What in the FILTH FLARN FLARN FILTH was I thinking???
Okay…so I am running 5 miles tonight.5??I woke up this morning thinking to myself….”WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING????”Yep. That is what I was thinking!!!lol.But you see, the problem is that once I commit myself to doing something to, oh say, everyone in the WHOLE FREAKING WORLD…..then it is something that I now have to do.
I keep visualizing myself at the end of the run….how good I will feel to have accomplished something like this.Something that, for others, is such an easy task.But for me….this is a big deal.Probably not as big as I am making it but big nonetheless.lol.
I have my ex-DH watching my son for a few extra hours so I can get home…relax….get on the treadmill…..uh….turn it on…lol…and then run run runas far as I can.I already know what pace I will be going at…..4.2 miles per hour.For me that is s l o w…but that is okay.Longer run?Slower pace.As you can see, this thing is going to take me more than an hour.And that is if I run. The. Whole. Way.lol.
Of course that is the plan at least.
And the funny thing is that I have to exercise tomorrow to make up for what I did not do on Tuesday.Lucky me!!Let’s just say, I will probably be walking for 30 minutes as my makeup workout.I mean, I have to be real here, people!!lol.
So enough whining and pitching a fit here.I will just leave you with this message that if you don’t hear from me later tonight to report on my run, then you all can blog to Hotmomwanna be and tell her it is her fault that I am dead because this is all her fault in the first place. :D
It did leave me for a little while (13 days to be exact.lol).But I feel like it is back.And partially because of Hotmomwannabe.Yes…you!!!lol.
As you all know…I need a challenge to push me from time to time.Hence the Memorial Day Back To Basics Challenge that QH and I came to you with!!
But I think there might be a new challenge in my future.
Run. 5. Miles.
Yes….a run that consists of 5 miles.Just to see if I can.You see, I did a 10k before…that is 6.2 miles for those of you who can’t convert…..and I did it in an hour and 30 minutes…ran and walked.But completed.That was when I was in my best shape ever….and at about 170 pounds.I can easily do a 5k (3.1 miles….again for those of you who HATE MATH…..) in about 35 to 40 minutes…..my last 5k was at 33 minutes but it has been a looooooong time since then so I will say 35-40 and call it a day.
I run/walk about 2-3 miles or so 5 days a week for my workouts because my time to exercise is limited 30 – 40 minutes if I am LUCKY.Gone are the days when I was a stay-at-home-mom and could just exercise when I wanted for 45 minutes to an hour.That is not fair but whatever.I have the time that I have so I have to make the best of it, right??
BUT that is not the point here.My runs consist of a lot of alternating running and walking…and sometimes I put incline walking in my workout just to change it up (did you know that makes you sweat as much as running???Well, just FYI, it does.Especially at a 10 incline at 3mph…sounds slow but just TRY it…)However, it is rare that I run….straight through….for any amount of time.I do the alternating to keep my body guessing and to shake it up.
But then I wondered…..
Could I do 5 miles??
I mean, can I physically DO IT???
So on Friday night, I am going to do it.Even if I have to end up walking some of it…I want to see how much of it I can run……..even if it takes more than an hour….if I do it at a pace of 4.5 which is a pretty mild pace for me, that would take about an hour and 10 or so….If I RAN THE WHOLE THING.
So there we have it….A new challenge…..
*Subject change*
Today I am feeling really good.I got a smiley face for yesterday.So that feels good.The one for Tuesday is still to be determined because I will have to get activity in on Saturday and then I have earned it so we shall see.
I am happy that I do feel back on track.That my eating is back to normal.That I feel like I am finally in control of what is going in my mouth. That I care again.So here is to another great day.
Three steps forward and two steps back is still one step closer to goal, if my math is right…
So I realized that even though I take these steps backward, as long as the overall motion is forward, I am going in the right direction.Which means that I will get there.This is something that I realize now.
I got on the treadmill last night for the first time since April 11th.Wow….13 days…almost two weeks.However, the good news is that I got on.I. Got. On.So I am happy. The first day is always the worst.It just gets better from there.
So I feel happy again with my progress.Finally in control.Ready to take on the world again.It takes me short and shorter periods of time to get back on track.So that right there is something.Forward motion.Which is all I really hope for anyway.
