How much does a gallon of tears weigh?

As expected the beer and the french onion soup I forgot to mention at lunch showed up on the scalle....211.8....a .6 lb gain......but they were both oh so worth it...as long as it's not a common occurence I'll be OK.

Blake just came by my office to say bye before heading to the airport.......I was doing OK until the final goodbye...then broke down like a big baby. 

Now I'm off to the dentist to finish what she started on Tuesday.

Major Bummed out

Blake goes back to Iraq tomorrow......I can't believe the 18 days are over....and I feel like I got about 15 minutes......I understand that he has a wife and a son...and his wife's family....and friends.....but I'm the one that gave birth to him....I know that sounds selfish....I'm just feeling sad and venting......maybe it's the beer I should not have had talking!

OK....my weight was down again this am.....211.2.............but after tonight.....I'm pretty sure the scale will not be my friend......Blake's favorite place to go is BJ's......it's one of those micro brewery kind of places.....I usually have this blond something....but they already sold out of that.....Blake was having a Hefenvisen????? something like that....so i tried it......super yummy...if you like beer.....and a cobb salad....no croutons....so in the meal I stayed away from the starchy carbs and glutens....I have no idea about the beer....I know it has carb....not sure about the glutens....

work is crazy busy....but I talk about that later....it's off to bed for me

Feelin' the Love

First of all......I lost another 1.8 lbs yesterday!!!!!  Maybe it's from spilling my gutts.  When I started to share that......I really wasn't going to open up that much...but once I started....the flood gates opened.....my fingers took on a life of their own at the key board......it was therapeutic.....and your feedback really has me feelin' the love right now.  We can't change the past.....it makes us who we are today.  I did talk to the kids last night.......I was glad they were at a point to talk.....an interesting thing the both said in different ways is that if...(and when...since they both feel this is inevitable) they get the phone call that he is gone...they are not sure how they will react.

So on the subject of weight loss....I did go to the gym yesterday....just did 20 min on the eliptical.....easing back into this thing......plus Blake was with me and not feeling the motivation....I did work up a good sweat.......and on the eating front......I have not formally started that part of my plan......but in my reading a research I knew I wanted to cut out the white starchy carbs......then reading more bad stuff about glutens....so I've sort of steered clear of those things this week and weight is falling off me.....

Crazy afternoon coming up.......I have a dental appt at 1:30.....a crown fell off a few weeks ago......I'm popping motrins like crazy....time to get it fixed.......I've had some issues with my dental insurance that I won't go into right now.....otherwise it will be another disertation like yesterday.  Then at 3,  I have an appt with my financial advisor.....long over due.....then at 4:30 I have an appt with a new trainer....Ann........I sure hope I can get all this in!

)...they get the phone call that he is gone....they are not sure what there reaction will be.

Things are moving now!!!!!!!

 I was super happy when I got off the scale this am.....214.6 BAN weight......I can't remember the last time I've had a lost 2 days in a row......So that is 2.4 lbs gone since Friday....I'm sure it's water.....cuz I've been a peeing and sweating machine the last few days....but I've always said...you've got to get through the excess water to get to the fat......I don't know if that is a fact...but it sounds good to me.  Then I wogged last night.....and I packed my gym bag....but unfortunately...there are no trainers available this afternoon....but I will still go and I think Blake is going with me....that should be fun.

Blake goes back to Iraq Thursday....so I'm a little bummed about that.....but here is the big thing that has happened inbetween all the comings and goings of kids....I didn't share earlier....cuz it's sort of complicated:

