Fabulous hair!!

So I finally got my hair back to where it was when I LOVED IT!!  I chopped off about 3 inches.  I told her to hurry up and make the first cut before I could change my mind.  It is in the picture of me as my now pic.

Today was a great WI.  3 pounds!  Holy moly.  That was the number I was aiming for.  ACCOMPLISHED!!  :)  So, now on to this week.  Went to the Cheesecake Factory with my full load of flex points.  But now, they are mostly gone...which is fine and just the way I planned it.  And I tell you that cheesecake was DANG GOOD!!  YEAY FLEXIES! 

Anyway, this week I will have to WI a day early because I am going to Vegas on Friday.  So I will WI and then go and pick up my girlfriend, Anna, and off to Vegas for a girls weekend.  Her and I have not gone somewhere in so long just the two of us so it will be fun.  And the good news is that I will reload my flexies on Saturday AGAIN so I can have Grand Luxe Cafe (Owned by noneother than the Cheesecake Factory.  lol)  I am working towards a 2 pound loss for this week as well.  So today is out of the way and my focus is on the next 6 days of perfection.  :)  Tomorrow we are going to California Adventure in the afternoon so I will make the morning light so that I can have some points for whatever dinner awaits me there.

It really feel so good to be in control of what I am doing FINALLY!  I have felt so lost on this journey....like I took a wrong turn somewhere and was on a path that I did not recognize.  But I am back on the right road and it feels good.

And now all the girlies are here to come out and play!!  YESSSSSSSSSSS! 

Love to all my home girls!

KBB

p.s. Try the new caramel macadamia nut blonde brownie cheesecake if you get a chance.  Yeah...it was almost 20 points (cause I did not eat it all) but it was WORTH IT!!  YUMMY

Random thoughts for the day.....

I see my exercise life in 10 mile increments.  520 miles in a year.  Where could I go for 520 miles??  Not too far.  I could run to Vegas and get part way back.  I could run from Vegas to Salt Lake City.....I could run across the nation in a little more than 5 years.  lol.  How's that for a thought, huh?  lol.  I am sure with time my mileage per week will increase. I don't have more time but I can get farther by increasing my speed. 

Yesterday was a good OP day. Got in the vital 5.  Exercise.  Water. Counted points. Vitamin.  Dairy.  Another day on track (insert Napoleon Dynamite Yessssssss here).  Another day closer to where I want to be.  Another day that I made the better choices for myself.  And tomorrow, I know that it will show up on the scale. My home scale confuses me so I don't try to go according to it's numbers.  Just as long as it is going down and was down from the previous week, I know a loss is waiting for me when I step on that godforsaken thing at the WW center.  I don't need to pray to the scale goddesses to be kind to me after my *crappy* week because I had one more good one.   And every good day that leads to every good week will lead me to my destination.  150.  The number seems so far away.  Yet, I have been there before and that is where I have felt my most comfortable.  I wanted to pick a weight that was within WW guidelines AND something that would make me not feel rail thin.  Yeah. There is a concept that I will probably never understand.  Too.  Skinny.  HA!  One can dream.  Anyway….who knows...I could get there and decide to try for 5 pounds more?  I don't remember that feeling so I will have to see where that leads me.

I am wondering strange things these days about when I get there.  Things like.....will my thighs touch at the top?  Is it just me who covets the small sliver where light can shine through at the top of my thighs?  lol.  I know.....such a strange thought.  But I can't remember the last time that they did not say, "You go, then I go....you go, then I go" to each other.  Or that I did not hear a zipper sound when I walked wearing corduroy.  Perhaps that day is coming and sooner than I think...huh?   And another thing…..I would like someone to tell me that I am thin.  Just someone making a casual observation…something like, “You don’t have to worry about eating that piece of cake because you are so thin!!!”.  One of you will have to fulfill that dream for me when I get there, okay??   I don’t want to stick out anymore.  I don’t want to feel like the fat girl in the room.  I mean, I am, after all of this work, still considered obese.  Imagine that, can you?  But I can see how that would be based on when I see myself in the mirror. 

