Well, first things first...here is my journal for yesterday:
Apple - 1 Yogurt - 2 cereal 1/2 cup - 1
LC Pizza - 6
Chicken breast - 5 1 cup corn - 2 1/2 pita - 1
Golden spoon mini with 1 scoop hot fudge - 4
Total: 22 points (under...who knew that could happen) Workout: 35 minute treadmill...run/jog challenge with cool down
So there is my first day of journaling. How do you like that. I don't normally go under points...but yesterday I did. I should have had a glass of milk with dinner but honestly, I forgot.
And you won't believe this...the scale is DOWN today. Did you know that if you follow WW, it works? I know...I was shocked too. It is so strange that you count points, exercise, drink your water...and look what happens. Hmmmmm...I will have to make mental note of this *dripping in sarcasm*
So today is another good day. I made a discovery. Seriously, this is something that I was thinking about earlier but when I tell myself to just follow the program...and there is no don't drink this...don't eat that....I find that it is easier? Maybe the challenges that I was setting up were setting me up to fall down because I would follow the challenge and then afterward, it was a freeforall. SO perhaps if I just follow the plan as it stands, I will have a little easier time.
I am also considering doing my WI every 2 weeks. I think that it is a more realistic gage on what happens with us as women. 2 weeks out of the month we can lose...then we gain one week and spend another week losing that gain. But perhaps seeing what is going on every OTHER week would be better for my official WI. I can weigh on my home scale to see how I am doing but it is something that I am thinking about....so we shall see.
I am going to WI this week because I planned not to go last week. So I will go for sure on Saturday.
Well, that is all I have for now. But I will leave you with this...
If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always gotten.
How did it go, you ask??? Confessions and my true plan
Well, it didn't go at all, actually. At least not on Saturday. Again, it is me with my bruital honesty. lol.
I am usually a person of my word...but I have not been able to keep my word to myself, let alone to anyone else. However, after reading an article in People over the weekend....where one girl in particular lost her weight on WW, on her 5th try.....I feel ready to do this. Now.
SO here is my confession, and my plan. :)
Saturday...I did exercise (good girl!!!). I ran 2 miles and did an uphill walk for the last .75 miles. So I did almost 3 miles. And then I wen to the baseball game. I had some Mexican before the game and then some Cracker Jacks at the game. Along with a little ice cream that I shared with my honey. Not too bad overall.
Sunday was mother's day. Went to my moms where I had some bacon, a bagle and a half, with light cream cheese, and some fruit. Then to lunch and had some buffalo wings and french fries. And some of my son's fish and chips. Ended the day with Golden Spoon with some reece's pb cups on it. Just 2 small scoops.
Was it not so hot? Yes. HOWEVER, it really wasn't that bad, when I look at it.
So now that the confession part is over, on to what I AM doing.
OP May. Starting today. lol. Yeah...I was supposed to start on Saturday BUT it did not happen. HOWEVER, it is happening today. SO, what does this mean? I will follow Weight Watchers. As it is set out. Count points, exercise, water. Simple. It sounds so simple but it takes everything that I am am right now to get on track. I had a good breakfast today.....and I am drinking my water. Eating my LC pizza...it is so good, actually. lol. And then, tonight, I will go home and exercise.
I remember how it felt when I first started WW and truly had that burning desire to lose weight. I am looking into myself to rekindle that fire. At this point, almost 4 years later, it seems like such a daunting task to just do the basics. But I know that if I just do the basics....and I am honest about what I eat.....then I will get on track. I will get the pounds off that I lost before Vegas and go into VFT (Virgin Fat Territory)
You see, I think I finally figured out something important. I need to motivate MYSELF. I can not depend on a certain event or something to motivate me to do well for a certain period of time....only to follow that period of time with gorging and gaining. What is the point of that?? But that is what I have done recently. Now, if I just follow the program the way it is designed....as I used to do....and exercise...and don't do anything extreme....just do what I am supposed to do, then I know the results I will get. And yet, I resist that. I have planned gorging days. Days where I have allowed myself to eat whatever I want and not count it. But you know what? That is not working for me anymore.
So back to the basics. Again. I have said this over and over and over again...but it is time to actually follow through.
And, to help with my honesty, I will blog my journal every day. Yep. You read right. If I know that I have to come here and put it out there to you guys, it will keep me more accountable. So every day I have to come here and log my food to you, the people in my blogiverse. :)
So there you have it. Today, so far so good. I know that the only way out, is up. :)
xoxo and thanks for your support. You all mean a lot to me and I love that I have my sanctuary to come to where I can talk about this stuff, not feel guilty for my sins, wash them away and start clean. Thank you all for being here. :)
Well, it’s Friday!!I am happy that it is almost the weekend.And I look forward to starting anew.
