new tactic

well, my mom convinced me last night to take a new tactic... i'm going to stop counting calories because I've done it long enough to know roughly what i should eat (and unless you're weighing your food, which i wasn't, you're not all that precise anyhow).  I'm going to start eating more whole foods... less processed diet stuff... no soda or splenda or crystal light for a month... in a month i'm having my tonsils out and then i'll jsut be glad if i'm able to get anything down!

i did go to the doctor last week and get tested for several things, and i've got an appointment with an allergist in a couple of weeks to try to determine which food allergies/sensitivities I have... i can't wait to have results on both those fronts!

i was pretty depressed all the last week or so about the whole diet/exercise thing, but at least i had a fun weekend with some friends... today i got back on the exercise wagon and i've been drinking only water... sure wish i liked it!

something is wrong with me.

so it's been 8 weeks since i started dieting and exercising... I haven't lost a damn thing really... I've been eating around 1200 calories a day (there was a break there for a few days over the 4th of july but otherwise i've mostly been good) and exercising (alternating cardio and strength training) 4-5 days a week.  I thought I'd lost a couple of pounds but now I don't really think so.

I think there's something wrong with me.  It's just not fair and doesn't make any sense to be eating that little and working out for two months and nothing happens.  I just want to crawl into a hole and cry instead of being at work chatting to coworkers like my usual happy self.

I went on several different sites (like 10) and "calculated" my basal metabolic rate, and it was about 1500 calories a day burned (without doing anything but sitting there)... so how can I walk around and exercise and eat only 1200 or 1300 calories a day and not lose a fucking thing?  It makes no sense.  The past few days I thought maybe I'm not eating enough... but I haven't been hungry... and for 8 weeks, you think even if my body was trying to hold onto it, it would have had to let some go by now....

I really don't want to be at work today. I just want to cry.  No wonder I've given up all the times before.  I need to figure out what kind of doctor i can talk to that won't give me the canned bullshit answer of "well, have you tried eating more vegetables as a way to cut calories? or maybe you should walk around the block a couple of times during lunch!" ...doctors assume you're an idiot and you don't know what you're talking about...  I need to figure out what type of doc will actually test me for things.  find out what's wrong. cause i can't take it anymore.

need to get...

back on the wagon. this past week has had too much splurging!  the "candy incident" sent me downhill... and when i have sugar it makes me want more... and tonight I even had a milkshake (not the healthy kind I have made before at home with a banana and milk but the ice cream kind....) after dinner with one of my girlfriends... it was damn yummy, but it ruined any calories I'd burned while we walked the lake!

yep - sugar is evil

Man, the sugar zapped my energy on tuesday evening, and then yesterday I battled a migraine all day... even went home early from work! 

Why do I give in to my candy addiction?  This time it was so obvious that hopefully I will be deterred next time.  It took me out for nearly 2 days!  I'd rather feel good!

Candy

Ahh my old foe candy.  A few days ago I bought some Mambas and put them in my desk... yesterday I ate one "pack" and today after lunch I ate the other two, just to get rid of them.... I'm addicted to candy like some people are to smoking... If I go without it for a week or two I don't miss it much... if I have some, then I want more.

Why do I even keep buying it?  Because, always, like today, I feel crappy after eating it... not just emotionally but physically.  I feel headachey and I know it often triggers migraines... and it keeps my blood sugar up so my body can't burn fat... it's an interesting thing.  I should swear it off and never eat it again... but I love it so... weird.

elliptical?

There's no elliptical machine listed in the activities, but weird stuff like cooking and playing with children is? Weird.... I picked walking up hill in place of it... I did 30 minutes of interval training yesterday (resistance 1 to 8 to 1 to 8 and on).

it was good.... scale was up a pound today but it's just the fluctuation... I'm feeling good!

kind of shocking

So I've been dieting and exercising for at least a month now (cardio 3 days a week and strength training 2 other days), and I never saw any movement on the scale... then I went away for the 4th of july weekend and ate pretty badly and didn't really exercise...

Now I've been back for a week and I've been back to counting calories and somehow it seems like I've lost 3 pounds!  Weird.  I don't ever trust any day's particular number on the scale because I know it can fluctuate, but I just saw 161 and I'm pretty sure I haven't seen that in a couple of years (I don't seem to fluctuate very much... I always weigh first thing in the morning whenever I do weigh myself...)

Interesting.  It does make me want to keep it up though!

First post

Well, here I go.  Signing up on another website, but I've never really tried a weight loss blog before.  Maybe trying to write about it every day will keep me more accountable to myself.  Keep it top of mind - when I know I have to report a cupcake or sitting on my butt all night!  Here it goes!