So a good friend of mine GirlNextDoor asked the question. How far will I go and what am I willing to do to get to my goal? I LOVED this question and had to take it on today.
Well, so far the changes that I made in the new year were to add exercise, stop drinking diet coke by the metric ton, take a mulitvitamin, get my 2 servings of dairy in, journal and water water water. Those changes have gotten me results. Almost 10 pounds in 5 weeks. So, obviously, they were good changes to make.
Many times I have asked myself what I am willing to do to get there...what am I willing to do today that will ultimately get me to my goals in a timely manner. So, just for today, I will do all that I set out to do above. Like I have been doing every other day since January 3rd.....when I really committed to getting to my goal in June on my 4 year WW anniversary.
But, the real question for me is the same as for her. What will I do to STAY THERE once I 'have arrived' lol. Well, the reality is that I will have to continue eating similar to how I eat now. BUT I will be able to have more points on a daily basis. SO things like piza and butter and fettuccfini alfredo, steak, ribs...and all of the other things that I reserve for Saturday will probably still remain being eaten on Saturdays. Just like GND, I don't remember the last time I had butter either. So long, in fact, that I have no idea how many points it even is. How funny is that. Perhaps I should go look that up.
Well, I know my triggers. Cheese, Claim Jumper, Oreo's and peanut butter. If you hear me asking for these things, ask me what's wrong. lol. They are things that I can not control how much of them I eat. lol.
The truth of the matter is, my friends, I have NO IDEA what maintenance is like. I have not been to goal yet. So realitiy is that when I get to goal, I am going to have to figure out what it is I will need to do to continue to maintain my loss. I have no idea what my body will want or expect in order to maintain my weight. Also, when I get to my goal weight, I need to determine whether that is truly my goal or if I want to lose anymore. But I will figure that out AFTER I step on the WW scale and it says 150.0 One of my other friends has said to me that she thought her goal was 140 but is at about 125 and maintaining fine.
So I know what I am willing to do to get there but I don't know what it will take to stay there either. I know that I will not go back to my other eating habits that got me to that weight in the first place. I got so close before but life happened and I did the best I could. But as for this time, I just need to get to goal...and then I will make additional commitments at that time. Sound good, GirlNext Door????
So I got on The Judge last night and it felt good. It felt good to be in control even though I was feeling so ick. It felt good that I still made good choices with food too even though I wanted to eat everything in sight. It felt good to have my honey make me a meal that was only 8 points because I needed something lower in points but filling and he did that for me.
I am trying to add at least a quarter mile to my work outs by increasing my speed and adding a little more time...5 minutes. I can add 5 little minutes. Funny how I started working out saying that I would need to do a minimum of 25 minutes but I can't *remember* the last time I did just 25....it is always at least 30. I am sure if I go in my journal, I will find the last time. lol.
The scale is looking nice so that is great. I will just keep plugging on. I am going to the movies on Friday but I made it the last 2 times with no popcorn. Let me tell you, THAT is an accomplishment for me. Seriously. I am totally not kidding. Hard. For.Me. The minute you walk in the door and that stuff comes wafting by my nose, it is usually over. BUT my resolve is strong and I will make it again. Helps that my WI is the following morning so I am not tempted to mess it up. lol.
Well, I have to say that it is much better to be on the rosier side of things than the way I have felt for the last few days.I don’t know what was bothering me so much but I am sure that, like I said, TOM being in a few weeks was probably the key.