Well, someone brought doughnuts to work today. The doughnut bitch (the person at the bottom of the sales board) brought in the lovely selection of doughnuts.   And I went over to the box, opened it, took one deep breath (10 calories), took another deep breath (10 more calories) and closed the pink cardboard box that contained my nemesis.  *sigh*  It is totally not fair.  lol. 

The weekend is coming and I think I want to splurge on some Cheesecake Factory again.  Perhaps I can convince Adam to go to lunch there with me on Saturday while we don’t have the baby….he will be with Red Grammy for the day.

So, just wanted to share these random thoughts.  I love this place!!  xoxo

Just a little reiteration from a post I left Joey....

Not eating Pazookies does SUCK.  And not eating  chocolate peanut butter cookie-dough cheesecake (CK Factory),  The Lucky 8 (PF Changs) apple crisps from Lazy Dog, jack cheese, oreo cookies, peanut butter (or any butter for that matter),  anything that shines, any other item with chocolate, doughnuts, large bagles slathered in cream cheese, sour dough toast with restaurant melted butter on top...do I need to go on?  Perhaps I should not torture myself. lol.  I need to just repeat my montra, "Lean Cusine is JUST as good as *insert anything here*

Had to repost that here.  Sometimes, even I can be funny. 

No day but today.....

Stronger every day.....

Yesterday was a perfect day.  Now I only need 143 more just like that and I will be set!!  lol.

I ate my dairy, took my vitamin, ran, ate within my points....everything I am supposed to do to get me to my goal.  Every morning I make a plan.  Just for today, I will not drink Diet Coke, will get 2 dairy servings, get in my exercise if it is planned for the day, and count my points.   It really isn't a lot to remember....and most days, it is not a challenge.  I will be going to Vegas next weekend so I am working on a good loss for this week so I can let a little loose while I am there. :)

Today is another good day.  Another day that I am strong. Another day that will get me closer to my goal.  150.  6-2-07.  :)

Another day passes...and still doing fine....

So more days are passing and I am being a good little OP girl.  It is easier every day....passing up certain temptations....getting in my exercise....because I have a clear goal in sight.....June. 

Whether I get to the ultimate goal by then or not, I know that I have to be very focused to have a chance.  And that is what keeps my motivation high.  So every night when I do my 30 minute run...it is another day closer.  Everytime I pass up that one extra *fill in the blank here*, it is another day that I am closer to actually achieving the goal that I have set.  It is clear, focused and doable.  Now I just need to be clear and have my goal in focus every day.  And it is something that is coming easily right now so I will take advantage of it.   I don't think that my resolution will drop off, though.  I really believe that I will get to goal and I am doing what it takes to get there now.

Days will pass and time will go on...what will I do with that time?  That is up to me.  Whether I lose weight or not, June will come and go....so where do I want to be???

I lost 2.8. And thoughts on exercise...who knew?

So today is Monday.  Nothing too exciting going on here.  At work but I don't need to be.  Sometimes I just need to come into my office and hide from my life.  lol.  But I am not here for long...just wanted to come check e-mails and the like.

Well, this was a successful week for me.  Exercise.  Who knew that that could help?  I was seriously living in denial the last 5 months....telling myself that I could just eat my points and still lose weight.  Every pound was a struggle.  And I realized that, sadly, I can't just eat my points and get to my ultimate goal.  If I am going to get to and stay at goal, I am going to have to do everything that I was doing before to be successful.  And that means working out come hell or high water.  And I have picked something that I can do and be consistent at.  Something that I can manage and make part of my routine.  It is time to stop hoping that the scale goddesses will be kind to me when I know that I don't deserve it.  Praying to them and pleading with them don't make my body do what I want it to do.  lol.  I wish....but that is just not reality. 

