and now....the moment you've all been waiting for....my WI results....

Well, today is the day.

I went to my WI 2 days early.  My goal was 15 pounds by today.  I lost .6 to total 14.8!!!  I bet if I woulda gone pee, that .2 would have been history but the truth is I am so overwhelmed that I actually made it that far. 

So I will go to Vegas today with a smile on my face....proud of this accomplishment and looking forward to the next.

Talk to you all soon!!  I may check in from Vegas, Baby!!!

xoxoKBB

Well, okey-freakin-dokey then!!! Here's my blog for today.....

So here it is.  Tomorrow I am going to Vegas.  I have several new outfits that I would not have fit into in January.  I have my hair cut and brows waxed.  I have my fingers and toes painted.  I will be packing everything tonight....but my list is made. 

I.....am 14.8 pounds lighter.

I am so proud.

I really have to say that I can't believe that I had it in me.  I am going to WI tomorrow, 2 days early, and I know I will have a loss.  All I am looking for is .8.  Because then I will have accomplished my goal of 15.  I would really be full of glee if that happened. 

But...if it does not...I will take my lovely loss that I have and be proud at what I have been able to accomplish in just 13 short weeks.  I will take with the the knowledge that I do have, within me, the ability to have consistency. That I. Can. Do. It.  :)

I must not forget that I will have days where I don't feel like this. There have been days in this challenge where I DIDN'T feel like doing it anymore. Days where it takes every ounce of strength in my being to get on my treadmill or not to take that plate of *fillintheblank*.  However, today I feel strong.  Today, I feel proud.  Today, I feel like I have really done something for myself. 

I have shown me that I have what it takes. 

And I feel like a million because of it.

Onward and downward!!

xoxoKBB

Confession time.......

Well, my friends, it is almost time for my challenge to be over.  So here are my confessions and things I am proud of……I did pretty good to be honest with you:

What I did right – Got my water, dairy, exercise in on designated days the whole time.  I have not had one single Diet Coke.  So that is 41 days with no Diet Coke.  And stayed away from the home scale.  These are things that I am for sure proud of. 

What I did not do so hot on - Desserts one time a week??  Has not happened in the last week because of the opening of the Golden Spoon that I have already discussed with you all.  lol. Have not been so hot on the vitamin during the last few days either. 

But what have I accomplished??  Well, in 41 days, I have lost a total of 7.8 pounds.  For me, that is huge.  Well, for anyone that is huge.  That is an average of about a pound a week.  I could not ask for anything more.  I had a couple of gains but they were not bad and I always got rid of the gain and then some.  So I have to say that overall I am very happy with the progress that I have made so far.  I am leaving for my trip on Thursday night after work.  I will be going home, working out, showering and getting on the road by, hopefully, 7.  That should put me in town by 11 or 12.  If I can, I am going to leave earlier.  But that will remain to be seen on Thursday. 

For now, I am just going to go ahead and celebrate what I was able to do and to start to think about what I want to do next. 

What was the most valuable lesson that I got out of this?  That I CAN do this.  I AM worth it.  I love to run.  I can make healthy choices most of the time and still have some of the things I love.  And. Still. Lose. Weight.

Onward and Downward!!

xoxoKBB

Yes!!!!! Yes!!!!!! Yes!!!!!!

So I am proud to say that I have my feet firmly planted in the 170's now.  I had a loss of 1.4 this week!! 

QH and I are twins!  lol. :)

Feeling good today.  Have to make up a run I missed during the week in a little bit.  I really did not know what to expect today on the scale but I am proud to say that I lost.  Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Onward and Downward!!

KBB

So I tried on the dress for the first time last night....

I realized last night that I never tried on "The Dress" in the size 8 that I am not yet....lol.  But I did fit nicely in the 14 I tried on in the store.  However, I realized that I never tried on the "The Dress" to see how far away I was....or at least how far away the zipper was from one side of the teeth to the other.

So I put it on and was shocked to see that the zipper space (the zipper is on the side of the dress) was not all that much.   Perhaps about 4-5 inches I would say????  Now if I was not a 36D, perhaps this would be fitting me sooner rather than later.  lol.  But I was very excited and decided that once a month, I would try it on.  No...the zipper wasn't even  close to being able to go up even a little bit.  But perhaps the first of the month, trying it on....will be one thing to help me continue with this motivation I have. 

Yes...I had Golden Spoon again last night but if I am going to blow some of the days of the challenge that I am on, then at least I am doing it with something that is only 136 calories for the small as opposed to Cake Batter from Coldstone Creamery which is 410 calories, then I guess it could be much worse.  Right??

