So, I have often heard someone say, "I'm an emotional eater," and wondered how they came to that conclusion. My weight has always baffled me. Now, don't get me wrong...I certainly know where it came from. It's not as though I have some mysterious illness that caused me to gain a ton of weight suddenly (unless you count having kids as an illness lol) but I could never pinpoint why I eat. I didn't feel like I was an emotional eater. I didn't necessarily eat when I was bored. I didn't eat to fill some sort of void in my life. I just ate because it tasted good. At least, that was the conclusion I came to. Not fully knowing why I ate the way I did, in my opinion, has hindered my weight loss. There weren't signs that I could see that screamed, "This is going to make you want to eat, take note of it and prepare for it!!!"
However, I think I never really took the time to examine my eating habits. I never noticed a trend because I never really tried to break that trend. How do you break a trend you don't know you have?
I think I mentioned a while back about how I told my husband that fighting with him makes me eat. I was only half kidding. Obviously, nothing MAKES me eat, but myself picking up that food and shoveling it in my fat face. However, that night, I found myself digging into my old "comfort foods" that I didn't even know I had. I had been doing reasonably well on my diet, so it surprised me when I automatically bought and ate the foods I KNEW I wasn't supposed to eat, that had previously been one of my main "snacks." It made me really stop to think about why I wanted to eat what I was eating. Was it because it tasted good? Sure...it tasted REALLY good. However, it would have tasted good the night before as well, but it wasn't worth eating the night before. What made me decide that night that it was worth eating? It wasn't like it was already in my house. I actually had to actively get it...I had to drive to the store, spend money on it, bring it home, then eat it. My husband and I had had a fight. That was the only difference. I was upset about the fight and my first response was to eat. Oddly enough, that wasn't enough for my "Aha!" moment. That came last night.
Last night I got some upsetting news. It wasn't terribly tragic, like a family member died or something, but it was upsetting. I was frustrated, sad, helpless and just all around quite down about the entire situation. I didn't even notice when I started snacking on the dinner I was making for my family. I hadn't planned on eating it. I was going to have a kale/avocado salad. But, there I was, grabbing bits and pieces of it, eating it while I was dishing it out for the rest of my family. Why was I doing this? Then, I saw the ice cream in the freezer. I took it out and just dug into it with a spoon, straight from the carton. I stopped myself after a few bites. Why on earth was I eating ice cream? OMG, LIGHTBULB MOMENT!!!! I AM an emotional eater. The entire time I was eating, I was thinking about this issue that was causing me sadness. Sadly, KNOWING why I was eating, didn't stop me from doing it. Some pita chips and hummus, some M&M's, some Skittles and a pina colada later, I thought, "So that's what it's like to be an emotional eater." I actually felt better about the situation than I did before I started eating. Food made me feel better...and that scared me. Have I seriously just gone from one vice to another? I had other ways of coping with emotions before. Ways that just plain weren't good. I overcame those. Did I seriously just replace it with food? Have I not progressed at all?
It's frustrating to realize that maybe I haven't come as far as I thought I had. How can eating make me feel better? Why do I allow food to comfort me? Why am I not strong enough to deal with my emotions without needing something to comfort me? Why can't exercise comfort me? lol
I'm trying to not eat too many nuts while I'm raw, but there really aren't that many in this. It's mainly the buckwheat, which I've never had before, but it's really good! That's what I ended up eating earlier instead of some fruit.
I'm terrible at planning ahead. I just don't do well with it, so I just don't do it. I would LOVE to be one of those moms who creates a menu for the week, then sticks to it...one of those moms who writes out a shopping list, goes to the grocery store and only buys exactly what's on that list. That's just not me, though. I've tried it. I failed miserably.
However, I think NOT being one of those people has made it easier for me to gain weight. The thought, "What's for dinner," crosses my mind right around dinner time. Ummmm, a little late to be thinking about it considering it's now going to take about an hour to make it, so...I guess we'll just have fast food. Nice and easy. Nice and terribly unhealthy.
I go to the grocery store without anything specific in mind. I just know we're going to need to eat during the week, so I'm shopping. I buy this and that, with no idea whay I'm going to make out of this and that...it just sounds good. I end up with a fridge full of food that doesn't necessarily go well together. I can stare into a fridge full of food and still think, "There's nothing to eat...let's just get fast food," because while there's tons of food, I can't think of anything to make out of it.
We won't mention that while I'm at the grocery store, wandering the aisles, looking for food to put in my cart, I'm overcome by thoughts of, "Oh, that looks good...I'll get that. Mmmmmm, Skittles, I'll get those. OOOohhhh, crackers and brie! Yumm!!!!" and those all end up in my cart as well.