So this weeks focus is to get in my 5 days of working out and journal.  That is all I need to focus on.  Instead of focusing on losing weight, what will show up at the scale, etc.....when I just focus on the things that get me there, then I will get there eventually. 

And I know that the goal I have for me is aggressive.  But, I remember back to when I was at the beginning...how nothing could get in my way of another loss that week.  And I feel that again. I feel that resolve.  And even though I allow myself to have buffalo wings or movie popcorn once in a while, there is nothing that will stand in my way of getting to where I want to be.

I love this blog.  It really is helpful to get the things out of my brain and into the world....give me the ability to think about these things, and then, let them go!

Bo Berry

Dodging a bullet and exercise???

Well, yesterday I went to my appointment and it went well.  I thought the lady on the phone said ERCP which is a very invasive endoscopic procedure HOWEVER she said MRCP which is something just additional to the MRI and not invasive AT ALL!!  :)  YEAY!  So they are going to try to get the MRI approved through my new insurance but I don't know if they are going to just shell out 10k for that....lol.  Anyway, if not, then they are looking at a CT scan.....so it is all very minimal and it gives them a baseline for the future.

So after dinner, off to Jerry's we went.  I had a potatoe pancake, some matzo ball soup and a yummy salad that has raspberrys and walnuts and blue cheese.  It was yummy and I had the points for everything.   I seriously wanted a piece of the 6 layered carrot cake that sat calling my name in the display case BUT, much to my surprise, when the waiter asked if we wanted anything else at the end of the meal, I just asked for the check!! Imagine my surprise!  lol.

So when I got home, it took every OUNCE of my being to get on the treadmill.  But I did.  for 27 minutes.  2 more minutes than my minimum commitment time that I have given myself.  And I counted every step....every second that passed seemed like days.  But I got on there.  I don't like working out after eating BUT I just did 3 minutes walking and 2 running.....so I kept it easy.  But worked up a little sweat and I am proud for doing it.  Because it would have been eeeeeeasy to just slip into my jammies and watch tv!  So it was an accomplishment.  :)

Today is lots of yawn yawn boring stuff.  Working, home, work out, watch TV Crack (aka last season of 24 on DVD....can't just watch 1 episode...have to watch all four...lol).  Tomorrow is WI and I know that there will be a good loss waiting for me.  :)  I am excited about getting on the scale for the first time in a long time.

I finally feel like my head is in the right place.....like I will have to be very aggressive to make my goal by June 3rd......I would have to lose an average of almost 2 pounds a week.  And although I don't know how realistic that is for me, I am going for it.   What do I have to lose?

Time keeps ticking by....tick, tick, tick.  And it is up to me how I want to live each minute.....moment....day.  So just for today I will be on plan.  That is the best I can do. 

I CAN accomplish anything I set out to do.  I just have to be clear in my objective and go for it!!

xoxo

Great. More tests

So, I was just informed by my surgeons office that I will have to have another MRI and ERCP.  I am not happy.  I don't want to go back to the hospital.  I don't want any more IV's.  I don't want to be drugged.  I don't want to have to do it.   I don't, I don't, I don't.

I know that I don't have a choice and that I need to make sure my body healed properly and that I will have to be followed closely for my whole life probably.  But I don't have to like it.  And I am mad.

CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK

I had this long beautiful heartfelt post and I went to preview it and lost the whole dang thing!!  That sucks!  lol.

So here I go again. 

I have been on this journey now for 3 years, 7 months and 7 days.  That is approximately 1,312 days.  Man...that is a long time.

I started back on in April.  And since then, my total weight loss is .8.  No 8 pounds.  POINT 8 pounds.  Yep.....less than a pound.  So I am close to back to where I started.  Now, I have not gone back to my top weight, mind you....and that has taken some effort.  It feels like this is a place where my body is comfortable because it pretty much always returns to 190 and settles there.

