12/23/2006 12:22
Begin Again
So, I have totally fallen apart. Between the two jobs and the holiday season, I have found every excuse to just go crazy. Literally. I have eaten myself to the point that I literally do not even crave food... or junk food anymore. I feel so disgusting. I haven't been binging or anything, but I really have just let myself eat whatever I want. I have not been to the grocery store in over 2 weeks, so I haven't eaten a piece of fruit since then. I feel terrible. I wish that there was a way that I could help myself remember how awful I feel when I don't take care of myself. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to happen that way. I am going to buy some fruit and veggies for the next few days and really go hard starting on Tuesday. A little damage control. I really want to begin to take care of myself. I was really starting to feel good.
12/20/2006 00:32
A gain
Okay, so after all of that I have had a gain. This is definitely deserved and expected. Thanks to everyone for all of your encouragement. It always seems so easy when I plan things out, but it is really difficult to put those plans into action sometimes. In order to motivate myself, I bought a new sweater. It is SO cute and something that I would never wear. I am going to wear it when I reach my 10% goal and not until then.... so, I am hoping that my new super cute sweater is a motivator. Also, I got my hair cut today in something a little more fun and trendy, so I actually feel cute. It is kind of fun. So, while eating was not terribly successful today... a few confidence gains were made and in my book... that is a definite plus. Again, thanks to everyone for your encouragement! It is so fun to read all of your comments!
12/19/2006 00:00
Dang Christmas Crafts....
Why is it that all Christmas crafts revolve around food? I was doing so well! This morning I weighed in at 155.0. I could have totally turned the week around and done really well. I could have ended with a loss.... and then the gingerbread house experience. I have this terrible mentality that once I have messed up, I might as well just go all out. What a terrible way of thinking about life! Could you imagine what our world would be like if people applied this way of thinking towards anything other than their diet? It is completely flawed. As a result, I went out for a big ole' Mexican dinner and had a latte at Starbucks because I was feelling guilty. I will definitely see all of that on the scale tomorrow. I need to get motivated. I was feeling so good today, but it just didn't last. Grrr... maybe a gain will get me in the mood to take care of myself.
12/17/2006 22:16
New Job
Since school is out for the holidays, I thought that I would find another job to help us get ahead for the semester. I have worked for a local coffee shop for four years and they needed some seasonal help, so I took the job. Today was my first day. I have decidedd that it will either be great... or really bad for me. I drink more water than I do any other time when I am working there. We always track to make sure that we all stay hydrated... I am not sure why this started, but it is almost like a ritual. So, that is definitely a positive change. The only downside is the abundance of crap around. The shop sells not only coffee and lattes, but tons and tons of yummy baked goods. I did really well today, but it remains to be seen how I do in the future. I like to think that since I am working so much I will have very little time to "graze". My goals are becoming much more real to me lately, so my motivation is definitely becoming stronger. I am super excited to go shopping and to buy some cute clothes, so that will be a big motivator for me. I guess we will see how the first week goes. I am a little nervous for my WI this week, as I am expecting a gain. It is definitely my fault, but I still don't want to deal with the consequences of my poor decisions. Regardless, it is still possible to meet my 10% goal by New Years. I would love to have met that by New Years because I wouldn't feel like one of those "I want to lose 5 lbs this year" New Years Resolution girls. I am one, but I still don't want to perpetuate that.... lol.
12/16/2006 10:42
The Damage
I weighed in this morning. Not my official weigh in, simply a weigh in to assess the damage. The damage is that I am up 1.8 lbs. That is what I get for four days of mindless eating. Okay, so I can deal with it. I am going to the gym this morning and I hope to at least be down the .8 by Tuesday. We will see what happens. I am a little frustrated with myself, but I guess everyone has these times. In my mind, I gained back all of my weight.... you know, blowing things out of proportion.... so, I can deal with 1.8 pounds. I am back on the wagon... officially.
12/15/2006 22:43
GRRRRR.....
