06/05/2010 21:03
Surely the only way is up right?
This week I pretty much hit rock bottom which consisted of me despairing and thinking about having a gastric band (those who've been following me for a little while will know I put that on a par with selling my soul to the devil). I spent most of yesterday sobbing my heart out and thinking thoughts I really shouldn't be thinking. I have so many "breakthroughs" and then just go back to the same old "woe is me, I can't lose weight", generally whilst eating junk. I then beat myself up, go on the straight and narrow for a bit and then end up back here.
My past has come back to haunt me recently and lets just say my old relationships with food are back. For the last few weeks I haven't really been "digesting" what I've been eating is how I'll phrase it. I've given my head a wobble and hopefully that will stop now.
The great thing about me expressing my thoughts this way and sharing them with people who are complete strangers is that you get some great perspectives on things and those people who were strangers become great sources of comfort. One of my Facebook followers recommended a book to me that I can't wait to read. Like her, I was initially put off by the title (Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth) but thankfully it's not in the least bit religious from what I've seen so far (I'm really not into all that). It's in the same vein as the usual self help books but something struck a chord with me. Basically, my crap relationship with food and my weight is just a mask for other issues I have. Will I be happy once I'm thin? Probably not. I need to look at other bits of my life and then maybe then I can stop beating myself up so much.
Wish me luck 
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