new beginings

how can I do this to me

Wednesday, December 5, 2007 23:00:12

Here I am, some months later and I have basically gained all the weight back. I am so angry at myself. Why is it so hard for me. How many times am I going to do this to myself. Is it my total lack of will power? The fact that it feels like I go it all alone? I know when I eat bad that I am putting the weight on, but I do it anyway. What does food make me feel? Why do I feel the need to have it with me all the time? It is like I am having a love affair with food and I just cant quit. All this time I try and mess up and no matter what I am still fat fat fat. I think I am going to go cry because I feel like I can not do anything, I screw it up over and over.

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Hiatus

Sunday, December 2, 2007 23:04:12

I totally went on an eating and being responsible vacation. I have not exercised or followed any food plan. I am very lucky that I only gained a little and not a lot. My WW meeting last night was perfect for me. There are going to be bends in the road and its all part of the journey. I just cant give up ever!!! Giving up means I will be fatter than I was when I started. I am giong to work really hard to get myself past this part of my journey.

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a little goal

Saturday, December 1, 2007 22:09:11

My weigh in was good last night. I am going down. I cant wait to be under 200. Oh it will feel soo goood. I am setting a little goal for me for this week. On my next weigh in I want to be under 210 so this week I am going to try and not use any of my weekly points allowance. I am also going to try to do my 45 min of exercise every other day. I am excited to be under 210. I havent weighed that much in about 3 years. I cannot believe it has been that long. I hope everyone has had a good week.

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oweeeeee

Saturday, December 1, 2007 22:04:16

So, I went and bought a jump rope and I dont like to use it. When I jump there is so much of me jumping up and down that it hurts and is really uncomfortable. I am hoping that after I lose a lot of weight I will be able to jump without having so much of me flop around. My eating has been really good and I have been earning a lot of activity points for the week. I am really looking forward to my next meeting.

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not about weight loss

Saturday, December 1, 2007 22:02:17

My brother has started his own internet show, and being a good sister I told him I would put the link on my blog. It has adult content so dont let your kids listen, if you have them. He is live at these times: mon-7 pm, tue-thur 9 pm and friday at noon. These are standard pacific times. Thanks everyone. Here is his link http://www.ustream.tv/channel/chemicaljen if that doesnt work look up jenandjoe.tv .

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yay!!

Saturday, December 1, 2007 22:02:11

1.6 pounds lost at meeting. Hoooraaaayyyy!!!

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I am happy

Saturday, December 1, 2007 22:00:23

I had a great day today. I went and had coffee with my mother. Bought my daughter some new shoes and just had a great day. I did 30 min of cardio that made me really sweat and I feel good. I think I am going to buy some free weights, probably from goodwill if I can find them, and a jump rope. Last night on BL they said a good way to keep your heart rate up between sets is to jump rope. It sounded good to me. I dont want to get bored with my exercise routine. Tomorrow is wi and I hope I have lost something.

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changing my life

Saturday, December 1, 2007 23:09:12

I am trying to live like a thin person. I have been keeping myself busy and staying off of the couch. This last week I have done some kind of exercise everyday. I always feel good after I exercise and I have more energy for the rest of the day. I noticed yesterday how I was carrying myself better. I am walking with my head up and my shoulders back. I usually hunch because I am embarrased about my stomach and how big my boobs are. Our sunny weather is gone but I was outside for most of the days, it felt so good to have the sun shining on my face.

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Motivated

Saturday, December 1, 2007 23:06:18

I am so motivated right now. I did some good cardio today. It is so beautiful here today, and warm!!! It looks like spring. Some crocus flowers have popped up in a rainbow of colors. The earth is begining to change for spring and I want to change with it. I dont want to be left behind. lol. Everyone have a wonderful weekend!!

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uhg

Saturday, December 1, 2007 23:05:11

I had wi last night and wasnt surprised that I hadnt lost anything. Date night was the high of my week and then it went downhill really quick. Hubby, me, and baby got sick. I have pms really bad. So, the other day I was so mad that I couldnt eat what I wanted. I mean really po'd about it. So I had a panic eating session. You know where you go and shove things into your mouth at a rate that seems like you are in a panic. I ate all my points for the remaining of the week and then some in that one day. Actually I guess its amazing that I didnt gain any weight. My meeting was great last night so I feel like I am right on track again. Last night after meeting I was disgusted with myself for shoving so much food down my throat. It made me kind of nauseated when I thought of all that I ate. Which is a great feeling because that means I have changed something. Before I would feel bad because I knew it was something I shouldnt do but would do it again soon, now I feel bad because it really grossed me out and I dont want to do that again ever.

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