Today is much better than the last 12 days. I did not let it go two weeks. That is progress.
I have gotten in 64 ounces of water so far. So that is good. I have journaled for the day. I am on track to get my first smiley face for the challenge. I was going to start on Saturday but I adjusted it to start off fresh for the new week.
So today is a new day of a new week and I am feeling pretty good. All I need to do is get through today....and I can worry about tomorrow when it comes. For now, one day at a time.
I didn't think I would be able to come here and blog but...
I gained 7 pounds today.
It is not real.
But it is a reality check.
That is the worst gain I have ever had. Most of it I gained since I came back from Vegas.
I gained 6 pounds once...and lost it the next week. I am sure that TOM being 10 days away doesn't help. Because that usually helps with a gain if I am going to have one.
7 pounds. Wow.
That's all for now. I think I need a bath.
Looks like I picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue. lol. ;)
B(elieve).A(spire).S(ucceed).I(nspire).C(hallenge).Yeah…so it is cheesy!!I made it up.
1. Water.2.Dairy.3.Exercise 5 times a week.4.Journal.
That’s it!!So this challenge goes out to you too.What basic things are you NOT doing?!?!And what do you want to be doing that you know makes a difference to you??!?!?!?!
In or out but never in between....and hoping that someday I can learn
I guess what I mean by that is that I am either fully in control….or fully out of it.Since January 3rd, until last week, I was totally IN it.And now, I am fully out….but control is in sight.In fact, it begins tomorrow.I suppose that I just have to realize that when I spin out of control, it is always in a big way.You see, there is never anything that I do that is small.Ask any of my RLF (real life friends) and they will tell you that I am a big personality.And this is something that I know and have learned to accept about myself.But I keep wondering when I am going to learn how to maintain if I am either in or out and never in between.Am I making sense to you?
Case in point….was doing great during the whole beginning of the year and during my last challenge (and we shall discuss my NEW challenge in just a few….thanks QH) I was like a laser beam.I had a very specific goal and a very specific time frame and a reason for my aggressive outlook on getting as much weight off as possible in that timeframe….I was seeing someone I had not seen in years.And wanted to look the best I could so that I felt good about myself.And that was a good motivation for me.Feeling good about me!!!And I did as good as I possibly could…..so mission accomplished.And so…now what??That is the problem.The reason is gone…so now I must find a replacement reason to challenge myself.Yes…there are my ultimate goals.But what will drive me right now?I am tired. And all I want to do is eat.But as my good friend Tatumsmom points out, during that time about 10 days (well for me 10 days) before TOM, I want to eat, eat, eat, eat and then, eat a little more!Lol.So I know that this is all part of it.
I guess that we supersizers don’t completely learn ever.I am sure that once I hit 150 pounds, I will still be able to pack food away just like I did when I started.The difference is how much control I will have to be in to get there.And what I need to do to stay there.What will it take to get me there??A lot.Time. Control.Drive.Will (not willpower…but sheer will).Tenacity.All of these things are the fire that I need to light up under my ass to get me there.So today is the final day of this pity party that I have been in for a week.And it is time to start feeling good again about the scale going in the RIGHT direction….as opposed to the wrong one.I am not upset at the number I see on my scale today or whatever happens at WI tomorrow because I know that for only one week, whatever that number is can’t be completely real.So I will just go and face it and move forward with my life, you know?That is all I have today.
So even if I don’t feel like I *want* to do it…I will fake it till I make it.It’s what I did the first time…it’s what I will do now until I feel in the *zone* again.And I will get in the zone again.And I will lose again and see VFT!!!Even if I just have faith in that alone.I would like to see 170.1…..sometime soon…..so that is a huge motivator!!
Well, enough babbling.Yes…2 days in a row!!I know…I know…..exciting isn’t it??lmao.Anywho….I will check in tomorrow with the *ugh* news from the scales!! I am going to stay for the meeting though because LBC_Lisa is going to hook up with me!!!I miss her so it will be nice to see her tomorrow!
