Well, it's Saturday morning and it's very late / or very early depending on how you wanna look at it. I forgot to take my measurements Friday afternoon when I got back home from the doctors office, so I'll be doing that when I get back today from taking my MIL and SIL to see a family member. Then I'm gonna be cutting our grass. My husband and I will probably do my MIL's yard on Sunday while they are at church.
I'm still kinda reeling from the WI at the doctors office. I just wasn't expecting anything to really change since Thursday morning when I had a peek at the scales. But you know what, I'll take it!.
I'm still feeling about a million different emotions right now. I just really didn't know this day would ever come. I mean - I HOPED it would get here, but in my heart of hearts I never really thought I'd be typing about my weight right now on a WL blog and how happy I was to be weighing "X" amount, ya know? I always HOPED I'd get to a size I was pretty comfortable with, but I don't think I ever really thought I'd get here. I know that's awful to say but it's true. When I was 236 I just didn't see any hope of me ever being in a single digit pair of jeans ever again. I prayed that I would be, I wished that I could be, but I don't think I ever really thought I'd make it this far.
I have lost so much weight so many times it's unreal. I've lost a little over 60 pounds once, 75 pounds once, I've lost 80 once. But all the times I've ever lost I've never- - EVER gotten under 150 pounds. No matter what I did, how I ate, how I exercised, nothing. I'd stay at 150 for 2 or 3 months and my resolve would fade away like I'd never even lost the first pound.
I broke 150 this time after a 4 MONTH PLATEAU, I've lost 97.5 .. That's just a trip! I think I'm kinda walking around right now feeling, like it's a dream. I don't want anyone to wake me up. What if I wake up tomorrow and it was all a dream and I'm still where I was almost 17 months ago? That would be a nightmare, not a dream. It feels unreal in every sense of the word.
Why did I keep going if I never thought I'd really make it? I don't know, maybe just to say "Look I tried it again and it didn't work- AGAIN." Maybe I wanted one more excuse to add to the other 3 to make it an even 4. (LOL) I have no idea. But I do thank God for giving me the courage to keep going when I didn't think I could go another day without binge eating. When I didn't think I could stop eating out of depression, anger, fear, boredom, anxiety.....
My life has changed so much over the last 17 months or so, but it's been like a roller coaster with no breaks for that last couple of months, I'm just kinda going along for the downhill ride. My face looks like this ~~~> I'm just really shocked and surprised.
I want to thank Alexia, and Angel, Starbright and Kairi for their comments. That's all who's posted right now, so I wanted them to know I appreciate ALL of their kind words and encouragement!
I don't mean to sound overly dramatic, but the people I've met on EP have really changed my life for the better. I've met some of the sweetest people I've ever met before. And I am just so lucky to have stumbled on this website one day by accident... Maybe it wasn't by accident, maybe I was meant to come here and meet the people I've met.
((Alexia, JD, KillerHair07, GirlNextDoor, Ada, Wildflower, BigFatLooser, BubbleButt, Chibuzu, Angiegirl, jlfreund)) I know I'm leaving someone out, it's almost 4:30 in the morning an I am dead tired, so I might have left off your name- but you know who you are!! ((HUGS))
I love all you guys, you've ALL really helped me out and I hope one day I say something in a post that really helps you out when you need it the most.
I hope y'all have a great Saturday, I'll try to update tonight or Sunday morning.
Well, I didn't really expect much of a difference in weight from yesterday morning until 2:00 this afternoon, but I got a shock today at my doctors office. I weighed 138.5 for another 2.5 lbs. lost since last Friday!! My BMI is now "normal" and I'm no longer "medically obese" WOW and Oh My God!!!!!!!
When the nurse told me my weight and BMI I got cold-chills and my eyes welled up. It took a little effort to hold it together and not embarrass myself, but she smiled and had to "conveniently" leave the room for a "forgotten file." I was thankful while I got myself together.
My BMI use to be 41.1 at 236 lbs. - it's now 24.1 at 138.5. I'm amazed to say the least! I'm posting a new pic that my son took today when I got home from the doctor. I've lost 97.5 pounds and I have 18.5 to go. I'm feeling powerful and strong and greatful and about a million other things as well.
I'm going to go for now, my husband and son want me to watch Casino Royale with them. But I'll probably be back after midnight. After I've calmed down a bit more and had some time to kinda reflect on my day. I've still got to read everyones blog for today, I haven't been home all that long (again). I'll catch up with y'all tonight. And I wanted to thank everyone who posted comments - I really appreciate all the comments, and I thank you all for taking time out of your day and reading my blog.