I am still so happy that I was able to get past that little 183 mark (only took me since April of LAST YEAR but…..).I really feel that my resolve is still strong and that FINALLY I will keep on going.I see pictures of people like Shelly and think to myself, “Wow…that is going to be me!”.And I believe it.And it helps me.It inspires me.And I have found that I am able to continue to inspire myself with is the true miracle.I have not dove into a food coma since Christmas time where I gained 8.8 in 3 weeks.Now how is THAT for a record.lol.But I have gotten that all off now and then some.So it feels good to feel like I am truly in a place where I can keep on going and I will succeed.I actually CAN see myself making goal for sure by June.I can see that it is realistic to expect my body to do things, when I am being honest about what I am doing to it.Sometimes we are saying we are doing everything but we just don’t know ‘why I keep gaining’.Sometimes it is beyond our control but I read a study recently that showed how people grossly underestimate their caloric intake.They got studied and were taking in about 1000 calories more than they thought.WOW!!No wonder.So the truth is whether I put 10 or 20 points in my book for a piece of cheesecake, the scale will show it.Overall, it does not lie.From time to time there are numbers on it that are not completely accurate (or fair…lol) but, again, overall the numbers don’t lie.I always remember what I heard one time that really rung true.
“What you eat in private shows in public.”
Lord, ain’t that the truth!!And why I rarely ate in front of people for many many years.
So I named my Dreadmill and other ramblings by a woman in a baaaaaaaaad mood...
Have you ever had one of THOSE days?The kind of day where nothing is necessarily wrong?But nothing feels right?Well, today is that day in Karrieland.Today is another day of blah-dom so I am going to just ramble for a while and hope whatever it is in this brain that is making me a little blah will come out onto the paper and make me feel better.
Food-wise, things have been great.This weekend I did fine.Had my day of whatever I wanted, took away my flexies and have been good yesterday and today, as planned. I got my dairy in yesterday and working on it for today.And now that I can’t have my ice cream bars anymore (thanks Brat), then I have nothing to drown my sweet sorrows in.But, I am noticing that I get to eat a little more dinner because I don’t have to save those 3 points at the end of the day.Perhaps the challenge with Brat is a blessing in disguise.I am going to be losing a point soon as well so I have already started practicing that because the way I see it, I am going to lose that point on Saturday so I had better just get to it now so it does not feel like torture.lol.
I have decided to give my treadmill a name.Judge Dread.There is no real reason for this other than I want something to call the torture device that hands me my punishment Monday through Friday.I want something to curse for causing me to sweat and moan and bitch about how I don’t want to get on it!Lol.And since Judge Dread was the first thing that I thought of, Judge Dread he shall be.And I believe that The Judge is the devil.JD and I have a love hate relationship. When I first see him, I hate him. But by the time I am done, I am praising him.And on Saturday mornings, I praise him the most.Because he has attributed to the fact that I have lost almost 10 pounds in 5 weeks.And that appears to be a record…I will have to go back to my weight charts and look.Nope, I checked. Not a record.But dang near close.I did notice that in my first 11 weeks on WWI did not gain once.Crazy.Let’s see how long I can go this time without a gain.So far, I am at 2 weeks.Lol.Let’s see how long I can go.I think that it is totally possible to not gain at all. Yes….I will plan on that.
And chocolate.Man, am I longing for some chocolate right now.I talked to Linda earlier today and we figured out that TOM is about 2 weeks away and I get a little moody about 2 weeks before….so that is probably another contributing factor.Because crabby chocolate = TOM in 2 weeks.Lol.
I wish so badly that I did not want to turn to food every time I have an emotional day.I know that there’s all kinds of ooooey gooooey stuff over there ------------------à on the file cabinet that I could eat.Someone offered me pie yesterday and because they know I am doing WW, they joked that I could have some because there was banana in it and banana is healthy for you.Forget the fact that it was BANANA CREAM PIE and that I hate bananas except when they are in their plain form.I don’t like bananas in anything.I just like them plain.Oooops.I only like them covered in chocolate.
Why is it that our weight brings us so much frustration?Why do we live or die by the scale?Retro here has 3 scales.3.Scales.I can barely live with the one I have without wanting to thrown it into the gutter outside and smash it with a sledge hammer half the time.Let alone 3!!!
I guess I don’t understand why we (myself included) torture ourselves with that little thing.I mean seriously, we are not just a number, right?But that number IS us.It defines so many of us.It says ‘this is who I am’ but really it does not.But we let it.All the time.
