Have y'all seen that Sonic commercial? The one where they are ordering and the woman says to the speaker she wants a "badunkadunk butt and an order of thunder-thighs" to go with it? I laughed so hard I almost fell off the bed! I don't know why the word "badunkadunk" affected me so, but it did.
I had a great day today, nothing in particular happend really, I went to my super Wal-Mart and spent almost 230.00 on groceries, well- about 30 of it was like for soap, shampoo and things like that. While I was there I was walking by the yogurt - I didn't need any but a new color caught my eye. They have now got Black Cherry and Peach WW yogurts at my Wal-Mart! I was so happy. Of course I bought some. I've had a black cherry one and they rock! I've not tried the peach one yet, I'll let you know tomorrow if they are just as tasty as the other flavors.
I bought green leaf lettuce, fresh baby spinach, red onions, WW yogurt, shredded carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, mushrooms, light string cheese, baking potatoes and a bunch more stuff. What was so cool was a lot of the foods in my buggy were from the produce aisle. Three years ago I would have had a head of lettuce and an onion at the most, today I had 2 W-M bags full of produce, it was really cool to see it all bagged up and in the buggy. I felt healthier just looking at it. LOL
I've been feeling really good here lately- not really obsessing a lot or feeling weird about how I look. Just feeling "normal" I guess. As far as weight is concerned I look like I'm at a healthy weight, but I'm not really, I'm still overweight by the BMI charts. Plus, I'm not really happy where I'm currently at anyways. My goal is to weigh 120 pounds by August 2007. I'm pretty sure I'm gonna make it.
I just can't even imagine what it's going to feel like mentally and emotionally and even physically to be at that weight. It's a little scary to be honest with you. I've not been that weight in about 16 years. It's really mindboggling to even think of me being at that weight. I've been getting in about 20 Points a day, the other day I think I ate 14 total, I know that's not good, but I really just didn't want to eat anything, so I didn't. But today I got in 21 so it's all good.
I finally got my stuff today at W-M to make my homemade sub sandwiches I've been craving, but I haven't ate one yet. I ended up grilling out today, it was so beautiful here and I love to grill out. If I could afford it, I'd grill out 5 days a week. I'll be eating my homemade sub tomorrow for dinner. I save my biggest meal for dinner. I bought some 100% whole wheat sub rolls today and they look so good. I never thought I'd eat or even like 100% whole wheat. Ever. But I do
Well, I've not got anything else to report or even talk about, I've been feeling really good- I haven't felt this good in- I don't know... A really long, long time. I'm thankful for feeling like this, it's nice waking up and not hating myself everyday. I like the way I feel when I wake up now. I don't hide in the house anymore and that feels wonderful.
I like how I'm feeling.
I hope each one of you have a great Friday! I'll be hollering back tomorrow sometime- Until then
So I got up at 5:00 a.m. this morning and got ready and went over to my cousins house. (She lives on the street behind me and I can see her house from my back porch) I ended up not having to watch her son long at all, my aunt called and she said they took some blood, hooked a monitor up to her, secured it around her body and they told her she could go back home. She was under the impression that she had to stay at the hospital for 24 hours for her test. She was gone for 2 hours at the most. So I was back home in no time!
I took my WW yogurt with me, my light string cheese and my water, just in case I had an urge to eat something unhealthy while I was there. I didn't have the urge.
I had 4 people tell me I looked good today, my husband, my mom, my aunt and my cousin. I'm going to have my husband take a pic of me in the clothes I wore today, I'm curious as to what they are seeing. (Because we all look different in pics than we do to ourselves in the mirror) Personally I think I look heavier in pics than I do in "real life" is that just me? Or does everybody feel like that?
