Sometimes I look in the mirror and wonder if I am satisfied to just be fat for the rest of my life.
Seriously, if I wanted to be thin, wouldn't I do more to accomplish it?
I have made a commitment to myself that I will not get on the scale until the last Friday of the month.....see what I can do to lose some of this but not focus on the number every day. I am a daily weigher....always have been and always will be.
I have noticed a few things. I usually lose, lose, small gain, small gain, lose a larger number, lose, gain, gain. It has to do with TOM. Most of it. TOM is a hard time for me. For 10 days or so beforehand, I struggle a lot. But the other 20 days of the month, I put in serioius effort. So since the beginning of the year, I have only (I hate that word but that is how it feels) lost 10 pounds. I have a girlfriend who has lost consistantly a pound a week. She exercises 6 days a week (she gets off of work a lot earlier than I do) and eats about 1500 calories a day.
What would it take me to do that? Why can't I get that kind of focus? If I ate only 1500 calories a day and worked out 6 days a week, I would have been done already!! lol. She is so focused. And I am jealous that she can do that.
I keep saying over and over that I want to be thin. But if I wanted it badly enough, wouldn't I be there by now??? I mean, wouldn't I? This part of my journey started 5 years ago in June. 5. Years. Ago. I mean, I should have been to goal and maintained all of this time.
I am just frustrated. Frustrated when I look in the mirror. Frustrated that I can not stay as focused as some others can. Frustrated that I am not 'there' yet....after all this time.
I just want to weigh 150. But I guess I don't want it enough somehow...or I would be there already....
Posted By: agentinaction
Comments to this post:
05/09/2008 15:46
weight
i ALSO want to be 150 and I am an inch taller than you. I long to be the way I used to be, I want to be skinnier and I want to look the way I used to. But I think that a lot of the reason we don't do it is because it requires so much effort and discipline and there are moments in our life when we don't feel like putting in that much discipline. There were times that I was so determined and so focused on losing that I became anorexic because I was too into it. But now at this point in my life I am not interested in being so dedicated to watching my food intake and looking at the scale. I hate it, it's depressing, I don't like constantly watching my weight. It fills up so much of your life and you feel like it becomes the most important thing. And I get tired of that. Happiness and finally being okay with yourself doesn't happen just because you become a certain number.
I personally believe that the weight
will come off when you stop focusing so much on it and just try to eat when you're hungry and don't focus so much on it. The reason why people are so concerned about overeating is because they are just too focused on it and too focused on what they can't eat and it makes a person feel deprived and end up binging. Not all the time, but in a lot of cases this is the way it is.
I agree with taebo.diva. You are not happy, or you wouldn't be writing this post, but you are probably comfy. But you know, life is more than a number on the scale and soooo many things have been going on in your life lately. No wonder it's hard to stay focused. And I can say that because I KNOW!! Really, I do. The past few years have been a roller coaster ride for me and you can really see that on my weight graphic. Might I be as pretentious as to ask you to read what I wrote on thursday? Perhaps that might help....
Try not to beat yourself up about it. If losing weight and being thin were so easy, then half of America wouldn't be overweight. You are not alone and trust me I understand your frustrations. I've been trying to lose weight ALL of my life and I'll never STOP. It's not really about the physical aspect of it for me anymore. I just want to be healthy so I can be around on this Earth longer. Don't fret, you can do it...just don't give up. It's OK to have times like these, but you'll get through it.
"God has a plan for you...He's not through with you yet"
You'll get there, but you CAN"T give up. Don't look at the overall goal because it can become too frustrating and overwhelming. Instead, set a small goal and when you reach that then set another small goal and before you know it you'll be done!!