I have had a terrible week. I am not sure why.... I mean I had a huge breakthrough... down one size... 155, half way to my Christmastime goal... and then I just lost it. I have been so frustrated lately. I have always wanted to lose weight. I have always been chubby. So, I have envisioned life when I lost weight. I have always thought... oh when I lose weight I will...... whatever. I realize that 12 pounds isn't a lot, but for me that is a really good start. I feel a little better, but my life is not quite as changed as I thought it would be.... I guess I thought that losing weight will change my view of me and all of my other life issues... I am coming to the realization that that is not the case. If I am not content where I am right now, losing 10 more pounds is not going to do the trick. If I cannot love me for me, then I am not going to love myself any more when I am 20 pounds down... or 30. So, I am really going to work harder on loving me and my life. I have been so negative lately that it has all caught up with me.... leading to some personal time with some goldfish crackers. Which, I am throwing away.... officially. I am expecting a gain this week, but I think that I have learned some powerful lessons... such as.... 1. Moderation.......2. Do not buy economy sized anything.....3. It is okay to indulge peridoically... not everyday.....4. Identify trigger foods and do not purchase them.....5. Do not allow the scale to dictate your feelings about your self. So, good luck all... I am officially back in the game.
12/14/2006 08:58
Month 1 Update
Okay, so yesterday marks my official first month on WW. That is really crazy. So, I will start with a story.... I ordered some clothes on AE online for Christmas. I got a really cute sweater and a pair of jeans. I have chronicled my previous experience in size ten jeans... it hasn't been good... they fit, but definitely don't look good. So, anyway I ordered a size smaller sweater and a size 10 jeans instead of size 12. So, they arrived yesterday.... I tried them on and they fit, so the official one month marks 12.8 pounds gone, from a size 12 to a size 10, and a size XL sweater to a size L sweater. Hooray for me.
I have decided that I want to do this thing day to day, month to month.... my goal is to lose 10 pounds in the next month. I would like to be at 150 by Christmas, but I would like to be at 145 by January 13. I think that that is do-able. With Thanksgiving I still lost 12.8 pounds. So, I had a few stressful, Off Plan days, but I am back in the game and ready to roll for month 2.
12/13/2006 11:07
Finals.... Madness
I cracked. That is okay though. I am not going to use anymore of my FP this week... largely because I am quite sure that I do not have any left.... I have also been doing much better about working out. I really wanted to go today, but I am just not going to have enough time. Dang finals. So, I am going to go tomorrow. I will have worked out 5 days this week.... that is quite good for beginning. I really want to be at 150 by New Years and it is creeping up quickly!
I registered for classes for next semester and I am really excited. I am taking a really neat class on teaching students with emotional disturbance... also, I am taking a class on Assessment.... that should really be interesting. Best of all, my first class is not until 10:30 on M and W... and No class on Friday, so I will have enough time to get in a good workout at the beginning of the day without getting up at 5 am. So, I am pretty darn excited. How cool would it be to go back to school at 145 lbs. It is completely do-able. I don't go back to school until mid-January. I would really like people to be able to notice a difference by then.... ahhh, to be thin.
12/12/2006 10:15
Down 3.4
So, WI went great. I was so excited this morning! I am down 3.4 lbs from last week at my official WI. So, that puts me at 155.0. I am 4 lbs away from my 10% goal and 5 lbs away from my Christmas goal. I would like to be at 150 by Christmas (or technically by 12/31/06). I am making progress. I really can't tell a difference, so I have started working out. I FEEL lots better. Hopefully, I can start to see results soon.
12/11/2006 22:24
Grr...
So, it is definitely TOM. I feel awful. This morning I woke up with terrible cramps, so I decided that I was going to go to the gym. Typically, a good workout helps to alleviate the pain, but it did no such thing today. When I got on the scale this morning it said 157. I wanted to cry... which is also not terribly unusual as of right now. I just feel icky. I WI officially tomorrow, and I am going to be so disheartened if I have a gain. I worked so hard and it kind of just seems like it has all been for nothing at this point. Grrr....I am so moody... lol.
