Well, today is one of those days.You know, the kind where you want to blog but you feel like you really have nothing to say???Well, that is today.I am sure once I start typing, I will find my words…..I don’t really know what I want to talk about.I just kinda want to talk.
This journey is hard for me right now.I am doing pretty well.I really feel like I am getting in the zone.So that is a good thing.But I always feel like doom is just around the corner, you know?Like I said before, I have to fake it until I make it…..and I am doing that.But I am just kind of feeling blah about it all right now.Does that make any sense to anyone???Lol.
Well, the truth of the matter is that I feel like it is going to take me f-o-r-e-v-e-r to get to goal.It will be 4 years as of June.4 years.And I have not even hit goal yet.Yes….I have come a long long way.And I know that.I remind myself of that as much as possible.But there are days, like today, when I feel like this leg of my journey is never going to end.I see people post about goal and about losing when I have been playing with the SAME pounds for a year.UGH!!!More than a year if you look at it.
I know that I will get there.And I know that there will be days like today when I feel like it will never happen.There are also days when I feel like perhaps this is the weight I am supposed to be.And, sadly, this is the weight where a lot of people have STARTED their journey and said that they were SO FAT and DISGUSTING when they started…..and were disgusted with themselves at the weight I am today.And that is hard for me.Because, although I have come so far….I am still overweight.*sigh*.And sometimes that bums me out.Every time I get beyond this point, I always rebound for some reason or another.I get under 180 and then BAM, there it is, back in my face again….180 blinking at me on the scale.Like this is where my body wants to STAY and I am fighting so hard to get under and just stay there for more than half a second, you know???
Well, that is enough ranting for today.I am sure that there are people out there who understand that my mood today is just for today.I am sure you all know that tomorrow will be better for me.But just for today, I am feeling blah.
I guess I found something to write about, huh???
Onward and downward.
xoxoKBB
Posted By: agentinaction
Comments to this post:
05/03/2007 08:28
Hang in there KBB
Although my spot in the journey is different, I feel very similar to what you said above. Like you said, you will get there! Heck, WE will get there and don't you forget it.
I can so relate! But you know what? This time is different. This time you are NOT giving up. This time you have me! Okay, that was a stretch. But still. I understand how you feel. I've been losing weight on and off for a LONG time now. A lot of times it feels like I will never reach goal. But you know what? You can't look at the big picture. It's too overwhelming. Just do what you can today! I'm glad you're getting back into the zone.
Oh, and about some people starting their journey at your weight.....you aren't OTHER PEOPLE! You are you. And you know how far you've come. Remember this...no matter what size you are, there is always somebody that wants to be that size. Take me, for instance, I would LOVE to be your size right now. And I'm sure there is somebody out there who wants to be my size. But no matter what, you are worth more than that number on the scale. Don't be getting all down on yourself. NOT YOU!
Ring, ring......Goal is calling. You say, "Hello, goal. I'll be there shortly!"
I'm sure more people than you think feel EXACTLY the same way. I guess you just have to take it one day at a time, doing everything you can to make your weight goal a reality.
Every morning I expect to hit the inevitable plateau, when the losses will just STOP forever. I know it's not good to think that way, but I would be lying if I said it wasn't constantly in the back of my mind.
Let's just trudge on and see how it goes - together.
When I am struggling you are supposed to be all gung-ho and raring to go, so you can write me those fabulous emails of encouragement. We can't both be down at once!
I do know that your feeling is temporary, and I know you will be rid of the blahs in a day or two. And I know that you are going to stick with the program. If you stick with it and the weight doesn't come off, then maybe you are right. Maybe this is your weight. But if you gave up you'd never know, right?
You know what these past couple of days I have been in the pits yeah I have been like you said faking it telling myself positive things only to find myself back in that rut once again. I was tired of feeling like that and I was tired of not being myself. I started to think to myself, life is too short and I may not be here tommorow something can happen to me and for all I know today may be my last day. As It started to settle in me it made sense to me now. Why was I going to live my daily life thinking about what I haven't acchomplished or what bothers me about me. Why was I going to depress myself over a number. It cleared my mind. If I was to leave this earth, heck I want to leave without any regrets!
So think positive and keep on going! You have been on this journey for 4 years, for years of living healthy! You made the choice and best of all you are an inspiration to all of us! So no matter what happens, look at how far you have come and love every moment of it!
So. . . I cannot wait to start running. I'm going to do couch to 5 k. I'm ready. It's been a long couple of weeks, but a new normal should be sinking in and I'm ready to get moving. I took a nice long walk with DD and DS this morning. Not a run, but exercise is still exercise. I'm so enjoying my kids!
Anyway, I'm back to the 170s but I'm now even more determined to lose that 25 lbs. I'm gonna do it! And you're right there with me!!!
