to do it and I HATE it! It's completely counter to my personality and I've admitted it to myself and the world. I'm on cloud nine right now.

I'm going to take the Silver Bullet DOWN on Sunday. I can't help but pass her with my priorities all straight and weighing one ton less!!!

First Class Ruse

So, just as I told my MoH and her silly hubby, there IS NO FIRST CLASS section and what they had purchased was a service upgrade. Cheesy and no extra legroom. I was crushed to hear this (Groom is 6'5"). Dangit. oh, well.

Tonight I'm gonna try to beat the older woman in my running group who shall be henceforth known as the Silver Bullet. This woman just BLOWS my doors off everytime we run. Except on the Sunday run. She worked to keep pace with me and then said, "Today was a really slow run, eh?" when we all gathered for coffee. I'm takin' her DOWN tonight. I WILL WHIP HER COMPETITIVE BUTT! OH GOD I hope I can keep up to her...