Goals for Week 1 of 10

Weight: 127

Goal for Saturday Run: 1:07

New Look, New Goal

Right. So here I am beginning training for my 10K race on September 29. I completed my first training 10K on Saturday (snail's pace). I did my bike crosstraining on Sunday night for a couple of hours. Tonight I ran my first hill workout (it was only 7K).

I have got to lose weight. I'm running like people do in their nightmares, never getting anywhere!

I have had a couple of really good strenth workouts and I'll be rockin' once I get my GPS device. I have no idea how far or fast I'm running. This should really help me get my pace up there.

Carpe DIEM!

OK ... Fine! I'm positing this puppy and editing as I go. How clever am I??? I've just accidentally deleted my posting for the last  time!

Right - As I was typing before I so rudely deleted myself - I'm quitting therapy and I swear it's not because of Tony Soprano. It really is a fast train to no place and you know what it does? I'll tell ya ... I love my doc... right to pieces. GREAT guy to talk to. But it makes me dwell on crap and forget to live life. No time for this dwelling stuff. Everytime I dwell on my inner self or any of that jazz, it just leads to depression and compulsion - suddenly I have no nails, I can't sleep and my clothes don't fit right any more. Or wait - was that the reason I was in therapy in the first place?

From now on, I can think on the trails. Or while I'm completing my job jar tasks. But I am going to complete and produce and revel in the beauty of my accomplishments! No more of this backpedalling. No more self doubt. "Am I on the right track?" HELL NO! Who is on the right track anyway? Am I moving? Yes? Then good.

I don't care that I haven't found my calling ANY MORE. If I was meant for something great, I'm sure I'll find it just as easily out there living instead of in here THINKING THINKING THINKING! HAHA!!!!!!

I seem to have gained 3lbs and it's ticking me off. Training for a sprint race (some 3K in Maine on July 4th). This will help me improve speed for my usual longer runs. A sprinter I am NOT! But this will be a good perspective deepening experience for my training overall. I hope my friend that signed me up for this crap doesn't blow my doors off. She's 11 yrs older than me and pretending not to train. Hmmm.... did I mention she's incredibly competitive?

Married!

Wow! I'm back from my wedding at the Breezes Jibacoa and exhausted. WADING through footage to try and figure out what to put into an album, what to frame. ...  We got just what you would expect from a week in Cuba - divine weather, wonderful new friends, excellent service from our wedding coordinator, Sarah, and absolutely hammered on rum.

I swam with dolphins, cruised on a catamaran, played with a Cuban band at my wedding, ate enough seafood to kill a small army.  I had no idea that the wedding cake would taste so much like heaven. It may have been the best cake I have ever eaten. I worked REALLY hard to enjoy that dessert and that made it memorable, but it was SOOOO good. The frosting had the texture of cream, not shortening and the flavour was out of this world. It wasn't just me, either - everyone agreed on that point.  The meal was filet mignon and it was incredible!

It's tough to consider going back to work tomorrow.  The week away from running was excellent - last night I took a full minute off of my 5k run. WOO HOO!

This week was also quite a learning experience. Hubby and I will never (EVER!) travel with my parents again (EVER!!!).  Bless Mom's heart, I never rested a minute. I can't even talk about it.

But with a little rest at home and some distance, I'm starting to remember the good parts of the trip and developing a complete mental block for my mother's shining moments. And by shining, I mean THE Shining.

No Rest for the Wicked

18 days until we leave for our weddingmoon and I can't find two seconds to turn around let alone vent my frustrations. Still waiting for a few items to arrive for the wedding and I've made of a list of lists to make. (to do, to buy, to pack ... how sad is that?) I've been having dreams about the things I've been trying to get done.

I am flirting with self acceptance again. Some sort of survival mechanism kicking in. I won't stop fighting the good fight but if I don't lose another ounce (which in all probability is going to be the case) I'm OK with that. I've done my best and I look all right. Now comes the task of dressing my results in a flattering manner (and always standing in such a way as to prevent anyone from viewing my rear).

Finally, a few minutes of peace.

I'm exhausted and feeling just a tad depressed. I can't seem to lose any more weight, I can't seem to find the energy to work out harder. I'm just wiped out.

I don't even want to think about Monday. I just want to get on vacation.

I can't believe it. I JUST sat down and he picks now to come home. (Bless his heart.)