TGIF everyone! They are saying it's gonna get 81 degrees here today! I'm so glad the weather is finally feeling like spring, well, actually it's feeling a lot like summer but I don't care, I'll take just about anything over cold weather!
It's 3:30 a.m. right now and I don't weigh untiI I wake up, so a few more hours and I'll know if I've lost anymore or even gained a little. I don't really expect a gain, it's just TOM is right around the corner lurking somewhere and I thought he'd show up by now. He's rude, you can never tell when he's gonna drop in and act a fool. It could be Saturday or Sunday.
I have a doctors appointment this afternoon at 2:00. I'm curious as to see what my blood tests look like. I don't have any clue what my starting numbers were when it came to cholesterol or anything like that when I weighed 236. I avoided the doctor something terrible. I do know that when they took my blood pressure last month it was 110 over something LOL I can't remember, I'l try to remember to ask them today when I go.
I'd like to take just a second and say that if you read Alexia's page today you'll know what I'm talking about...
She said it best, it's like second nature, you just get up and go on with life. Seventeen months ago or even three months ago I couldn't see myself feeling like this. I feel "normal" - it's really hard to explain and put into words. But even though I weigh every morning, I'm not obsessing over every little aspect of my life. It's like I'm in the Twilight Zone or something. I never thought I'd feel this way again. I know before I had a weight problem I just got up and went about my daily life, I never even use to weigh. I know I was a size 5, but I have no idea what my weight between the age of 18 - 21 was. The only reason I know when I was 21 is that's when I became pregnant.... I just never worried about weight, I guess because I was skinny and had never had to deal with it before. So anyways, it's just that for the past 3 weeks or so I've been feeling great mentally, about where I'm at and where I'm going. It's like a peaceful feeling, that's about the best way I can describe it.
Oh, and when my MIL and SIL hugged me today they called me a "BONE" LMAO Yeah Umm, I'm not a "bone" or anywhere near it, they have been hugging me for 19 years this November, last year they got use to feeling me at 236 pounds, now that I'm not that weight anymore, they think I'm a "bone " They are so sweet!- We had a great time at Sams yesterday.. I'll tell ya more about it later today when I re-post again and put my "Official" WI up . TGIF y'all
I just can't help it, I snuck a tiny little peak at the scales like I do every morning. My official WI is Friday, but I just had to see if anything was happening. This past week I tried to stay off of them and failed miserably. But that's ok, I moved my weight log down from 141.0 to 139.0 (YAAAY!) - I'm still posting my WI results Friday though. Just in case I lose anything else. Who knows, I may show a gain, TOM is on his way and he always has fun messin' with my mind and the numbers on the scales. Maybe if I increase my water he wont be able to say much, if anything this time.
I took yesterday off from blogging, I just had too much going on. And today is not going to be any different. I have several things that has to get done today. I'm taking my MIL & SIL to Sams, I've gotta pay my light bill on my way out to Sams because it's on the way and I've become accustom to having lights and a working TV, and I like my appliances better when they work as well. Not to mention I need my laptop to have power! (HAHAHA)
After we leave Sams, I'll drive them home, carry all of their groceries in and up two flights of stairs and put them away for them and then come home and carry all mine in and put mine away and get dinner started. Then I have to go pick them back up at 6:00 this evening and take them to see a family member and I should get back home by 8:30 tonight. I would say I'm ready for the weekend, but Saturday I take them off again too. Plus, it's time to start cutting their grass, so there goes my Sunday as well. That's left up to me and my husband as well. So it looks like my weekends are going to dissapear for the next 6 months. It's not that I don't want to help them by doing things they can't do, it's just that it would be nice if her other son (her oldest son) and his wife did something for her and my SIL very now and then. Not to get too fired up on here or anything, but they make me sick. I haven't spoken to them in about 4 years and I've been in the same room with his oldest brother - not by choice but by accident. I just can't understand how you can ignore your own blind, pituful mother and your handicapped little sister. I just don't get it.
I use to love summer, now I kinda dread it. Not only do we take care of our yard but hers as well and we both have HUGE yards. <SIGH> Oh well, what can ya do?
But there is one positve thing I can say about having to mow her yard and ours for the past 2 years. I burn some serious calories doing it. So there, that should help me get to goal all that much faster!
I've done exceptionally well on eating this week, but I've slacked on my water intake big time. I'm drinking water as I type this so I'm making an effort to get my 100 oz. in today.
