In or out but never in between....and hoping that someday I can learn
I guess what I mean by that is that I am either fully in control….or fully out of it. Since January 3rd, until last week, I was totally IN it. And now, I am fully out….but control is in sight. In fact, it begins tomorrow. I suppose that I just have to realize that when I spin out of control, it is always in a big way. You see, there is never anything that I do that is small. Ask any of my RLF (real life friends) and they will tell you that I am a big personality. And this is something that I know and have learned to accept about myself. But I keep wondering when I am going to learn how to maintain if I am either in or out and never in between. Am I making sense to you?
Case in point….was doing great during the whole beginning of the year and during my last challenge (and we shall discuss my NEW challenge in just a few….thanks QH) I was like a laser beam. I had a very specific goal and a very specific time frame and a reason for my aggressive outlook on getting as much weight off as possible in that timeframe….I was seeing someone I had not seen in years. And wanted to look the best I could so that I felt good about myself. And that was a good motivation for me. Feeling good about me!!! And I did as good as I possibly could…..so mission accomplished. And so…now what?? That is the problem. The reason is gone…so now I must find a replacement reason to challenge myself. Yes…there are my ultimate goals. But what will drive me right now? I am tired. And all I want to do is eat. But as my good friend Tatumsmom points out, during that time about 10 days (well for me 10 days) before TOM, I want to eat, eat, eat, eat and then, eat a little more! Lol. So I know that this is all part of it.
I guess that we supersizers don’t completely learn ever. I am sure that once I hit 150 pounds, I will still be able to pack food away just like I did when I started. The difference is how much control I will have to be in to get there. And what I need to do to stay there. What will it take to get me there?? A lot. Time. Control. Drive. Will (not willpower…but sheer will). Tenacity. All of these things are the fire that I need to light up under my ass to get me there. So today is the final day of this pity party that I have been in for a week. And it is time to start feeling good again about the scale going in the RIGHT direction….as opposed to the wrong one. I am not upset at the number I see on my scale today or whatever happens at WI tomorrow because I know that for only one week, whatever that number is can’t be completely real. So I will just go and face it and move forward with my life, you know? That is all I have today.
So even if I don’t feel like I *want* to do it…I will fake it till I make it. It’s what I did the first time…it’s what I will do now until I feel in the *zone* again. And I will get in the zone again. And I will lose again and see VFT!!! Even if I just have faith in that alone. I would like to see 170.1…..sometime soon…..so that is a huge motivator!!
Well, enough babbling. Yes…2 days in a row!! I know…I know…..exciting isn’t it?? lmao. Anywho….I will check in tomorrow with the *ugh* news from the scales!! I am going to stay for the meeting though because LBC_Lisa is going to hook up with me!!! I miss her so it will be nice to see her tomorrow!
Onward and downward
xoxoKBB