Let's try this again... again.

Let's have another crack at this... again.

I'm still down around 4kg from the beginning of this year, but I've put a couple of kilos back on after I fell off the wagon. That wagon is a bitch to stay on, you know.

I need to believe that I'm worth it. If I keep telling myself that, I should, in theory, start believing it.

I want to be down 5kg by December 18, which is my 21st birthday. Five kilos in two months is well and truly believable, if I stick with it...

6 days straight!

I've been to the gym 6 days in a row. I'm having tomorrow off - my body is screaming at me!

If the scale doesn't show a loss on Sunday, and if I don't start seeing a difference in my measurements soon, I am going to hate myself forever.

Which is nothing new, sadly.

Flubber.

I'm back. For good, hopefully.

I tore ligaments in my ankle the day after Christmas. I was on crutches for about a month. All that weight I lost came back on twice as quick.

And if I'm honest with myself, I've been using that as an excuse ever since. It's JUNE!!!

I reached an all-time high of 106.6kg in late March. Since then, I've managed to get down to 103.6kg. I'm so miserable at this weight, and it's so depressing to know that I've lost it before - it seems to be 100 times harder this time around. I've invested in 10 PT sessions, and so far I've had 5. I can feel myself toning up a bit, but no real physical or numerical change.

I need to get back into the calorie counting. I need to take the fun out of eating. That's my problem, I just damn well eat too much, and I enjoy it. I need to find a way to look at food simply as fuel, and nothing more.

And I just need to keep moving. Simple.

I started another walking challenge, because 4 weeks into the first one I lost my pedometer. I'm looking at having a go at the Hundred Push-Ups Challenge. I hate push-ups - but some good has to come out of it, right?

I need to get some buddies, too. Because doing this on my own is damn hard!

Small update

Hi everyone, I know i've been away for quite awhile now, but life has just gotten on top of me in the past month/six weeks... and weight loss hasn't really crossed my mind.

A month ago my grandmother in north Wales was diagnosed with cancer, and she was terminal. This was really hard, even harder than usual because I'm on the other side of the world, and can't get over there to see her.. my Dad flew out two weeks ago to be with her, and help look after her.

Needless to say I've been too stressed to focus on anything at all. I lost 2kg, then maintained, then gained the 2kg back, and now I've lost it again (I think). I've got no routine happening right now...

Anyway, at 4am this morning we got a call from my Dad saying that my Nan had passed away - 4 weeks after being diagnosed. Definitely not a long amount of time by any means...

So that's why I haven't been around... life's thrown me some pretty hefty curveballs, and I'm just struggling to cope...

I'll probably make myself scarce again until my Dad gets back, so probably another 3 weeks or so, but I'll make more of an effort to post now that things have come to a head... but if I don't, then at least you've got an idea of what's going on.

Hope everyone else is doing well, and I'll be back in the swing of things soon, hopefully!

Deadness

I have not been to the gym in a week.

I have not watched what I have eaten. Well, I have, but it's all stuff I shouldn't be eating.

And right now? I don't care. At all.

So stressed

I've had a headache for 3 days now, I know it's stress because of what my family is currently dealing with...

My official weighin is today, but I had a sneak peek at the scales yesterday, and I'm going to be up, a little. Yesterday I was up 300g. Which still leaves me under 97kg, which is good.

I'm just so damn sick and tired of seeing 90-something flash at me... but I'm a long way off from getting rid of it, so I'll have to deal with it.

My nan's getting a lot worse, she had a fall yesterday. Good thing she's still in hospital, but her specialist has said that if dad's flying over there, he needs to do it sooner rather than later... so instead of dad flying out in 3 weeks, he could be gone by the weekend.

So no stress relief for me anytime soon...

Weekend over...

I didn't have the healthiest weekend, but it was a good one none the less.

I spent all of Saturday with my dad, which was really nice, because we haven't done anything together for awhile. We went to a shopping centre about 15 min away so he could collect his money transfer (for the plane ticket - he leaves in 3 weeks). Anyway, I offered to buy lunch, and Dad decided he wanted some chicken nuggets. And the only place that makes nuggets he likes? McDonalds. Yay! I ate it, but I can't say that I enjoyed it that much... you couldn't really chew the burger, it just kinda dissolved once you bit into it.. yuck.

Last night mum and dad went out to a friends place to watch the NRL final, and they normally eat really late at this friends place (like 9-10pm) so I bought us all fish and chips for lunch yesterday.

And - I haven't been to the gym since my last PT session.

I feel smaller and lighter, but I doubt that the scales will agree with me on Wednesday... so it's time to get back into the swing of things!

I should also pause here and say that although I did eat junk, I definitely ate smaller portions, and didn't enjoy it as much as I used to!

I'm only working 3 days this week, so the two days I have off I'm going to slog it out in the gym, since I'll have the spare time!

OMG!

Excuse my French, but:

HOLY CRAP I LOST 1.7KG IN A WEEK AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID!!!!!!!!!!

Ok. That just about covers it!

I feel good!

I forgot to mention in my last post that I do have access to a fridge for lunches... last night I made myself some cheese and salami rolls (with filo pastry) and I have a few of those for lunch.

I think I have just had a NSV. For as long as I can remember, my stomach has always stuck out, past my boobs and everything. It would usually arrive in a room before I did.

Today, I was getting ready for work, and looked down for something, and I realised, I couldn't see my stomach! So I looked side on in a mirror, and sure enough, my stomach is now slightly smaller, sticks out just a little bit less than my boobs. Hurrah!

This is good, but it still needs to shrink more, because I am quite... oh, I have big boobs. So just because my stomach doesn't stick out past my boobs doesn't mean it's not big still.

I have my weighin and PT session tonight, so hopefully there's a loss in it for me!

Sandwiches!!

I hate to say it, but I'm starting to run out of decent lunch ideas. It seems my only options are frozen meals (good, but high in salt and preservatives) and sandwiches.

Sandwiches. You'd think you could come up with a bazillion ideas on what to put on them so they're DIFFERENT.

Nope. All I can find in my cupboard that is sandwich-suitable is tuna, and vegemite. Quite frankly, I love tuna, but I'm starting to get sick of it. And vegemite, I have for breakfast.

Peanut butter? Don't eat it. Jam? Yuck. Nutella? Ew!

I do love salami, but we all know processed meat is fatty and evil.

I'm going to make a stop at the supermarket on the way home, and pick up some filo pastry, and I can make some spring roll kinda things. That will be for tomorrow. For the rest of the week, I'm gonna need to hit to cookbooks.

Does anyone have any great lunch recipes that you don't get sick of? I would love them heaps!

PS. No fruit, please. I don't eat any fruit. Yes, I'm a freak.