I have read some blogs that have seriously inspired me today! So many people are staying on track and striving to be healthier and happier. I love seeing everyone doing good, because it makes me try that much harder!
OHHHHH We'll be going to our annual Easter cookout this year that my family always does. I have last years pics to comepare the pics that will be taken on this Easter. I looked through my online calendar and I weighed 194 last Easter, I have the pics already on my PC, when I get the new ones that will be taken this year I'm going to take all the current pics on here down and post them for camparison. I plan on becoming a Gold Account Member or whatever your called just as soon as I have some extra moolah. I have to get my 100 pound "Reward" first then I am buying new roller blades, then I'm gonna become a Gold Member on here. I have 3 more pounds to lose to make it a 100 pounds lost, so you know I'm really trying hard. I want my new back tattoo! (That's my reward) I'm so happy I can't stand it.
So that's what's going on here. I hope that you all have a great Thursday! It's gonna be almost 80 here today, so I'm grilling out this afternoon for dinner! YUMMY Be good everone.
Did you lead the best life you could lead today? If not, why?
So I'm back, everything that I had to do is done, it's 2:35 a.m. I wont have hardly anything to do tomorrow when I wake up, so it was worth it. I've added some new pics, and taken down some of the ones I had up before. I'll probably buy a membership on here by the end of summer. Then I'll be able to put up a lot more. I have a few before pics that really show my girth, I've just got to find them. I did put another one up of me in the 190's. It was Easter of 2006, I can't believe it's almost Easter again, where does the time go?!
I have to say I haven't seen that pic since last year when it was taken, and man I am just really... what's the word......... Thankful! I'm glad I quit talking about it and actually did something about it after 14 years of it. NEVER AGAIN!!
Ok, so it's late and I owe AlyO an e-mail. Then I am off to bed. Have a safe and good Tuesday everyone!
So I've had a busy day today. I had a few things to do and got all but one of them done. Maybe tomorrow, maybe not. I had a few phone calls to make today, an appointment had to be made to have 4 female cats spayed all at once, husband asked me to find an ear nose and throat doc for him- found one and made an appointment, called and confirmed two doctor appointments for my MIL in May. I went to the bank, store, post office, ordered a gift online for a family member, did the weekly bills in the budget, then cooked dinner. *NOTE: During all this I walked my dogs each time one of them sat in front of the door, which turned out to be 4 times in a 6 hour span* I'm also doing laundry right now and after I post this I'm going to go load the dishwasher and clean the kitchen, vacumme & dust the living, and give the bathroom a quick wipe down until tomorrow when I can actually clean it properly. I know- I know- you're jealous of my exotic lifestyle! *HEHEHE*
So I weighed today like I do every single morning and I was very optomistic about this coming Fridays WI. Yes I know, most of you think it's bad to weigh daily. It is bad if you let it work on you mentally throughout the day or if it's gonna make you mad or depressed. That's why I didn't weigh daily when I first started out. Well, at first I did weigh daily, especially the first two months, then when I seen how the numbers would drop sharply and rise just as quickly from day to day, I stopped weighing daily. It took two months for me to figure out I was walking around depressed or upset all of the time about a number on the scale. I was losing the weight to be healthy, feel better about myself, have more self esteem, to feel happy. Not to walk around disheartened. So I stopped weighing daily and weighed only once a week. I had my husband hide the scales from me. Problem solved.
Yes, I did look for the scales quite often but no matter where I looked I never found them. Come to find out, he had them in the trunk of his car where the spare tire goes. Yes, he is clever! *LOL*
So I did really well today, I have pretty much got a routine down and once I started following it on a daily basis, I just kinda fell into it each morning. Now it comes naturally and that is saying something right there! Now it feels like it's me, it's who I am. I like that. I like that a lot. And when the numbers are up just a bit, and from time to time that happens to everybody even if you are doing everything right. Sometimes your body just wants to hold on to it for a little longer before it lets go. When they are up, I'm not down- get it? I don't let it bother me now, what I do is look over my daily menu and see if I ate anything really salty or if I went over in Points drastically one day.. I look for a reason, if I can't find one I just shrug it off and drink more water. Usually it's gone within 48 hours and sometimes it take a friend along with it.
So I don't really have anything else to ponder at the moment, if inspiration hits me I'll be back... Like the Fat-o-nater? LOL Ok that was stupid, I couldn't help it. That's my inner goofyness talking.
