It's been crazy!

Sorry I haven't been here for awhile.  I'm going to try to keep up with the blog, but by the time I get home and get the kids ready for bed and me ready for bed it's time to crash.

My new schedule looks like this:

Monday ~ Class 7am ~ 7pm
Tuesday ~ Work 7am ~ 3pm Have to be home to p/u kids,  husband has to work.
Wednesday ~ Class 7am ~ 7pm
Thursday ~ Work 7am ~ 7:30 pm
Friday ~ Work 7am ~ 7:30 pm

Saturday and Sunday I will have free for family and other activities.

So I still need to work in exercise, which the hospital has a gym that I can work out at. I'm thinking I might get up earlier in the morning and slip in a workout, that way my evenings after work and school can be used for baths, homework and putting kids to bed....hopefully hubby will have them fed.

The problem with working out in the morning is I would have to be up and working out by 4am on the days that I work and by 5am on the days of school...the weekends I would like to work out in the morning before family gets up.  It will be interesting to see how long I can put up with 5-12 hour days in a row, but at least I will have the weekends to look forward to.  I notice on the days that I work I'm too busy to eat...so I have a hard time getting in all of my calories on those days, but I make up for them on the weekend.

I'm a stess eater, so I just need to be prepared and take healthy snacks along with me and leave my money at home so I'm not tempted to p/u any bad foods during the day. That is my weakness.  I'm going to have to quit going to Weight Watcher meetings just because I have to work on those days and go home to p/u up the girls and the last thing I want to do is turn around and head back 30 miles to go to a meeting....I think I will do WW online.

I appreciate all of the emails and comments about my last post.  I'm not letting them get to me at all.  It's funny how answers come to you at the right time.  I was watching Joyce Meyer on TV and she was talking about how a certain person was telling lies about her and how it bothered her so much...she said she went into a room and closed the door and asked God to take the negative thoughts away from her and she would not leave the room until those negative thoughts were lifted. She finally forgave them and knew that it is in God's hands and that Justice will be served in due time.  So I have forgave this lady for the lies that she has told and I'm leaving the situation in God's hands and I know that He will take care of it, and it will all work out in the end.  I'm not going to let those gals disrupt my life in any way.

I have off until Wednesday and then my schedule will start back again.  I will try to stop in here every night before bed and post for my day and check on all of my friends to see how you're doing.

Thanks everyone for the concern,

 Kristy

Who can you trust??

I wanted to fill you in on what I posted yesterday.  My husband and I got married 6 years ago...we hired a lady that lives in our community to take pictures for our wedding.  I ordered a package from her, which totaled over 300 dollars.

My mom wanted to make a video montage of our wedding with these pics so she scanned all of the pictures for this video.  5 years later my mother in law called me and said she heard through the small town grapevine that we scanned all of the pictures, and handed them out to family and friends instead of ordering them from this lady, and that she took pics of our wedding and got absolutely nothing for it.  What??? I was so mad!!! 

5 years has gone by and this is the first I am hearing of this.  To find out she has been telling everyone in our community about how I screwed her.  No wonder I've never been accepted by anyone here.  I'm not originally from here I moved here when I married my husband and I've always felt like I was being judged.  Anyways, I filled my mother in law in and was hoping that she would set everyone straight.  I have since gotten over it, needless to say I have not talked to, nor plan to talk to this lady, nor has she talked to me.

Well, when I showed up at the WW meeting guess who was there?  Yes, the lady!  Not only was she there but she was with another lady who goes to my church, and has always been very pleasant towards me.  The friend from Church barely even looked at me at the meeting...It was like I did not exist, and I know that she knew I was there, because as I left she watched me walk out the door.  I left there last night so mad....I'm even thinking about switching churches, because all of the ladies that are my age are in this cliche, which I have never been included in and now I see why....I'm sure they believe this gal over me.

I've always gone through life with everyone liking me, since I moved here it seems like everyone dislikes me...No one has even taken the time to get to know me and I don't think any one ever will. I just want to cry...I hate being disliked, I mean I didn't do anything wrong....I'm being judged for something I never did!!!  You would think that church going Christians would be the first to give another person a chance instead of judging.  That is the reason I want to leave my Church!!!!

So now I get to go to these WW meetings and see the dynamic duo everytime I go to WI.  That's why I feel I'm going to need the support more from these boards, because I have a feeling I'm not going to get it from my meetings.  Now I'm depressed...I better stay away from the kitchen!