Okay…so I am sure by now you are a bit tired of my ranting and raving.And I am tired too.Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and I will have more positive things to say.But for today, I wanted to rant and moan and be generally unpleasant.Because that is how I feel.lol.I am sure you will have your normal me back in the morning!
Today is neither a good nor bad day. Not a day where I accomplished much of anything (except taking more calls at work which is a good thing...that leads to making money....). I feel in a little bit of a funk.
Not really in eating or anything....just kind of like I am neither here or there....just kind of feeling a little like a lump in my chair. I hardly ever feel this way so when I do, it surprises even me. I am sure that I will feel better after my run tonight. I am going to be leaving work here in a few so I can be on my way home to my boys and the dreadmill.
I am sure tomorrow will bring a better day for me for sure. I have been right on track with food so that has not even been an issue today. Except, of course, for the fact that I now owe Brat dinner because I had *some* ice cream on the 3rd that I planned for and we had a challenge. BUT it was not my home ice cream that I was talking about for the challenge. HOWEVER I will honor my commitment to her. lol. :)
Well, off I go to get out of this funk. Perhaps my honey will do something if I ask him to that will DEFINATELY make me smile. *snicker*
Give me a Y. Give me a E. Give me an A. Give me a Y! What does that spell?
YEAY!! I lost again this week. Down another 1.2!!!!!!!!!! I am so pumped at the fact that out of my last 5 WI's I have lost 4 times (with a small gain one time during TOM of .4). So in the last 5 weeks, I have lost 9.4 pounds and I am PUMPED!!!!
I have to say that my focus is still strong. I know that if I just keep on track doing what I am doing, I can make it. As of this week I am a little behind on where I need to be to make my goal in June BUT...only by .6....and I can make that up this week for sure. So this week, I am shooting for a 3 pounder. I am asking a lot of this body but I will do the extra work and I know I can make it happen! Thanks for the skinny vibes and good wishes. I am so pleased at the progress that I can't stand it. So my first major goal is hit...under 183....so next mini goal is 179.9!!! That is only 2.7 pounds and I am HOPING that I will get to that goal this week. :)
xoxo to everyone and I love you all so much for the support and encouragement. THANK YOU SO MUCH!!
Random thoughts on the new diet pill, not knowing what my body will look like at 179 and other things.....
So, as I am reading the post from GirlNextDoor....a good friend of mine, I am inspired to chime in on the new weight loss over the counter drug that has been approved by the FDA. And I think, as if that is really that different from everything else out there prescription or not? Like I told her, I did think exciting thoughts about how that could possibly help *me* who has been struggling on this journey for the last 3 years, 8 months and 6 days.....and then something occurred to me. In the last 4 weeks, when I put my MIND to it....and did what I am 'supposed' to do?? I lost 8.2 pounds. And frankly, that is pretty fast...2 pounds a week. We are not on The Biggest Loser where we are going to lose 20 pounds the first week and then 5-10 every week thereafter. I don't know about you but I don't have 8 hours a day to comit to working out like they did when they were on the ranch. Now, don't think that I don't give kudos to the accomplishments that are met on that show...but really, kids...that is not real life. Most of us are lucky to get in even 30 minutes out of the 1140 in every day. We have kids, jobs, significant others....all things that need the rest of our time...and don't forget sleep. We need 8 hours. So I guess my point is, I am happy that this new product is available to everyone who wants to try it and use it. And if it works for some people who are really struggling and it makes it happen for them, then that is a great thing. However, I personally will continue to do what I have done for myself that is working....less in, more out. I hope that that drug is useful to the many obese Americans in our society...and the number grows larger every day...literally. But as for me, I am going to continue the way I have been going and just pray that with all of this hard work will continue to come results. Even if it is just decimal points in a downward motion.