First of all some background....I'm not sure if I shared this in the past...but the reason I divorced the kid's dad is because he got addicted to drugs.....and after the third time of supporting him through rehab....then he had another laspe....I said enough is enough...then is no way to raise kids in this sort of environment....totally dysfunctional....so he manages to get fired from his job....just does odd jobs to cover expenses and doesn't pay any child support as per legal separation aggreement.....divorce is not final for a few years because he was threatening to go after part of my Air Force retirement.....I go back to school, get certified as a teacher and move back to my home in South Texas.....he moves back to WV....so three years past....and he is so behind in child support...he could be in huge trouble....so I contact him and swing a deal....you sign these divorce papers saying you will stay away from my retirement and I won't go after you for back child support, nor do I want any in the future...my lawyer thought I was crazy....but child support was only until they were 18 and my retirement is forever...plus with his history....I would be spending more money trying to get any money from him.....so fast forward to May 2007......Randy....the kids Dad comes to big D for Tiffany's graduation....and Blake comes home from training too...so it's the first time he has come to see his kids in 12 years (They did go see him in WV maybe 2 or 3 times)......So Molly doesn't really understand how he is....cuz he seems like an OK guy...the one time she met him....and she ask Tiffany if she can arrange to get him here for Blake's R&R and to see his first grandchild......so Tiffany get things done with Aunt Carla...Randy's sister.....so we are getting close to R&R time and no one hears from Randy....both kids have been trying to call him....and no answer....no return call....so Aug 1 rolls around...the original R&R day....but still Joey's B-day.....Tiffany gets a call from her grandmother (Randy's mom)...she had put in some calls to her as to why her dad hadn't returned any calls...and she needed to tell him that Blake's R&R was pushed back a week......So here is the scoop....her grandmother tells her, her dad has been in a psych unit for two weeks and was in the process of getting checked into rehab at the VA hospital....she wanted her Dad....to tell her all this...but that was not possible at this time.......so she is suppose to let tiff know how to get intouch with her dad while he is there...but we never hear......So the next weekend Blake comes home 8/9.....Tiffany finds some time to get him alone and share what is going on with their dad.....then the following weekend 8/16 Aunt Carla (who, btw lives in Dallas) is suppose to come see Blake and Joey....I call her to set up the time....and she is in WV.....Randy had tried to committ suicide...he was in rehad....had an anxiety attack...when down to the ER to get medicated......ran away and threw himself under a truck....he just got really banged up.....So I let the kids know....Tiffany is mad and doesn't even want to talk to him...Blake calls him...he went outside ...and I peaked out the window....I could telling it was a super upseting conversation....when he came in I said How is your dad...he said not good...I said do you want to talk about it..he said no.....so anyway.....that was a long story to explain some of the emotional stuff going on here.....my heart breaks for my kids....and there is really nothing I can do to it better.

Day 1 Week 1 C25K....again

And all in all it felt pretty good...a little tight on the left...the side I pulled my groin.....so I'm really happy about that.  I was hoping it would get below 90 before I headed out...it did...barely.....it was nice seeing the other walkers and joggers and to get a close up view of what the landscapers are doing around here....plus I had another good sweat....which I hope shows when I weigh in the am. 

When I got home, I loaded the dishwasher (by the way, I B-B-Qued some chicken for dinner....it was yummy!...had some summer squash with tomatoes...another yummy.....anyway after that I checked in with a few peeps here.....then enjoyed a jacuzzi bubble bath.............

It was heavenly.....and I read the forward and the first chapter of my book......very good reward for getting back out there!....I'm going to getting organized for work tomorrow and read another chapter or two in bed.

I will check in with y'all tomorrow.

Sunday report

 Our dinner date was wonderful.....my steak was so tender I didn't even really need the steak knife.....and the wine was delicious...a Pinot Nior from Oregon....I didn't know Oregon was known for Pinot Niors....

Plus....I'm guessing it's either the preparing to get back on track.....or working my butt of cleaning the house yesterday....I decided to weigh myself to see if the dinner caused any further damage....I've actually lost .6 since friday!!!!!!

I should have gone out to jog this am, when I went out to get the paper...it was actually sort of cool!!!!!But I so enjoyed mulling through the Sunday paper with my coffee.....then it got up to almost 90, but it seemed worse because of the humidity.....so I'll got do my thing after Bill goes to work.....I'll report how it went tomorrow....I'm a little nervous because of the injuries.....even though I'm sure I'm completely healed...I'm still a bit nervous....silly me.

Two of my quilting friends were talking about a book...called The Shack  , They said reading this book is a life changing experience.....so of course I had to go buy it....I will reward myself with reading time this evening after I exercise.