About my day:

I never thought I would say this, but how much does a person have to eat?  This is my first day counting points for WW and I still have 8 points left and it's too late to eat anymore.  I have to have 33 points a day...I can have more if I exercise, which I'm scared to gain anymore points. 

What I had today:

Peanut butter bliss snack (free sample at WW) 1PT

WW Peach yogurt (1)

H/C Lean pocket w/baked lays (8)

Cheese stick w/5 crackers (3)

WW Ameretto cheesecake yogurt (1)

I figured I had a lot of points left so we went to the cafe and I had a large monterey chicken salad w/ranch dressing (?10pts) w/crackers (3) and a diet pepsi.

That adds up to 27 points, I'm not sure about the salad since it has chicken planks and bacon in it, that could be more points...so I'm going to say I did get all of my points today.

I need to work on drinking the water and I didn't exercise today.  Tomorrow is a new day.

Night all....

 Kristy

I can't believe I'm still up

It's almost 1 am here and I'm still up on this computer.  My youngest daughter must be teething or something because she's having a hard time staying asleep.  She's finally in bed and instead of catching up on my own zzzzzz I'm here on this computer.

A very uncomfortable situation happened at my WW meeting today, which I will explain in more detail tomorrow (oops, I mean today).  I need to stop letting certain things, I mean people, bother me.

Well, I just wanted to report that I weighed in at 259.2 pounds, so this is my official starting weight.

My measurements:

Chest 40" under armpits,  Bicep 16.5", Waist 42", Hips 50", Thigh 30"

So those are the dreaded numbers and from here on out I will post my menu, exercise, water and points used.

I'm off to bed....Later!

 Kristy

I chickened out

I cancelled the order to Nutrisystem. I am just afraid of spending $200. and just hating the food.  Too bad they don't have a sampler package or something.  I did decide that I will go ahead and go to WW.  Weigh in is tomorrow night so I will begin posting my WI weight along with my daily point menu.  WW is 30 miles away and I will  have to pack up the kids and take them with me, but hubby is at work in that same town so I can drop the kids off with him, I just have to commit to something to get this eating under control.  WW helped me before to lose a lot of weight and I know it will help me again....I just need to commit myself to go every week. 

I took my measurements the other day, so I will post them tomorrow night along with my weight at WI.  I've been walking every morning on the treadmill, but I haven't been doing the rotation that I listed below.  I plan to start it in the morning.

I'll check in tomorrow when I get back from WW.

Good Night Everyone.....

 Kristy

What to eat??

I am so bad when it comes to making food choices.  I am doing great when it comes to the exercise, but it's so hard to figure out what to eat daily.  I read everybody's blog and I'll see what you have to eat and I think some of you must be chefs or really great cooks to come up with some of the meals that you eat.  I'm all for convenience....I'm not much of a cook, if it involves a box and a microwave we're doing good.

Anyways, I was watching QVC this morning, my husband hates it when I do that, and they were having a today's special for nutrisystem.  $169. plus s/h and tax, which is basically $198. a month for a months worth of food, excluding weekends.  I'm thinking that would be perfect for me to finally lose the weight.  I called my husband, who was out hunting today, and asked him if I could purchase it and he said "That's fine".  So, I got onto the website and decided to order.  They do the auto ship and you can cancel anytime, but I decided I was going to pay with a check, that way they will bill me instead of automatically taking the money.

After ordering, thinking I made a wise decision, I got onto google and looked up nutrisystem only to find negative feedback about the taste of the food and that it isn't worth the money, etc. etc.  Now I'm totally discouraged and am wondering if I should just cancel the order...I haven't sent them my check yet.

I could go back to WW, but I live 30 miles from the meetings and it's hard to drive all that way just to step on a scale and come home.  I don't know...this is the hardest part for me....What do I eat??? 

On another note....My husband took some before photos of me, like I mentioned in a previous post of me in a sports bra and shorts....not too attractive, but I decided I will not let any other soul see those pictures until I lose every pound of this extra weight, or at least close to it. I wanted to take some photos today so I could place them on my blog with clothes on, but hubby wasn't home and my 5 year old does not know how to use the camera...so if you check out my gallery you will see some attempts of me taking a picture of myself with a camera and a mirror.  That's not very easy to do, thank goodness for digital cameras.

Be back tomorrow....