********Topic Change*******
So, tonight I was talking to Adam, my honey, and I was saying that really, there is a point where I have NO IDEA what my body will look like. That number is about 155. After that, ladies and gents, I seriously have no clue what this body will look like. Since I was that weight, I have had a child so I am pretty sure that after being almost 300 pounds at full pregnancy weight, there is some skin that will never fully go back to it's original lovely shape. BUT, I have to say that as these pounds have been coming off these past many weeks AND I have continued the downard spiral, I am seeing changes often. Things that I forgot could happen. Like my stomache can get flatter. And my thighs can get smaller at the top. You see, I have been in my present form of this body for about a year and a half now....basically gained around 25 pounds after leaving the ex and have kinda sat around 185-190 since. So, frankly, it has been a long time since I have been below 183......and this week I am seeing what being less than that looks like. My weigh in on Saturday should yield me at least a 2 pound loss and from the looks of my home scale, it could be more. I don't want to put any number in my brain because any number in the right direction, at the 2 pound mark is what I am aiming for. Anything above that is gravy. So I am interested to see what body is under all of 'this' and see where I do end up stopping. In my head it is somewhere around 150...but who knows....145 might be the place I look best...or 140 (which frankly, I can not fathom!!! lol)
So enough of my ramblings.... I need to go read my book and snuggle with my sweet honey that has lost 27 pounds in my process and supports me every step of the way. He is my key to exercise because of how late I work and he makes dinner and takes care of my boy so I can be consisten. Thank goodness for him!!
So I had a nice, long, whitty post....and when I went to send it, it said I needed to sign in!!! ACK!!
Well, that's okay. You didn't want to read it anyway. It was boooooring. *yawn* You just yawned didn't you!! lol.
Anyway, today is day 10 of the challenge and I am holding strong for sure!! I have to say that this challenge has helped me a lot. And even though I was a bit sick on Mon and Tue and so I did not get to work out until last night, the scale is looking really great. Also, I have to say that I actually missed working out on Monday and Tuesday so I made an appointment to get my head examined. Not really....but to *miss* exercise...something must be wrong here. lol.
"They" say that doing anything for 21 days is a habit. I started exercising on January 3rd and SO I have run more than 21 times....so apparently my brain DOES realize that it is a habit. Who knew 'they' were right all this time. So now the goal is...habit for LIFE. :)
I feel like a laser beam. Focused like nobody's business. I can't complain...that is for sure. I will take this feeling (as Miss Linda put it...pre-divorce motivated!! lol) and run with it as far and fast as I can. :) My goals are still very aggressive but my body has proved itself to be able to handle the losses that I am asking from it. When it changes, then I will mix it up!! :) Today I am firmly in a pair of Target size 12 non-stretch jeans. And not too much of a muffin top going on....wearable in public for sure. So today is another great day!! I hope you are doing great on your journey too!!!
Hmmmmmmm.....interesting. What CAN I really do if I....
put my mind to it? How much can I challenge this body if I work really really hard? I mean, really. What can I accomplish.
I mean, when I really put my mind to it over the last 4 weeks, I lost over 8 pounds. 8. Pounds. I don't know when the last time I lost consistently like that. Oh, and one of those 4 weeks, I actually gained .4. And was happy. About. It. lol. So, the challenge is, how quickly could I really get there? And I am not talking about starving myself on 18 points a day like my ex sister in law did and exercising for 32590832750 hours a day because I don't have that time. But what can this body of mine really do? I mean, I have been driving around in it for 33 years but what kind of performance can it really give if I step on the gas? Well, I am about to find out.
I have some things motivating me in the next few weeks to get some of this weight off. Slowly and surely wins the race but I am TIRED of the race and I am ready to be done. Sure, I am not truly up against a time clock BUT what can I really do if I put my mind to it. Well, we are about to see.