Got everything turned in for my last module of my current class.....then we have a week off before we start our next semester....whoo hoo!!!!  So far average in this class is 100%.....so I feel pretty good about that....but I even feel better that I'm learning some good stuff!

Books and breaks

The is a chain of stores in the DFW metroplex called HalfPrice books, I love this store because you can buy books cheap sell your old, read don't want to keep books....but also if you are in Education or a non-profit organization......you can go to the warehouse on Saturday mornings and get free books....the one's that have not sold.  The old one used to be close , but recently I found out they moved....so I found the new one this am and got a box full of childrens books, some for Tiff's classroom, some for our grandchild room...and some to demo how to adapt books for our low kids....I'm doing that for an inservice.  Came home and been busting butt cleaning the house.....worked up a sweat...so I thought I'd take a break and catch up here a bit.

I updated my graph....it looks pretty ugly...I'll consider that motivation to get it going back in the down direction.

Tonight is Bill's only night off.....he did some shift switching....so we have a date tonight to Bob's Steak and Chop house...suppose to be one of the best steak places in Dallas.....I'll give a full report tomorrow.

Embarrassed

  I went ahead and weighed myself this morning....217......that is up 11.6 lbs from last time I weighed......I'm not surprised....really....just disgusted with myself.....I'll get some measurements in the morning....at least waist and hips....the 2 I'm most concerned with.....then Sunday I'm either going to the gym or hooking up with Robert and my iPod...and doing week 1......either way....action time.....I'm still doing a little diet research....I'm reading a book about belly fat......it looks like I need to watch out for some foods......I'm seeing more and more bad stuff on wheats and glutens.....anyone care to share about this.....I had a recommendation for the Zone......I've never done it....just read about it...it seemed too complicated for me....but I guess the newest book is about anti-inflamatory stuff....with my aches and pains....it may be worth at least looking into again.

Plan for Saturday......get some free books for grandchild's room; housework....and date night....still up in the air what we will do....there are no new movies out we want to see.....we are talking about checking out a new restaurant (new to us).....who knows.

Sewed tonight with the grateful threads....now it's off to bed for me!

So here is the plan

There is no way I'm getting back on track with all these people and all this activity around my house.......not to mention work is kicking my butt!......

So this week I'm just going to get back into a routine of being back at work.  Blake, Molly and Joey will be in rochester, NY Friday through late Sunday night.  I'll get my dreaded weight and measurements on Sunday.

Next week I'll start to get back into a exercise routine, I'm going to start back at week  1 of C25K, and do the gym twice for strength ( I'll add more later), but I'm not going to worry about the food until the following week...since this will be Blake's last week before he returns to Iraq.....and I want to be sure he gets all of his favorites.

So my eating right plan is more lean meats and fresh produce(is that what eating clean is?)....track my cals, healthy snacks....don't skip breakfast...fish at least once a week and most important to track my cals......and it's one meal......I'm not cooking one thing for me and something different for Bill....and I'll plan menus for the week.....making allowances for those dern social events that get the best of me.

Few last things....IOU pictures of house progress......and I need to fix the spelling of onederland in my title....but then I'll need to do my background...and I just don't have time to mess with that right now.

I'm not ready

It was back to school for staff this week......and I must admit...I'm just not feeling it......meetings and inservices......I mean...how many times does one have to hear about sexual harassment in her lifetime?  So we are getting a 4.5% raise....but our insurance cost are going up 5%.....so that is like a .5 % cut.....geez.........

This is the last week of my second masters class....it's a group project......we have to tech up a lesson....right up my alley.....I created a video podcast for the vocabulary.....then suggestted a few other things....webpage, blogging.

I've got baby sitting duties tonight too....but most the time Joey goes right down at 7 pm....so it's not problem....and I was extra excited to do it tonight.....Blake bought Molly a diamond ring.....since they got married in a hurry and completely broke in Dec of 2006....they have hand me down rings.....he took her out to a very fancy restaurant and asked her if she would spend the rest of her life with him......and gave her her own ring.....he did good.

OK....past my bedtime....goodnight