Ohhhh AlyO, I have not forgotten about you hun, after I do my cleaning tonight, I promise I'll come back on here and send you an E-mail
So today is Sunday and I haven't done a thing all day. I love Sundays! I am still in my jammies, I have been trying to sit in the kitchen and catch up on some blog reading but my little dog Mulder is being a HUGE pain the in the ass today. LOL
He's cried, barked, and whined for the last 30 minutes until I brought my laptop in here and sat next to him on the couch. He's completely fine now- I guess he just wanted me to babysit him. He's the reason I ended up losing 2 blog postings the other day. He is so cute, that's the only thing that has saved him thus far.
I have been thinking about how I am different now, compared to when I weighed 236 pounds.
Then- Size 20 jeans I could not breath in. Now- Size 8-10 depending on the brand, they fit comfortably. Then- Not leaving the house for almost 2 years- having anxiety and crying fits when I did have to leave. Now- I look for a reason to go somewhere most days of the week. Then- Avoiding almost ALL family members other than my husband and son. Now- Taking partial care of 3 family members other than my husband & son. Then- Avoiding certain parts of town /stores because I may run into somebody who knew me when I was skinny. Now- Not bothered one bit about anyone seeing me who may have known me back in the day. Then- Hiding from cameras like it was the black plague. Now- Taking pics of myself because no one is here to see how great my hair or makeup is looking at the moment. Then- Eating out of control and then crying about it , and then doing it again, and crying even more, and yes, eating even more. Now- Controlling my eating and choosing healthy versions of old favorites. No longer binging or crying about binging. Then- Having no self esteem. Now- Feeling great about who I am and what kind of person I am. Then- Walking around frustrated and usually in a bad mood 95% of the time. Now- Walking around smiling for no "apparent" reason 98% of the time. Then- Not going to hubbys work parties/ functions because I thought I was so hideous that ALL his friends and coworkers would talk about him behind his back and feel sorry for him for having such an ugly, fat wife. Now- We are going to his Christmas party this year. He doesn't know...... Yet. ((He never went to the first party/function b/c I wouldn't go)) Then- Constantly worrying everyone was disgusted by me. Now- Not constantly worry about making people sick b/c of my physical apperance. Then- Feeling ashamed just because of the way I looked to the rest of the world. Now- Not giving a shit what anyone thinks of me, I like the person I have always been on the inside.
I could keep going. The list could keep going for pages and pages. The main reason of this post is I haven't really thought about how losing so much weight has really affected me and my mood in general, until I sat down and really thought about it. Because now when I wake up the first thing I do is go tinkle, strip, and weigh. I record my weight on my wall calendar and my PDA. Then I go on about my day- I'm not obsessing over things that use to take up so much of my time and life on a daily basis, I'm no longer miserable. I'm happy now, I'm at peace with myself for the first time in over 14 years. It's so wonderful to not hide and not feel ashamed of myself. My life is a happy one now.
I'm not at goal yet, but it is around the corner, and I'm gonna make it this time.
* Few people during their lifetime, come anywhere near exhausting the resources within them. There are deep wells of strength in us all that are never used" -
I hope you all have a great Sunday and that you chose to lead the best life you could lead today!
**POSTED AFTER MIDNIGHT SO IT WILL SHOW AS A SATURDAY POST**
So I'm doing good, I had a great Friday. I showed a loss today and I was very pleased with it.
So, I didn't get in enough Points today. I woke up late and I didn't have time for breakfast, so after I showered I grabbed a 2 Point Special K bar and a Diet Coke and a bottled water. That's not what I consider a real breakfast, but time was of the essence today. At lunch I was gone from the house and I don't eat at fast food places - I almost never ate at them when I was 236 pounds either- yeah weird, I know. I do eat at Subway now, but I don't think of them as fast food. So I missed lunch, and when I finally got home it was dinnertime - I threw some hot dogs (real ones and my fat free ones) on the grill and opened a bag of baked chips and heated up some turkey chili, cut some fresh fruit up and called it dinner. My dinner was 6 Points total, plus the 2 for "breakfast" and I have eaten a Peach WW yogurt for 1 Point- Total 9 Points, and I'm not hungry. I have apples and banannas, and all kinds of yummy veggies, but I'm just not hungry, I have a stress headache.
I'm supposed to be eating 20 Points a day, I don't think the 14 and 9 Point days are good for me. But I don't plan on over-sleeping in the morning. I have to have the MIL and SIL somewhere by a certain time- so there's no room for error on my part in the morning. I'll be eating my oatmeal and fruit and toast for breakfast.