I've been trying to catch up on reading all the blogs on here and I've just been so inspired! I can feel the excitment when someone writes a really positive post about a compliment or a good week of working out or choosing healthy meals over unhealthy ones. I swear I'm so energized sitting here right now, it's almost like I'm feeling their excitment! I guess I'm feeling the positive vibes or something. (HEHEHE)
It was 77 here today and it's gonna be 78 tomorrow. I might just sit outside in the sun for a while tomorrow. I look like a ghost, I need to start the tanning beds soon. ( yes, I know it's bad for me) I always feel better with just a bit of color, I don't bake myself to look like I've been in Brazil for the last 6 months. Just some "color" so I don't look all washed out and sickly. I don't like the tans in a tube or spray can, they streak and wash off when I shower I did that last year and didn't like it. If I could afford a weekly spray on tan I'd do that, but I can't so that's out of the question.
I'll be making a trip to my favorite tattoo shop very soon, I've hit 92.2 pounds lost as of this morning (YAY!) and my reward is a lower back tattoo, to go with my others. I'm so excited, it's almost like winning a prize or something! Hopefully I'll be able to go by the end of this month like on the 26th, it's going to be a custom tattoo and my artist likes at least 3 days to work on the art he'll make from my ideas and pics, and sketches. Hopefully I'll be uploading a tattoo pic by the first week of April!
I hope everybody has had a good day today and has made good choices about your health. I'm going to quit smoking soon, just as soon as I get to goal. I'm terrified of quitting before getting to goal, I know once I get to goal, I'll do everything in my power to stay there (the healthy way) and not gain any weight back from quitting smoking. I just gotta make it to goal. I will, and I'll save a BUTT LOAD of money!
I hope y'all are all well and doing good! Let's make Tuesday a really good healthy day! Until then-
So it's Sunday and it's been a beautiful day, it got 71 here today and it just felt WONDERFUL! We didn't go anywhere or do anything this weekend. I was very bored . But I never ate out of boredom. I feel like I've dealt with boredom pretty damn good today.
Tomorrow I watch my cousins 3 year old little boy while her mom (my aunt) goes to have some breathing tests done at the hospital. So I'll be gone ALL day
I'm not really looking forward to getting up really early in the morning, but ya gotta do what you gotta do right? I'm feeling great about my weight. I feel very "calm" about being at my goal weight in August. I've not been this close in a LONG time.
I'm just thankful I've done well today- dealing with being bored to death!
What a way to start the weekend! I must confess to you all that I do weigh on a daily basis. Just once every single morning. I know most people would advise against it, but I'm one of the people who really needs to keep my weight in check on a daily basis. When I first started out on this "weight loss journey" on November 25, 2005 the day after Thanksgiving I only weighed once weekly. I don't think it was in my best intrest at the time to weigh daily when I was first starting out. I'm like most everyone else out there, I want the weight off "NOW" and since I am the type of person who gets discouraged very easily the once a week weigh in was enough for me at that time.
But things have changed in the last 6 or 7 months, I now weigh each morning only one time. It helps me know where I am and what I need to be doing. This morning I am at my lowest weight in OVER 14 years. I am 144.6 - I am almost in the "normal weight" catagory on the BMI chart. My BMI use to be 41.8. Today it's 25.6
I have lost a total of 91.4 pounds- it's not been a walk in the park, believe me. I've had days where I just wanted to eat that extra helping of cornbread, or just have a "small bowl" of that dessert, or just eat because I was at a party or whatever. But most of the time I didn't, I'd say 95% of the time I stuck to my guns and stayed "on plan".
I still eat cookies and cakes and all that, I just don't eat them on a regular basis or in large quantities when I do allow myself to have them. Instead of eating 5, 10 or even 20 cookies like I use to, I now eat only 1 or 2. Then I stop. Is it easy to stop? Most of the time it is easy for me now. But it wasn't easy this time last year when I still had so much weight to lose. It was like a punishment if I couldn't eat ALL the cookies I wanted or drink ALL 8 Cokes in the fridge. I felt like I was being deprived, losing out on life because I couldn't eat a ton of food just whenever I want to eat it. I felt like I deserved to eat it just because I wanted it.