So today is another good day in a chain of many other great days that I have had since January 3rd when I hankered down to see what I could do. And since it is obvious that my body *can* lose 2-3 pounds a week, then I want to continue to push it to do so. And honestly, it has not taken ~much~ sacrifice on my behalf. YES.....I gave up my beloved Diet Coke every day habit. I had one last night and it was good. Again, I said, I had O-N-E. And then I had water. Ate a great meal last night with some girlfriends and enjoyed the conversation but it got me to thinking.....about consistency. And my lack thereof. SO, it is my time to practice consistency. So that is truly my challenge to myself, I guess. What kind of consistency can I have to get me to the end? Well, just what I have been doing. Dairy. Vitamin. Exercise. Journal. Water. 5. Key. Factors. Since implimenting these things, my body has become the machine that I have wanted it to be for so long. Sadly, the 8 pounds were the ones that I gained over the holidays and the ones that I have played with for the last 9 months. So, now we are at the point where I usually start to play with them in the up direction. So this is a new part for me. 179.9 is something that will be new for me. SO....once again, a challenge. To myself. To get there and beyond.
And for the first time in a long time, I believe.....I can do it.
Virgin Fat Territory....who wants to go with me????
So the good news is that I am feeling a little better. And also that today is another day that I have a chance to get it right again! I am still solidly OP and the scale is showing it. I am still on track for a loss on Saturday and so that is a good thing.
I still can't believe that I lost 8.2 pounds in 28 days. Seriously. For me that is a miracle. I think that is a solid way to start the year. Yes...it is almost all of the holiday gain that I had and if I had not gained over the holidays, I would have been closer to VFT (Virgin Fat Territory) but that is okay. I pretty much have my holiday gain gone and I am almost to VFT.
Which, ladies and gentlemen, is the topic for today. Virgin Fat. It has been a long time since I have lost any. I have been playing with the same pounds over and over again since last April when I rejoined WW. I think about how I could have been done by now. If I had just had the resolve to stick to it from April, I would have my goal met by now. But the reality is that looking back or beating myself up about it does me no good. So, now I will look forward. And to how much more I have to go before I am back in VFT. And that number is 13.2 pounds. In 13.2 pounds, I will be .1 less than where I was in February 2005, when I started my divorce...and when I looked my best. I want to be 170.1....that will be my first foot into weight that I have not seen in I don't know how long....well, never in this journey that has taken me 3.5 years so far....
VFT is a special thing. It is a place that I have not gone before. Where I am, I have been over and over and over in the past year or so...but hitting that new goal...that new number...well, that will be bliss. And frankly, at the rate I am going, it is not that far away.
So I set these mini goals....and challenges to keep me on track. Keep my mind focused on the small goals...the daily things that I need to do. To keep my focus laser straight. And before I know it, 170.1 will come and go...and then I can set a new goal. So for right now, I am focusing on 170.1......and the lovely lovely town of VFT. :)
A little under the weather and not really hungry....
because everything tastes the same. I am finally going to eat something for the day and it is 12:30. Just having a small lunch so that I don't get weak later on. My honey is making a good dinner for us of corned beef and cabbage. YUMMY. He is so good to me. And there is not exercise in my future today...I may not get any tomorrow either...just depends on how I feel. I will let my body let me know when it is ready.
So in looking at my stats over the last 4 weeks...since I really hankered down and got serious about getting to goal, I have lost 8.2 pounds. That is 2.05 per week average which puts me on track for my goal. I know that this week I can knock out another 2 pounds but being a little under the weather may sidetrack my exercise for a day or two. But that's okay. Like I said, my body will let me know when it is ready to get back on the treaddy....even if it is only for a walk. :) So I have to say that I am very happy with the results of my aggressive approach to this. All of those foods that I love are there for me on Saturdays....the day my flex points are replenished. I eat pretty much what I want on Saturdays and every other day is 100% on track. And I will continue to do that until it does not work any more. But I am hoping that it will continue to work this way until the end. It is something manageable and something that I can control. So I am running with it. And I have the 8.2 pounds to prove that it is working. So I will keep going.
It is sad that we all have to struggle so very much with all of this. It is a bummer that we just can't stop eating when we are full or that we eat because we are happy, sad, bored, etc, and not just when we are hungry. But I will echo something that some of my friends here have said...had it not been for this problem, I would not have met some of the most amazing friends in my life, my Gal Pals. So I am greatful that I have them and no, I can NOT imagine life without all of them!!