So, I'm going to go back and try again to be that super organized mom. I'm going to make a menu. I'm going to make a grocery list. I'm going to buy what's on my list and nothing more than what's on my list. I'm going to stick to my menu, whether my kids complain or not. lol
Food so far today:
Green smoothie made from spinach, apricot, lehua honey and coconut water
3 bites of tequila lime turkey breast
I think I'm going to go find some sort of fruit in the fridge right now to munch on. I'm hungry, but nothing is sounding very appealing. I really want a nori wrap, but I have no sprouts or greens, other than kale and kale doesn't sound very good in it. Maybe I'll make a kale/avocado salad. I think I have everything I need to make that.
Okay, so after all that talk yesterday about how badass I am, so badass that I don't even need to USE my free days anymore, I used it today. lol The family went out for pizza for lunch. Hubby made one of the pizzas half Provence pizza...artichoke hearts, tomato slices and capers. OMG, HEAVENLY. So, I ate three slices...and felt sick. lol At least I still feel sick when I eat like that. If I didn't, that would mean my body is getting used to it again, which it's NOT ALLOWED TO!!!
That was all I ate today though until dinner time. For dinner I had my divinity smoothie. I added more greens this time, so it wasn't quite as good, but I had no greens today, so I wanted to get them in. Four cups of spinach. Not bad. Still very yummy. It's sitting a little heavy in my stomach though because my body didn't have time to digest all that pizza before I felt like I needed to eat something healthy or I knew I wouldn't eat anything else today, so the smoothie and the pizza are sitting there in my stomach, having a party.
On the recommendation of Kelly, I bought some Premium mocha M&M's. lol Good one Kelly. Make the fatty go and buy M&M's. I'm not going to eat the whole package though, I promise! I'll let you know what I thought of them tomorrow. lol
Today was the last day of the exercise challenge at F&F. My goal was to walk at least three days this past week. I walked none. GO KATIE! Yeah...slackass.
Oddly enough, I didn't really use it. lol It's weird. The longer I'm on this "diet," the easier it becomes. I don't feel like I have to shovel down food on my free days. I don't think, "MAN! I should have had some ice cream today!" when the end of my free weekend comes. Today, I had the smoothie for breakfast, half a tarragon chicken sandwich, two slices of apple, four grapes, one strawberry, a small piece of cheddar cheese and a bite of brie for lunch, and jicama fries (thank you Ray, from goneraw.com for the recipe!) for dinner. Oh yeah...and a triple grande nonfat upside down caramel macchiatto. See how I always forget the bad things? lol
Today, my husband asked me if I felt like I continue eating like this for the rest of my life. I could honestly answer him with a resounding "YES!" There was no hesitation. He asked me why I felt that way. I told him it was because I don't feel deprived. If I want something, I eat it. If I kinda want something, I ask myself if it's worth eating, and it usually isn't and I'm fine with that. If it is worth eating, I eat it. I'm eating lots of fruits and veggies, which I feel good about. I nibble here and there on the food I make for the kids, but don't beat myself up over it. I happy with the way I've been eating. (Well, the Taco Bell didn't make my tummy feel so happy, but I wanted it, so I ate it. lol)
Now, come August 1st, I start my 100 day raw challenge. My goal is 100% raw. I'd say I'm probably about 80% right now. So, switching to 100% shouldn't be too big of a shock to my system. I'm planning on video logs for the 100 day challenge, so you'll be able to see my fat...I mean, getting skinnier...face every single day for 100 days. Aren't you so freaking excited? Don't you wish I would start today? I think I'm going to keep doing a written blog as well, the videos will just enhance your viewing/reading experience. lol Now, don't you feel special?
If you haven't yet, you should go to http://www.rawfu.com to join me (and the MANY MANY others) starting the 100 day raw food challenge on August 1st. It's good for you, I swear!
So, I sat down to blog what I've eaten so far this morning (because I tend to forget if I don't write it down right away) then I took a sip of the smoothie I was going to write about and decided it needs an entire post in itself because it is SOOOOO good. Honestly...the best smoothie I've ever tasted. It's that good.
First, I'll write that I had my weekly weigh in today. Down 2.8 pounds! Go Katie! Then, I'll write that I had a triple, grande, iced, nonfat, upside down caramel machhiato this morning.
