2011 - The Body From Heaven

This is the year I get my body back!!

My Profile

  • Name: kocianskid
  • City: La Porte
  • Region: Texas
  • Country: United States

My Weight Loss

Height: 172.7cm
Start weight: 272.00lb
Current weight: 265.00lb
Goal weight: 170.00lb
Lost to date: 7.00lb
Remaining: 95.00lb

My Calendar

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Really Simple Syndication
03/16/2011 03:34

Life's good! ---< Back pain SUCKS!

Wow - didn't realize it had been so long since my last post!  All I can say is... when it rains, it pours.
 
Have had a rough time lately and I'm sure I've gained quite a bit of weight back, if not all of it.  Can't get on the scale right now because my back is out and I can't stand independently, but as soon as I can that's the first place I'm heading.
 
Went out yesterday to some museums with a student (w/ parent) and my son. So much progress was made, but I paid for it dearly.  By the time I got home, I thought I was going to lose it.  The pain was so excruciating!  But once I got the monster in bed, I took my meds, turned on the heating pad and chilled.
 
I'm trying really hard to back off the serious pain meds as well as the muscle relaxers, but it's been hard.  When I take them in back to back doses (as prescribed), they help make the pain bearable, but start a terrible cycle of depression and hopelessness, and sometimes knock me out so bad that I don't hear my son (who is autistic and can't be left unattended).
 
Those pills have a tendency to really mess with people's psyche - they make me very depressed and down - so the longer I can stay off of them, the better my outlook on things and the better I'm able to watch my son.  I only take them when I just can't take one more second of pain, but it sure would be nice to not take them at all. 
 
The upside to this and all the other rocky things that have been going on lately - I'm spending quite a bit of quality time with my son .... doing nothing.  We've watched movies, cuddled, talked, and laughed.  To top it all off - it's spring break, so the timing is good too.
 
So...... the house is a disaster area, my car looks like it just went through a "sand"  wash, my yard resembles a jungle, and food from a box is starting to taste like a luxury item -
 
the good side:  I'm lucky enough to have a house, my car is paid for, my yard has green grass with beautiful plants, and I'm blessed enough to have food in my refrigerator.
 
 
 
Moral to the story:
Life's good!   --->   Back pain SUCKS! 
 
 
 
 

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02/23/2011 04:39

Bad Stress Monster

ok - so I've fallen way out of whack .... again.  Seems that stress is my downfall!! 
 
Not sure how to get rid of that pesky little stress monster.  It just keeps showing it's head and then leaves me all rattled. 
 
BAD STRESS MONSTER!!!
 
Hopefully, I'll be able to focus a little more attention on me again soon!

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02/08/2011 03:59

no snow, now sick

Was very occupied the last several days.  Last Thursday, just about everything around here shut down between noon and 3pm in preparation for the snow and ice.  Everyone was anxiously awaiting the 1-3 inches of snow we were promised so that we could go out and act like crazy people - There's nothing like making a snow angel in Texas!!!
 
 
Bad weather forecasters!!!!   Got me all excited for nothing.  Thought maybe I'd get some exercise time in by making snow angels and building snowmen or better yet, some gorgeous curvy snowwomen.
 
 
 
The snow never came, but the ice did.  We're just not prepared for that type of weather - we're kind of wimpy here when it comes to the severe cold weather (and no snow).
 
 
So I stayed home with my kiddo (who is autistic and needs constant supervision) - lost track of eating (as well as my mind) since I didn't have much time to get on the internet and update my food tracker. Then started feeling super cruddy!!!  You know, dragging my behind everywhere (not that it's that far from the ground in the first place). 
 
 
This morning, he returned to school, I found my mind and then started to catch up on all my internet stuff, but then started feeling worse - now I'm sicker than a dog sitting here lapping up my honey and lemon mix which I'm sure is not the best when counting calories; but does the fact that they are lemons from my backyard count for something????
 
 
Well, if anything, the lemons are extremely sour - so maybe my lips will pucker up too much to insert any more food.
 
 
Oh, if only things were so simple. 

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02/01/2011 01:25

I'm back!!

I'm back - lost my internet service when my phone went out.  I have AT&T so it takes them forever to come out and look at the problem.  A very nice man from AT&T came out and temporarily "rigged" it so that I could get back to business.
 
NICE MAN ---- BAD AT&T!!
 
I've been spending the last couple of days just responding to e-mails.  Didn't realize how many e-mails I respond to each day, how many times I send out e-mails, and how often I use the internet as a resource for research information. 
 
I hate to admit it (since I'm somewhat of a tree-hugger), but I'm so technology dependent!!!  I was so lost without it.
 
 
Again, I have to say - I LOVE the food tracker!!! 
I was so pathetic without it - I tried to keep records with pen & paper - didn't work, so I tried Word on the computer - total failure......
 
I gained back 5 lbs!!  Ugh!   But....it's not the end of the world.
 
Not all bad: there's a bright side.....I didn't gain all 10 back!!!
 
Had a lot of other yucky stuff happen too - but survived!
 
Last week was just a mess - but I made it and I'm just that much stronger. 

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01/20/2011 00:33

Down 10!!!!

