07/04/2010 21:26
Farewell
Well I've made a massive leap and I've now moved my blog to pastures new because there were certain things happening on here that have hindered my weight loss journey. I'm now in a great place and I'm ready to start my journey properly now. Extrapounds has opened my eyes to how the human mind is not always the greatest thing in the world and sometimes people have a knack of making you feel crap about yourself. However, it's also opened my eyes to how loving and supportive people can be, even if they are complete strangers. I hope those who follow my blog will follow my new one.
For anyone interested, you can follow my journey at the link below
You can also join my FB fan page...
Thanks to some and good riddance to others
Lauren xxx
07/02/2010 19:48
New do and beginning of the rest of my life (take 500)
So I finally did it, I took the plunge and I'm now a redhead! I was born a redhead and my hair turned blonde when I was younger and gradually started going red again. Even a hint of red when you're a teenager can lead to being picked on so I've given nature a bit of a helping hand in the blonde direction for the last 10 years!
So this is a new start? I feel very different it has to be said and even before I've dyed my hair I've been feeling much more positive about life in general. The little things that I used to stress over don't bother me anymore and I'm certainly far from having a nervous breakdown. I guess sometimes you have to reach breaking point to discover what's important.
I have the beautiful Sydrah's wedding (Sydie is one of my best mates) on the 8th of August and another friend, Sam, has set me the challenge of waving goodbye to the "14's" which have been the bain of my life for so long. Having not weighed myself in a little while and knowing my weight has crept up, I took a deep breath and stepped on the scales...
15st 1lbs
Normally this would be enough to send me into a whirlpool of despair but not this time. I counted to ten and thought to myself that I was daft for letting it creep up but not the end of the world.
I've reset my start weight on here and I'm just going to take things one step at a time. No daft diets. Just good food and plenty of exercise. I was aiming to be out of the 14's for Sydie's wedding but I'm just not sure if I can do it. We shall see.
06/19/2010 15:18
Five things...
...I've learnt this week are:
Press ups really make my shoulders hurt! I can't do full ones and the girlie ones hurt my knees however I shall persevere.
I'm not as fat as the scales would have me believe. I look in the mirror and I don't see someone pushing 15 stone so from now on, once a month weigh ins instead of constant depression because of a number on a little electrical box.
I have pretty eyes. I can do a lot with them so I'm going to do much more experimenting with my eye make up.
I've spent too long living in the "when I'm thin" world rather than living in the "you may get hit by a bus tomorrow" world. I shall make sure I'm happy now rather than concentrating on being happy tomorrow.
OCD when controlled is actually a pretty handy thing to have. My obsession with perfection has enabled me to spot some things at work that may have been missed by others and I'm confident things will change as a result. My OCD manifests itself in the written word/number which has slowed me down for years as I have to do things two, sometimes three times. Spreadsheets have to be perfect, documents have to be perfect. No mistakes. If there is one, I have to start again. I've had panic attacks many times because of it but now it's very much under control and I'm finding new ways of working with it and letting it work for me rather than against me. Words can't describe how liberating this actually is.
06/18/2010 12:48
I've always said this but never really stuck to it. Until now.
The first stage on a weight loss journey should always be, to coin a pyschobabble phrase, body and self acceptance. Without this, you will never really get anywhere as the last ten years have shown me. Years of constant yo-yo dieting, bulimia, compulsive eating and OCD have left me with the body and mind I have (wow, pack me off to the loony bin now!) I'm not going to slag myself off anymore because regardless of how it looks or how I feel, this is me.
I used to let myself get wound up over the slightest little thing, both at home and at work. Now, everything pretty much washes over me. I count to 10, think and then things don't seem so bad. Yeah I'm big, so what? Whinging about it is going to achieve what exactly? Nothing. I need to listen to my brain more.
It's time I made the most of what I have now and you should too. I'm slowly learning that I have no idea whether or not being thin will even make me happy so I'm not living for the "when I lose weight I can do this" philosophy anymore. I will weigh myself once a month and that's it. I will eat good food and exercise because I want to, not because I "should".
Stand in front of a mirror and concentrate on all the bits that you love about yourself. Sometimes you have to look hard but you will always find something. I love my eyes so therefore, I will do more with them. Those who know me will know I love my eyeliner and random eyeshadows. I'm going to spend more time doing different things with my eye makeup. Baby steps.
06/05/2010 21:03
Surely the only way is up right?
This week I pretty much hit rock bottom which consisted of me despairing and thinking about having a gastric band (those who've been following me for a little while will know I put that on a par with selling my soul to the devil). I spent most of yesterday sobbing my heart out and thinking thoughts I really shouldn't be thinking. I have so many "breakthroughs" and then just go back to the same old "woe is me, I can't lose weight", generally whilst eating junk. I then beat myself up, go on the straight and narrow for a bit and then end up back here.
My past has come back to haunt me recently and lets just say my old relationships with food are back. For the last few weeks I haven't really been "digesting" what I've been eating is how I'll phrase it. I've given my head a wobble and hopefully that will stop now.
The great thing about me expressing my thoughts this way and sharing them with people who are complete strangers is that you get some great perspectives on things and those people who were strangers become great sources of comfort. One of my Facebook followers recommended a book to me that I can't wait to read. Like her, I was initially put off by the title (Women, Food and God by Geneen Roth) but thankfully it's not in the least bit religious from what I've seen so far (I'm really not into all that). It's in the same vein as the usual self help books but something struck a chord with me. Basically, my crap relationship with food and my weight is just a mask for other issues I have. Will I be happy once I'm thin? Probably not. I need to look at other bits of my life and then maybe then I can stop beating myself up so much.
Wish me luck 
.