I had a bad day, I deserve that chocolate cake! My family member made me mad, I deserve to eat all I can at the buffet tonight. I had a stressful week at home and work, I deserve to open that half gallon of ice cream and eat until I feel "better". I got a promotion, let's celebrate with going out to eat. I'm bored, I think I'll just eat. I'm lonely, what's in the cookie jar? I'm sad, are you gonna eat that pie?
Having that mindset caused me to get to my highest weight of all time of 236 pounds and I was busting out of my size 20 Levis. They were so tight I physically was in pain due to them cutting into my huge stomach. I was too ashamed to go to the store and buy a bigger pair, so I suffered in them for months on end. They were the only pair of jeans I had that I could squeeze into.
It wasn't until my MIL got sick and had to be hospitilized for 7 days did my life change. Her illness lead to my successful weight loss experience. She was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, heart failure, and high cholesterol- she was in there for 7 days and during that time I stayed with her night and day except for 2 hours a day where I'd come home, shower and change my clothes then I'd go right back to the hospital. I barely ate that week.
Those 7 days changed my life forever. I lost 12 pounds that week, and that was all it took for me to realize that my body wasn't keeping me in my prison of fat that I hated so much, it was ME keeping me in my prison of fat by eating all the time and eating "bad" unhealthy foods ALL the time. It never once dawned on me that it was my fault for being fat and not being able to buy the clothes I wanted to wear.
It was me who kept shoving the food in long after I was physically full. It was me who kept walking to the kitchen and looking in the fridge and pantry to see what else I could eat because I was bored or lonely. It was all my fault. That hurt to really realize that the first time. I could no longer blame my age, or having my son or any other lame excuse I had tried to use to convince myself in the past why the scales "just wouldn't move down".
I could no longer act surprised when I got on the scale and they either stayed the same or went up a few pounds. I couldn't play that game any longer with myself because I knew the truth, I finally faced it, it was me all along keeping myself fat and miserable.
So how'd I change that? It wasn't easy or QUICK, but it was what I needed to do. I first started out by switching to Diet Cokes, I had been drinking up to 8 real Cokes a day. That was the first thing I did. Then I started on the diabetic diet they gave my MIL when she was in the hospital, they had a nutritionist/ dietitian woman come in and talk to her for about 2 hours about how her diet needed to change in order for her to help control her diabetes. She explained how she needed to eat and how that would help her body. I was there and I listened like she was talking to me. Like I was the one with the disease.
I still ate good food, I just started buying the sugar free versions of all the things I already bought. Like I still ate pankcakes, I just bought the version with the lowest possible sugar in them and I also bought sugar free syrup.
And I didn't eat 4 at a time, I ate 1 or 2 depending on how many calories and fat grams it had in them. I switched from real bacon over to turkey bacon, I stopped frying my foods and started baking, broiling and grilling everything. I stopped drowning my vetetables in butter, I stopped eating 3 or 4 rolls with dinner. I stoppoed eating like a crazy person in short. Was I hungry? You bet I was hungry! My stomach thought my throat had been slit.
Was I cranky? Yes, very. But I was cranky because I felt like I couldn't eat with a free pass any longer. Was I tired? Yes, my body was having a hard time adjusting to the lower sugar levels in my body. Plus, I'm sure I was tired because I had cut my portion sizes DRASTICALLY.
But all that passed, I stuck with it and within a couple of months I started seeing results, my clothes were feeling a little bit looser, my fingers didn't look as fat. I was sleeping a little bit better, I wasn't as cranky as I was when I first started out. And the scale was moving down a little bit each time I got on them. I wasn't losing 5 pounds a week when I first started out, I was only losing like a pound or a little more. But I seen each little pound I lost as my "freedom from fat". It seemed to take forever for the scales to really start moving, but each week I was down a little bit more, then the next week I was down a little bit more, and it just kept building week after week until I had lost 50 pounds in about 6 months.
