how can I do this to me

Here I am, some months later and I have basically gained all the weight back.  I am so angry at myself.  Why is it so hard for me.  How many times am I going to do this to myself.  Is it my total lack of will power?  The fact that it feels like I go it all alone?  I know when I eat bad that I am putting the weight on, but I do it anyway.  What does food make me feel?  Why do I feel the need to have it with me all the time?  It is like I am having a love affair with food and I just cant quit.  All this time I try and mess up and no matter what I am still fat fat fat.  I think I am going to go cry because I feel like I can not do anything, I screw it up over and over.   

{{{HUGS}}}

Oh dear, I completely feel your pain.  Losing weight is a very difficult journey, and if you are not supported in your efforts, it is all the harder.  The thing is, you have proven you can do.....just look at your weight losses.  I honestly believe we do this when we are ready.  And you have taken one of the first steps...you are back here blogging.  That's a good thing.  Use this place to vent when you need it...to celebrate when you have victories, no matter how small....and to find support.  I have been checking on you regularly and was so happy to see you finally posted again.  I am saddened to hear how things are for you right now.  Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you because we are all in this together.  Sisters to the end!  Take care.  Everyone here loves and supports you BIG time!!!!!!!!

((hugs))

Hun maybe you need to really think about what you get out of being overweight.  For me it was 'safety'.  But once I realised what I thought fat was giving me I was able to realise it was an illusion and work through it.  It took me a while, but at least I knew why I was struggling to lose.

Glad you are back

(( HUGS )) to you and prayers for the journey to get better.  You can do this.  You did it before.

Come here often, you will get a lot of support and motivation, you know that.  Have a good day tomorrow!!