Tonight it is pasta and veggies.  I don't know what tomorrow's WI will bring...I am feeling like I got rid of the damage I did over the weekend with the dinner out and wedding.  But I would seriously take a maintain tomorrow.  I can pray that the scale goddesses will smile upon me but I am not counting on it.  Anything I get that is not a gain, I would take.  TOM is almost out of the house and I have been a perfect little WWer....counted all of my points...exercised....got my water.  So I will go tomorrow and face the scale...whatever it may be....and move forward with my life.  lol.

One more thing.  Check out this article.  It is called, "8 Secrets of the Naturally Slim".  Great info!!! 

Onward and Downward!!

xoxoKBB

Confessions of a girl who just had a Golden Spoon open within walking distance

So I have to confess…..I have had Golden Spoon for the last 3 nights in a row.  That means no smiley faces for me on my chart.  Brat and I laughed and were excited at the prospect of a new Golden Spoon being so close to me.  As a matter of fact, we had a plan, for a second, to camp out overnight the night before it opened so we could be the first customers.  But then we realized that would be, well, silly.  Lol.  I have to admit, it has turned into my nemesis.  I am sure I could be doing a lot worse damage.  Actually, I know I could.  With a small being only 3 points, and counting as a dairy with 20% calcium (yes…I checked), really, it is not so bad.  So I did NOT go on any kind of binge at all yesterday.  I am proud to say that I counted my points and ate within my totals for the day.  That was a HUGE accomplishment in itself because I swore that at any moment, I was going to do some serious damage.  But the damage that I did involved some GS frozen yogurt and a small amount of hot fudge for only 8 points….which I had left for the day in the first place because I did not eat a lot during the day and dinner was light.  SO I counted, ate within my points and still had something to stave off the cravings of something really, really bad for me.   

Before dinner, of course,  I got on The Judge for 40 minutes and did a new pre-programmed workout.  It was entitled “Jog”.  Uh…..yeah.  It could have been called, “When you do this workout you are going to feel like dying by the time you get to the middle of it but try to do everything you can to make it to the end”.  Lol.  It was hard and I did have to make some speed adjustments because when the incline hit 10 at a 3.5 pace, I was about to die.  Lol.  But I made it through so that is all good. 

Today, I feel much more in control.  That blog yesterday really helped me get a lot out of my mind and into the world….sometimes that just helps so much, you know??  Sometimes just putting your thoughts out there into the universe is a helpful thing.  I am so happy that I can come here and have the freedom to say anything and everything, good, bad or ugly, regarding this journey and there are so many that understand me. I am sad to know that there are so many in my shoes.  But, hell, if I am going to have to walk in them, then I may as well have company, right??   

I would not wish this issue on my worst enemy.  Feeling like I have to chain myself to this desk to keep from leaving and getting something that I should not be having.  But it is a constant battle…struggle….it. is. hard.  But I will not give up.  I have 8 more days until I go to Vegas and I am proud to say that in the planning of this trip and during this challenge, I have lost 12 pounds and feel so great about that accomplishment.  I do still have a way to go but I really believe in myself and my ability to do this.  When I start my new challenge, it will be for only 30 days….a more manageable timeframe….and I will pick fewer and very specific things to focus on.  

I hope you are all having a fabulous day!!

 Onward and downward

 Mmmmmmmuuuuuuuwwwwwwwaaaaaaaa! KBB

Truly hungry for success.....

Today I am hungry. Truly hungry.   Hungry, mostly, for all things that are bad for me.  Things like chocolate cake….cheesecake…..cookies…..main dishes with lots of buttery cream sauce…..Hostess Suzie Q’s…Oreo’s…..The usual things that I crave when I am feeling an out of control moment coming.

I don’t know why I am having a little bit of a hard time today....just feeling on the verge of being a little out of control and trying to figure out why.  Trying not to teeter so much on the edge and step off of the ledge between control and lack thereof.   But as much as I wanted to go to BJ's Pizza at lunch time (it was right there, after all) and have a yummy pizza with artichoke and spinach on it, a pazookie and a Diet Coke to wash it down, I did not.  I had my lean cuisine and pretended like it was chocolate cake....trying to not go on a bend.

This must be what any other kind of addict feels.  We are addicts, really, aren’t we??  Addicted to the food...to the feeling that we think that food will give us when we are done and yet it never does.  It has control over us…..power that we give it for some reason or another, you know?  Well, of course you know….that is why you are here too, right??

So instead of eating what I wanted, I took myself to that feeling at the end of the out of control eating….....the feeling when I am done of being full, but not satisfied.  Because truly I am never satisfied at the end and continue the eating thinking that somewhere in the bottom of that ice cream container, I will find what I have been looking for.  But I never do. 