Then my cousin asked me if I wanted to join Weight Watchers with her and her mom (my aunt) and I said yes. It was one of the best things I could have ever done to keep me going on such a long, hard journey. It gave me even more of a reason to stay "on plan". I was now going to be weighing in every week in front of a stranger, they would know if I did well that week or if I lost my mind and ate everything in sight. I'd be accountable for my actions. I couldn't let myself be embarrassed every week because of my actions, so I had to step up to the plate so to speak and make sure I did what I was told to do.
I followed the advice of my leader, she was encouraging, she knew what I was going through because she had to go through it to become a leader herself. She knew the plan worked, she knew it was possible to eat real foods from the grocery store and still lose weight on a weekly basis.
I lost about 30 pounds on WW. Then my cousin and my aunt stopped going and so did I. I didn't gain any weight back, in fact I was still following the Points Plan here at home, and I was still losing for a while, then I hit a plateau and I stayed there for 3 or 4 months. Now the scales are moving once again and I'm about 4 pounds away from being at a "medically normal in weight". To say that it's been easy is a lie. But it is something that can be achieved, not just by me, but by everyone who puts forth the effort. Not half heartily, but really puts their mind and body into working for the goal of a healthy weight. I'm not special, I'm not blessed with a "decent" metabolisim, in fact I thought mine was destroyed when I first started out on this because I wasn't dropping weight left and right like some people can. I went at my own pace and here I am - I'm 24.6 pounds from my goal of 120 pounds and I'm no longer wearing a gut busting size 20 in jeans, now I'm in 8 & 10's depending on the brand of jeans and a medium in shirts, not a 3X like I was in.
Hi y'all. It was gorgeous here today! It got up to 73 degrees and not a cloud in the sky. It felt so wonderful. I would have loved not to have had any responsibilities today, I would have went and bought some roller blades, come home and loaded my dogs up in the car and I would have found somewhere to roller blade with them. It's supposed to be just as beautiful tomorrow.
Today I took my MIL and SIL to see a family member, tomorrow I'm going to take my SIL to Wal-Mart to get a few items and some of my MIL's prescriptions that need refilling. My husband is taking the weekend off from work, so he'll play chauffeur Satuday to his mom and sister. Hopefully I'll be able to lay up and sleep-in, something that I've not been able to do in a long while.
I felt really great today mentally. I made homemade Beef Stir Fry with Vegetables, it was low in fat and calories and I also made brown rice and frozen veggie egg rolls from Wal-Mart ( the egg rolls were high in fat and calories). I only ate half an egg roll, and 1 cup of the stir fry and rice. I was satisfied when I was done eating and I didn't eat until I was sick. I could have ate 2 very large portions of it not because I was hungry but- out of HABIT. But I kept thinking of how far I've come and also how far I still have to go.
It was an easy choice after I thought of it like that. It took all of 2 seconds to decide that I didn't need a huge plate full of food to make me feel better, or good. Just enough to nurish my body and then after that I was fine.
I just feel really good about myself today. I have been really stressed this week and I normally would have turned to food for comfort, but not this week. I just dealt with it and went on with my life. It feels good to be in control like that. I'm not really use to being in control when it comes to food. Looks like I'm learning and doing pretty good.
I'm doing the WW Points again and it's going really well. I'm eating my fruits and veggies and drinking my water. I'm showing a level of self control that I've not had in over 14 years. I'm being consistent, and I think that's the key to weight loss. It's not about starving or becoming a workout maniac or both. It's about making better choices more often than makng bad- unhealthy choices. Balance is the key, at least for me. Healthy food choices, and moving my body more than I use to move it.
I know I can still have a cookie every now and then. I just can't sit down with the whole bag and eat them mindlessly while watching TV. I'm learning to have better self control and this week has been full of stress- it has taught me I don't need food to make me feel better. I can deal with stress in other ways besides eating the stress and shoving it down into my stomach.
