Counting Down until Friday 2-23-07

I'm counting down the days until this Friday, I have my doctors appointment with the diet doctor and I'm SO excited! I've been reading a lot of posts over at Phentermine.com and I'm really encouraged by all of those people success! I hope I'm a fast loser like some of them are. My name on Phentermine.com is DeniseD1971x

I've been trying to eat in moderation like always, but I had a couple of weak moments last night. The noodles and rolls won and so did the Lucky Charms. I lost the battle badly.

But I've picked myself up, dusted myself off and I've started a new day this morning when I got up.

I am still drinking my water, but I kinda was afraid to get on the scales this morning because of my binge last night. So as to not get discouraged I am going to wait until I go to the doctor Friday @ 2:00 p.m. and I'm going to go by their scales AND my own.

When I weigh @ home I am usually in the buff. Sometines I have on just a T-shirt and undies, but when they weight you at the doctors office they just make you take your socks and shoes off. I'll have on jeans, bra, and a shirt plus all of my jewelery. So I suspect that my scales will say I weigh from 1-3 pounds lighter than the doctors scales will. It's not a big deal to me, a coupe of pounds is not going to make or break my spirit. I know what needs to be done and I plan on doing it.

I've decided that I'm going to do an experiment. I'll get my pills this Friday (2-23-07) but I'm starting the experiment on Monday (2-26-07) I'm going to go 5 days and not drink ANY Diet Coke. I'm going to stick to water, 1% milk and 2 cups of coffee a day. I usually drink 1-4 Diet Cokes a day and I want to see how taking that out of my diet changes how I feel and if it really makes the scales move down any quicker.

I've been actively looking up information Online about plastic surgery. By no means are we well off or even slightly comfortable, but there are several factors that I think that's going to help me eventually get a tummy tuck and implants. My car is fixing to be paid off ( that's 330.04 ) extra each month, plus my husband is fixing to get a promotion and become a supervisor where he works which means more money, and I have decided I'm going to stop buying every little thing my heart desires, little silly stuff like eye makeup, lipstick, etc.. I have enough of that stuff already, I don't need anymore. So I'll be saving a good bit each month. I am thinking about saving 1 or 2 thousand and then going to a loan comapany that deals with people who are wanting cosmetic surgery. There's an ad I seen in one of my magazines the other day, it was something like www.doctorssayyes.net. I think that's the correct web address.

But I haven't been to it yet. They have a deal or something like 99.00 down and 99.00 a month The ad said "No one is turned down" I suspect if you have bad credit like myself the rates are a little higher. Even if I had to pay 1,000.00 down and then 250.00 a month I wouldn't care, I'd still do it!

My sweet, sweet husband even said we could get a home equity loan if I wanted to. He knows how I am struggling with my body image right now. I thought after losing a little over 80 pounds I'd feel good abut myself. I ALMOST feel worse after losing the weight. I have a very flabby lower stomach and there is NO amount of exercise going to fix my sagging skin. Plus, my boobs are deflated and they look pitiful. I want a set of big boobs just natural looking, not the kind Pamela Anderson has. She looks like someone shoved two cantalopes up under her skin. I don't like that look for myself personally. But to each their own I guess.

You know, I've never even really thought about plastic surgery before until about 6 months ago. I just never really thought it was going to be financially possible for me to even explore that topic. I'm like most people in America, our family lives from paycheck to paycheck. We pay the bills and buy groceries and that's about it. We are mostly broke until the next week. But with my husbands' promotion coming up in about 3 weeks and the fact that our car will be paid off I have been really getting excited about having this done.

I've never had any kind of surgery on me, ever. The most I've ever had done to me was 7 stitches in my right foot when I was about 9 years old. I'm terrified of doctors and hospitals. I haven't even been to an OBGYN in 14 years because of my weight. I was too ashamed to put my big ass up on the table. I was afraid they'd make fun of me or talk about me when I left. Even though they probably would not in reality, I just feel like they would. ( Yes, I know it's all in my head) But that doesn't change the fact that I have a panic attack just thinking about getting undressed and having a stranger touch me.

I know there are women who are much bigger than I ever was, that still go get checked for cancer and other things like that. But I just couldn't bring myself to go. I hope that once I get this last 37.6 pounds off of me I can get up the courage and go to the doctor and get my pap tests started again. I know something is wrong with me in that department, I think I might have cysts or something. But even knowing that something might be wrong I just can't seem to make myself go.

I'm hoping to maybe even get a referral to a good plastic surgeon from my future OBGYN. I'm sure they know of some good ones in my area. Well, that's all for now. I must walk my dogs. Until next time-

Wishing you all the very best,

~Tink~