 Kristy

A sobering Experience

If you're having a hard time finding the motivation to lose weight....I have found it!  Like I described in my previous posts  1. Go Shopping for clothes.  2.  Look at yourself in a 3-way mirror.  3. Get in a sports bra and biker shorts and have your picture taken from every angle. Talk about a wake up call.  I think I'm going to cry!!!

Well, that is the past and I am only going to be getting slimmer from now on.  I promised to write about my plan of action.  I have set 5 weight goals:

1. Lose 30 pounds and get to my pre preg weight before D2 -230lbs
2. Lose 10 pounds and get to my pre preg weight before D1 -220lbs
3. Lose 21 pounds and be in ONEDERLAND!!  - 199lbs
4. Lose 24 pounds and get to what I weighed when I met hubby-175lbs
5. Lose 20 pounds and get to my goal weight of 155LBS!!!

I'm going to have to think of some non-food rewards for when I achieve these goals...any ideas?

My workout will consist of walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes every morning and the following workout rotation using Slim N Six and Turbo Jam:

Weeks 1, 3, & 5

• Day 1: TJ Turbo Sculpt (40)
• Day 2: TJ Cardio Party (45)
• Day 3: SIU (25) / SI6 Pack (11)
• Day 4: TJ Ab Jam (20) / TJ 20 Min (20)
• Day 5: RIU (48) / SI6 Pack (11)
• Day 6: TJ Cardio Party (45)
• Day 7: Rest / Stretch (SI Limber or other stretching)

Weeks 2, 4, & 6

• Day 1: RIU (48) / SI6 Pack (11)
• Day 2: TJ Burn (from L&B) / 20 Min (20)
• Day 3: SIU (25) / TJ Ab Jam
• Day 4: BIU (60)
• Day 5: TJ Cardio Party (45) / SI6 Pack (11)
• Day 6: Turbo Sculpt (40)
• Day 7: Rest / Stretch (SI Limber or other stretching)

When it comes to nutrition according to SparkPeople I should keep my calories between 1200-1550 so I'm going to aim for 1500 calories until I hit a plateau and then I will drop to 1200 and back up to 1500 again.  I will be an avid label reader and stick with what the book that I'm reading reccommends, and I plan to have my water bottle with me at all times.

I'm hoping that my coach Stephanie will be checking in on me daily to keep me on track.

I'm going to weigh myself and take my measurements in the morning.  I'll be back tomorrow.

 Kristy

You on a diet

I had mentioned earlier about buying a book called, "You on a diet".  This book is a straight to the point, in your face why and how you're fat.  The book is written by Michael F Roizen, M.D. and Mehmet C. Oz, M.D.  If you have ever watched Oprah, then you have seen Dr. Oz, he has been on her show quite a bit.

Well, I was sitting in the chair skimming through the channels tonight thinking I should read this book, but as I was skimming I saw a show on the discovery channel called "You on a diet".  Now, how ironic is that?  Fate I tell ya!  Anyways, I was watching this and it really struck a nerve....I'm literally terrified about what I'm doing to my body.  It talked about how the measurements you take are not really important....the most important measurement is your waist.  A man's waist should be no more than 35" and a woman's waist should be no more than 32" (my waist is 42").  Anything bigger than that is what leads to hardening of the arteries and disease.  They showed a healthy heart and a fatty heart....talk about disgusting!!

After you take your waist measurement, weight and body fat percentage it's time to clean out the fridge and cupboards.  READ LABELS!!  You need to throw out and not buy anything that has the words enriched, hydrogenated or high fructose on the label. Avoid all saturated and trans fats!  When buying butter the best thing you can buy is canola. Remember avoid hydrogenated! ( I bought the Smart Balance w/flax oil, it has all healthy oils in it and it tastes really good) When buying bread, stick with 100% whole wheat. Remember to stay away from the word enriched.  The most important thing is to read labels!

After you clean out your cupboards and go shopping to replace your kitchen with healthy foods....the next thing is the exercise.  You should make a goal to take 10,000 steps a day and 3x a week get in some cardio and strength training. 

The information above is what I got from the show...I can't wait to start reading the book.  I never had a problem with exercising...it was always the nutrition part that had me stumped.  I'm so excited to know what I need to look for when it comes to healthy eating and the motivation to stay away from the bad food.

I'll be back tomorrow with my goals, stats and if I'm brave enough some before photos.  I will also start adding my daily menu to my blog.

See you tomorrow....