I'm just really proud of myself for being in control.
I've been trying to catch up on reading EP blogs this week, but there doesn't seem to be enough hours in the day. I've been inspired by so many of you. I love seeing the before, during and after pics of you all! It makes me try harder so I can add my after pics as well. I'm still working on losing the last 27.4 pounds I have to lose so I can make my goal of 120.
It's coming off slow, really slow - like at the pace of a snail, but I'm working on it. Hopefully I'll have a loss by next Friday March 16, 2007. Until then-
Someone called me TINY today- Watch out It's ON !!
**POSTED AFTER MIDNIGHT SO IT WILL SHOW AS A TUESDAY POST**
Ok, so I've decided that I'm going to be doing the WW Points system once again. If you've read one of my earlier posts, you'll see I lost 30 pounds doing it before. Then I quit going and a lost a little more on my own doing the plan here at home but just not going to the meetings. Then I stopped doing the plan and stayed in the 150's for 3 or 4 months. **** Note: I lost 50 pounds on my own with no pills before I even started going to WW. I did my MIL's diabetic diet plan. Diabetic diet and then WW equals right at 81 pounds*
Well, since starting the Phen on 2-23-07 (which was 11 days ago) I've lost 7.8 pounds. My weight thing on this page says a little more than that , but that was my weight a couple of days BEFORE going to the doctor, I was a little bit down from that weight when I went to the doctor and weighed. The day I went to the doctor I was 155.4 pounds and now I'm 147.6. so that's 7.8 pounds in 11 days. Not too shabby in my opinion.
Starting tomorrow - (March 6, 2007) I'll be eating 20 Points per day. My cousin and her mom started going back to WW 2 weeks ago and they asked me if I wanted to go with them, I thanked them but declined. I don't have the time to dedicate to it, I never know when I'll have to rush my MIL to the E.R. And with the long hours my husband is working now, it would be up to me to be the one to take her. Besides, I'm not the type of person who needs to go to the meetings. I mean I like them and think it's fun to get out of the house and go out to eat at a Subway after the meeting, but I can be just as rigid at home alone just as I could if I was going to weigh in on a weekly basis. Once I get into the mindset, it's on!
I've got an Internet friend that lives in California who joined up at her local WW today too, so we are all on the plan! I'm SO excited and happy that we will be doing it together.
My cousin told me in an E-mail today that her SIL called her on her lunch break today and they were talking about how they spent this past weekend. My cousins SIL said she was looking through some pics taken last year at a family celebration we all had together and she said and I quote: " I can't believe how tiny Tater is, she looks so different now." ** Tater is my nickname and I've had it my whole life** But the fact that she called me tiny was just jaw dropping to me AND my cousin.
Now you must understand, this person doesn't normally say things like that about me or anyone else for that matter. We had a family dinner February 6, 2007 at a Mexican restaurant and I was 155 that day, (I have it marked on my calendar) and she didn't say one word to me about how I looked or that she noticed I had lost weight or anything like that. It didn't bother me at all. I KNOW I am not 236 pounds- size 20 any longer, I didn't need her to say something to know I've done really good. But that just goes to show you, there are always gonna be people who will not utter the first word to you about your weight loss even if you've lost nearly 90 pounds since they last saw you. I don't look to other people to make me feel better about myself. I use to, but I don't anymore. I go by how I feel about my body not what other people think or feel about it.
And just for the record, I am NOT tiny, I'm smaller, but tiny is not a word I'd use to describe myself. Maybe when I lose this last 27.6 pounds I might be tiny then, I don't know. I can't remember what it feels like to weigh 120 pounds to be honest with you. It's been so long, I just can't remember. I look back at old pics, but that really doesn't trigger any feelings I had other than the fact I really thought I was fat back then. I really had no clue did I? I was 18 years old between 115 and 120 and I thought I was huge.