Oh this is totally off topic here, I watched a new show last night called Raines. It has Jeff Goldbloom as a dectective that either imagines dead people or he can really see them, I can't remember which- either way that show ROCKS! They kinda help him solve their murders. It comes on again next Thursday @ 10:00 and I think it was on NBC, but I'm not 100% sure about that. You'll have to Google it or try going to NBC to be sure of the station and your local time. It's worth checking out.
So I've talked about nothing and I'm still doing laundry so after I get home tomorrow ( today really) I'll have no housework to do, all the cleaning is done, I'm doing 2 loads of laundry and then I'm off to bed. But until the laundry is done, I'm gonna read some more blogs. Have a great Saturday everyone!
I am 141.0 pounds as of this morning! WOW! I am 21.0 pounds from goal. I've lost 95 pounds since starting out on November 25, 2005. I've lost 14.4 pounds since February 23, 2007 after being on a plateau from hell for almost 4 months. I will make my goal weight BEFORE August which was my original plan. Wow!
I tried writing a post very early this morning- TWICE and lost it both times! I was so mad, but I'm over that, so I'll post what I can remember of them now.
HotMomWannaBe is right, it is a Subway comercial that has the "badunkadunk-butt and side of thunder-thighs" line in it that made me laugh so hard. I don't know why I thought it was a Sonic commercial, maybe it's because they have a few funny ones as well. JD went to youtube looking for the "Sonic" one and found a really funny Sonic spoof- it's in my comments from either yesterday or the day before that. I went to Subway.com and looked for the commercial, but they are not up on the site yet, it says that commercials are coming soon. (YAY) *LOL*
So I finally got to eat my "Subway" I was craving. I made myself a homemade one yesterday for dinner and it was so good. It hit the spot! I love the fact that I can eat something so satisfying and it be very healthy/good for me at the same time. I ate until I was satisfied and then stopped, I didn't eat the whole 6 inch sandwich. I wrapped it up and I'll have the other half today for lunch.
I went through my closet the other day, I was looking for a pair of capris because it had been getting 80 degrees this past week. I had them from size 20 - 12. NONE of them fit me at all, the 12's were buttoned and zipped and they hung very low on me, even if I had a belt to wear with them the butt was droopy looking and that's not a pretty sight to see someone in droopy butt pants. I gave them all to my mom, she can wear the 18's and if she'd get on the ball and do WW here at home with me, she'd be able to wear them all as she lost weight and then give them away by next summer and go buy her some smaller ones too. But she's not really interested in losing, so I don't push her. I just want her to be healthy, I don't care what she looks like. But we all have to do it for ourselves right? Right.
I guess either this weekend or next weekend I need to hit Target, Old Navy and Kohls and maybe a couple more stores to get some new capris and about 4 new tops. I have 2 pair of shorts I can wear right now, I bought them last year at JC Penny when they were on sale for 75% off the regular price. They are size 10 and they fit great! I just tried them on the other day, they had been folded up in my dresser drawer with the tags still on them. That feels so good!
Ok, I know I'm forgetting something that I had in the other TWO posts last night- but I can't think of it right now. If it hits me I'll put it in my PDA as a reminder and post about it later today. But right now I've got to hop in the shower and get ready, I'm taking my SIL to Wal-Mart & I told her I'd pick her up @ 1:00- it's 12:00 right now. I gotta hurry!
I'll catch y'all later. I hope everyone has a great Friday and an even better weekend!! Keep on rockin'!
I've tried typing this post TWICE and lost it, each time was 30 minutes of typing. I have no more patients left in me right now, so I'm going to bed. I'll repost all the crap I typed out TWICE tonignt- again tomorrow. I hope you all have a great Friday.
I'm gonna choose to get over this and be happy - we'll at least by 9:00 a.m. when I wake up.
I forgot to take my measurements Friday afternoon when I got back home from the doctors office, so I'll be doing that when I get back today from taking my MIL and SIL to see a family member. Then I'm gonna be cutting our grass. My husband and I will probably do my MIL's yard on Sunday while they are at church. 
I'm just really shocked and surprised. 
I haven't spoken to them in about 4 years and I've been in the same room with his oldest brother - not by choice but by accident. I just can't understand how you can ignore your own blind, pituful mother and your handicapped little sister. I just don't get it.
I'm so happy I can't stand it. 
*LOL*