I am rededicating myself to WW as of tomorrow.Like I said, I have had some, uh, shall we say, incidents…..some involving bagels and some involving cheesecake.But you know…..it is what it is.
Tatumsmom totally understood what I was saying when I talked about not doing the plan.There are people who just don’t want to be honest.They say, ‘I swear…I am doing everything I should be doing and the weight is not coming off’.I am not talking about some of you (you know who you are) who have additional issues.I am talking about people who are supposedly ‘following’ a plan…when in private….and in reality….they are NOT.
I will never pretend to be on plan when I am not.If I am off, I will say I am off.Even when I don’t want to admit it.Hey…who likes to admit that they are NOT perfect?Not, I !!lol.However, I, like Tatumsmom, don’t like it when people are not honest with THEMSELVES.I mean, if we can’t be honest with ourselves, who can we be honest with?Seriously??If we continue to lie to ourselves and say that we are doing something…when clearly we are not, who are we kidding?The scale gods don’t care.The scale lies SOMETIMES…but usually corrects itself.So if it is continually going up….but you say that you don’t understand why…..you have to ask yourself if you are being honest.
I don’t know what got me thinking about this today.I guess it is just something that I was thinking about.
Tomorrow will be difficult. But I get all of my flex points back and if I have to use them all tomorrow and Sunday, then I will (tomorrow is a baseball game and Sunday is mother’s day which may involve some recreating….and food…) but I will journal it…do what I did when I started….really watch what I am eating…continue with my exercise…and get this going again.
I may stumble but I never, ever give up.So even when I am at my worst, it is better than my worst at 253 pounds…that is a fact.Yes…I have been known to eat food by the metric ton…but again, it is not ever as bad as it used to be when I started this journey all of those years ago.
I hope you all have a great weekend.And for those of you who are mommas, HAPPY MOMMA’S DAY!!!!
Yes...there are 4 bagels in the title because that is what I have eaten today. Don't ask me why or try to get me to explain but all I have really wanted all day were bagles. 1 everything, 2 whole wheat and a raisin one. Only one had cream cheese (light....like that matters but anyway....).
The only other food that I have eaten today is an apple. And 2 cups of FF milk. Is it that bad? Not really. I mean, perhaps I am just craving carbs. It is not like the title was cookie cookie cookie cookie, right?? lol.
Tonight I will go home and get on the treadmill. And not for lack of fuel because all I have had today are bagels. lol. So can I consider this a carbo load??? lmao.
All joking aside, I am allowing myself a few more days to get this feeling of 'I don't give a shit' to remove itself from my house. And as of Saturday, I am going to be very clear with myself that I will follow WW as it is designed. NO designated 'cheat' day. I have to stay within my points. So if I use all of my flexies on the first day, then so be it. If I decide to spread them out a bit? Even better. The only way to reign it in is to take back the complete control.
The other change I am making is doing 4 days of exercise with an optional 5th day on the weekend if I want it. The truth of the matter is, I really want one night of the week to give myself an out. We are very active people. So if I want to go to dinner one night and not worry about it, then I want to be able to do that and not beat myself up over it.
Look, WW's works for me.....when I follow the program. And guess what? It is not working right now. You know why?? Because I am NOT following the program. Hmmmmm...do you think there is a direct correlation??? Yeah...I do. lol.
So here is the thing. I am allowing a few more days of this moderate freedom. Nothing too overboard of course, but no journaling, etc. I am exercising (yeay) and drinking my water (double yeay) but I am also drinking diet coke and not journaling (booooooo). So the plan is (and if you fail to plan, you plan to fail) that come Saturday, I am going to journal and be OP. I am not giving myself a timeframe BECAUSE what I find is that I am good up until the end of the timeframe and then I go HOGWILD...pun intended....and that is not working for me.
So I need to put myself back to day one. Only eat what I am able to journal and stay clear of everything else.
So for today, I will eat my bagels...and tonight at the movies I will have popcorn and redvines (after my run of course) and it will be okay and I will allow it with no guilt. But come Saturday.....the statr is fresh and new. I will follow the program, as it is designed, and finally get to where I want to be.....sooner rather than later. Whether I am on the program or off, time will pass...it is up to me to choose how I spend the time.
xoxo and I will not let almost a week go by again. Writing here keeps me honest and focused.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings. ONWARD AND DOWNWARD LADIES!!!
So today is a new day. Another day to get it right.
I went to WI today and gained back the .8 I lost last week. So this stinky gain of 7whatever pounds wants to stay with me. So now it is time to fight back.
I got on the treadmill today. First time since Monday. BUT I. Got. On. And I had cottage cheese for breakfast. I love that stuff.
