It's been a month

It's been almost a month since Kaleigh was born. I am down past my prepregnancy weight and now can start really trying to lose my regular fat. I am still not supposed to diet because I am bfing, but I can eat healthier.  Last night I officially joined TOPS and I am hoping it will be a support. I am a little concerned, though, that everyone seemed to have gained weight at last night's meeting except for one member. I hope that they work together on strategies that will actually help each other out and not be a place where it's "just okay to try".  I can't wait for the weather to get better so that I can get outside and go for walks with Kaleigh. Right now, it's still just a little bit too cold to take her out. I could bundle her better and I might do that on Saturday. It's supposed to get to -3, not too bad at all.

Kaleigh is here!

Okay, so it looks like I lost a ton of weight, and I did!!!  I had my baby girl on Saturday February 3rd, 2007. She is absolutely perfect and wonderful.

I am breastfeeding and trying to eat right. Very soon, as soon as my incision heals, I will start exercising. I am not allowed to lift anything over 10lbs for 6 weeks so I will mostly be doing cardio exercises.

I am just so happy she is here. Now, I can focus on getting healthy so that I can be a good influence on her and have the energy to play with her!

T.O.P.S.

My mother in law is involved with TOPS and she is doing so well. I looked it up and there is a meeting tonight. I think I'm going to go. I know I can't start losing weight yet, but maybe meeting some new people in town will help me with my motivation to get started once baby bean arrives.

Still pregnant!

I just came back to this site as I am nearing the end of my pregnancy. It has been a great one so far. I am due in 4 days... I can't believe it's coming so soon.  I have gained about 30lbs this pregnancy and I really want it to come off at a nice pace.

I am hoping to breastfeed and I know that until my milk is established I can't do a big diet, but I can exercise and eat healthy. I should really make sure I am doing that anyway.

I am just so excited to meet this little person inside of me. What an adventure it has been!

on hold

It looks like my weight loss journey will be on hold for a little while. I just found out that I am pregnant!  Please cross your fingers for me, and say a little prayer, that all goes okay with this pregnancy and that I carry to term.

I have been walking a lot and watching what I am eating. I've also started going to aquacize again. I went both days last week and I am going again tonight. It's easy to find the motivation to excercise when I know it's good for the baby that I do!

Now, just to remember to take a water bottle with me everywhere so that I can keep up on my water intake!

Fitness Consultation

I went to the local college today for a fitness consultation. We were going to make a plan of action for me but after talking for awhile we decided that I would come back for a full consultation. I will be going back on Wednesday. She will be doing measurements and fit tests and all of that good stuff. I am lloking forward to it.

I was told that I need to drink more water and to cut out all white flour and sugar from my diet. I can't believe how much stuff had white flour and sugar in it. I need to be more conscious of reading label from now on, I guess!

This is not going to be a quick fix. She told me that it took me a long time to get in this shape, and to expect it to take a long time to get my body back into shape. I am glad she said that. I find that I lose motivation when I don't see quick changes. To know that I don't have to do it by summer is nice...

I am feeling better about this journey today.

Opposition????

Tonight I had made up my mind to go to the gym. I was looking at some old pictures with Craig and realized that I have gotten super fat. It's time for a little less talk and a lot more action. Craig wanted me to stay home with him, but I said no.. I have to go to the gym.

I get to the gym and see that there is a treadmill free. I hop on. It stops. I try turning it on again. It works. I step on it. It stops. I try again, same thing. URGH! The tread mill next to me is free. I go on it. A nice young man comes over to tell me that he has it booked. I ask him if he can fix the other one for me. He tries... same results that I had. He lets me stay on the treadmill for a little while. After 5 minutes I feel bad that he's waiting so I decide to go use the elliptical trainer.

I get on the elliptical trainer. I think "Hey.. I should try a program." I turn the machine off. My foot slides sideways and a bolt goes shooting across the room. WHAT???  This machine is also broken.

hmmm... I think.  Maybe I should have stayed home with Craig.
I give the worker the bolt and get ready to go. On my way out I see that one of the bikes isn't being used. I decide to try it. The seat is much too high for me to get on. I adjust it. It is wierd.. the bolt doesn't really want to go in all of the way. I think "hmm... this is strange, but maybe it's how this bike works, I've never used it before."  I get on and start talking to the girl beside me and tell her about my other experiences with the treadmill and elliptical. I laugh and joke that if this bike breaks I am definitely going home!
I get going on the bike and am riding happily when all of a sudden the seat slides down and I smack my butt. Oh dear. That's it.... definitely going home. The staff is in the room now, trying to fix the elliptical machine and sees what happens. I am almost in tears, I am so upset. I want to leave.