I had a good weekend, I cleaned a lot more and got a lot of things done around the house. I done very well on eating. Sunday and today I did HORRIBLE on drinking my water, so I'm making a commitment to myself to drink 100 oz of water tomorrow and every day the rest of this week. I didn't have a problem doing it last week, I just think I was lazy about it Sunday and today.
I would like to jump back real quick to the fact that someone referred to me as tiny. That right there made me want to work even harder at losing the rest of this weight. It really got me thinking and I would LOVE to be thought of as *tiny* after nearly busting out of my size 20's for a long, long, long, time. It's ON baby! I will succeed and I will reach my goal of losing 27.6 pounds by my 36th birthday this August 2007.
((I only have to lose 5 pounds a month to make that goal))
So that's the update for now. I'm taking my MIL to the dentist tomorrow and I'll be carrying my water bottle with me. What are you going to do today that's different than yesterday to help you get to your goal? Until then-
**POSTED 10 MINUTES AFTER MIDNIGHT SO IT WILL SHOW AS A SATURDAY POST**
Hi y'all! Well today is Friday 3-2-07 and it's my 7th day on Phen and I've lost 6.8 pounds! I'm very happy about that! I did excellent on not drinking any Diet Cokes this week, and the first thing I did this morning after I tinkled was weigh. After that I logged my weight in on my calendar, got a Phen and a 24 oz. water and I started cleaning my house. I got so much done today and my house is clean as a whistle. I'm very happy. The only thing that bugs me is- I had already lost 5.6 pounds by day 4 on the Phen. So that means it took me 3 days to lose the next 1.2 for a total of 6.8. Maybe I'm just being anal about the numbers. But in any case I think I'm going to start counting calories this next week and see what happens. I don't think I'm getting enough in. Or maybe I'll do the Weight Watchers Point system. I haven't done that in a long while. But whatever I decide to do I'll let you all know.
I'm still having my headache from hell, but it's worth it. Someone asked me in my comments if that is a side effect. Well, I can't speak for everyone but it's always been a side effect that I get each time I've ever used it. I also notice that I clench my teeth together, also I think I sleep with my teeth clenched together. LOL I have no idea why but hey, if the pill is helping me get over a plateau from hell, I'll take the headache and teeth clenching any day.
I'd like to start exercising soon. We have had really nice warm days like 73 degrees and then 2 days later the high will be 37 degrees. I have been looking at roller blades on-line for the last week or two and I can't wait until it warms up enough to justify ordering them. I've got a treadmill but using it is almost like a punishment. I'm going to try to get out of that kind of mindset, but it's hard to for me. Before I had a weight problem I use to stay active on a coed softball team and also play badminton. I'm going to buy a new badminton set soon and I can't wait to play. I hope my son will play with me. My husband has joint issues and my mom has severe back problems so both of them are out of the question.
Everything is going well, and I suspect the weight loss is going to be about 2 pounds a week or even a little less. I was hoping I could have lost 15 my first month, but I'm not sure that - that is going to happen for me. We'll see, and I'm going to keep on trying. I've got 3 more weeks to try for it.
I'm taking my MIL and SIL to see a family member tomorrow and as soon as I drop them off back at their home I'm going to run to Wal-Mart and get a couple of things and head back home. I'm going to try to get my master closet cleaned out tomorrow. The rest of the house looks geat, but my closet looks like a bomb exploded in it. I hope I feel energetic tomorrow so I can get started on it at least.
My husband just got a promotion and it looks like he'll be working the whole weekend but it's cool. We both knew him taking this job would mean longer hours and we talked it over and agreed the extra hours were worth the extra money and benefits he's getting. It will benefit the family as a whole and that's a good thing.
So that's my update for today. I hope that you all have a great weekend! Just because it's the weekend doesn't give us a free pass to eat like we've lost our minds. Choose healthy foods and watch those portion sizes, drink the water too! Until then-
Wishing you all the very best,
~Tink~ P.S. My mom just came in from her little house out back and asked me if I wanted some Krystals. Even though I am taking the Phen I still want to eat, but I said "no thank you" and for that I am very proud of myself!