So I bought a new journal, changed my blog background, and am facing a new day with a good attitude. I have to remember what I have done so far. When I first started WW, I lost 15 weeks in a row. So I CAN do it. Now is the time to STOP playing with the same pounds and get past 178. So my next new goal is 177.99999999999. You get the point. Just have to keep getting beyond where I get stuck. First it was 183. Now it is 177.someting.
So I am here to celebrate all of us who are struggling. We can get back on the horse, as many times as it takes, and get our rears in gear.
Today is a new day. Another day. To get. It. Right.
Something FUN since we are all in shitty moods today!!!
So, there I was. Watching TV last night when it happened.
I was so excited that my mouth dropped open and I stood up out of my chair.
The commercial was simple enough. It advertised this. That's right, ladies and gentlement. No longer will I have to steer myself away from my beloved Diet Coke. Because, now, there is Diet Coke Plus. Yes....Diet Coke with Vitamins and Minerals in it!!!!!!! Can you even believe this?
No longer will I have to long for the beloved diety goodness that is Diet Coke. I can now enjoy this new product with it's colorful logo.
I was dancing around the living room with glee. After giving up my beloved crack in a can, I can now rejoice and sing from the mountain tops. Because it is GOOD FOR ME!!!!!!!!
DIET COKE DRINKERS OF THE WORLD UNITE!!!!!! YEAY!!!!
I will blog something more serious later.....just had to do something to lighten us all up since we are all in the throws of TOM hell, pre TOM hell OR just plain ole hating the scale hell.
Well, today is one of those days.You know, the kind where you want to blog but you feel like you really have nothing to say???Well, that is today.I am sure once I start typing, I will find my words…..I don’t really know what I want to talk about.I just kinda want to talk.
This journey is hard for me right now.I am doing pretty well.I really feel like I am getting in the zone.So that is a good thing.But I always feel like doom is just around the corner, you know?Like I said before, I have to fake it until I make it…..and I am doing that.But I am just kind of feeling blah about it all right now.Does that make any sense to anyone???Lol.
Well, the truth of the matter is that I feel like it is going to take me f-o-r-e-v-e-r to get to goal.It will be 4 years as of June.4 years.And I have not even hit goal yet.Yes….I have come a long long way.And I know that.I remind myself of that as much as possible.But there are days, like today, when I feel like this leg of my journey is never going to end.I see people post about goal and about losing when I have been playing with the SAME pounds for a year.UGH!!!More than a year if you look at it.
I know that I will get there.And I know that there will be days like today when I feel like it will never happen.There are also days when I feel like perhaps this is the weight I am supposed to be.And, sadly, this is the weight where a lot of people have STARTED their journey and said that they were SO FAT and DISGUSTING when they started…..and were disgusted with themselves at the weight I am today.And that is hard for me.Because, although I have come so far….I am still overweight.*sigh*.And sometimes that bums me out.Every time I get beyond this point, I always rebound for some reason or another.I get under 180 and then BAM, there it is, back in my face again….180 blinking at me on the scale.Like this is where my body wants to STAY and I am fighting so hard to get under and just stay there for more than half a second, you know???
Well, that is enough ranting for today.I am sure that there are people out there who understand that my mood today is just for today.I am sure you all know that tomorrow will be better for me.But just for today, I am feeling blah.
After my triumphant run on Friday (GO ME!!!), I fell into a slump.That involved food.This slump started in Vegas and I have not been able to get out from it, you know?
I can see the extra pounds on me….I can feel them also.So perhaps I am able to gain 7 true pounds in one week.
And as you know, at my WI I lost but only .8.SO that means that 6 of those 7 pesky pounds that I gained……that I had before worked SO hard to lose…..have remained on my body.UGH!!!
Of course, I am not happy about this and my lack of motivation is not helping me at all.lol.So today I will employ something that I have always said when I feel like this.Fake it till you make it.That’s right.Pretend. I. care. lol.Pretend that I am motivated.Be conscious at every meal.Carefully consider what I put into my mouth before I do it.How is that for a novel idea??lol.
I am tired.TOM Is around the corner and so I am sure that has a lot to do with the mood I am in and why I am so tired.But seriously, I need to pull myself out of this before it goes any longer.So today is the day where I yell STOP and do what I know is right.Water, Dairy, Journal, Exercise.Just the basics.
I know that the fire will come back to me….it always does.So if I just focus on getting in my 4 basics for the day….just for today..then I am in a better place than I was yesterday.
Oh…and guess what?I am going to be tested today.You know why?? My boss just brought in not 1, not 2, not 3 but 4 pies into the office.
1.I ran the whole 5 miles EXCEPT for taking 2 minute breaks each mile to drink water.
2.I warmed up for the first 2 minutes and cooled down for that last .25 up there ^
3.The calorie count is most likely higher than what is stated because I just use my default on my treadmill to just make sure I am working harder each time.
At least not on Saturday. Again, it is me with my bruital honesty. lol.