I have come to realize that in order to get to where I want to go, I have to be mindful, every day, every meal, every minute, of what is going on with my eating.  I do not want to have to be that way....but, sadly, I don't have that choice.  As soon as I let myself say I can do whatever I want, I become a human garbage disposal.  I was down to 183 before I left for the holidays and then BAM, 3 weeks go by and I have gained 8.8 pounds.  How is that for a reality check?  3 weeks of gaining...so if I just stayed on that track, I could be back to my original weight in a mere 21 weeks.  That is scary, huh??   I mean, I really have to take that in. 

So there comes a moment, a switch, a time...when you say, enough is enough.   People like Pam....like Allison....when their determination is so much more powerful than any food you put in front of them.  When exercise becomes a priority.  When we find something within the guidelines at a restaurant.  Whe we keep the right foods in our cabinets rather than the ones we really want in there (for me that would be Oreo's, jack cheese, peanut butter and chocolate.  We all wish for moments like that, you know?  Everyone talks about wanting a magical pill to cure it all...but really it is that magic MOMENT we are looking for, isn't it?  That moment that gives us such determination that we don't have anything to deter us. 

Well, I got just a very moment like that on New Years eve day.  I was playing in a poker tournament at the Aladdin Casino in Vegas (took 3rd place, thank you very much) and I wanted some ice for a soda that I had in a bottle.  It was a bit warm so I asked the cocktail waitress for a cup of ice.  She took the order down and then, the man at the end of the table said, and I quote, "Ahhhhhh....a cup of ice for the PREGNANT LADY".  *click*.  There was the switch.  He had called me pregnant.  It was horrible and I did not let it register for a day or two .......when it finally did, I cried. 

I cried in frustration for not being able to control my eating....for not exercising....for letting all of this time pass and nothing had changed.  It was my switch clicking back on for me to get to where I want to be.

Goal is now about 37 pounds away. The closest I got was within 20 pounds....so although I gained some weight back, it was not even close to all of it so I did one thing right....maintain where I am now for quite a while.  I practiced maintenance.  NO MORE. 

So what changes have I made?  I have set a new routine. 

1.   I stopped drinking Diet Coke.  Completely.  Cold turkey.  The first week SUCKED big time!  lol.  Headache for 4 days.  But honestly, I feel so much better.  I am calmer and less jittery.  I am sleeping better and I am getting in more water.  I still have the habit of wanting to drive through somewhere so I do get an iced tea, with extra ice....so I am still getting some caffine...but nothing like the 124 ounces (yep....I counted it) that I was getting a day of diet coke. 

2.    I added exercise back into my life.  5 days a week.  25 minutes or more.  My time is very limited.  I don't like waking up in the morning early and I know that I will never make that a habit.  So, I get home, kiss my family, get my gym clothes on and get on the treadmill, whether I want to or not.  It is about making it a habit.  Making it something that is a necessity....like breathing.  Anything for 21 days becomes a habit.  I started on the 3rd of January so I am well on my way. Last night was a bit challenging because I came home late and all I wanted to do was relax.  But I sit on my ass all day at work so I have to get in some movement.  So that is the time I can and will fit it in on a regular basis.  Will I miss a day or two here beause of obligations?  Yes. But there is not much I will let stand in the way of that work out.

3.   Journal.  That is key to getting and keeping me on track.  Write everything down the minute it happens.  And journal the exercise to keep track of my progress in running....time, mileage, calories.

4.  Dairy.  2 per day.  Nuff said.

5.  Vitamin.  Once a day before bed.

These are the changes that I have made that I know will show up on the scale.  The goal here is not to lose weight...it is to impliment these kinds of habits permanently so that I can make the changes liveable. Things that I can actually DO!  lol.  Things that I WILL actually do.  Things that are realistic for my life. 

I don't want to make time to do an hour routine.....it is not realistic for my time budget.  But I just need to move.  And 5 times a week is a lot of good movement.  I work up a sweat.  That is what I need.

So onward with today.  This journey is just that....a journey where we learn new things every day. 

*click*

K