The girls convince me to stay and try one more machine. The sitting bike. All three of us look it over. It seems safe.  I sit down. I start peddling. It IS safe!  I finally got a bit of a workout, 15 minutes on the seated bike. Better than nothing!

Total opposition to being there tonight. Everything that I tried broke and I was so upset. I'm glad the girls were there to convince me to stay. I think I will go back again tomorrow. It felt so good to workout, even though I have an upset stomach now.
I'm glad I persevered!

I can't do it!

I just ate a hundered little tiny cadbury creme eggs. I have no will power and then I feel guilty and say srew it and eat some more. This is so bloody hard. I hate it.  How am I ever going to lose weight?

I got my hair cut this last weekend. She did a horrible job so I went back and asked her to fix it. Well... she gave me a minimullet. I feel fat, ugly and now I have awful bad hair. grrrr.....

I wish this was easy. I wish I was one of those women who could look in the mirror and be pleased, be proud of what the saw. I have new rolls on my back... MY BACK!  What the heck... I understand rolls on my stomach, but my back?  That's just wrong. My stomach actually rests on my lap as I sit now. And I'm not pregnant. It's just such an awful feeling. At least last week I was proud of my hair.

How do I do this?  How do I get some will power and some confidence? I wish there was someone up here who wanted to be my workout buddy. Someone who could support me and who I could support and who wouldn't make excuses with me.

I just want to be healthy. I just want to fix my brain so that I don't turn to food when i am happy, sad, depressed, or whatever. I just want to be proud of who I am. I feel like I need to go on Dr. Phil or something. I am proud of my accomplishments, but I really feel like my weight is holding me back.

I'm just having a terrible day and it's all I can do not to go eat the rest of the bag of Easter candy. There should be a helpline for people trying to lose weight, just like alcoholics can call thier support person when they have a craving.

What am I going to do??? 

Doing Well

I"ve been trying really hard to limit the sugary and fatty foods that i have been eating. I have been doing really well with this. I haven't lost any weight, but my cravings for it have gone down. Also, now I am satsfied with a smaller portion of these types of foods.

I wish I could say that I am as happy with my water intake, bui I am not. I can do better and I will tomorrow. I have to make it a concious effort to drink my water. I think if I drink some at every class change and at every break, I will do much better. For awhile, while I was watching tv, I would drink at every commercial.  That worked but I don't watch tv very often anymore.

The other issue I have been having is actually getting out and getting exercise. I come home so tired every day. I know that isn't a good excuse, it's just the truth. By the time I get home it's 6pm and then I spend the rest of the night plannng, marking or spending time with my husband. I need to etch in some time to head over to the gym. I think I can do it, if I make it a priority. Just a half hour on the bike or the treafmill.. that shouldn't be too much.

Today I have been having a lot of dizzy spells. I just had one a few minutes ago where I was glad I was already sitting down because otherwise I would have ended up on the ground. I don't know why I've been having them. It's not from undereating.. I've been really careful to eat good foods. Maybe it's just that I'm tired and not drinking as much as I should.

On to another week. I hope I see some change in the scale this week!

Try, try again

My husnband and I tried to go to the college gym today but when we got there it was full of the firefighters and the college girls. There were no machines for us to use. We just turned around and left.  I was so upset and disappointed that I just wanted to go home. I never said that, though.

Craig and I decided to go see what equipment was at the high school where he teaches. There was a bike and an old eliptical/stairmaster. The seat on the bike was broken and it kept wobbling back and forth. It was very uncomfortable. Nevertheless, I rode it. I rode one kilometer, then I went on the step machine for a litte while.  Craig and I then played some badminton. I am just learning so I don't know how to play very well, but he is teaching me. Then I rode another kilometer and went on the step machine some more.  I am very proud of myself.

For dinner tonight I made us some chicken, potatoes and green beans. It was delicious. I also made some triple chocolate cookies and was so proud that I only ate three small cookies. I wanted so many more. I've also drank my water like mad.

The disapointing part?  I stepped on the scale and weigh 5 lbs more than I did yesterday at this time. I have to learn to only weigh myself once a day and at the same time each day. Hopefully I will be able to keep the exercise up and I will gradually take this weight off!

I am so proud of the effort I made today. I am proud that I didn't give up when it would have been so easy. I am proud of my self control to not get a second portion when I didn't really want it. I am proud of my self control to only eat the cookies that I gave myself in one serving. I am doing better and I know that I can keep this up.