 Kristy

The end of a chapter

Do you ever look back and reflect on your life?  Did you accomplish everything you wanted to accomplish for the year?  Are the resolutions you made last year the same ones you are making this year?  Did you just stop making resolutions, for the sake of breaking them?

I know that every year I make a resolution to lose weight and every year I'm heavier than the year before.  What am I doing to change that cycle?  How will this new year be different from this last year?

It used to be I wanted to be thin for vanity purposes...to fit into that cute little dress or make every head turn, but now that I'm getting older it's all about health.  My blood pressure is elevated and I'm a borderline diabetic.  Food to me is like a drug....I know that what I'm doing to myself is killing me, but yet I still do it.  It's a disease and I'm searching for the cure!

About 2 weeks ago I had a breakdown...I was driving home eating fast food and I just started crying.  What am I doing to myself?  I have 2 beautiful daughters at home who love their mommy very much and if I keep treating my body like this I won't be around to watch them grow up.  It's like I'm choosing the temporary satisfaction of that fast food meal over my own children....What is wrong with me?

I bought a book yesterday "You On A Diet" I've heard a lot of good things about it. I plan to start reading it tomorrow. I'm also going to start a 150 day challenge on another message board that I'm on.  This time next year I will no longer be worried about my health and my weight.  I will be healthy! I will be around to watch my children grow up.

My mind is made up....I have a lot of weight to lose, but I plan on breaking it down into small steps.  My first goal is 230 pounds.  I will be back tomorrow to lay out my plan and how I will lose 100 pounds in 2008.

Until tomorrow.....

 Kristy

Who is Kristy?

That's a good question!  I guess that is why I am here, to find out who I am.  First, let me introduce my family.

My husband and I have been married going on six years.  We met through the Jaycees and had a long distance relationship for over a year.  I lived about 140 miles away from him and our relationship consisted of telephone conversations on Tuesday and Thursday and one weekend I would go to his place and the next he would come to my place.  Mike is a farmer/rancher/welder.  He loves farming; we have wheat, beans and alfalfa, he also loves ranching; we have cows, horses and sheep.  Since he is a farmer and farmers do not make enough money to live off of ( I guess you could call farming an expensive hobby) he has to work in town as a welder.  My husband gets up at the crack of dawn and is working until dark, which during the summer can be extremely late.  That is also the reason that my husband is so grumpy at times. :~)  His hobbies are hunting, hunting and more hunting.  When hunting season comes around I'm lucky if I get to see my husband at all. 

Our oldest daughter wil be turning 5 in February and is in preschool right now, but will be starting Kindergarten next year, she is mommy's helper.  She LOVES horses!  She has a stick horse she rides around the house, and yes she is spoiled and has her own horse, Sandy, that she rides quite frequently.  We have a total of 5 horses and she loves taking care of them.  She also loves to sing.  It amazing how she will remember every song on the radio and just start singing it in the house word for word.  Her aunt made a comment over the weekend and said, "I wouldn't be suprised if we visit her in concert one day."  She's my little Carrie Underwood.  Yes, mommy's proud!

Our youngest daughter is a momma's girl, she will be turning 1 in January.  She loves to get into everything.  Her favorite past time is running off with the toilet paper and stringing it all over the house.  She is also my little comedian....she loves to play peekaboo and to give you her cheesy grin (it's so cute)  She is terrified of all men, except daddy.  If she sees a man come anywhere close to her she will just start crying (even her grandpas).  Needless to say, we did not get a picture with santa this year.  She just started walking on Christmas Eve....so now the fun begins.

 A little bit about me....my life is basically taking care of the three people I described above.  I was sitting here thinking about what my hobbies are and I can't think of anything.  I've wanted to get into scrapbooking, I have all of the stuff to do it, but I don't seem to find the time.  Before I met my husband I was a legal secretary, owned my own house, my car was paid for....the only thing I did not have was a family.  I met my husband and fell in love...after dating for a year he talked me into moving to rural Kansas.  I lived in Wichita, so it was a major culture shock. That is when my weight gain began.  When my husband and I met I weighed 165 pounds....I was an avid kickboxer, loved it and I lifted weights 3 times a week.  Eating was never a problem for me, because I lived alone and only had to worry about myself.  When we got married I had gained 40 pounds.  I was no longer exercising and my husband loves to cook.  When I got pregnant with my first child I weighed in at 222 pounds.  After she was born I was 230 pounds.  Then I got pregnant with my 2nd daughter...I weighed 233 pounds.  After she was born I weighed in at 260 pounds and the weight will not come off.  She was a C-section baby, so I do not know if that's why I can't get rid of the stubborn weight or if it's that my metabolism is at a stand still, of course, it could be all the crap I eat and the lack of exercise!