Now, for the smoothie. I made the kids smoothies for breakfast. The problem with making them smoothies is that they drink an entire blender full of smoothie. So, I don't get any of the batch I make them. The other problem with making them smoothies is that I would MUCH rather they have all of the goodness they can get out of a smoothie than me. So, that means the bulk of my ingredients go into their smoothies and if that means I'm left with almost nothing for my smoothie, that's okay, because my children's health is more important than my own to me. So, to make my kid's smoothies, I put one cup of coconut water and 3 tablespoons of bee pollen into the blender, then fill the blender the rest of the way with organic baby spinach. I blend that, then add the rest of the fruit. Today, that fruit was, mango, prickly pear, blueberries and cantelope. (How do you spell canteloupe? I don't feel like looking it up.) Unfortunately, I'm running low on frozen fruit and I have all of the current fresh fruit earmarked for school lunches coming up in the next week, and we're po' at the moment (not just poor, but po' lol) so I have to make due with what we have. Anyways, the kid's smoothies were pretty good. They all drank them and didn't complain, so I'm happy. lol
Then, I went to make mine. The problem...I used up all of the frozen fruit I had left in the kid's smoothies. Into the blender went 1 C. coconut water, 3 T. bee pollen (my kid's don't like the taste of bee pollen, so I don't put as much in their smoothies as I put in mine) and then I put one large handful (about half a blender worth, unpacked) of baby spinach. I was blending that and thinking that it didn't sound very appetizing. So, I grabbed the strawberries that I was going to have for breakfast (my daughter is allergic to strawberries, so I don't put any in the kid's smoothies and since one child is allergic to strawberries, the rest of the kids do their best to avoid strawberries so the one child doesn't feel like she's missing out...which means I get to hide strawberries in the fridge and keep them all for myself lol) I put six strawberries in the blender, hulls and all, then blended it up. I figured that probably wasn't going to be sweet enough, so I added 2 tsp. of lehua honey (very important...I don't like clover honey in my smoothies, which is what you get at most grocery stores because it has such a "honey" taste to it. Lehua honey is much more mild and delicious!) So, anyways...I blended that all up and OMG, it is HEAVENLY! I think I'll make myself some more for lunch instead of having the salad I was planning. Seriously, it's so SIMPLE, but maybe that's why it's so good. Usually, my smoothies are such a mish mash of, "Get everything in it I can so I can get my kids to eat/drink their daily servings of fruits and vegetables," that they're all just "blah." This one is just a few ingredients and is simply divine.
So, anyways, there you have it. My divinity smoothie. Here is the recipe so you don't have to go through the entire post to get the ingredients:
Divinity Smoothie
1/2 C. coconut water
3 T. bee pollen
2 unpacked C. baby spinach
6 strawberries, hulls included
2 t. lehua honey
and decided to give the prickly pear a go. It peeled just as easily as he said it would. I'm eating it now. There are SO many seeds and they are REALLY hard. It almost makes it not worth eating. :( There really isn't much taste to it. I have a green one. The texture reminds me of watermelon. I think I'll only be using these for my smoothies so they don't go to waste. They're really not worth eating plain.
If you run out of your normal smoothie base (coconut water, in my case), DO NOT substitute chocolate almond milk and chocolate hemp milk for it. Don't do it. Trust me. Just don't do it.
BLECH.
Regular water always makes my smoothies taste...well, watery. lol So, I tend to shy away from water as the thinning agent for my smoothies. So, when I looked in my fridge and realized I was STILL out of coconut water (I'm not sure if I expected some to magically show up overnight, or what) I searched around for something else. Well, I substituted chocolate almond milk for half of my coconut water the other day and it tasted fine, so maybe using that exclusively would be okay. Ran out of chocolate almond milk after about a cup. The smoothie still wasn't blending, even though all I had in there was a bunch of kale. So..hmmm....what else do I have in the fridge? There you go...chocolate hemp milk. Throw about a cup of that in there. It's blending. Add the frozen kiwi. It's blending. Add the frozen blueberries. It's blending. That's one gross looking, brown smoothie. No big deal. It should still taste good, right? I was wrong. Not only is it gross looking, it's gross tasting. I'm still chugging it down though because it's good for me. I'll eat just about anything, no matter the taste, as long as it's good for me. Plus, what a waste of money if I didn't.
Ick. No more chocolate almond or hemp milk in my smoothies. Must make a trip to Jimbos today for some more coconuts.
Dinner last night was terrible for me. Remember how I mentioned that once I have some coffee, I just crave it? Yeah, well...remember that mint mocha chip frappucino I had the other day? Had another one last night...along with a seven layer burrito from Taco Bell. Tasted AMAZING going down, but made me sick to my stomach the rest of the night. That wasn't even supposed to be dinner. I had the burrito at 3:30. But, I was so sick from the burrito that I couldn't eat the rest of the night.
I cheated and stepped on the scale this morning. I think you're going to find me one happy (not so) little Katie come Saturday morning! As long as I can stay away from Taco Bell, anyways. lol
Here is the recipe so you don't have to go through the entire post to get the ingredients: