so i realized after that sts last night that i had  been lucky bc really i had been slacking  and eating more then i should if i want to lose.... so today i decided to get back on track... i was up this morning went heavy on the lifting and then did really well on my run ... cut like a minute off of my time... then i had a ww yogurt and ww english muffin with egg beaters for breakfast.... my morning snack was apple with sugar free oatmeal... lunch is going to be apple with ww toast and light soup.... so eating is going to be on track again...  so this is all good stuff.... stomach is still being wierd and tom is mia not really worried just frustrated i guess...

Kel

yes i managed to stay the same even though i feel soo bloated a gift from the scale gods i suppose nowi  am taking two weeks off from there getting my bearings and getting back to school and organizing my new routine.... my mom managed a .4 loss that is unreal she is something...

now i am going to relax and learn to stay away from the chex bars for a week or two haha...

Kel

yeah i usually only go to wi every two weeks now but my mom needs to wi so we are going tonight and i was just there last week... well i have been super hungry lately and felt really bloated this morning and TOM is still mia.... so i am guessing the scales will be up tonight... i was a lil upset over it this morning but now i think i am okay with it i can see where i struggled this week i know that i am anxious over mia TOM... and school starting... so thats all just working on me... otherwise not bad just feel a lil off and mellow but in reality i think that is all school talking and just mentally preparing... i have to also remember i will not wake up 46lbs heavier overnight that i am able to watch and adjust myself to catch myself when the pounds creep in which they may at times.... one day at a time...

Kel

yes went shopping this morning got some cute pants and tops for my internship which starts next omg school!! ahhh no seriously i am ready to go back and get done .... shopping was good got a lil annoyed bc i bought size 7 khakis and the girl was like is this the size you want? and i wasnt exactly sure what she meant by that so i got irritated for a second but oh well its done and everything is fabulous... feeling a lil off still tom is mia again this month so far i am so blaming it on the weight loss but seriously it constantly feels like its on its way ... unreal right next week when i go back to the dr i think i might ask to be put back on the pill just to regulate a bit ... blah

alright off to the lake ... im off today if you havent noticed ahah

thanks goodness

Kell

so i had my fabulously positive post in the morning reflecting on all the changes i made over the past two years then last night i attacked the skinny cows and chex bars... unreal ... but i was good i did a lil bit of exercise afterwords and told myself that what i ate was nothing compared to what i would have eaten in the past and then this morning i worked out hard and had a lighter breakfast and walked at lunch so it is all good.... things are very mellow here at work bc the one psychology intern was in a car accident last week and she died as a result of her injuries over the weekend she has just moved here from out of state with her husband and was only 24years old its all very sad..... so in the grand scheme of things my binge is nothing and i will recover and life goes on .... even though we all feel as if the world should stop when something so terrible happens...

once again i find myself thinking how grateful i am for the changes that have occured in my life...

have faith, be strong , believe!!!

this blog is not so much about weight loss as it is about life... but weightloss is a huge part of most of our lives....

two years ago i was a human train wreck... my binging, purging, drinking, overexercising, and risk taking behaviors were out of control... i was bascially in self destruct mode.... it took the grace of God and too many people watching on me from heaven to keep me from getting myself there a lil too soon...

so today I am reflecting on the things i am grateful for such as meeting my wonderful boyfriend who gave me hope that I could change my life if i really wanted to, to my family who even though i was mean and nasty and rotten to them when i was self destructive that they stood by and waited for me to decide on how my life was going to turn out... for myself for realizing that no other person was going to come along and save me from myself that i needed to make the changes i wanted to see in my life.... once again for the patience and sheer determination of my boyfriend for supporting me and sticking by my side when i am sure he was thinking "is this worth it" ... to God for helping me see that there is a power greater  than myself that can restore me to sanity if i am willing to admit that there are things that i am powerless over....

i have experienced great loss in the past two years but when i used to hear about someone's passing i used to feel guilty saying that bc of the way i was living my life it should have been me... (i know i was disturbed)

but today as I read something sad about a co-worker passing that feeling was no longer there... there was this feeling of gratitude for the life i have and hte people that are in my life...

it has not been easy... life, weightloss, relationships.... its all messy... bc it all involves emotions... and people... and how we view ourselves... but you get out of all those things what you are willing to put into them...

I did the work for improving my life, weight, relationships... yes i have had tools such as therapy, meetings, support ... but at the end of the day i must do the work.... and i know that i will have to continue to do the work for the rest of my life... but looking back where i have come from... i realize that it is worth doing the work.... i will not go back where i have come from ... it is  time to move forward... and live life .... as a happy and whole individual... who is grateful to have been given the opportunity to see how wonderful life can be....

Everyone have a fabulous day and count the things you are grateful for ....

Kel

here is my new after picture 139.8lbs

first off thanks for all of the fabulous comments on my blogs...  i may not comment often but believe me i spend my days at work reading almost everyone's blogs... soo productive arent i? well yesterday had a great time at the amusement park a lil rough til we got there but all in all a good time i treated myself to 3 fried pierogies... if your not from PA you might not know what a pierogie is its basically dough with cheese and potato inside of it ... its amazing... and it was an off day for working out but running around that park has to count for something...

didnt get a good picture yesterday so bf is going to be recruited to take a picture of me this morning before we go to my brothers footfball scrimage and then head to my parents house at the lake... just glad to be enjoying the weekend..

I am grateful for my family, my loving boyfriend... and the improved relationships i have created since i made the decision to get well....

i hope everyone has a fabulous weekend!!

Kel

yes this is week two where i am taking a day off from exercise this is big for me... i know that my body needs to rest but sometimes that all or nothing thinking creeps in and starts saying nasty things like "you fat pig go workout" this is the same nasty voice that keep me binging and purging for way too long... and then just bingings... .well i told that nasty little voice to stick it where the sun dont shine that i am taking a day off and going with bf and my brothers to an amusement park and i am going to have a damn good time... there...

also this morning i felt a lil skeletal if that makes sense... i know that my body will not go much lower and i am going to have to start adding some more calories... i do not want to look too thin... hopefully today at the park i will get an updated picture up for you guys... i realize that i have lost 13lbs since my last photo was posted...

otherwise just glad to be away from work and having a long weekend i took tues off also as a mental health day since school will be starting soon... not sure what my plans our but just a free day from the office will be nice...

alright everyone have a fabulous day and weekend!!

Kel

well today when i got back from my walk at the track... i sometimes walk around lunch time on the track where i work .... the one grounds crew guy was like you the one that always walks the track.... i was like yeah that me ... he was like well it definately shows.... woo hoo... but in a wierd way u know i still get wierd when people notice that i have lost weight.... like i come on here and i proclaim my wi's and i tell my mom and bf but thats it so when someone i see at work or other people i know comment on my weightloss i guess i am still at a loss for words... which doesnt happen often... i think at times i still believe that i am overweight or "phantom fat" as i have read before.... my mind hasnt quite caught up with the fact that i lost 46lbs.... its wierd bc then when someone doesnt notice i wonder what they are thinking... haha i think i am thinking too much... ok time to getsome work done then have some lunch... its gonna b a hot day out there ...

Kel