I am feeling pretty good other than having a constant headache since the first day I started on the Phen. I'm not worried about it at all, the same thing happened to me years ago when I took it. So I was pretty much expecting it to be the same way this time around and it looks like I was right.
It's a price I'm willing to pay as long as I am seeing results on the scales or in the way my clothes fit. Friday will be my 7th day on Phen and I'm hoping I'll be able to report a good number. I'm excited and I just want Friday to hurry up and get here.
It was absolutely gorgeous today here, it was 73 and sunny! Tomorrow however is supposed to be thunderstorms and 100% chance of rain.
I use to really like the rain, that is until I got two dogs. Not only do I have to walk them when it rains, but me and both of the dogs track in mud and leaves each time we come through the door, and I am constantly having to sweep and then wipe the floors down with a towel. I just hate to hear that rain is coming because that means more work for me is coming as well.
I feel like I've done pretty good today, I took my MIL to her doctors' appointment and then took her home. I came home did all my laundry and cooked dinner for us all and then cleaned the kitchen. I've been more energetic since I started on the Phen. Tomorrow I plan on cleaning out my fridge and cleaning out my kitchen pantry. Those are two things that really need doing tomorrow. Then I'm going to shower and go to Wal-Mart and get a few items and then I'm coming home to fix dinner. Then in the evening hours I'm taking my MIL and SIL to see a friend and then taking them back home again and then I'll be back home. (Thank Goodness) I hate getting out in the rain, I'd rather stay at home tomorrow and clean house all day, but that's not really a choice- you gotta do what you gotta do. Like it or not.
I'm doing very good on not drinking any Diet Cokes this week, it's been three days and I've done excellent so far. I've wanted one but didn't drink one. I've been drinking about 100 oz. of water a day, it's a wonder I haven't got gills by now!
I'm watching my portions sizes really closely, I'm also watching what I am eating. It's kind of frustrating to have to think of something to cook every single day without getting burned out on it. I have looked online for recipes for MONTHS and all the stuff that sounds and looks good to me is either very expensive, or very complicated to cook. I just get tired of the foods we are eating.
I can't wait until Friday when I weigh! I'll keep ya posted! Until then-
Well, I thought I'd be freaking out by not drinking my Diet Cokes but it's been 2 days so far and I'm doing just fine, 3 more days to go. I know I shouldn't be weighing every morning, I usually just weigh once a week. But since starting the Phen I can't help myself. Once the weight loss starts to slow down I'll go back to the once a week weigh-ins. So I weighed again this morning and I am now 148.4 WOW! That's 1.4 down from yesterday! I'm just really happy that this is working for me.
I feel like I'm going to make this happen once and for all. That it's in my reach. I feel like I've been running a race for a long, long time, with no finish line in my sights, but now I'm coming down a hill and in the distance I see the finish line. It's still a good ways off, but it's doable, I'm going to finish what I started.
I've always gotten close, but never this close, not in a long, long time. I think my 36th birthday in August is going to be a GREAT day of celebration, I'll be celebrating the fact that I'm not hiding in my house anymore, I'm not avoiding cameras like the plague, I'm not practicality running through grocery stores once a week to avoid people who might know me from school years ago, I'm not doing a lot of things I use to do. My self esteem has really started to climb.
Yesterday I took my MIL and SIL to Sams my MIL is 90% blind and my SIL ( her daughter) is physically handicapped they live together. So I drive them all the places they need to go. We finished our shopping and we got in line, when I was done I told them I'd be standing right outside where I always stand. I go out and smoke and they are out within 5 minutes of me being outside. So I'm standing there and this really nice looking man walks out and he smiles at me and says "Hi" (I'm like OMG) So I smile back and say "Hello" he kept walking (Thank God) but it just made me feel better about myself that some stranger that was very nice looking and well dressed smiled at me. Is it human nature to want to be liked or even want the approval of strangers? I don't know. I do know that I use to worry about what strangers were saying behind my back, were they laughing at me ? Was I the butt of their joke because of my size?
