Today at lunch...I walked. I was hoping that it was raining ..so that I didn't have to walk. VERY pathetic when it was only my 2nd day of walking. I had a hard time breathing. BUT..when I went back to the break room after my walk I was so exhausted that I didn't want to eat any of the company cake that was sitting at the table. It looked disgusting!! I ate a banana & some grapes & my sf shake. I had a huge dinner tho..I was hungry!! Left over spaghetti & peas. Much larger serving than yesterday. That is ok..because I haven't had any ice cream, or mt. dew, or candy. This is hard. I want to be 50 lbs lighter already. I don't feel very good right now..as the large meal isn't agreeing with me. I shouldn't have eaten so much but I WAS HUNGRY!!! I am still pondering taking phen..I just have to find out the problem with taking zoloft with it. I can't stop taking my zoloft.. I went off of it a month ago so I could take phen but I went really sideways. Major sideways..so i went back on the zoloft. I didn't even get to try the phen. My doctor doesn't seem "too" worried about the interaction of phen & zoloft but I work in a pharmacy and the potential of having a seratonianseizure is a concern of the pharmacist. He also told me that instead of spending money on a diet pill I should buy a new pair of walking shoes......So... I walk and walk and walk..
b: sf shake/soy milk small amount of malt-o-meal with just a touch of brown sugar but not much. l: sf shake, orange, banana, 1/4 c dietary nut mix. s: zone energy bar d: small amount of spaghetti & peas. tea
I had a wonderful day today in regards to my healthy lifestyle changes, everything else was the same ol' stuff. I ate good. I walked at lunch for 30 minutes!!!! That is about it. I am kinda having my night time cravings right now. I noticed at lunch today..I was really hungry but I walked first. Then I wasn't as hungry and I didn't eat as much. I should go walk on my handy dandy treadmill right now BUT...it is 10PM and I am in my pajamas. We went to Bible study tonight. I didn't feel the same "low" self esteem tonight that I usually feel when I am in a crowd. I felt a little "huge" around everyone but I didn't feel AS HUGE...if that makes any sense. Well, I am going to enjoy my cup of tea.
I got on the scale this am...Lost 2 lbs..YEA!!!!! YEA!!!!! I forgot to log yesterdays food..b:sf shake/soy milk l: sf shake s: banana, 1/2 peanuts d: chicken & vegies, juice. I kow that cutting myself slim on the food intake isn't good because my body goes into a "starving" mode and stores fat. BUT...I need to train my stomach to not expect so much food in the future. And my goal is to be more healthier...not so much skinnier. Deep down I want to be skinnier but my goal ...so not to set myself up for failure...is to be HEALTHIER!!!! I am off to work.
I did really good today. I didn't eat anything that was bad for me. I feel very anxious though. I want to eat...I am beginning to see that my evenings are the worse for me. I need to find something to keep me busy..to stop thinking about food. Stuffing my face with stuff that keeps me overweight. I didn't walk today..because I had something important to do at lunch today. Then I didn't walk when I got home from work..because...um...because...???? I don't know why I didn't. I was thinking today that maybe I am afraid. Afraid to be me. It was a deep thought that made me "feel" I don't like to feel my feelings. I guess i would rather eat my feelings. Eating makes me feel good. Feeling my feelings makes me feel bad. I think I am afraid to be ME. I was pretty awesome 18 years ago. I didn't have a lot of baggage in my closet. OK..enough self psychoanalyzing. (i know i spelled that wrong :o) I am going to read more of my book tonight. Walk tomorrow.
Yesterday.. B: slim fast shake w/soy milk & banana. Tea L: slim fast shake, broccoli & cali, orange. S: apple & tea D: kaschi cereal. Then it went down hill. We bowl monday night league. I got hungry about 8PM..so I went for the healthiest item on the menu..deep fried mozz sticks. Washed down with my husbands pepsi. Then I got upset around 10pm..long story..and got a mcflurry w/ extra reeces pb. I did walk for 20 minutes and I read 5 pages of my "lose it for life" book. I did manage to fullfill my goals I set on sunday. I found my diary from 1988. I weighed 188lbs and I was complaining about being fat. I weigh 75 lbs more..and I won't complain about it. I will just fix it. Today, I will walk again and read my book. Figure out the soy milk issure. Eat a better dinnner. I WILL BE HEALTHY!!!!!!!
Today....I hate having to go to work. Don't get me wrong...I am happy to have a job. I love my job. I am a hard worker...I just hate going to work. I have other ideas of what I should be doing instead of working at Wal Mart Pharmacy. I want to be a Hospice Nurse. A Thin Hospice Nurse. If I can achieve self control then I can do what ever I dream of doing. Self Control. Self Control. This morning I had slim fast soy milk shake with banana and cup of hot tea. I didn't walk on my treadmill this morning which was the plan. But today for lunch I will walk. So..I am off to work. Yea....
Here I go again. This time is different because I am going to be accountable for my thoughts. I have been told that journaling is good therapy. I can't afford gyms, diet pills, a fancy meal plan. I have a nice treadmill that I have used "once". It is in the garage so I don't even use it as a clothes hanger. It just sits there..like me. I start walking on my treadmill. It is now 9:15pm..so it is too late to start tonight. BUT tomorrow...I will walk 15 minutes. I have changed my milk to 1% instead of 2%. I am a high anxiety person and when I feel stress.. I eat. I eat because I am depressed about being fat. Then I will go spend money because I am depressed that I am fat..Then I will go eat because I am depressed that I spent money. It is endless. I just know that I don't want to be overweight anymore. I want to be healthy. I don't want to have heart disease. I don't want to have clogged arteries. I want my husband to be proud of his healthy wife. I will start now..cuz I really want some kettle corn popcorn & a pepsi. But I will have a glass of ice water instead. Then I am going to bed. I bought a book, "Lose it for Life". I bought it a month ago and I have only read one page. """"drinking my glass of water"""" Feeling a little good about my choice of water. My dr gave me rx for phentermine. I am taking zoloft and I am very concerned about the interaction of the two meds. So, my dr gave me rx for meridia. Only 100.00 a month. Which in my situation if I spend 100.00 on something that isn't a bill..I get stressed and will eat. I love carb stuff..bread, cakes, cookies, ICE CREAM!!!! pancakes, pasta, potatoes, cinnamon rolls, donuts, ICE CREAM!!!! my cholesterol was 229. So, I have slowed down on the ICE CREAM!!!!
My goals for my first day:
walk for 15 minutes
read 4 pages from my book
drink a glass of water when I get that "urge" to eat something.