05/22/2010 15:00
Vile :(
I've not been writing my blog for a little while because I just feel vile. I've not stopped eating junk and my body has decided to get it's own back. I just look horrible. I'm all bloated and yet I still want junk.
As you all know I got a promotion at work and just don't think I was prepared for how much work it was going to be. I've been grabbing half an hour dinner so by the time I get home I want to eat everything in sight - and I do! The shift is Mon-Thurs and is pretty much 10-9. Any ideas on how I can structure my eating into this? Bearing in mind I don't have a great deal of time but can munch at my desk? Exercise has also taken a back seat because to be honest, it's not been on the list of priorities, never mind at the top! So basically I need a plan to get myself back on track. Oh and I don't dare to weigh myself.
On a brighter note, I finished the Great Manchester Run last Sunday in 1 hour 51 mins which is nearly 10 mins faster than last year so I am proud of myself there. As ever though, I failed on my goal last year to run it in shorts, or look any thinner 
. The one in green is me last year and the one next to it is this year. See? I look the same
I was stupidly happy here though! Actually on reflection, I did really well. I need to stop beating myself up don't I?
05/14/2010 21:53
Dance Your Ass Off - anyone else confused?
Not sure if anyone else has seen this programme but I'm so confused by it. The basic premise of the show is that fat people literally dance themselves thin. When I saw it advertised I was really looking forward to it, the whole idea seemed great. I love dancing and definitely need to do it more.
Anyway when I watched it, all I thought was that it's actually humiliating and full of mixed messages. These people are desperately unhappy with their weight and they've picked the worst costumes ever for their figures. Basically teeny spangly things or skin tight lycra that actually just make me want to laugh out loud. They're ridiculous. Who wants to see rolls of fat jiggling? You can still be big and dress for your figure. Oh and did I mention that they're all partnered with thin people?
Don't get me started on the host. She's a big lass with a painted on pageant smile, beyond cringeworthy, She appears to be very comfortable with her weight and is one of these "big is beautiful" types. All credit to her, not knocking it at all as it's great to see someone with so much confidence. So why the hell is she encouraging these people they need to lose as much weight as possible?!
It's all so confusing. Is big beautiful or should we all be dancing our asses off to get thin? The show seems to have no idea what it wants. Doesn't stop me watching it though!
05/09/2010 13:57
Getting nervous!
Just realised that my 10K run is NEXT WEEK! Oops! I've not done much running training but I have been doing more walking so hopefully I'll be OK. I know I'll finish it, even if I have to crawl over the finish line as I'm raising money for my local hospice, Bury Hospice. No way will I let them down. Last year I completed the Great Manchester Run in 1 hour 57 minutes. I know that's not a great time but with my knee and back being the way they have been, I'm just happy to finish. This year I'm determined to do it in less than 1 hour 45 minutes - knocking over 10 minutes off my time. Fingers crossed eh?
Even though the scales don't say I'm much slimmer than last year, my mind and tape measure say that I am - tried on the tshirt I wore last year and it's more like a nightie now! Here's a reminder of what I looked like last year - ew!
Hopefully you'll notice the difference when I upload pics after the run next week. Then again, I may look exactly the same and the difference is all in my head, who knows?
Do any runners have tips on what to do bag wise? The bag I had last year did my head in. I have to have one because I have to have my phone, car keys and cash with me as there's no-one coming to watch me that can hold all that stuff for me while I run . If it wasn't for the phone, I'd probably just shove it all down my bra, a key and a tenner will fit no problems down there!
If anyone does want to sponsor me, even a couple of quid will make a difference, you can at http://www.justgiving.com/newhomeforburyhospice . My employer, O2, will also double what I raise too so £2.50 will turn into £5. Bury Hospice is a fantastic cause and they need all the money they can get at the moment.
I'll keep you posted on my training progress this week but I've just done half an hour on the Wii Fit, does that count?
05/02/2010 16:27
Scores on the doors
April has seen me lose the grand total of 5lbs which I'm pretty happy with. Slow and steady wins the race. This means I currently weigh...
14 stone 5lbs
Impressively, I now have a 38 inch waist. I've lost 6 INCHES. How on earth have I done that - I've eaten takeaway pretty much every night for the last fortnight! Oh well, I'm certainly not complaining about that one.
April has been a sort of epiphany month for me to be honest. I've spent more time enjoying myself than dieting which is maybe why I've still managed to lose weight. I think I've finally realised that there's more to life than being thin. Of course I still want to lose weight but I can fit in the clothes I want to wear now so I'll take being happy.
Friday saw me get absolutely wasted. It was my belated birthday night out as well as my last day before my promotion officially kicks in. Add that to payday and you get a fab night! Thankfully I'm a happy drunk, I get very cuddly and generally love everyone before I start panicking at the fact that I can't see. I can't hack not being in control so towards the end of the night I was necking water in a desperate attempt to sober up. As you'd expect, this didn't happen! Being out since 6pm coupled with no tea makes for a very drunken me!
I'm so lucky to have top mates who love me for me, not for my size.
04/24/2010 17:10
So glad...
...I have something else in my life other than weight loss. I have a wonderful fiance and wonderful friends around me who make me happy to be me. I'm doing this MY way and that doesn't include obsessing over every tiny morsel that I put in my mouth or panicking about my next gym workout.
I've spent 2.5 hours in the gym today because I fancied it, not because I felt I should. Beating myself up constantly about how I look and what I eat is damaging me and you know something? Enough. I had McDonalds this morning. So what? I did exercise and I'm not having it every day.
To all those people having heart failure at the thought of how much fat was in what I ate today or wondering how many calories I burnt etc, I feel sorry for you. Live your life now instead of trying to get to the life you want. Only then will you get the life you want.
Yesterday was my birthday and it was fantastic. I was spoilt rotten and Steve had the most gorgeous bouquet delivered to work for me...
Life = fabulous