Now I don't feel that way, I'm on the other end of the spectrum so to speak. I have men holler at me when I walking across a parking lot with my 14 year old son. He looks at me and says "Do you know them?" **LOL** I say "No" and he says "Well why are they yelling at you?" I tell him it's because they think his mom is hot! He just rolls his eyes and says "They better shut up." He really gets mad, I think that's sweet.
Oh and speaking of my 14 year old son, I weigh 27.8 more pounds than he does. He's taller than me I am 5'3" and he's about 3 inches taller. He doesn't have an ounce of fat on his body. He's very long and lean like my husband. I'll have to have a tummy tuck when this weight is all off of me, I have VERY bad hanging skin. Plus, I thought why not just get a new set of boobs while I'm at it, they looked deflated and the ole girls just don't sit where they use to, looks like their trying to go south for the winter. So, I'm actively looking at plastic surgeons in my area. Do I have a pile of cash just lying around? Nope, not a penny, but I'm going to find a way to make this happen. I've come too far to only do this half way.
Ok y'all I'm going to go do some chores, but I just want you all to know that we are the ones who are in control of of eating. No one makes us cram a piece of cake in our mouths if we are having a bad day, or if we are bored or lonely, or stressed. We are adults and we are accountable for what we do. We have the power to say " No"
OH MY GOD <~~That was my reaction when I stepped on the scales this morning and after waiting for the "beep" I looked down and just could not believe the number I was seeing.
I think I'm a little shell shocked still, but it feels FANTASTIC! I've not been under 150 pounds in 14 years. I was 150 pounds when my dad died 9 years ago this month and right after he died I gained a lot of weight. It's been up and down on the scales for me, for the last 14 years, a ride I don't care to take again. Most of you know what I mean. I'd start a new "diet" and exercise program lose some weight and then for some unknown reason, I'd just stop it all and go back to my mindless eating. I have cried so many times trying to figure out what was wrong with me. What was really wrong with me was that I didn't have the courage to lose the weight and keep it off. I'm learning every single day about what it means to truly be aware of what I'm eating and why I'm eating it. I have moments where I want to grab a handfull of baked chips and scarf them down, but I stop before I grab them and think to myself, "Am I really hungry?" or " Why chips, why not carrots or something healthy?" I think I've figured it out, for myself anyway. I have a HABIT of eating bad things, habits are hard to break, but they can be broken. I just have to really be aware of my eating at all times. Last night before I went to bed I was thinking, "A couple of cookies and a small glass of milk would be nice." Then I went to the kitchen and looked at my refrigerator and all the pics I have on it when I weighed 236, 224, 210, 200, 198, and so on. I thought about it and decided I didn't really want or need that cookie, so I poured me a small glass of 1% milk. Then I was off to bed.
I feel like I'm getting the hang of this eating/mind thing that we all go through. I'm sure there will be a time where it's harder to say no, but I'll be more alert about why I am eating and what I am eating and how much. I'm the one who has all the control not the food.
Highest weight ever : 236 pounds on 11-25-05
Weight lost by doing a diabetic diet 81 pounds
Starting weight for Phen was 155.4 on 2-23-07
Current weight on Phen 149.9 on 2-26-07
GRAND Total for My personal loss added to Phen loss 86.2
But I never ate out of boredom. I feel like I've dealt with boredom pretty damn good today.
I've got 3 more weeks to try for it.
but it's cool. We both knew him taking this job would mean longer hours and we talked it over and agreed the extra hours were worth the extra money and benefits he's getting. It will benefit the family as a whole and that's a good thing.
He really gets mad, I think that's sweet. 