I wanted to skip the middle part....the part where I stuffed my face with all of those things that I thought would make me feel better but didn't, and get to the part where I realize that it will not calm my nerves.  It will not ease frustration.  It will not help or fix anything.  It just will counteract all of the effort that I have given over all of this time.   I feel a little stuck again….I am doing some damage control from last weekend.  I had social events (a wedding and a dinner out with friends on the same day) which is always hard for me.  

I have to remember that all of the foods that I want, crave, desire….they will continue to be there….they are not going anywhere.  I am never going to get to eat all of the food I want to and stay at my goal weight once I get there.  I will always have to monitor my eating.  Even if I eventually stop counting points and living a ‘normal’ thin persons life, I am still going to have to keep myself in check.  I am still going to have to watch what I put in my mouth.  Maintenance will NOT be easy. 

Also, maintenance brings on some whole new challenges.  When the fanfare from goal has died down and the kudos are gone and the atta-girls are few and far between, what then?  When the weekly excitement of getting on the scale to see what I have accomplished is over…then what?  I know….life.  Live the rest of my life as a normal healthy and person who is a ‘normal’ weight.  What do we do when we can’t obsess about our weight anymore?  I mean, what is at the end for us when the rah rah’s are gone?? 

That is an interesting question.  Perhaps that is one of the things holding me back…the question of “Now what??”  Maybe, just maybe, I like the journey more than the destination?  Hmmmmm…..interesting thought.   I guess that maybe that does hold some fear for me.  Maybe that is something that holds me here…a weight that I have easily been able to maintain for a long time.  I am in a comfort zone right now.   Yes, I have lost 12 pounds since the beginning of the year but I feel comfortable here.

So I guess that is why I bought the dress in a size that I know I can get to but am afraid to accomplish…..what will getting there actually mean for me.  I truly have no idea.  I have not been 155 in about 10 years…..150 or less since high school…..

I believe that the only way that I will really get there is if I don’t have my binge day…because honestly, that is what it is.  If I don’t put ‘restrictions’ on myself and just use my points and flex like I am supposed to…...and learn to have moderate portions of the things that I love and really focus again on being OP the best I can….week to week….I would probably get there faster.   Some weeks are harder than others. Some I just breeze through, you know?

So the challenge….the real challenge…is to figure out….how do I get to my goal weight? What will it really take?  I constantly change strategies when I should just stick to the basics.  So I guess that when this challenge is over, I will just go back to the basics.  Back to what worked for me in the beginning.  And see what happens.

Hey….perhaps I am full of greatness that I have yet to unfold……

Onward and downward!!

xoxoKBB 

The dress

Check out the picture.  It is under my before picture.  I know you can't see it that well but I put it on there to remind me.

Size 8, here I come, BABY!!!!

Onward and Downward!

KBB

Smack me on the side of the head, why don't you

I have a quick story for you. Have you ever been smacked in the head with a message?????

I was looking for a pen in the front part of my house so I was going through the drawyer of my bio dad's chest of drawyers I keep in the living room (he has passed).  I opened all of the drawyers and in the last one was a stone.  It was one of those smooth paperweight stones that you see on people's desks.  But, the message on it was this:

Patience

I burst out laughing.  I am a bit frustrated right now because TOM is reaking havoc on me and my body and my appetite.  And although I do not want to have patience, sometimes we are reminded that we need to have some.  I know that I will not be done with this part of the journey tomorrow....but if I just wait long enough, I will get there.  With just a little patience. 

So I had to laugh at getting hit with that message.

And, as a friend pointed out, if I don't have any patience that day, I can just throw the rock at someone and it can make me feel better!!!!  lol.

Onward and Downward!

xoxoKBB

Twice in one day......The Size 8

So I was at my cousins wedding yesterday and I saw a girl who was medium build, wearing this dress.  And I fell in love.  It beeeeee-u-tiful.  So I decided to try it on.  And I tried on the 14 and fell in love.

The problem is that it is not a cheap dress.  Well priced for what it is but not something that I want to wear only for a little while.  So.....I decided to make the executive decision to buy it.  In an size 8.  Because I know that I will be a size 8 sooner rather than later.  And also because I know that if I bought the dress in the larger size and have it altered all the way down, it will change the fit of the dress.  SO, I did a brave thing and decided to buy it in the smaller size....my goal size really....and hung it up on the wall in my bedroom.  It is something to help me visualize goal. 

That is it!!  I can't wait to fit into it.  I told Mr. Bo Berry that when I fit, he needs to find somewhere to take me in it!!  lol. 

xoxoKBB