Wow!  Made it to 10 pounds!!!  Been super busy the last several days - forgot to weigh in until this morning.  Stepped on the scale and was shocked to see that I'd made the 10 pound mark. 
 
 

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01/16/2011 01:51

Hum-drum and blah!

Ate more calories today than I have in any two days combined since I started my "life change". 
 
It is really affecting my mood and how I feel physically.  I'm very sluggish and starting to swell in the feet and legs.  I can feel my heart beating - it must be all the extra work it is having to do right now. 
 
Not feeling happy nor perky, just hum-drum and blah!!!  Very depressed ..... about nothing actually.  I think it's from the food and not so much the feeling bad about my actions. 
 
Feeling lazy and out of it!  Just want to crawl under the covers and hibernate.
 
I'm trying to keep in mind that tomorrow is a new day ..... plus it's the beginning of a new week.  Hopefully this crud gets out of my system soon - I don't like this state I'm in right now - I want my happy optimistic mood back!!!
 
 
 

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01/15/2011 04:43

Oh, fogot to add....

One of my student's parents asked if I had lost weight - I just hugged the snot out of her.  Hadn't told anyone until today.  She's just so sweet!!!!
 
However, my son's father (we've been separated for 12 years - never got around to a divorce) didn't even notice.  He's just so empty!!!!
 
I asked him if saw a difference in my pinky finger - but nothing there either. 
 
 

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01/15/2011 04:34

What time is it really????

I just realized that the time posted on my blogs is off by seven hours as compared to our time here.  Does anyone know how to adjust this???  Not that it really matters......
 
 
Just being difficult - I'm entitled - I'm going through withdrawals from overstuffed plates of tasty, creamy, salty, sweet, cheese-laden, calorie-filled food. 
 
 
Now on to the good stuff - ate good this morning and saved quite a few calories for this evening which was a good idea.  Very stressed out when I got home from work and this was increased by my dear son's life-altering, world-stopping issues and problems. 
 
Stopped and listened to him while he was having a total meltdown as I quietly dreamed of how good my dinner was going to taste.  Boy did it make it easier to "hear him out"!!   Once he got it all out and calmed down, I sat and ate in a blissful state of euphoria.  The food was soooo good - thank goodness I had enough open calories left to endulge somewhat. 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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01/14/2011 06:21

Back to the battefield - the war's not over!!!!

With regret & shame, I admit that I have relapsed - it was an awful sight to see, I'm sure.  In all my glorious tiredness, I gave in to the inner callings of my subconscious mind.  The monster won tonight's battle, but the war has not ended.  I am still at the top of my game .... I just fell a little.   Ok - a lot!!!    
 
I'm on my way to bed and must find forgiveness in that deep spot where that overwhelming feeling of guilt hibernates...........
 
 
Ok - I'm over it.   I'm yanking chains here.
 
 
It's not the end of the world.  Life goes on and so will I.  Tomorrow's a new day and I await it with open arms and the expectation that it will go much better than today. 
 
Don't get me wrong - I struggle with every fiber of my being.  I'm a food-aholic - I'm addicted to food.  But to beat myself up will only add to the depressive state I get into when I'm in that horrible cycle of eat, be sad, eat, be sad, eat, be sad....   And who wants to be there?
 
 
Got better things to do with my time now - like dreaming of:
 
-wearing clothes that don't stretch in 15 different directions, have elastic at every seam, or have Roman Numerals as the size;
 
-seeing my beautiful feet again - I know they're down there somewhere;
 
-driving by Marble Slab without going into convulsions, swooning, or fainting;
 
-no longer wanting to buy stock in "certain" food companies - we won't mention any names, but I'm sure that Frito Lay and Ben & Jerry's know who I'm talking about;
 
-finding a swimsuit that doesn't look like it had been stolen from a museum of historical artifacts;
 
and last but not least,
 
-allowing Barbara Mandrell's song "Sleeping Single in a Double Bed" to go back to it's original form from this:
 

Sleeping single in a king-sized bed

Thinking over all the things I wished I did

But kept on eating, cause I couldn’t stop

Now I feel like I’m going to pop

 

Sleeping single in a king-sized bed

Tossing, turning, trying to forget

That I could be healthier instead

I’m sleeping single in a king-sized bed

 

I’ll just eat more and know I’ll be sorry

Don’t matter if it’s alone or at a big party

Another eating binge, it’s the same old story

Don’t matter if it’s now or two in the morning

 

Sleeping single in a king-sized bed

Thinking over all the things I wished I did

But kept eating, cause I couldn’t stop

Now I feel like I’m going to pop

 

Sleeping single in a king-sized bed

Tossing, turning, trying to forget

That I could be healthier instead

I’m sleeping single in a king-sized bed

 

 

Hopefully, sleep will visit tonight.  

 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

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01/13/2011 09:10

Sleep, where art thou?

It's 2:00 in the morning.  Sleep is not cooperating.  Not sure what's going on, but the closer I get to 5:00 am, the more sleep seems to evade me. 
 
This is not good - lack of sleep will definitely cause a severe craving for carbs and lots of salty stuff.  This is one of those times that I know I'll be at my weakest and most groggy - no meds needed. 
 
ugh!!!! 

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