My New Scales

My new scales measure more than I could imagine ... enough numbers to keep me playing math games in my head all day and night. They absolutely rule. Like I said, I don't expect that they were calibrated by NASA, but I believe they will be very consistent, and that's what I need anyway.  I don't care what the numbers say so much as how much fat I have no compared to yesterday.

There is only one unfortunate drawback ... They also weigh me about a pound or a pound and a half more than my old scales (can't quite tell cuz the old model goes in increments of half a pound, this one in increments of .2). Crap. My old scales have me at 121.5 today. A minor miracle that I would have believed wholeheartedly before the Star Trek model (as my Honey Bunny calls it) arrived.  The two scales seem very close in BF% tho... The new scales also measure hydration and bone mineral mass. I don't know about the bone mass, and it does warn that it's no substitute for a bone scan, but the hydration thing seems bang on (Yes, I'm that much of a geek that I got my jug of water and my calculator right out the night I got them - but you'll never hear anyone complain that I'm tough to entertain!)

It appears that scales all mellow with age. Am I wrong? Everyone knows a set of 'old scales' are always a coupla pounds more polite.

It Should Not Take Over 2 Hours to do a 1.5hr Workout.

Between the man and the dogs every night, the idiots at work who "MISS ME" on my ONE DAY OFF, and the phone ... the PHONE ... I can't get a workout in edgewise.

I'm going to fix them all. NO ONE wants me at 6am. Not even my damned dogs. Back to the morning schedule. I hate getting out of bed before I have to. Sleep is so hard to come by and it was just so convenient to work out in the evening - so much better than sitting on the couch after a long day of having the soul sucked out of me at the office.

WHY won't people leave me alone? If I was doing nothing, no one would move. I hit the treadmill or the bench and EVERYONE CHECKS IN. OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

The one person that I would expect to understand is my hubby2b. He's always talking about how great I look and my dedication, why - WHY does he only want to talk to me when I'm on the treadmill? (Or on the phone with someone other than him ... that's another story). H2B and my male dog ... they both want me more when I'm trying to work on myself.

The little male Boston Terrier - he's taken to playing mind games. Sits beside the treadmill with his little ears pinned down, trembling. I get off the treadmill and everything's fine. Fell for it twice today. Then I told him to stop messing with me and he just got up and walked away. Now that was more amusing than annoying, but you get my drift.

From now on, it's 6am. I will NOT go pounding down the aisle one pound above my goal weight because of dogs or men or evil coworkers. (... The coworkers with their constant grease pushing and let's-go-eat-wings and interrupting workouts... there's got to be a special ring of hell reserved for people who focus on destroying each others attempts at self-improvement.) (Unless it's your mother, I suppose...)

6am: My voodoo protection doll. I will succeed.

OH NO! I remember this kind of HuNgEr!!!

Not good. We're getting very close to the final stretch and I can think of NOTHING but food. It seems as if (my apologies males) right from ovulation to the end of the cycle I am just famished.

I'm like a refugee from a fat camp just looking for fatty sugary carbed up foods. GIMME!!  I thought I had come so far from those days.

There is relief on the horizon. I've purchased another electronic gadget (btw, I am still LOVING my heart rate monitor - I have really upped my miles simply by monitoring my pulse). The new gadget on the way is the HoMedics Calorie Predictor. I was due for a new set of scales, my other pair are a decade old (they work really well, but I'm all about the new functions and the auto-on and the profile saving).

Anyway, I'll wire my little jaw shut and suck it up for the next 10 business days waiting for the thing to arrive and then I'll obsess blissfully over my new little data cranker until the wedding. Should take off the last 3lbs I gained (I'm sure that's water weight, right?)

The old scales are telling me that my body weight is 3lbs heavier and that I'm a whole percent less in body fat! If the scales are at least consistent (I'm not going to ask that

Panic in the Final Stretch

It's cut back time. Not milk in the breakfast protein shake, water. Add cinnamon, hot sauce and green tea to everything. Working out like a freak, STUCK STUCK STUCK!!

I'm hungry all the time. I have GOT to suck it up and deal with the last 10lbs. Maybe this is natural. Maybe the body needs a while. Maybe I need to relax and keep on keepin' on.

Maybe I'm going to flip out if I can't lose more than 2 lbs in a month and I've got less than 3 months to lose 10lbs before my stupid wedding! WARG!