Can I please just take the scale and run it over with my car? lol.
I swear, the thing is just barely budging.
I figured out something a long time ago that I am just not wanting to admit. 2 days of exercise is just not enough. :( I know...duh, right? But I just love my beloved time with my family....my work hours are long but so what. So finally, I am deciding to add a 3rd day. I know a lot of you are exercise nazis and I used to be. I long for the days where I used to * want * to run...want to do those things but the motivation is just not there right now to work out 6 days a week. So something has to give. I am down almost 10 pounds since the beginning of the year and I will take that. But I bought my wedding dress snug for a reason. It would be more comfy in another 10 pounds and anything that I do above and beyond that is just gravy. So I will just aim to do a few things this week:
1. Exercise 3 times
2. Get all my water
3 Log my calories EVERY day...yes..including Saturday AND Sunday.
SHOOT FOR A LOSS THIS WEEK. The scale is not too bad after the little fun I had this weekend so that is good news. So perhaps I can get back to the 212.5 that I was at a few weeks ago and move forward.
AND NOW THE MOMENT YOU HAVE ALL BEEEN WAITING FOR...I SAID YES TO THE DRESS!!!
So here it is!! This is my wedding gown!!! I knew the minute I tried it on. It is not the same manufacturer that I thought and the consultant found it. She pulled it off the rack and told me that it had just come in. It didn't look like much on the hanger but it looks amazing on!! I do believe, though, that the girl in this picture could use a sandwich!!!
YEAY!!!
So now my life is getting really fun...between pictures, flowers, cake, etc etc...my life is going to be full for the next few months!!!
But it feels good to have the dress out of the way!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, not only did I get back to the original weight I was before the TOM bloat gain, but I surpassed it!! YEAY!!! So I lost 4.4 pounds!!!
*~*~*~*~**~doingthehappydance*~*~*~*~*~*~*.
So I lost the gain AND almost another pound. Happy happy joy joy!!
Going to have a nice weekend. It is my son's 5th birthday. *sigh*. How did he get to be such a big boy.
This morning I told him he was going to be old tomorrow and he said, "No mommy...I won't be old until I am 26!!!". I was cracking up. It is so subjective what old is isn't it???? lol.
Today is a better day than I have had in a long time. The scale is way down....and I know that is because of that water weight it had been holding on to for almost 3 weeks.....and I am getting a tax REFUND. This is the second year in a row??!?!?!? lol. I have been self employed for so long that I forgot what it was like to file normal taxes. lol. So I am getting 3500 and I am stoked. I am going to put it in the bank and not touch it. Period. lol.
I feel so much better. My clothes are looser. I am exercising. Not as much as I should be but what I am doing is better than nothing.....and I am eating very well. Like I said, the scale is going to show a huge loss this week and I can't wait. It hopefully will bring me back to where I was before I gained that one week and then some. So this may be a monster week. Stay tuned....
What lies before us and what lies behind us are small matters compared to what lies within us.
Well, TOM finally came 2 weeks late. I swear, I was a bloaty mess for the last 21 days and that has been torture. I knew I was not pregnant so I was not worried about that. I was just frustrated at the bloat monster that I was for that time. But TOM started, like I said, and I am down on the scale today by quite a bit. I also did not eat my way through the weekend and that helped a lot. I counted my calories this weekend which is something that I have not done in a while because they have been really bad.
So there are a few steps in the right direction.
The thing that I know is that whether I make good or not so good choices in any given day...that day will still pass. Sometimes there are things that overwhelm us. But still, I have the choice to make the right decisions. I am still down from where I started in January....so things are getting better. And with the loss that I should have this week, that will just motivate me even more. I am just glad that my body can get back to normal again.
Things in my life are very overwhelming right now. I am going through a rough patch financially (more so than I think I have ever been) and we have to sell our home. I know that this too shall pass. But in the middle of that, I am planning a wedding (thank god for the loving man in my life to get through all of this with!!) that I have to try to find a way to pay for. I know that it will all work out in the end. Things in my life always do for some strange reason. But right now I am overwhelmed. I am thankful that I am not eating my way through it. The exercise helps for sure. This weekend I did deep cleaning of our house to get it ready to show so that was theraputic. I got rid of a lot of junk just hanging around. So it is kind of like a new beginning....a fresh start. So that felt good. There is not much I have left to do now so that feels good.
This journey of life is something that has so many ups and downs.
I have been doing this now for about 2 months and I have lost a grand total of 6 pounds BUT I have LOST. So I have to not rake myself over the coals because I am not perfect. I have to constantly remind myself that this is a road...and there are going to be bumps and trials. So I have to just do what I can to get through them and come out the other side. And my health can not suffer for it. When something is going on in my life that is stressful, I am the first thing that I let go. That has to stop. Today.
Today is a good day so far for eating. This weekend was much better as I said so now I can just continue on. It is hard. But isn't anything worth having something that you have to work for??
And I will leave you with this. This video is a bit long but it is something that helped me a lot today. Perhaps someone else struggling will watch this and get out of it what I did. Live for today because you do NOT know what tomorrow brings.
So the truth is that I am almost back in a body that I was in so long ago. Yes...I started at 253 and yes...I am down to 218.whatever. But I was at 175....and not that long ago. And I maintained for so long. And then the pounds just crept back on. It is so strange how you see other people gain some of their weight back and so easily say, "....but I will never let that happen to me..." and then one day BAM....it is you.
So today I was in the bathroom at work washing my hands and I looked up at my reflection in the mirror. And I am fat again. Yes....less fat than some and fatter than others....but fat still nonetheless. I remember starting out at 253.6 and getting to the weight I am now and CELEBRATING. Being so happy that I was so close to Onederland. That my clothes were all fitting better and I felt really good at this weight.
Isn't life just so subjective?
And now I am *back* somewhere I used to be happy about....but I am not so happy this time. My clothes are not fitting so well. I am irritated. I am angry. I am frustrated. And most of all, I am disappointed. I could have stopped this at any point....but I did not. I remember thinking that I would *never* be over 200 pounds again....but I am. NOT that the weight I am at is bad....it is a great accomplishment for many on this journey. But for me....from where I have been and want to be.....let's just suffice to say that it is somwhere I never wanted to be again.
But I am.
So, now what? That is what I ask myself. Now what?
Well, now I have gotten on the train that I am going to do it 'this time'......whatever that means. I guess what it means is watch everything that goes in my mouth......again.....for the hundredth time.....and hope that when I get there again, I never fall backward. It is frustrating. It is humbling. And most of all, it is motivating. I look at old pictures of myself....not even THAT old.....and I see how great I looked when I really wanted to be even thinner. And I am now 40 pounds away from there again......and 69 pounds from where I ultimately want to be.
Damn. Frustrating.
Sorry for my seemingly crappy attitude. Actually, I am just frustrated and wanted to vent a little bit.
I hope everyone is having a great day!!
And congrats again Carolyn!! You are *truly* an inspiration to me when I need it the most...which is right now. lol.
I just realized that my blog used to be SO much more interesting!!!
Because I just don't seem to have a ton to write about right now!!! lol.
I am doing alright today. Recovering from the weekend. I have realized that weekends are my problems. So I really need to pay attention to making sure I have enough food in the house to make good meals on the weekend. I know I can do it, I just have not been doing it. So I need to make that effort.
I also need to kick up the exercise so I committed to KillerHair that I am going to get 5 days this week. Period. Alright. There. I said it. So now I have to actually DO IT because OneDitto will come and get me also after how much I get on her for not wanting to do it!! We are all in this together!!
Alright....I hope that you are all having a great day!!!
