Finding Myself Again

wasnt in the mood

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 22:02:18

so this morning i woke up super cranky just didnt feel like doing anything .... went out for my run and froze it was sooo cold only like 23 degrees here this morning.... when i came back i decided i need to organize my closets so i did that and felt very accomplished.... i literally came on here like 7 times and just couldnt blog ,... wasnt in me.... feeling a lil blah with TOM bein around still but i did manage to go out shopping this afternoon which was a lot of fun bought some cute things.... so i will have to behave with spending for a while.... bought myself some nike running tights at tjmax they were sug retail value of $50 and i paid $16 cant beat that,..... now i think i will go attack the other closet..... bf is at his friends watching football which is just fine with my when i am cranky.... oh my lil brother turned 16 on weds and he got his permit today unreal it makes me feel so old....

hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend...

Kel

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thats explains a lot

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 22:00:20

TOM arrived today which explains the hunger and emotional eating yesterday... did well today with food and got my presentation done and i did well on the proposal feeling pretty good about things i have free time this weekend to get work done and i want ot have as much done as possible before thanksgiving break.... exercise wise had a good workout then went for a short run but it was soo damn cold i came home.... just keep on keeping on mentally preparing for break... ahhhhhh it will be soooo nice

Kel

Hope everyone is ready for the weekend!!

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food issues

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 23:09:20

so tonight i got irritated about some school related stuff and i definatley mini binged ... i was way below calories for the day and its almost TOM time so its just a combination of everything i think... weds are never good for me.... just really irritated that i might have to drive to school tomorrow to run these data for my data analysis for research blah blah blah i need thanksgiving break.... i binged on baked skinless chicken how silly is that???

ugh

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on track

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 23:09:16

so i have been on track the past two days now and it feels pretty good minor candy dish slip up today but still well within my calories..... i think i am going to pass on weighing in tonight and go next week with my mom... plus its only been two really on track days lets not expect too much... tonight will be the big test sometimes i get overboard when i am home alone when bf is at school on weds.... so i will do my best there... i had a meeting with my new temporary boss today which went well so that was good... just going about doing things and glad that next week at this time i will have been off all day .... workout wise tomrrow morning i will get my run in which will be nice i miss it when i am not out running... and i did some firm dvds this week... they have some new ones coming out the beginning of december i think that might be my treat to myself for surviving the semester... but its not over yet so i should settle down... arlight back to my paper,,,

hope everyone is having a good week...

Kel

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some positives

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 23:08:15

well yesterday i did awesome with staying on track with my food for the day... woo hoo i will take it....and bf was offically offered the new job so thats a good thing..... workout was a lil iffy this morning nothing too strenuous but thats ok might fit in the fitness center this afternoon after i work on a paper for school... work is still really shakey with all of the layoffs... hearing not so good things i have a meeting tomorrow so we will go from there.... had therapy yesterday ( seriously suggest it to anyone who struggle with emotional issues, food issues anything) ... and i did spent a good deal of the time crying mostly due to stress and feeling overwhelmed but my therapist helped me be able to step back and see what are the pressing issues and how to cope ... so i am feeling a lil more centered today which is a good thing... hope everyone is doing wel

Kel

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everything is a mess... and i hate the scale

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 23:07:16

yes this morning the scale was up so i am taking control and looking to be at 130 by christmast time to get it together again.... ugh then everything is crazy i got to work after an extremely stressful morning trying to get things accomplished and when i get here the phone rings and its my boss (well former boss) who's position was eliminated last week... he was asking me how i was doing and we talked a bit about things he started to get all choked up then i was choked up and crying ugh..... its so crappy... lots of people were eliminated.... its just not good.... i spent the first half of the day just trying to process everything.... i am hoping to get a walk in at the indoor track on my dinner break just to relax a lil.... things feel all over right now.... but food is not the answer and i am going to get back in control of my eating... bc then i will be better all over.... tracked all my points for the day and hopefully will manage my evening munchies.... deep breaths .... just breathe

thanks for the supportive msgs..

Kel

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just blah blah and more blah

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 23:06:09

Seriously maybe its raging hormones but yesterday i had two mini breakdowns.... i was doing very well with visiting with family all day long ... then when we were getting ready to leave my mom was like i owe you a check (they are helping pay for school this semester).... i said ok we can stop at the house... she then just keeps telling everyone how she is giving me this check and it just bothers me bc to me it sounds like she is annoyed that i cant do this all on my own.... im trying but paying for school out of pocket when you only make $24,000 a year and have to pay bills, rent and everything else is not easy u know.... then she was just on my case about finding a better paying job when i am done school.... its the goal u know... and i said something like only 24 weeks today thank goodness.... and she was like your glad about aboue me.... i wanted to be like i know i can be difficult but i am the one thats doing all the work and working full time and going to an internship 16 hoursa week and carrying 16 credits ....ARGGGG ... so this led to me leaving and crying in the car with poor bf who is stressed the way it is bc he is resigning on monday from his job.... blah right.... so i got it together...... then as i am falling asleep last night i just felt fat and inadequate like i cant win with anyone... i am still struggling about my boss being let go and i just felt like crap.... and family saying how good i looked still feels wierd at times.... so it was just an emotional day .... tom is looming too... now i am at work and i have a lot to do but i just feel like i dont know where to starts.... time for some deep breaths and some clarity hopefully

i did run for 42 minutes this morning and that felt good so thats a good thing

hope everyone is having a good weekend

Kel

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beyond stressed

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 23:04:19

yes thats me yesterday at my internship i find out that my boss and a bunch of other people i work with were all laid off its the 4th set of layoffs in the last year at my employer unreal right?? my boss never saw it coming its soo strange now everything is up in the air for me.... then today my bf tells me he is leaving his job and that he "unoffically" has another one but that still makes me nervous with the economy .... then its the last three weeks of class for the semester and i have so much school stuff do its unrea.... like huge papers i havent started yet..... food wise i have been eating everything but the kitchen sink it feels like and i have terrible cramps and i feel sooo bloated its unreal.... seriously... and tomorrow i have a family thing all day.... u would like to run away til may when school is done seriously.... my workout this morning was short hopefully tomorrow i will lift and get in a good run... need to get rid of this stress or something..... hope everyone is doing well....

enjoy the weekend

kel

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wi update

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 23:02:19

so i was feeling fine and went and wi'd and i am up 2lbs... and i am totally okay with it i even recorded it... starting tomorrow i will be more accountable again and see where i am in two weeks when i wi before thanksgiving... this is a game of maintance now and being up 2lbs is no biggie... i am really proud of myself for not getting upset and recording the weight these are big steps for me ..... hope e veryone has a good night

Kel

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getting honest

Wednesday, October 31, 2007 23:02:16

tonight i am getting honest going to wi havent been there in like 3 weeks... i wi a couple times a week at home but not offically like when i go to ww's to wi so thats tonight... i have not been tracking and i have been working on mastering the art of maintaining so we shall see how things go.....work has been absolutely insane i have been sooo busy and i have a million projects due for school on top of everything else.... blah... the good thing is that i only have two sessions with clients tomorrow at my internship so i am going to utilize my down time there to get some work done.... just trying to relax about all that is left to get done before the semester is over .... and i should be really excited to be busy at work bc thats job insurance and people keep getting laid off so i am very fortunate.... its just hard managing everything... i will be glad to have 4 weeks off from school during break

hope everyone is having a fabulous week i am way behind in reading blogs since work has been crazy

Kel

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