I am currently working at the hospital  and am going to school to be an RN,  so my life is filled with stress and chaos most of the time.  I am a stress eater,  because when my daughter begins to cry non-stop or my oldest is whining or my husband is complaining...I'm in the kitchen eating!!

Basically, my life consists of taking care of my family and making sure that they are happy.  I've known it all along, but this just confirms that I'm leaving myself out.  I'm miserable with my weight, my self esteem is shot.....how can I be a good mother, wife or nurse when I'm not happy with who I am.  I miss the girl that I used to be.  I loved life and right now my life is stuck in a rut and I'm always at home alone with the girls and my relationship with my husband has just gotten into that comfortable zone...where everything is the same and there's no excitement anymore.  I have no doubt that my husband loves me, but I want to feel sexy again.  Mike used to tell me all the time how beautiful I am and how he wanted to take me out and show me off,  I felt special. Now, he goes out by himself and leaves me at home and sometimes I think that he is ashamed to be seen with me because of how I let myself go.

Well, that's basically me and my family in a nutshell.  I know I need this...to write down my feelings and get it all out in the open.  How can you fix the problems without facing them, right?

Until next time.....

 Kristy

Reality Check ~ The 3 way mirror!

What brought me here?  Well...I went shopping yesterday at the mall with a friend of mine.  We decided to take advantage of the after Christmas sales.  I'm always buying for my kids and my hubby and my friend and I decided it's time that we got spoiled!  We got a sitter and headed off to the mall.  I was so excited!  The first thing we did was stop at Carlos O Kellys for lunch and a margarita.  Now, it's time to go shopping!

Reality Check #1:  The first stop was at Fashion Bug Plus....50% off tagged prices....What a great deal!  I wasn't really sure what size I wore. The jeans that I have now are the stretch kind and they're a size 18, but I have had them forever....I think I stretched them out to fit me, because I do not wear a size 18!!  All of the pants I tried on would not fit, every jean fits differently and I just gave up!  It was time to concentrate on shirts.  I saw some really cute turtlenecks and grabbed the 16/18 size, which is what I thought I wore....a wonderful description of me fitting into one of these turtenecks is like a woman trying to give birth.....I could hardly sqeeze my head through, I decided I would probably need to go up a few shirt sizes.  I tried on the 24/26 and it did fit, but I will definitely wear something over it....not very attractive.  I did find some really nice shirts that looked wonderful on me, so I bought that same shirt in different colors, go with what works.  I left there and decided I was thirsty and got a large Coke.

Reality Check #2:  I knew I needed to buy some pants and that I would have to live up to the reality that I will need to try on jeans until I found some that would fit.  My friend said, "Let's go to CJ Banks."  So now that I have downed my Coke we head to CJ Banks. I grab some cute jeans and knew that I needed to start somewhere so I grabbed some 20's, 22's and 24's.  I tried on the 20s and they were a little snug, so I thought 22 should fit me for sure, well, it did.  I could get them buttoned anyways.  I still could sit down without them being too tight, and I did not want to go up to size 24....so I thought this will work!! 

Reality Check #3:  Okay, I knew I needed to get a better look at these jeans and since the dressing room is the size of a porta potty with a mirror I decided to go and look for a mirror outside of the dressing room.  Down the hall I saw a huge mirror so I began walking towards it, when I realized it was a 3-way mirror....Yes, you read that right, a 3-way mirror!  The Horror!!! I just saw myself from every angle and it was not pretty!  Is this how people see me? I could not believe I had let myself get this way.

The moral of this story.....I am Fat! I need to do something about it NOW!!!  I knew what the sizes of clothes were saying, but I didn't really think much about it, but when I saw myself in the mirror, nothing could have gotten my attention like that!!

I left that mall with new clothes and the motivation to lose the 100 pounds for good.

I have never done this blog thing before, but I absolutely love the concept of documenting my journey to lose over 100 pounds!  I plan on visiting here daily and documenting my food intake, my exercise and my complete journey to losing over 100 pounds.  I know the only way to lose these pounds is by knowing how I got here and change those old habits.  Just like when I was typing the story above and how we stopped for lunch and the coke.  I now know how I got to be over 100 pounds.

Well....until tomorrow!

Kristy