Yes.I know.It has been 5 loooooong days since I have written.My fans have been waiting.*insert ‘whatever’ eye roll here*.I know….I know….that’s a long time for me too.But it is just one of those things.Life.So strange how it plays with you sometimes. How it gets in the way of the things that matter.Like blogging.And eating right.lmao.
I had a great time in Vegas.Did not quite turn out how I wanted it to (there was a little drama with my friend who I have not seen in 13 years because his girlfriend was 12 <okay….24…but still a child in my book based on her behavior> and does not understand that we have not seen one another in 13. fing.years.But that’s another story).I did have fun nonetheless.Not withstanding this girl….I made the best of things.And hey, I was at my best friends house….got to see her kiddies for the weekend and that is always great!!And another set of friends were in town too so got to have dinner with them.So it was all good.
But really, now that my challenge was over, I went on a liiiiiiiittle bit of an eating frenzy.Lol.I mean, it is okay…because I know that I will reel it in sooner rather than later….sooner being by Saturday.Because, hey, I figure I already have a gain waiting for me at the scale on Saturday so since that is the case, why pull it in now, right?lol.Of course, this is fat girl logic at it’s best, isn’t it???I know…I know…but the truth of the matter is that we are all fat girls in our mind even though our bodies are in some state of not reflecting who we USED to be…we still see our before picture…am I making sense??Am I making someone mad?I hope not.Even when I hit 150 pounds…my goal…I will still be a fat girl in my head seeing the girl in the purple Grimace shirt (aka, me in my before picture…you know Grimace, right??The big purple gumdrop looking guy in the old McDonald’s commercials???).ANYWAY……I digress.I have not gotten on the treadmill in a week.7 days.That is not normal for me so I am feeling a little out of it.But. That. Stops. Today.I will get on The Judge when I get home for 40 minutes and get back to that NOW.
So the question is where do I go??Where do I go now….where do I go……(insert Axle Rose moan here….). Mmmmmmmmmmm-oh….sorry.I burst into song sometimes….bad habit.lmao.What’s a girl to do?But seriously, what now?I lost 15 pounds in 3.5 months. Hard work.Determination.So I need to set up something new….a new goal.Yes…I have the dress and goal weight overall but I need something else.Something new to aspire to.I have a pair of jeans that I was in close to my lowest weight.So maybe that’s it??I don’t know.I am feeling a little b-l-a-h.I need to get my mojo back.So I am working on that.SO one thing for sure, I am going to now focus on aspiring towards VFT.Yes, ladies, Virgin Fat Territory.I have not been there since 2004…my all time lowest of 170.8.So there is really no better time than now.As of when I left for my trip, it was about 8.something pounds away.But by the time I get on the scale, I am sure it will be more ….but probably not by much.So I am going to think about what I want to do for the next 30 days and what I want to accomplish.
And now, to get my friend Ang off of my back (hehe)….here are the 10 things I like about myself:
1.I am a fiercely loyal friend
2.I am a great and fun mother
3.I have long natural nails that look great with a French Manicure
4.I am a good runner
5.I like my hair (when I actually do it)
6.I have a great smile
7.Once I put my mind to something, there is no stopping me.I just have to put my mind to it.Lol.
8.I love unconditionally
9.I have a great shoe and purse collection
10.I know that deep down inside, I am good at the core of who I am.
Okay….there you go.Are you all happy now??Hehe.I am happy to be back and to be feeling almost normal again.5 days away….not again for a long time…..
Well, I am happy to report that I am having a good time so far. I have had a great and relaxing time. I did not work out yesterday or today. But I have been decent with food and that is a good thing. I have not been journaling but not overboard crazy either. Pretty cool to still feel in control!!! :)
Tomorrow will be fun. All day with my BFF and her sweet kiddies that I have know since their births. :) They are the awesomest kiddies!!
Well, that is all and enough for now. It is 11:30 pm here and since I got in at 3:30 in the morning last night and my body woke me up at 6:56 (UGH!! WTF is that about), that gave me a grand totaly 3.5 hours of sleep and I have been go go go all day long.
Even though I did not get any formal exercise today (read: treadmill), I did walk around for a lot of hours today so I know that counts for something!!
Congrats to all of the losers!!!
Check in soon....perhaps one more time before I leave on Monday morning!
